If you can't say anything nice, get thee to internet forums

gettingmeback2013

I'm a noob & I really, sadly, love the snark. It's like the Regretsy hoarde got tired of twiddling their thumbs & drinking whiskey & decided to workout instead. I wouldn't be checking in here as much at all if it was all rainbows & unicorns.

It's the Internet after all.

I agree with this. I also like the mix and find myself glued to a "snarky" thread. I enjoy drama...if it isn't mine. hahaha

ihad

Any forum I've ever been on (I've been on a few for various interests) is like that. You just kinda get used to it.

sometimes you get disgusted and leave. maybe we're just in a transition state and still learning how to deal politely with each other within the anonymity of forums? Or maybe it's up to everyone to educate everyone they come across? still, the line between jocularity and hostility can't always be conveyed whilst typing.

No I completely agree with you. I'm just saying that sometimes you have to get thick skin if you want to post on a forum. There are always going to be people who disagree, especially on here. So many different methods and ideas floating a round. And then you get the @ssholes. Many people do use the anonymity of the internet to become someone they're not.

I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Being gender stereotyped is very, very hurtful...

SanteMulberry

I think some people are hungry, angry In the beginning, when I first joined, I was quite shocked at the rudeness , but now i just laugh it off and to be quite honest.... I pity them

QFT I have learned to laugh off the aggressive ones too---I put all the worst offenders on "ignore". (I understand that muscle-building increases testosterone too--in men AND women).

SanteMulberry

Any forum I've ever been on (I've been on a few for various interests) is like that. You just kinda get used to it.

sometimes you get disgusted and leave. maybe we're just in a transition state and still learning how to deal politely with each other within the anonymity of forums? Or maybe it's up to everyone to educate everyone they come across? still, the line between jocularity and hostility can't always be conveyed whilst typing.

No I completely agree with you. I'm just saying that sometimes you have to get thick skin if you want to post on a forum. There are always going to be people who disagree, especially on here. So many different methods and ideas floating a round. And then you get the @ssholes. Many people do use the anonymity of the internet to become someone they're not.

I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Being gender stereotyped is very, very hurtful...

Awww. Have some hearts and flowers: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

FlaxMilk

OP, I agree with you that people can often be rude in their responses. However, in your thread, I really only saw a couple that were truly rude. Most of the people did seem to be trying to help you. I say this not to smack you down but to encourage you to hang in there. I agree with the advice to fill your friends list with people you relate more to and ask delicate questions there. I have asked questions on my feed that I would never dream of asking here. As a pal once said, "Best not to swim in shark infested waters." (I enjoy the forums, but I don't open myself up to the commentary of everyone on things that matter to me. Some people can handle that, others can't, and I don't think there's a wrong or right way, it just depends on what works for you.) :flowerforyou:

peachfigs

Any forum I've ever been on (I've been on a few for various interests) is like that. You just kinda get used to it.

sometimes you get disgusted and leave. maybe we're just in a transition state and still learning how to deal politely with each other within the anonymity of forums? Or maybe it's up to everyone to educate everyone they come across? still, the line between jocularity and hostility can't always be conveyed whilst typing.

No I completely agree with you. I'm just saying that sometimes you have to get thick skin if you want to post on a forum. There are always going to be people who disagree, especially on here. So many different methods and ideas floating a round. And then you get the @ssholes. Many people do use the anonymity of the internet to become someone they're not.

I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Being gender stereotyped is very, very hurtful...

FlaxMilk

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou: It has been my experience to never expect a poster (male or female) who places a picture of his/her muscles as his/her profile picture, to be "gentle" in their responses.

I hope to be proud enough of my muscles someday to make that a profile picture, but I also really hope to be seen as gentle in my responses.

TheWinman

A few things why this happens

1)So many dumb threads are started
2)Poeple do not use the search function, thus so many repetitive threads
3)Combine 1 & 2
4)People are fearless behind a keyboard
5)People become stupid behind the keyboard
6)combine 1,2,4,5

SanteMulberry

I completely agree with the OP. We are surrounded by so much information, it gets confusing when it contradicts what we think we know (1200 MFP daily calories, anyone?). We are all just trying to do the right thing to meet our own objectives.

There is never a good reason to be snappy, judgmental or rude. It's easier to fire off words when you don't have to look someone in the eyes when you say them. There is no reason a person can't give their opinion or share their wisdom using civil language.

yes, there is.

there are members of MFP who are deliberately trying to derail others by promoting scams, quackery, and food phobias.

i refuse to treat those people with kid gloves.

...and if everyone ignored them it would take any power they have to provoke. Every action/reaction needs fuel to sustain itself.

Unless you have walked in someone's shoes, you have no idea what qualifies as bullying to them. My heart is breaking over the bullying response posted; this treatment of a person is abhorrent, cruel and almost impossible to imagine (almost). But bullying can be insidious and nearly silent, undetectable by others. I don't think we can judge what is hurtful to others.

There is a wealth of information here on the boards, but to quote a source most of us love, none of us are "special snowflakes" that come prepared with the knowledge of how to find the information we seek. Really, is it so hard for someone to respectfully ignore a question they are tired of answering?

QFT.

Iron_Feline

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou: It has been my experience to never expect a poster (male or female) who places a picture of his/her muscles as his/her profile picture, to be "gentle" in their responses.

I hope to be proud enough of my muscles someday to make that a profile picture, but I also really hope to be seen as gentle in my responses.

Apparently you can't due to the increase of testosterone. Sorry. :noway:

Iron_Feline

Interesting. Are we reading the same forums? There are a number of women here who are fast and furious when it comes to laying down some smack. I would say it is a level playing field in that regard.

:laugh:

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou: It has been my experience to never expect a poster (male or female) who places a picture of his/her muscles as his/her profile picture, to be "gentle" in their responses.

WOW. What an edit. You've just upgraded from just hating on men to hating on all people with muscle that they are proud to display on a fitness forum. The best part of this is that I totally expected this from you. Just par for the course.

The insidious thing is that people that spout inane nonsense like mulberrybush does all the time are NOT who the OP and those that agree with the OP came here to criticize. She says something so wrong that it's harmful to both your individual goals but also to society at large, but because she says it in a tone that you appreciate it's ok. Meanwhile, someone, male or female, displaying muscle or completely covered, gets labeled as being rude and unhelpful even tho they are providing you with science that has delivered proven results, time and time again.

QFT :flowerforyou:

SanteMulberry

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou: It has been my experience to never expect a poster (male or female) who places a picture of his/her muscles as his/her profile picture, to be "gentle" in their responses.

I hope to be proud enough of my muscles someday to make that a profile picture, but I also really hope to be seen as gentle in my responses.

I appreciate that you said that--I'm sure you will. :flowerforyou:

FlaxMilk

I hope to be proud enough of my muscles someday to make that a profile picture, but I also really hope to be seen as gentle in my responses.

I appreciate that you said that--I'm sure you will. :flowerforyou:

Thank you! :flowerforyou:

babydiego87

A few things why this happens

1)So many dumb threads are started
2)Poeple do not use the search function, thus so many repetitive threads
3)Combine 1 & 2
4)People are fearless behind a keyboard
5)People become stupid behind the keyboard
6)combine 1,2,4,5

:laugh:

neandermagnon

I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Interesting. Are we reading the same forums? There are a number of women here who are fast and furious when it comes to laying down some smack. I would say it is a level playing field in that regard.

:laugh:

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou:

Thanks for continuing your support of sexist gender roles and stereotyping. These forums would be lost without your presence

And thank you for demonstrating my point. :flowerforyou: To the contrary, I would like to see more men take a "gentle warrior" approach (I have been married to such a man for over 40 years--he has my utmost respect). There are some women who mistakenly think that if they act just like the men that they will be accepted in the "old boy" club. Unfortunately, that is not even remotely true.

and there are some women who have always been tomboys* and are not trying to be part of anything, just expressing themselves and not allowing themselves to be constrained by gender stereotypes.

*I never really liked this word to be honest... it implies that girls can't be like this without people thinking that they're trying to be like boys....

So if anyone thinks that I'm "acting like a man" (been accused of that many times...) they can just learn to deal with it, because I'm just acting like me. I refuse to pretend to be someone I'm not for anyone.

maybe all these women who you think "think that if they act just like the men they will be accepted in the "old boy" club" are just being themselves too?

I don't agree with rudeness (and I try hard not to be rude), and I don't agree with the idea that rude = masculine, meek = feminine either.... from this you get the implication that women who are rude are trying to be like men... no they're not, they're just being themselves and lack manners.

Sarauk2sf

I think some people are hungry, angry In the beginning, when I first joined, I was quite shocked at the rudeness , but now i just laugh it off and to be quite honest.... I pity them

QFT I have learned to laugh off the aggressive ones too---I put all the worst offenders on "ignore". (I understand that muscle-building increases testosterone too--in men AND women).

Awwwww..:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

SanteMulberry

Interesting. Are we reading the same forums? There are a number of women here who are fast and furious when it comes to laying down some smack. I would say it is a level playing field in that regard.

:laugh:

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou: It has been my experience to never expect a poster (male or female) who places a picture of his/her muscles as his/her profile picture, to be "gentle" in their responses.

WOW. What an edit. You've just upgraded from just hating on men to hating on all people with muscle that they are proud to display on a fitness forum. The best part of this is that I totally expected this from you. Just par for the course.

The insidious thing is that people that spout inane nonsense like mulberrybush does all the time are NOT who the OP and those that agree with the OP came here to criticize. She says something so wrong that it's harmful to both your individual goals but also to society at large, but because she says it in a tone that you appreciate it's ok. Meanwhile, someone, male or female, displaying muscle or completely covered, gets labeled as being rude and unhelpful even tho they are providing you with science that has delivered proven results, time and time again.

My, my. And just what specifically is the "nonsense" that I "spout"? I am a "danger to society at large"?? Really. I have never once discounted the wisdom of many here who have conquered their weight problems. I agree that "eating less and moving more" works. There are, however, new hints and clues coming from obesity research that I, for one, appreciate, because I recognize that I don't know everything there is to know about weight loss (and neither do you, by the way). Keep it up, and you too can go on my "ignore" list. Have a good day. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

fluffychicken7

Oh, and :flowerforyou: as I am female and obviously gentler and softer than my male counterparts.

You probably never been on the weight watchers forums have you? Not a snark or I'm not sure, but it has much truth in it.

Iron_Feline

I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Interesting. Are we reading the same forums? There are a number of women here who are fast and furious when it comes to laying down some smack. I would say it is a level playing field in that regard.

:laugh:

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou:

Thanks for continuing your support of sexist gender roles and stereotyping. These forums would be lost without your presence

And thank you for demonstrating my point. :flowerforyou: To the contrary, I would like to see more men take a "gentle warrior" approach (I have been married to such a man for over 40 years--he has my utmost respect). There are some women who mistakenly think that if they act just like the men that they will be accepted in the "old boy" club. Unfortunately, that is not even remotely true.

and there are some women who have always been tomboys* and are not trying to be part of anything, just expressing themselves and not allowing themselves to be constrained by gender stereotypes.

*I never really liked this word to be honest... it implies that girls can't be like this without people thinking that they're trying to be like boys....

So if anyone thinks that I'm "acting like a man" (been accused of that many times...) they can just learn to deal with it, because I'm just acting like me. I refuse to pretend to be someone I'm not for anyone.

maybe all these women who you think "think that if they act just like the men they will be accepted in the "old boy" club" are just being themselves too?

I don't agree with rudeness (and I try hard not to be rude), and I don't agree with the idea that rude = masculine, meek = feminine either.... from this you get the implication that women who are rude are trying to be like men... no they're not, they're just being themselves and lack manners.

QFT

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

bhmathews

you can't ignore them because there are many people who would fall prey to their snake oil if the rest of us were silent.

your bullying comments are irrelevant to anything i posted. perhaps you meant them as a response to somebody else.

Sorry, I was referring to an earlier post.

I know that it's hard to watch others fall prey. We humans really like to watch out for each other; things can quickly become a hot mess when there are too many of us making it our fight when it's really not.