If you can't say anything nice, get thee to internet forums

SanteMulberry

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You know? People just hop right in to this and don't read the rules. It clearly states not to bully. Since this site only has a few volunteers and "a few" administrators, its hard for them to catch the bullys. If we ALL would report the bullys, then we wouldn't have to listen to their cr-p anymore. Sorry that you had to hear from people like that. But the good outweighs the bad in that you will learn from some great people who really know what its like to go from fat to fit and more then willing to help you get there!
My hope is that this site will help more than hinder your journey, that you find some great weightloss friends and that you lose all the weight you are hoping to lose.:flowerforyou:

I get so angry when people use the word "bully" here.

Have you ever been bullied? Beaten to a bloody pulp while your classmates stand around laughing at you, throwing stuff at you? Ever been called a dog, given dog food as a present during the class Christmas exchange? Have you ever had strangers tell you to kill yourself?

Have you ever been afraid to walk down a certain street, path, hallway, because you know you're going to get a good sized rock thrown at your head? And that they'll chase you down afterwards to hold you down for more???

Have you ever been afraid to tell people about where the bruises are coming from because people will tell you to suck it up? Do you know how it feels to receive random notes, internet comments, that slitting your wrists would be a good way to rid the world of your ugly????

Because THAT'S bullying. It drives people to SUICIDE.

What is wrong with you that you would even THINK to compare what happens here to that?

QFT

That would be extreme bullying and I don't think anyone here is trying to minimize that by saying that there are different degrees of bullying. But a civil society promotes the more gentle aspects of human behavior and seeks to minimize the more aggressive qualities when inappropriately expressed. Some of the most gentle men I have ever known have been career military men, who direct their aggressive impulses at countering those who would victimize the weak and the innocent. THOSE are real men. And I would know because I am married to such a man (for over 40 years now).

magerum

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I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Interesting. Are we reading the same forums? There are a number of women here who are fast and furious when it comes to laying down some smack. I would say it is a level playing field in that regard.

:laugh:

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou:

We appreciate your antiquated views & philosophies. Thank you for furthering 50 year old stereotypes.

quirkytizzy

That would be extreme bullying and I don't think anyone here is trying to minimize that by saying that there are different degrees of bullying. But a civil society promotes the more gentle aspects of human behavior and seeks to minimize the more aggressive qualities when inappropriately expressed. Some of the most gentle men I have ever known have been career military men, who direct their aggressive impulses at countering those who would victimize the weak and the innocent. THOSE are real men. And I would know because I am married to such a man (for over 40 years now).

My worst tormentors were girls. Sorry.

And degrees to bullying? Yes. There is NOTHING of the sort that happens here. Nothing.

xLexa

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Bullyng is more than just physical... just saying. Not saying that what the poster is referring to as bullying at all, :flowerforyou: but is is more than the fear of the physical. Me however I have a thick skin

Bullying is more than the physical.

Some of it is psychological. It is using psychological torture to egg others onto violent acts of self destruction.

Amanda Todd. Killed herself due to bullying. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/11/amanda-todd-suicide-bullying_n_1959909.html

And there are so many more. To hear people hear say that snarky comments - which NEVER cross those lines - cheapens every tragic death and horrifying self-image that comes of true bullying.

I was agreeing with you, but adding that is not just the physical, the psychological bullying can and does have far reaching and long lasting effects on people. We are getting off topic hehe this is another thread

jadeyq1

HAHAHAHA!! LOVE THIS POST!!

Too true, go heckle someone else on some other website all you haters out there

quirkytizzy

I was agreeing with you, but adding that is not just the physical, the psychological bullying can and does have far reaching and long lasting effects on people. We are getting off topic hehe this is another thread

You were. I apologize. My hackles are raised. I didn't mean to stick you on the wrong end of that rant.

Iron_Feline

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I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Interesting. Are we reading the same forums? There are a number of women here who are fast and furious when it comes to laying down some smack. I would say it is a level playing field in that regard.

:laugh:

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou: It has been my experience to never expect a poster (male or female) who places a picture of his/her muscles as his/her profile picture, to be "gentle" in their responses.

That's an interesting edit to your post.

I personally distrust people with blue profile pictures - hey look, I can generalise too. :noway:

SanteMulberry

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I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Interesting. Are we reading the same forums? There are a number of women here who are fast and furious when it comes to laying down some smack. I would say it is a level playing field in that regard.

:laugh:

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou:

Thanks for continuing your support of sexist gender roles and stereotyping. These forums would be lost without your presence

And thank you for demonstrating my point. :flowerforyou: To the contrary, I would like to see more men take a "gentle warrior" approach (I have been married to such a man for over 40 years--he has my utmost respect). There are some women who mistakenly think that if they act just like the men that they will be accepted in the "old boy" club. Unfortunately, that is not even remotely true.

Capt_Apollo

don't let one comment ruin your day.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/making_things

bhmathews

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I completely agree with the OP. We are surrounded by so much information, it gets confusing when it contradicts what we think we know (1200 MFP daily calories, anyone?). We are all just trying to do the right thing to meet our own objectives.

There is never a good reason to be snappy, judgmental or rude. It's easier to fire off words when you don't have to look someone in the eyes when you say them. There is no reason a person can't give their opinion or share their wisdom using civil language.

yes, there is.

there are members of MFP who are deliberately trying to derail others by promoting scams, quackery, and food phobias.

i refuse to treat those people with kid gloves.

...and if everyone ignored them it would take any power they have to provoke. Every action/reaction needs fuel to sustain itself.

Unless you have walked in someone's shoes, you have no idea what qualifies as bullying to them. My heart is breaking over the bullying response posted; this treatment of a person is abhorrent, cruel and almost impossible to imagine (almost). But bullying can be insidious and nearly silent, undetectable by others. I don't think we can judge what is hurtful to others.

There is a wealth of information here on the boards, but to quote a source most of us love, none of us are "special snowflakes" that come prepared with the knowledge of how to find the information we seek. Really, is it so hard for someone to respectfully ignore a question they are tired of answering?

Sarauk2sf

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I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Interesting. Are we reading the same forums? There are a number of women here who are fast and furious when it comes to laying down some smack. I would say it is a level playing field in that regard.

:laugh:

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou: It has been my experience to never expect a poster (male or female) who places a picture of his/her muscles as his/her profile picture, to be "gentle" in their responses.

That's an interesting edit to your post.

I personally distrust people with blue profile pictures - hey look, I can generalise too. :noway:

Wow...we have gone from stereotyping based on gender to stereotyping based on physique and picture selection. Must be a generational thing.

Oh, and :flowerforyou: as I am female and obviously gentler and softer than my male counterparts.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

SanteMulberry

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I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Interesting. Are we reading the same forums? There are a number of women here who are fast and furious when it comes to laying down some smack. I would say it is a level playing field in that regard.

:laugh:

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou: It has been my experience to never expect a poster (male or female) who places a picture of his/her muscles as his/her profile picture, to be "gentle" in their responses.

That's an interesting edit to your post.

I personally distrust people with blue profile pictures - hey look, I can generalise too. :noway:

*shrug* To each their own. Actually, the only reason why I have not posted a picture of myself is because 1) I do not have a digital camera (and wouldn't know how to use it if I did) 2) Don't have an ability to scan photos into my computer (I'm a bit technically challenged.) 3) Don't feel any particular need to do so. Perhaps, when I lose the rest of the weight I want to lose, I will rise to the challenge and post a picture of myself. :flowerforyou:

bregalad5

this thread has taken an interesting turn... :ohwell:

whierd

OP, I read your other thread and it wasn't even that bad. It gets much snarkier. :laugh:

SanteMulberry

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That would be extreme bullying and I don't think anyone here is trying to minimize that by saying that there are different degrees of bullying. But a civil society promotes the more gentle aspects of human behavior and seeks to minimize the more aggressive qualities when inappropriately expressed. Some of the most gentle men I have ever known have been career military men, who direct their aggressive impulses at countering those who would victimize the weak and the innocent. THOSE are real men. And I would know because I am married to such a man (for over 40 years now).

My worst tormentors were girls. Sorry.

And degrees to bullying? Yes. There is NOTHING of the sort that happens here. Nothing.

Yes, I agree that females can be aggressively brutal and that there is nothing like that here. But then, it wouldn't be tolerated either. Without the moderators, I have no doubt that the level of discourse would often descend to the lowest common denominator.

peachfigs

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I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Interesting. Are we reading the same forums? There are a number of women here who are fast and furious when it comes to laying down some smack. I would say it is a level playing field in that regard.

:laugh:

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou:

Thanks for continuing your support of sexist gender roles and stereotyping. These forums would be lost without your presence

Did someone mention sexism and stereotyping?! Great! This is my cue to stick my controversial oar in and... Just kidding! I think it's better to just acknowledge positive responses and let the negative stuff wash over your head.

I'm learning...

WinnerVictorious

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I completely agree with the OP. We are surrounded by so much information, it gets confusing when it contradicts what we think we know (1200 MFP daily calories, anyone?). We are all just trying to do the right thing to meet our own objectives.

There is never a good reason to be snappy, judgmental or rude. It's easier to fire off words when you don't have to look someone in the eyes when you say them. There is no reason a person can't give their opinion or share their wisdom using civil language.

yes, there is.

there are members of MFP who are deliberately trying to derail others by promoting scams, quackery, and food phobias.

i refuse to treat those people with kid gloves.

...and if everyone ignored them it would take any power they have to provoke. Every action/reaction needs fuel to sustain itself.

Unless you have walked in someone's shoes, you have no idea what qualifies as bullying to them. My heart is breaking over the bullying response posted; this treatment of a person is abhorrent, cruel and almost impossible to imagine (almost). But bullying can be insidious and nearly silent, undetectable by others. I don't think we can judge what is hurtful to others.

There is a wealth of information here on the boards, but to quote a source most of us love, none of us are "special snowflakes" that come prepared with the knowledge of how to find the information we seek. Really, is it so hard for someone to respectfully ignore a question they are tired of answering?

you can't ignore them because there are many people who would fall prey to their snake oil if the rest of us were silent.

your bullying comments are irrelevant to anything i posted. perhaps you meant them as a response to somebody else.

Iron_Feline

OP, I read your other thread and it wasn't even that bad. It gets much snarkier. :laugh:

I personally like the snark - I find it funny, but that's just my sense of humour. I've heard that having one is actually against the rules here.

jujuki47

to the " I remember when all this was just fields"LOL! hehehehe...

gettingmeback2013

I'm a noob & I really, sadly, love the snark. It's like the Regretsy hoarde got tired of twiddling their thumbs & drinking whiskey & decided to workout instead. I wouldn't be checking in here as much at all if it was all rainbows & unicorns.

It's the Internet after all.

I agree with this. I also like the mix and find myself glued to a "snarky" thread. I enjoy drama...if it isn't mine. hahaha

ihad

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Any forum I've ever been on (I've been on a few for various interests) is like that. You just kinda get used to it.

sometimes you get disgusted and leave. maybe we're just in a transition state and still learning how to deal politely with each other within the anonymity of forums? Or maybe it's up to everyone to educate everyone they come across? still, the line between jocularity and hostility can't always be conveyed whilst typing.

No I completely agree with you. I'm just saying that sometimes you have to get thick skin if you want to post on a forum. There are always going to be people who disagree, especially on here. So many different methods and ideas floating a round. And then you get the @ssholes. Many people do use the anonymity of the internet to become someone they're not.

I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Being gender stereotyped is very, very hurtful...

SanteMulberry

I think some people are hungry, angry In the beginning, when I first joined, I was quite shocked at the rudeness , but now i just laugh it off and to be quite honest.... I pity them

QFT I have learned to laugh off the aggressive ones too---I put all the worst offenders on "ignore". (I understand that muscle-building increases testosterone too--in men AND women).

SanteMulberry

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Any forum I've ever been on (I've been on a few for various interests) is like that. You just kinda get used to it.

sometimes you get disgusted and leave. maybe we're just in a transition state and still learning how to deal politely with each other within the anonymity of forums? Or maybe it's up to everyone to educate everyone they come across? still, the line between jocularity and hostility can't always be conveyed whilst typing.

No I completely agree with you. I'm just saying that sometimes you have to get thick skin if you want to post on a forum. There are always going to be people who disagree, especially on here. So many different methods and ideas floating a round. And then you get the @ssholes. Many people do use the anonymity of the internet to become someone they're not.

I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Being gender stereotyped is very, very hurtful...

Awww. Have some hearts and flowers: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

FlaxMilk

OP, I agree with you that people can often be rude in their responses. However, in your thread, I really only saw a couple that were truly rude. Most of the people did seem to be trying to help you. I say this not to smack you down but to encourage you to hang in there. I agree with the advice to fill your friends list with people you relate more to and ask delicate questions there. I have asked questions on my feed that I would never dream of asking here. As a pal once said, "Best not to swim in shark infested waters." (I enjoy the forums, but I don't open myself up to the commentary of everyone on things that matter to me. Some people can handle that, others can't, and I don't think there's a wrong or right way, it just depends on what works for you.) :flowerforyou:

peachfigs

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Any forum I've ever been on (I've been on a few for various interests) is like that. You just kinda get used to it.

sometimes you get disgusted and leave. maybe we're just in a transition state and still learning how to deal politely with each other within the anonymity of forums? Or maybe it's up to everyone to educate everyone they come across? still, the line between jocularity and hostility can't always be conveyed whilst typing.

No I completely agree with you. I'm just saying that sometimes you have to get thick skin if you want to post on a forum. There are always going to be people who disagree, especially on here. So many different methods and ideas floating a round. And then you get the @ssholes. Many people do use the anonymity of the internet to become someone they're not.

I think you are right. I think that some of the most obnoxious posters would probably be okay people if you met them and befriended them. Some of us seem to have the ability to provoke those people (and I've gotta say, they are mostly men with few exceptions). Perhaps, what we see, is the aggressive, competitive, "male" qualities that should be softened by the cooperative, encouraging "female" qualities in our culture. Sometimes, it seems that the internet brings out the harshest behavior (that likely would not be tolerated in their own personal worlds).

Being gender stereotyped is very, very hurtful...

FlaxMilk

That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou: It has been my experience to never expect a poster (male or female) who places a picture of his/her muscles as his/her profile picture, to be "gentle" in their responses.

I hope to be proud enough of my muscles someday to make that a profile picture, but I also really hope to be seen as gentle in my responses.

TheWinman

A few things why this happens

1)So many dumb threads are started
2)Poeple do not use the search function, thus so many repetitive threads
3)Combine 1 & 2
4)People are fearless behind a keyboard
5)People become stupid behind the keyboard
6)combine 1,2,4,5

SanteMulberry

show previous quotes

I completely agree with the OP. We are surrounded by so much information, it gets confusing when it contradicts what we think we know (1200 MFP daily calories, anyone?). We are all just trying to do the right thing to meet our own objectives.

There is never a good reason to be snappy, judgmental or rude. It's easier to fire off words when you don't have to look someone in the eyes when you say them. There is no reason a person can't give their opinion or share their wisdom using civil language.

yes, there is.

there are members of MFP who are deliberately trying to derail others by promoting scams, quackery, and food phobias.

i refuse to treat those people with kid gloves.

...and if everyone ignored them it would take any power they have to provoke. Every action/reaction needs fuel to sustain itself.

Unless you have walked in someone's shoes, you have no idea what qualifies as bullying to them. My heart is breaking over the bullying response posted; this treatment of a person is abhorrent, cruel and almost impossible to imagine (almost). But bullying can be insidious and nearly silent, undetectable by others. I don't think we can judge what is hurtful to others.

There is a wealth of information here on the boards, but to quote a source most of us love, none of us are "special snowflakes" that come prepared with the knowledge of how to find the information we seek. Really, is it so hard for someone to respectfully ignore a question they are tired of answering?

QFT.

Iron_Feline

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That's why I said MOSTLY men. :flowerforyou: It has been my experience to never expect a poster (male or female) who places a picture of his/her muscles as his/her profile picture, to be "gentle" in their responses.

I hope to be proud enough of my muscles someday to make that a profile picture, but I also really hope to be seen as gentle in my responses.

Apparently you can't due to the increase of testosterone. Sorry. :noway: