If you can't say anything nice, get thee to internet forums

yenna42
yenna42 Posts: 17
in Chit-Chat
I made my very first forum post last night and really got some great advice and encouragement from lots of lovely people who are actually losing weight. I also received a hefty dose of passive aggressive snark. I just want to say that it is possible to lend some friendly, helpful advice whilst shelving mean comments. I've seen it on several threads, the first few responses to "General Diet and Weight Loss Help" are pretty darn positive/helpful....and then the heckling begins. Is this really necessary? Should there be a separate thread called "You ask dumb questions and I really could use a hug". Just sayin'
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Replies

  • TheVimFuego
    TheVimFuego Posts: 2,412 Member
    It's a reflection of life ... If you want hugs then I would suggest an open forum on t'internet is the last place to look.

    Not being harsh, just an observation, I love the forums (fora, forii?) because all human life is here ...
  • yenna42
    yenna42 Posts: 17
    You speak truth, and I'm not so Pollyanna to not recognize that. Sigh, remember when the interwebs was used for good and not evil....oh wait a minute...never. So I suppose the best POA is to keep the positive and trash the negative. Really is a true representation of life, isn't it?
  • cazzer69
    cazzer69 Posts: 162 Member
    I remember when all this was just fields....
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
    I think sometimes it's necessary for people to point out to us the foolish and costly things we're doing when it's obvious we're not seeing it. When people come on here and ask about things like hypnosis - yeah, they need to know that they're being gullible and getting taken advantage of, and to get it together and do what actually needs to be done. No one remembers the time someone told them politely that they were being stupid. But they certainly remember the time someone came out and directly told them they were.
  • TheVimFuego
    TheVimFuego Posts: 2,412 Member
    Sure is, I date back to bulletin boards and dial up AOL connections and I can categorically state that the quality of amusing cat photos has increased immensely while the standards of nutritional advice has remained fairly constant (when seasonally adjusted).

    It would be nice if this amazing worldwide communication medium was used for the general good and advancement of the species but it would appear that porn and dodgy nutritional advice (some of which was mine) is the limit so far,

    Hey ho, as long as we both realise this we are OK ... That and just sticking to what works for us and ignoring the fads, products, charlatans and miracle cures eh?

    I wish you well, follow your path, enjoy the journey :)
  • benol1
    benol1 Posts: 867 Member
    Some people have way too much time on their hands, get obsessive and get angry when they're hungry
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
    Any forum I've ever been on (I've been on a few for various interests) is like that. You just kinda get used to it.
  • Leslietheriot
    Leslietheriot Posts: 303 Member
    I remember when all this was just fields....
    :laugh:
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,733 Member
    I made my very first forum post last night and really got some great advice and encouragement from lots of lovely people who are actually losing weight. I also received a hefty dose of passive aggressive snark. I just want to say that it is possible to lend some friendly, helpful advice whilst shelving mean comments. I've seen it on several threads, the first few responses to "General Diet and Weight Loss Help" are pretty darn positive/helpful....and then the heckling begins. Is this really necessary? Should there be a separate thread called "You ask dumb questions and I really could use a hug". Just sayin'

    i looked up that thread. i didn't really see the passive-aggressive snark. outside of one sarcastic comment and 1 comment by a low cal nutter, there was nothing really out of the ordinary there. :huh:

    ETA: the low cal nutters are pretty common on this site, so technically their comment isn't out of the ordinary.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
    I just read the thread in question. I think it's a beautiful thing that people often accused of being "unsupportive, joke-at-my-expense" people were incredibly informative/supportive, and the people who had maybe 2 post counts or who had only been here a month or two were the, "EAT 500 CALORIES."

    Which is to say... people seem to consistently form opinions of others on these forums from one or two threads... but look, they're different people!
  • Crazyartgrrl
    Crazyartgrrl Posts: 46 Member
    I totally agree. I'm probably taking my life in my hands right now responding to this thread, but I can't help it. The internet is an anonymous and sometimes nasty place. There's snark, and then there's people who ask a question but really don't want to hear the answer. Like they're looking for what they want to hear. I've been around the interwebs since the beginning, you'd think I'd learn by now!
  • jerber160
    jerber160 Posts: 2,607 Member
    Any forum I've ever been on (I've been on a few for various interests) is like that. You just kinda get used to it.
    sometimes you get disgusted and leave. maybe we're just in a transition state and still learning how to deal politely with each other within the anonymity of forums? Or maybe it's up to everyone to educate everyone they come across? still, the line between jocularity and hostility can't always be conveyed whilst typing.
  • ImtheOnethatsCool
    ImtheOnethatsCool Posts: 212 Member
    To be fair (and your post was NOT one of these...) there really are a lot of dumb questions posted in the forums.
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
    Any forum I've ever been on (I've been on a few for various interests) is like that. You just kinda get used to it.
    sometimes you get disgusted and leave. maybe we're just in a transition state and still learning how to deal politely with each other within the anonymity of forums? Or maybe it's up to everyone to educate everyone they come across? still, the line between jocularity and hostility can't always be conveyed whilst typing.

    No I completely agree with you. I'm just saying that sometimes you have to get thick skin if you want to post on a forum. There are always going to be people who disagree, especially on here. So many different methods and ideas floating a round. And then you get the @ssholes. Many people do use the anonymity of the internet to become someone they're not.
  • professorRAT
    professorRAT Posts: 690 Member
    To be fair (and your post was NOT one of these...) there really are a lot of dumb questions posted in the forums.

    This is so true. Stick around a while and you might find that you start dishing out a bit of snark here and there. These forums will simultaneously destroy and restore your faith in humanity on a daily basis. Before I joined MFP I thought I had a pretty realistic view of the level of obstinate stupidity that was generally "out there". I was wrong.
  • yenna42
    yenna42 Posts: 17
    Admittedly I'm new to all of this, so I haven't grown my reptilian layer of skin quite yet. For now, I'm still a tad too much on this side.

    http://www.jimhillmedia.com/mb/images/upload/enchanted-poster-sm-2-web.jpg
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,733 Member
    Admittedly I'm new to all of this, so I haven't grown my reptilian layer of skin quite yet. For now, I'm still a tad too much on this side.

    20071215_enchanted.gif

    quote this response, look at what i added to your quote to see what tags to add to make images visible inline.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    I made my very first forum post last night and really got some great advice and encouragement from lots of lovely people who are actually losing weight. I also received a hefty dose of passive aggressive snark. I just want to say that it is possible to lend some friendly, helpful advice whilst shelving mean comments. I've seen it on several threads, the first few responses to "General Diet and Weight Loss Help" are pretty darn positive/helpful....and then the heckling begins. Is this really necessary? Should there be a separate thread called "You ask dumb questions and I really could use a hug". Just sayin'

    i looked up that thread. i didn't really see the passive-aggressive snark. outside of one sarcastic comment and 1 comment by a low cal nutter, there was nothing really out of the ordinary there. :huh:

    ETA: the low cal nutters are pretty common on this site, so technically their comment isn't out of the ordinary.

    ^ This. And the vast majority of the snark is simply good natured ribbing. The best help and advice I've received both here and IRL is often in the form of someone experienced giving a little good natured ribbing. It sticks a bit better for whatever reason.
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
    Admittedly I'm new to all of this, so I haven't grown my reptilian layer of skin quite yet. For now, I'm still a tad too much on this side.

    http://www.jimhillmedia.com/mb/images/upload/enchanted-poster-sm-2-web.jpg

    Haha I totally understand! :) I'm still like that some days and I've been around forums with some pretty brutal people for years.
  • yenna42
    yenna42 Posts: 17
    That's wildly helpful. Thank you!
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    There are a few on here who are intentionally mean.

    I think you'll find that if you can take a joke or two you'll be just fine.

    In other words . . .

    I think you'll be just fine, OP.
  • GeekAmour
    GeekAmour Posts: 262
    I'm a noob & I really, sadly, love the snark. It's like the Regretsy hoarde got tired of twiddling their thumbs & drinking whiskey & decided to workout instead. I wouldn't be checking in here as much at all if it was all rainbows & unicorns.

    It's the Internet after all.
  • EvelynBfly78
    EvelynBfly78 Posts: 240 Member
    I remember when all this was just fields....
    ...across the street from my high school. An old man lived in a wooden shack there with his goat.

    Oh yeah, getting back to the thread. If you can't say anything helpful or positive don't bother. Keep your sarcasm to yourself.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    I have to admit, the post title is funny. :laugh:

    The truth is that many people expect MFP to a hand-holding site where dangerous and/or ineffective weight loss tactics are to be met with praise, support, or otherwise benign responses.

    But no one here is beholden to hold your hands or be your cheerleader. And no one is under any obligation to follow some code of "niceness." Everyone has different humor styles - and many of us are sarcastic.

    As long as people aren't running around calling each other fat slobs and/or directly insulting other members, it's fine. Too many people take sarcastic responses as a direct insult.

    Truth is, many of us don't feel any random member is so important as to warrant direct insults. Most of what people call "insults" and "snark" is in their heads.

    Develop a friends list that matches with your support needs and you'll fare far better.

    (And this is coming from someone who prefers absolute kindness and gentle support - but that's why I gather friends who are able to support me that way. I do not expect an active forum of hundreds of members to conform to my needs.)
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
    Keep what you like and discard the rest. Some people actually benefit from hearing "You're crazy! Cut it out! Cowboy up!" etc.

    Some people HAVE to hear that to move forward.

    What makes me sad is the people who focus so closely on what they find unhelpful that they miss all the the comments that are helpful.

    Distinguish between the two, keep what you like, and press on with your goals :-)
  • prattiger65
    prattiger65 Posts: 1,657 Member
    Eat fish, throw out the bones.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    So you went to the forums for advice, and by your own account you received a ton of helpful advice delivered in a manner that you appreciated......... but instead of writing a thank you post to the dozens of people that helped you choose to write a post complaining about a handful of people you think were rude? Is this post meant to be ironic?
  • muddynicola
    muddynicola Posts: 41 Member
    I was just thinking myself that 90 percent of contributors on here have massive attitude problems. I post on other internet forums about other subjects and I've never seen such rude, aggressive and needlessly antagonistic responses to posts.

    I don't think we all need to hold hands but if you've got nothing nice to say and nothing constructive don't bother replying IMO. Also a lot of he 'know it alls' either purposely or mistakenly don't read the questions properly or take the time to understand it.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    So you went to the forums for advice, and by your own account you received a ton of helpful advice delivered in a manner that you appreciated......... but instead of writing a thank you post to the dozens of people that helped you choose to write a post complaining about a handful of people you think were rude? Is this post meant to be ironic?

    *applause*
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    I was just thinking myself that 90 percent of contributors on here have massive attitude problems. I post on other internet forums about other subjects and I've never seen such rude, aggressive and needlessly antagonistic responses to posts.

    I don't think we all need to hold hands but if you've got nothing nice to say and nothing constructive don't bother replying IMO. Also a lot of he 'know it alls' either purposely or mistakenly don't read the questions properly or take the time to understand it.

    I really think that /b at 4Chan ought to be an internet starter. That would show people what horrible people are like on the internet.

    Pictures and sarcastic responses that are not even allowed to contain cursewords are so very, very mild.

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