If you can't say anything nice, get thee to internet forums

Iron_Feline

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Interesting. Are we reading the same forums? There are a number of women here who are fast and furious when it comes to laying down some smack. I would say it is a level playing field in that regard.

:laugh:

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou: It has been my experience to never expect a poster (male or female) who places a picture of his/her muscles as his/her profile picture, to be "gentle" in their responses.

WOW. What an edit. You've just upgraded from just hating on men to hating on all people with muscle that they are proud to display on a fitness forum. The best part of this is that I totally expected this from you. Just par for the course.

The insidious thing is that people that spout inane nonsense like mulberrybush does all the time are NOT who the OP and those that agree with the OP came here to criticize. She says something so wrong that it's harmful to both your individual goals but also to society at large, but because she says it in a tone that you appreciate it's ok. Meanwhile, someone, male or female, displaying muscle or completely covered, gets labeled as being rude and unhelpful even tho they are providing you with science that has delivered proven results, time and time again.

QFT :flowerforyou:

SanteMulberry

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That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou: It has been my experience to never expect a poster (male or female) who places a picture of his/her muscles as his/her profile picture, to be "gentle" in their responses.

I hope to be proud enough of my muscles someday to make that a profile picture, but I also really hope to be seen as gentle in my responses.

I appreciate that you said that--I'm sure you will. :flowerforyou:

FlaxMilk

I hope to be proud enough of my muscles someday to make that a profile picture, but I also really hope to be seen as gentle in my responses.

I appreciate that you said that--I'm sure you will. :flowerforyou:

Thank you! :flowerforyou:

babydiego87

A few things why this happens

1)So many dumb threads are started
2)Poeple do not use the search function, thus so many repetitive threads
3)Combine 1 & 2
4)People are fearless behind a keyboard
5)People become stupid behind the keyboard
6)combine 1,2,4,5

:laugh:

neandermagnon

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I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Interesting. Are we reading the same forums? There are a number of women here who are fast and furious when it comes to laying down some smack. I would say it is a level playing field in that regard.

:laugh:

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou:

Thanks for continuing your support of sexist gender roles and stereotyping. These forums would be lost without your presence

And thank you for demonstrating my point. :flowerforyou: To the contrary, I would like to see more men take a "gentle warrior" approach (I have been married to such a man for over 40 years--he has my utmost respect). There are some women who mistakenly think that if they act just like the men that they will be accepted in the "old boy" club. Unfortunately, that is not even remotely true.

and there are some women who have always been tomboys* and are not trying to be part of anything, just expressing themselves and not allowing themselves to be constrained by gender stereotypes.

*I never really liked this word to be honest... it implies that girls can't be like this without people thinking that they're trying to be like boys....

So if anyone thinks that I'm "acting like a man" (been accused of that many times...) they can just learn to deal with it, because I'm just acting like me. I refuse to pretend to be someone I'm not for anyone.

maybe all these women who you think "think that if they act just like the men they will be accepted in the "old boy" club" are just being themselves too?

I don't agree with rudeness (and I try hard not to be rude), and I don't agree with the idea that rude = masculine, meek = feminine either.... from this you get the implication that women who are rude are trying to be like men... no they're not, they're just being themselves and lack manners.

Sarauk2sf

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I think some people are hungry, angry In the beginning, when I first joined, I was quite shocked at the rudeness , but now i just laugh it off and to be quite honest.... I pity them

QFT I have learned to laugh off the aggressive ones too---I put all the worst offenders on "ignore". (I understand that muscle-building increases testosterone too--in men AND women).

Awwwww..:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

SanteMulberry

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Interesting. Are we reading the same forums? There are a number of women here who are fast and furious when it comes to laying down some smack. I would say it is a level playing field in that regard.

:laugh:

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou: It has been my experience to never expect a poster (male or female) who places a picture of his/her muscles as his/her profile picture, to be "gentle" in their responses.

WOW. What an edit. You've just upgraded from just hating on men to hating on all people with muscle that they are proud to display on a fitness forum. The best part of this is that I totally expected this from you. Just par for the course.

The insidious thing is that people that spout inane nonsense like mulberrybush does all the time are NOT who the OP and those that agree with the OP came here to criticize. She says something so wrong that it's harmful to both your individual goals but also to society at large, but because she says it in a tone that you appreciate it's ok. Meanwhile, someone, male or female, displaying muscle or completely covered, gets labeled as being rude and unhelpful even tho they are providing you with science that has delivered proven results, time and time again.

My, my. And just what specifically is the "nonsense" that I "spout"? I am a "danger to society at large"?? Really. I have never once discounted the wisdom of many here who have conquered their weight problems. I agree that "eating less and moving more" works. There are, however, new hints and clues coming from obesity research that I, for one, appreciate, because I recognize that I don't know everything there is to know about weight loss (and neither do you, by the way). Keep it up, and you too can go on my "ignore" list. Have a good day. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

fluffychicken7

Oh, and :flowerforyou: as I am female and obviously gentler and softer than my male counterparts.

You probably never been on the weight watchers forums have you? Not a snark or I'm not sure, but it has much truth in it.

Iron_Feline

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I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Interesting. Are we reading the same forums? There are a number of women here who are fast and furious when it comes to laying down some smack. I would say it is a level playing field in that regard.

:laugh:

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou:

Thanks for continuing your support of sexist gender roles and stereotyping. These forums would be lost without your presence

And thank you for demonstrating my point. :flowerforyou: To the contrary, I would like to see more men take a "gentle warrior" approach (I have been married to such a man for over 40 years--he has my utmost respect). There are some women who mistakenly think that if they act just like the men that they will be accepted in the "old boy" club. Unfortunately, that is not even remotely true.

and there are some women who have always been tomboys* and are not trying to be part of anything, just expressing themselves and not allowing themselves to be constrained by gender stereotypes.

*I never really liked this word to be honest... it implies that girls can't be like this without people thinking that they're trying to be like boys....

So if anyone thinks that I'm "acting like a man" (been accused of that many times...) they can just learn to deal with it, because I'm just acting like me. I refuse to pretend to be someone I'm not for anyone.

maybe all these women who you think "think that if they act just like the men they will be accepted in the "old boy" club" are just being themselves too?

I don't agree with rudeness (and I try hard not to be rude), and I don't agree with the idea that rude = masculine, meek = feminine either.... from this you get the implication that women who are rude are trying to be like men... no they're not, they're just being themselves and lack manners.

QFT

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

bhmathews

you can't ignore them because there are many people who would fall prey to their snake oil if the rest of us were silent.

your bullying comments are irrelevant to anything i posted. perhaps you meant them as a response to somebody else.

Sorry, I was referring to an earlier post.

I know that it's hard to watch others fall prey. We humans really like to watch out for each other; things can quickly become a hot mess when there are too many of us making it our fight when it's really not.

jsiricos

I think maybe the MFP forums are a little different, in regards to a lot of people have insecurities (weight, looks), and sometimes they reflect their negativity at other posters. Its very easy to be the "forum bully" when you are anonymous on a website.

As someone else said, there are a lot of hungry people here, hungry people are not known for their sunny disposition.

Read what you find helpful, take the good, and use the bad however it works for you (use or discard)

Springfield_Rocks

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Oh, and :flowerforyou: as I am female and obviously gentler and softer than my male counterparts.

You probably never been on the weight watchers forums have you? Not a snark or I'm not sure, but it has much truth in it.

the weight watchers forums are EVIL, i have never been around a nastier forum, ever.

i think the extremely low calorie diets the people are on there has a lot to do with it!

Iron_Feline

I think maybe the MFP forums are a little different, in regards to a lot of people have insecurities (weight, looks), and sometimes they reflect their negativity at other posters. Its very easy to be the "forum bully" when you are anonymous on a website.

As someone else said, there are a lot of hungry people here, hungry people are not known for their sunny disposition.

Read what you find helpful, take the good, and use the bad however it works for you (use or discard)

A lot of people also get called bullies simply for disagreeing with people and not sugar coating it and using lots of :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: and

TheWinman

I think maybe the MFP forums are a little different, in regards to a lot of people have insecurities (weight, looks), and sometimes they reflect their negativity at other posters. Its very easy to be the "forum bully" when you are anonymous on a website.

As someone else said, there are a lot of hungry people here, hungry people are not known for their sunny disposition.

Read what you find helpful, take the good, and use the bad however it works for you (use or discard)

I've been on countless forums since the mid 90's, most are just as bad as MFP

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

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Oh, and :flowerforyou: as I am female and obviously gentler and softer than my male counterparts.

You probably never been on the weight watchers forums have you? Not a snark or I'm not sure, but it has much truth in it.

the weight watchers forums are EVIL, i have never been around a nastier forum, ever.

i think the extremely low calorie diets the people are on there has a lot to do with it!

toutmonpossible

If you expect everyone to be an uncritical sounding board, you are definitely in the wrong place. I read your thread and the people who made skeptical responses, including me, were trying to help you. You wanted us to support you in making fun of a medical doctor who has actually examined you but apparently made a recommendation of which you did not approve.

Your doctor did not sound "cray cray," to use your silly phrase.

ihad

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Any forum I've ever been on (I've been on a few for various interests) is like that. You just kinda get used to it.

sometimes you get disgusted and leave. maybe we're just in a transition state and still learning how to deal politely with each other within the anonymity of forums? Or maybe it's up to everyone to educate everyone they come across? still, the line between jocularity and hostility can't always be conveyed whilst typing.

No I completely agree with you. I'm just saying that sometimes you have to get thick skin if you want to post on a forum. There are always going to be people who disagree, especially on here. So many different methods and ideas floating a round. And then you get the @ssholes. Many people do use the anonymity of the internet to become someone they're not.

I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Being gender stereotyped is very, very hurtful...

fluffychicken7

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Oh, and :flowerforyou: as I am female and obviously gentler and softer than my male counterparts.

You probably never been on the weight watchers forums have you? Not a snark or I'm not sure, but it has much truth in it.

the weight watchers forums are EVIL, i have never been around a nastier forum, ever.

i think the extremely low calorie diets the people are on there has a lot to do with it!

LOL, well maybe. But when I was there, I was there to learn about the eating and fitness program and not that TOM was not just a boy's name.

peachfigs

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Being gender stereotyped is very, very hurtful...

fluffychicken7

FTW, now that pug is cute!

SanteMulberry

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I think maybe the MFP forums are a little different, in regards to a lot of people have insecurities (weight, looks), and sometimes they reflect their negativity at other posters. Its very easy to be the "forum bully" when you are anonymous on a website.

As someone else said, there are a lot of hungry people here, hungry people are not known for their sunny disposition.

Read what you find helpful, take the good, and use the bad however it works for you (use or discard)

A lot of people also get called bullies simply for disagreeing with people and not sugar coating it and using lots of :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: and

No, people get labeled as bullies for being rude and disrespectful in their disagreement. Apparently, they feel that their rude aggressiveness will "sell" their opinion better. I quote: "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." Peace and love. Out.

contingencyplan

@OP: Usually when you see the snark, it's because it's on a question that either a) gets asked multiple times on a daily basis and we wish to god someone would actually use the search feature before asking it another time, or b) is on an issue where most people agree that basic common sense tends to show the answer. More often than not, it's a.

People would encounter a lot less hostility on the forums if they simply searched for threads where their question had already been asked and answered.

etoiles_argentees

I like the debating, I learn, or take from it what I like.

_SABOTEUR_

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Any forum I've ever been on (I've been on a few for various interests) is like that. You just kinda get used to it.

sometimes you get disgusted and leave. maybe we're just in a transition state and still learning how to deal politely with each other within the anonymity of forums? Or maybe it's up to everyone to educate everyone they come across? still, the line between jocularity and hostility can't always be conveyed whilst typing.

No I completely agree with you. I'm just saying that sometimes you have to get thick skin if you want to post on a forum. There are always going to be people who disagree, especially on here. So many different methods and ideas floating a round. And then you get the @ssholes. Many people do use the anonymity of the internet to become someone they're not.

I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Being gender stereotyped is very, very hurtful...

Men don't cry. It must be sweat from weightlifting.

jofjltncb6

I just read the thread in question. I think it's a beautiful thing that people often accused of being "unsupportive, joke-at-my-expense" people were incredibly informative/supportive, and the people who had maybe 2 post counts or who had only been here a month or two were the, "EAT 500 CALORIES."

Which is to say... people seem to consistently form opinions of others on these forums from one or two threads... but look, they're different people!

^this

I'm amazed at how quickly and often people lump all MFPers together based on a few responses

AllonsYtotheTardis

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I think maybe the MFP forums are a little different, in regards to a lot of people have insecurities (weight, looks), and sometimes they reflect their negativity at other posters. Its very easy to be the "forum bully" when you are anonymous on a website.

As someone else said, there are a lot of hungry people here, hungry people are not known for their sunny disposition.

Read what you find helpful, take the good, and use the bad however it works for you (use or discard)

I've been on countless forums since the mid 90's, most are just as bad as MFP

same here

sexymuffintop

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You know? People just hop right in to this and don't read the rules. It clearly states not to bully. Since this site only has a few volunteers and "a few" administrators, its hard for them to catch the bullys. If we ALL would report the bullys, then we wouldn't have to listen to their cr-p anymore. Sorry that you had to hear from people like that. But the good outweighs the bad in that you will learn from some great people who really know what its like to go from fat to fit and more then willing to help you get there!
My hope is that this site will help more than hinder your journey, that you find some great weightloss friends and that you lose all the weight you are hoping to lose.:flowerforyou:

I get so angry when people use the word "bully" here.

Have you ever been bullied? Beaten to a bloody pulp while your classmates stand around laughing at you, throwing stuff at you? Ever been called a dog, given dog food as a present during the class Christmas exchange? Have you ever had strangers tell you to kill yourself?

Have you ever been afraid to walk down a certain street, path, hallway, because you know you're going to get a good sized rock thrown at your head? And that they'll chase you down afterwards to hold you down for more???

Have you ever been afraid to tell people about where the bruises are coming from because people will tell you to suck it up? Do you know how it feels to receive random notes, internet comments, that slitting your wrists would be a good way to rid the world of your ugly????

Because THAT'S bullying. It drives people to SUICIDE.

What is wrong with you that you would even THINK to compare what happens here to that?

Thats so true, what a fantastic post. I hate it when people say there are bullies on here. It's beyond silly.

weevil66

That's an interesting edit to your post.

I personally distrust people with blue profile pictures - hey look, I can generalise too. :noway:

Just as an aside, would you trust me? My profile isn't blue. It's a painting of a souless man with no eyes.

sexymuffintop

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That's an interesting edit to your post.

I personally distrust people with blue profile pictures - hey look, I can generalise too. :noway:

Just as an aside, would you trust me? My profile isn't blue. It's a painting of a souless man with no eyes.

^^ No, that is some creepy **** right there. :huh: :laugh:

SanteMulberry

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I think maybe the MFP forums are a little different, in regards to a lot of people have insecurities (weight, looks), and sometimes they reflect their negativity at other posters. Its very easy to be the "forum bully" when you are anonymous on a website.

As someone else said, there are a lot of hungry people here, hungry people are not known for their sunny disposition.

Read what you find helpful, take the good, and use the bad however it works for you (use or discard)

A lot of people also get called bullies simply for disagreeing with people and not sugar coating it and using lots of :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: and

No, people get labeled as bullies for being rude and disrespectful in their disagreement. Apparently, they feel that their rude aggressiveness will "sell" their opinion better. I quote: "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." Peace and love. Out.

I feel you have given a perfect description of yourself here. It is very important to know yourself so I would call this an NSV. I might and the word passive before aggressive though. :flowerforyou:

Um. I don't think it is possible to be a "passive" bully.

You can't be a passive aggressive bully? Your naivety could be sweet...

I quite understand the term "passive-aggressive" (I have an M.S. in counseling psychology btw). I just disagree that there could be any such thing as a "passive-aggressive" bully. Would that be someone who passively allows others to beat him up when he could easily stop it?? I can think of only One who fits that description, and I would be extremely honored to be counted worthy to lace His sandals.