If you can't say anything nice, get thee to internet forums

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  • jsiricos
    jsiricos Posts: 338 Member
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    I think maybe the MFP forums are a little different, in regards to a lot of people have insecurities (weight, looks), and sometimes they reflect their negativity at other posters. Its very easy to be the "forum bully" when you are anonymous on a website.

    As someone else said, there are a lot of hungry people here, hungry people are not known for their sunny disposition.

    Read what you find helpful, take the good, and use the bad however it works for you (use or discard)
  • Springfield_Rocks
    Springfield_Rocks Posts: 289
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    Oh, and :flowerforyou: as I am female and obviously gentler and softer than my male counterparts.

    You probably never been on the weight watchers forums have you? Not a snark or I'm not sure, but it has much truth in it. :)

    the weight watchers forums are EVIL, i have never been around a nastier forum, ever.

    i think the extremely low calorie diets the people are on there has a lot to do with it!
  • Iron_Feline
    Iron_Feline Posts: 10,750 Member
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    I think maybe the MFP forums are a little different, in regards to a lot of people have insecurities (weight, looks), and sometimes they reflect their negativity at other posters. Its very easy to be the "forum bully" when you are anonymous on a website.

    As someone else said, there are a lot of hungry people here, hungry people are not known for their sunny disposition.

    Read what you find helpful, take the good, and use the bad however it works for you (use or discard)

    A lot of people also get called bullies simply for disagreeing with people and not sugar coating it and using lots of :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: and :heart: :heart:
  • TheWinman
    TheWinman Posts: 700 Member
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    I think maybe the MFP forums are a little different, in regards to a lot of people have insecurities (weight, looks), and sometimes they reflect their negativity at other posters. Its very easy to be the "forum bully" when you are anonymous on a website.

    As someone else said, there are a lot of hungry people here, hungry people are not known for their sunny disposition.

    Read what you find helpful, take the good, and use the bad however it works for you (use or discard)

    I've been on countless forums since the mid 90's, most are just as bad as MFP
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    Oh, and :flowerforyou: as I am female and obviously gentler and softer than my male counterparts.

    You probably never been on the weight watchers forums have you? Not a snark or I'm not sure, but it has much truth in it. :)

    the weight watchers forums are EVIL, i have never been around a nastier forum, ever.

    i think the extremely low calorie diets the people are on there has a lot to do with it!

    tumblr_ml1nrgwrLe1s6oao2o4_250_zps15ed2d0c.gif
  • toutmonpossible
    toutmonpossible Posts: 1,580 Member
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    If you expect everyone to be an uncritical sounding board, you are definitely in the wrong place. I read your thread and the people who made skeptical responses, including me, were trying to help you. You wanted us to support you in making fun of a medical doctor who has actually examined you but apparently made a recommendation of which you did not approve.

    Your doctor did not sound "cray cray," to use your silly phrase.
  • ihad
    ihad Posts: 7,463 Member
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    Any forum I've ever been on (I've been on a few for various interests) is like that. You just kinda get used to it.
    sometimes you get disgusted and leave. maybe we're just in a transition state and still learning how to deal politely with each other within the anonymity of forums? Or maybe it's up to everyone to educate everyone they come across? still, the line between jocularity and hostility can't always be conveyed whilst typing.

    No I completely agree with you. I'm just saying that sometimes you have to get thick skin if you want to post on a forum. There are always going to be people who disagree, especially on here. So many different methods and ideas floating a round. And then you get the @ssholes. Many people do use the anonymity of the internet to become someone they're not.

    I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds). :wink:

    Being gender stereotyped is very, very hurtful...

    14lgxw.jpg

    sad-horse.jpg

    16hrj2o.jpg
  • fluffychicken7
    fluffychicken7 Posts: 77 Member
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    Oh, and :flowerforyou: as I am female and obviously gentler and softer than my male counterparts.

    You probably never been on the weight watchers forums have you? Not a snark or I'm not sure, but it has much truth in it. :)

    the weight watchers forums are EVIL, i have never been around a nastier forum, ever.

    i think the extremely low calorie diets the people are on there has a lot to do with it!

    LOL, well maybe. :) But when I was there, I was there to learn about the eating and fitness program and not that TOM was not just a boy's name.
  • peachfigs
    peachfigs Posts: 831 Member
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    Being gender stereotyped is very, very hurtful...

    14lgxw.jpg

    sad-horse.jpg

    16hrj2o.jpg

    Sad-Dog-Pictures-7.jpg
  • fluffychicken7
    fluffychicken7 Posts: 77 Member
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    FTW, now that pug is cute!
  • SanteMulberry
    SanteMulberry Posts: 3,202 Member
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    I think maybe the MFP forums are a little different, in regards to a lot of people have insecurities (weight, looks), and sometimes they reflect their negativity at other posters. Its very easy to be the "forum bully" when you are anonymous on a website.

    As someone else said, there are a lot of hungry people here, hungry people are not known for their sunny disposition.

    Read what you find helpful, take the good, and use the bad however it works for you (use or discard)

    A lot of people also get called bullies simply for disagreeing with people and not sugar coating it and using lots of :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: and :heart: :heart:

    No, people get labeled as bullies for being rude and disrespectful in their disagreement. Apparently, they feel that their rude aggressiveness will "sell" their opinion better. I quote: "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." Peace and love. Out.
  • contingencyplan
    contingencyplan Posts: 3,639 Member
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    @OP: Usually when you see the snark, it's because it's on a question that either a) gets asked multiple times on a daily basis and we wish to god someone would actually use the search feature before asking it another time, or b) is on an issue where most people agree that basic common sense tends to show the answer. More often than not, it's a.

    People would encounter a lot less hostility on the forums if they simply searched for threads where their question had already been asked and answered.
  • etoiles_argentees
    etoiles_argentees Posts: 2,827 Member
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    I like the debating, I learn, or take from it what I like.
  • _SABOTEUR_
    _SABOTEUR_ Posts: 6,833 Member
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    Any forum I've ever been on (I've been on a few for various interests) is like that. You just kinda get used to it.
    sometimes you get disgusted and leave. maybe we're just in a transition state and still learning how to deal politely with each other within the anonymity of forums? Or maybe it's up to everyone to educate everyone they come across? still, the line between jocularity and hostility can't always be conveyed whilst typing.

    No I completely agree with you. I'm just saying that sometimes you have to get thick skin if you want to post on a forum. There are always going to be people who disagree, especially on here. So many different methods and ideas floating a round. And then you get the @ssholes. Many people do use the anonymity of the internet to become someone they're not.

    I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds). :wink:

    Being gender stereotyped is very, very hurtful...

    14lgxw.jpg

    Men don't cry. It must be sweat from weightlifting.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    I just read the thread in question. I think it's a beautiful thing that people often accused of being "unsupportive, joke-at-my-expense" people were incredibly informative/supportive, and the people who had maybe 2 post counts or who had only been here a month or two were the, "EAT 500 CALORIES."

    Which is to say... people seem to consistently form opinions of others on these forums from one or two threads... but look, they're different people!

    ^this

    I'm amazed at how quickly and often people lump all MFPers together based on a few responses
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
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    I think maybe the MFP forums are a little different, in regards to a lot of people have insecurities (weight, looks), and sometimes they reflect their negativity at other posters. Its very easy to be the "forum bully" when you are anonymous on a website.

    As someone else said, there are a lot of hungry people here, hungry people are not known for their sunny disposition.

    Read what you find helpful, take the good, and use the bad however it works for you (use or discard)

    I've been on countless forums since the mid 90's, most are just as bad as MFP

    same here
  • sexymuffintop
    sexymuffintop Posts: 636
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    You know? People just hop right in to this and don't read the rules. It clearly states not to bully. Since this site only has a few volunteers and "a few" administrators, its hard for them to catch the bullys. If we ALL would report the bullys, then we wouldn't have to listen to their cr-p anymore. Sorry that you had to hear from people like that. But the good outweighs the bad in that you will learn from some great people who really know what its like to go from fat to fit and more then willing to help you get there!
    My hope is that this site will help more than hinder your journey, that you find some great weightloss friends and that you lose all the weight you are hoping to lose.:flowerforyou:

    I get so angry when people use the word "bully" here.

    Have you ever been bullied? Beaten to a bloody pulp while your classmates stand around laughing at you, throwing stuff at you? Ever been called a dog, given dog food as a present during the class Christmas exchange? Have you ever had strangers tell you to kill yourself?

    Have you ever been afraid to walk down a certain street, path, hallway, because you know you're going to get a good sized rock thrown at your head? And that they'll chase you down afterwards to hold you down for more???

    Have you ever been afraid to tell people about where the bruises are coming from because people will tell you to suck it up? Do you know how it feels to receive random notes, internet comments, that slitting your wrists would be a good way to rid the world of your ugly????

    Because THAT'S bullying. It drives people to SUICIDE.

    What is wrong with you that you would even THINK to compare what happens here to that?

    Thats so true, what a fantastic post. I hate it when people say there are bullies on here. It's beyond silly.
  • weevil66
    weevil66 Posts: 600 Member
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    That's an interesting edit to your post.

    I personally distrust people with blue profile pictures - hey look, I can generalise too. :noway:

    Just as an aside, would you trust me? My profile isn't blue. It's a painting of a souless man with no eyes.
  • sexymuffintop
    sexymuffintop Posts: 636
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    That's an interesting edit to your post.

    I personally distrust people with blue profile pictures - hey look, I can generalise too. :noway:

    Just as an aside, would you trust me? My profile isn't blue. It's a painting of a souless man with no eyes.

    ^^ No, that is some creepy **** right there. :huh: :laugh:
  • SanteMulberry
    SanteMulberry Posts: 3,202 Member
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    I think maybe the MFP forums are a little different, in regards to a lot of people have insecurities (weight, looks), and sometimes they reflect their negativity at other posters. Its very easy to be the "forum bully" when you are anonymous on a website.

    As someone else said, there are a lot of hungry people here, hungry people are not known for their sunny disposition.

    Read what you find helpful, take the good, and use the bad however it works for you (use or discard)

    A lot of people also get called bullies simply for disagreeing with people and not sugar coating it and using lots of :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: and :heart: :heart:

    No, people get labeled as bullies for being rude and disrespectful in their disagreement. Apparently, they feel that their rude aggressiveness will "sell" their opinion better. I quote: "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." Peace and love. Out.

    I feel you have given a perfect description of yourself here. It is very important to know yourself so I would call this an NSV. I might and the word passive before aggressive though. :flowerforyou:

    Um. I don't think it is possible to be a "passive" bully. :wink:

    You can't be a passive aggressive bully? Your naivety could be sweet...

    I quite understand the term "passive-aggressive" (I have an M.S. in counseling psychology btw). I just disagree that there could be any such thing as a "passive-aggressive" bully. Would that be someone who passively allows others to beat him up when he could easily stop it?? I can think of only One who fits that description, and I would be extremely honored to be counted worthy to lace His sandals. :heart:

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