When people ask for advice, stop being rude and degrading!

Lib_B

It is the nature of the beast. Every established community develops stupid question syndrome; when the same question or same misunderstanding has been asked 1,000,000 times, if you are asking it/saying it the 1,000,001 th time, expect to get ridiculed.

No cleansing will not help you detoxify.

Your musles are not getting too big if you are in a calorie defict.

Yes lifting writing utensil sized weights to infinity is a waste of time.

Then why waste time replying?

So would you prefer that the people who have achieved success not post that doing these unnecessary things is a waste of time and/or potentially dangerous?

No - but keep it positive. I see a lot of condescending trolling going on in these threads. it's not helpful at all and probably only makes the sensitive person feel worse about themselves. Good, positive advice is one thing. Telling someone they are an idiot is another.

LoraF83

Has Anyone ever heard of Jillian Michaels. Was it rude when she said "everytime I look at a bagel I can feel my *kitten* getting bigger"? or when she is yelling at someone on the treadmill that "The only reasons to stop are puking, passing out, or dieing"?

Seriously some people need thicker skin

People from The Biggest Loser have gone on record to discuss how much they were abused on the show, and that the production is hardly close to reality. In general, I find that Jillian has a very loud mouth that can be incredibly irritating. I think her methods can be counterproductive for people who are very new to fitness, chasing them away instead of inspiring them to discover new ways to enjoy being active, instilling the idea that everyone must follow the same road at the same pace.

And anyone who doesn't like her style of training can feel free to change the channel or not hire her as a trainer. Some people do like her advice and methods though. She's been successful and the Biggest Loser is pretty popular, so you can't completely discredit her.

Anyone who doesn't like advice that I may give (or the advice of anyone else on this site) can skip over it or put me on ignore. Some people do like what I have to say though. I've been relatively successful and I have friends who regularly ask me questions, so you can't completely discredit me.

Do you see what I'm saying?

It goes back to - we're all different and we all want support in different ways.

UsedToBeHusky

If you think someone saying "How did you become overweight if you can't eat at regular levels" is bullying, please look up Amanda Todd.

Then come back and talk about bullying. I'd say "go talk to her", but she's dead. Killed herself, you see. 16 year old girl.

Extremely tragic.

I'm pretty sure Amanda Todd didn't kill herself because someone pointed out to her that she once consumed more food and therefore consuming more should not be difficult for her now.

You really are kind of horrible for attempting to make that comparison.

quirkytizzy

Also, it's no wonder that our society and schools are having such a issue with bullying, considering this is the behavior that grown adults display when there is no one or nothing holding them to common manners. Just because everyone does it on the internet doesn't mean It should happen.

If you think someone saying "How did you become overweight if you can't eat at regular levels" is bullying, please look up Amanda Todd.

Then come back and talk about bullying. I'd say "go talk to her", but she's dead. Killed herself, you see. 16 year old girl.

Extremely tragic.

And you're extremely cheap to even compare the two events. You minimize her death by throwing it in with a discussion about how "rude" it is to ask about 1200 calories.

Um, seriously dude??
When did I compare those two events? Just because someone commits suicide doesn't mean that all other forms of bullying are not real or important..
And also, I never even mentioned it in reference to a question about 1200 calories. Wow...simply compared to the way the people in general (Adults in general) can treat and talk to other people when there is a sort of anonymity.

1) This thread was prompted a "I can't reach 1200 calories" thread. Thus my reference to it.

2) Bullying leads to suicide. Life-long depression. Severe image issues. You said bullying happens here on MFP.

I gave an example of what bullying is.

Bullying is NOT receiving a snarky response on a weight loss forum. Bullying is applying psychological torture to destroy another person.

If you think we are attempting to psychologically destroy posters, then you need a SERIOUS reality check.

ArchangelMJ

It's not the rudeness (of which there is a fair amount) that is the problem.

It's the lack of empathy.

There's an old saying - people may forget what you say but they never forget how you make them feel.

This, exactly.

julies90

Also, it's no wonder that our society and schools are having such a issue with bullying, considering this is the behavior that grown adults display when there is no one or nothing holding them to common manners. Just because everyone does it on the internet doesn't mean It should happen.

If you think someone saying "How did you become overweight if you can't eat at regular levels" is bullying, please look up Amanda Todd.

Then come back and talk about bullying. I'd say "go talk to her", but she's dead. Killed herself, you see. 16 year old girl.

Extremely tragic.

And you're extremely cheap to even compare the two events. You minimize her death by throwing it in with a discussion about how "rude" it is to ask about 1200 calories.

Is this what you would say to your child or someone else's after coming home from school saying they were verbally bullied by someone else?

For the record, I am not necessarily saying that every rude comment on here is bullying, but I am saying it is NO WONDER that are children are okay with being rude and derogatory to other people and thinking it's okay. Also, cyber bullying IS a real issue.

LoraF83

If you think someone saying "How did you become overweight if you can't eat at regular levels" is bullying, please look up Amanda Todd.

Then come back and talk about bullying. I'd say "go talk to her", but she's dead. Killed herself, you see. 16 year old girl.

Extremely tragic.

I'm pretty sure Amanda Todd didn't kill herself because someone pointed out to her that she once consumed more food and therefore consuming more should not be difficult for her now.

You really are kind of horrible for attempting to make that comparison.

That is her point. She didn't kill herself over an off the cuff comment - which is not bullying.

She killed herself because she was bullied which is much more serious. People who cry "bully" because someone said "Don't do that, it's stupid." are the ones making the horrible comparison.

alsunrise

That's the thing about the internet - it's pretty representative of real life. You won't like everyone and you won't like what everyone has to say, but we're all entitled to our own personalities and means of expression.

No, the internet is nothing like real life. It does give someone a chance to talk crap and be degrading towards others out of cruelness without being face to face confronted or with little to no repercussions of their actions.

When I was on vacation a couple of years ago, my daughter accidentally bumped into a smaller child in the pool. His father grabbed my daughter by her elbow and began to publicly berate her for her weight, when I tried to discuss the problem with him, he referred to me as 'big mama'. You're right. The Internet is not like real life. I find total strangers on the Internet to be FAR more respectful than bullies in real life.

... and then you punched him in the face, right?

holdyourdevil

Has Anyone ever heard of Jillian Michaels. Was it rude when she said "everytime I look at a bagel I can feel my *kitten* getting bigger"? or when she is yelling at someone on the treadmill that "The only reasons to stop are puking, passing out, or dieing"?

Seriously some people need thicker skin

People from The Biggest Loser have gone on record to discuss how much they were abused on the show, and that the production is hardly close to reality. In general, I find that Jillian has a very loud mouth that can be incredibly irritating. I think her methods can be counterproductive for people who are very new to fitness, chasing them away instead of inspiring them to discover new ways to enjoy being active, instilling the idea that everyone must follow the same road at the same pace.

Thank you for saying what I was thinking, and very eloquently, too.

quirkytizzy

There's kind of a volatile mixture of people on MFP that lends itself to this conflict.

On one end, you have people who are out of shape and just sick of it. They're often desperate, confused, and not overly familiar with internet forum culture. They want to get in better shape but are wracked with self-pity and ignorance.

On another end you have people who are in great shape. They've been doing this a long time. They're often young and internet-savvy. They also have the mindset of self-discipline, sacrifice, and independent study that has gotten them to that point. They largely understand what it takes and what the challenges are, because they've been there themselves. As a result they have little tolerance for the type of whining, blame games, and "special snowflake" bs.

This is a dangerous mixture. It results in people in the first group complaining about nothing working, or asking for advice.... then getting people in the second group responding with stark reality. It's not what they want to hear, and they're not being coddled or babied. So they get offended.

Does everyone fall into one of these groups? Of course not. But that's the genesis of most of the conflict that results in these types of threads. This dynamic - people who are out of shape and frustrated versus those who have busted their butts for a long time to create real results - is what drives a lot of the "I'm offended" threads.

*applause* QFT.

ZoeLifts

question for the OP...

if somebody on MFP starts a thread about wanting to start a 40-day water fast, what exactly is the proper way to respond to that without being called rude?

Have a nice death!

Interesting! So this is the correct response and would not be considered rude? I'll have to keep that in mind for future reference. I would have thought this would walk the line for most people that are sensitive, but whatev.

UsedToBeHusky

It's not about successful or not.

It's about using success to belittle others or disregard their humanity to make yourself look smart. It's cheap.

Which does happen on here.

The statement in question here had no negative connotation whatsoever. A tone was perceived, but not intended, and as we all well know, tone is not translated well on the Internet.

ImtheOnethatsCool

Then why waste time replying?

If we don't reply, people wanting answers will see us as rude for ignoring them, possibly resulting in posts complaining about how mean people are on the internet because they didn't get their question answered.

Possibly? It's a damn guarantee!

quirkytizzy

Is this what you would say to your child or someone else's after coming home from school saying they were verbally bullied by someone else?

For the record, I am not necessarily saying that every rude comment on here is bullying, but I am saying it is NO WONDER that are children are okay with being rude and derogatory to other people and thinking it's okay. Also, cyber bullying IS a real issue.

If my child came home and said "Mom, people are calling me sluts on the internet and telling me to kill myself", I'd be horrified.

If my child came home and said "Mom, people asked me how I gained weight if I can't eat 1200 calories and that was rude", I'd be upset - because THAT would be cheapening bullying.

My point was exactly that - that bullying is serious. It's real and it drives people to suicide.

To hear people throw around that term about a 1200 calorie thread infuriates me. People here do that ALL THE TIME. They act as if it's the same thing.

Amanda Todd's death proves it is not. And it upsets me so much to hear people say it is.

nytius

LOL! One of my first posts here was asking about protein intake. I knew a little about how MFP worked but was generally stumped (I found out later the topic was discussed EXTENSIVELY in the threads). The question was all about balancing my macros but I believe the title was something stupid like "how do I eat less protein". One guy said " Not being funny but..stop putting it in your mouth". I laughed pretty loud from desk at work. I am a tough skinned individual so stuff like that does not bother me. Why in the world would I get offended? I asked, he answered in what I assume was the best way he knew how. All the other comments told me that MFP sets protein to low and gave me their percentages as examples.

I don't get the whole rude thing...like some people are rude, that's just the way that it is. Some pretty GREAT people are "rude" actually. I am not rude, nor do I work best with a dose of "tough love" as some have put it. I simply extract the BS from any statement that includes it and take what I need. If someone says something stupid about low caloric intake, move on to someone who helps you...for every "what did you eat when you were fat? hmm?" There is someone with a list of foods that can help. Some people are going to feel like every aspect of any problem you may have with weight loss is silly. MOVE ON. I repeat...MOVE ON. Objectively look at advice given...like food it is neither "good" or "bad". It is simply helpful or not. Good Luck!

pmteet

I have trouble eating that much. Now granted I am only a little overweight. I am 5'3' and weigh 152. But I have a lot of trouble eating. You do not have to be rude to get your point across.

I get being tired of same old questions. I have been homeschooling for almost 20 years and I get tired of the questions too. BUT I try and remember I was once new and I try to help. IF I am having a day were I am tired of those questions I ignore the question.

ImtheOnethatsCool

There's kind of a volatile mixture of people on MFP that lends itself to this conflict.

On one end, you have people who are out of shape and just sick of it. They're often desperate, confused, and not overly familiar with internet forum culture. They want to get in better shape but are wracked with self-pity and ignorance.

On another end you have people who are in great shape. They've been doing this a long time. They're often young and internet-savvy. They also have the mindset of self-discipline, sacrifice, and independent study that has gotten them to that point. They largely understand what it takes and what the challenges are, because they've been there themselves. As a result they have little tolerance for the type of whining, blame games, and "special snowflake" bs.

This is a dangerous mixture. It results in people in the first group complaining about nothing working, or asking for advice.... then getting people in the second group responding with stark reality. It's not what they want to hear, and they're not being coddled or babied. So they get offended.

Does everyone fall into one of these groups? Of course not. But that's the genesis of most of the conflict that results in these types of threads. This dynamic - people who are out of shape and frustrated versus those who have busted their butts for a long time to create real results - is what drives a lot of the "I'm offended" threads.

Stop making sense.

UsedToBeHusky

If you think someone saying "How did you become overweight if you can't eat at regular levels" is bullying, please look up Amanda Todd.

Then come back and talk about bullying. I'd say "go talk to her", but she's dead. Killed herself, you see. 16 year old girl.

Extremely tragic.

I'm pretty sure Amanda Todd didn't kill herself because someone pointed out to her that she once consumed more food and therefore consuming more should not be difficult for her now.

You really are kind of horrible for attempting to make that comparison.

That is her point. She didn't kill herself over an off the cuff comment - which is not bullying.

She killed herself because she was bullied which is much more serious. People who cry "bully" because someone said "Don't do that, it's stupid." are the ones making the horrible comparison.

Sorry. Got confused. It's hard to follow a thread from my phone. Well anyway, Amanda Todd's story is terribly tragic, but it has no place in this thread.

julies90

Also, it's no wonder that our society and schools are having such a issue with bullying, considering this is the behavior that grown adults display when there is no one or nothing holding them to common manners. Just because everyone does it on the internet doesn't mean It should happen.

If you think someone saying "How did you become overweight if you can't eat at regular levels" is bullying, please look up Amanda Todd.

Then come back and talk about bullying. I'd say "go talk to her", but she's dead. Killed herself, you see. 16 year old girl.

Extremely tragic.

And you're extremely cheap to even compare the two events. You minimize her death by throwing it in with a discussion about how "rude" it is to ask about 1200 calories.

Um, seriously dude??
When did I compare those two events? Just because someone commits suicide doesn't mean that all other forms of bullying are not real or important..
And also, I never even mentioned it in reference to a question about 1200 calories. Wow...simply compared to the way the people in general (Adults in general) can treat and talk to other people when there is a sort of anonymity.

1) This thread was prompted a "I can't reach 1200 calories" thread. Thus my reference to it.

2) Bullying leads to suicide. Life-long depression. Severe image issues. You said bullying happens here on MFP.

I gave an example of what bullying is.

Bullying is NOT receiving a snarky response on a weight loss forum. Bullying is applying psychological torture to destroy another person.

If you think we are attempting to psychologically destroy posters, then you need a SERIOUS reality check.

1. This thread is much more about people's general rudeness and thoughtlessness to other people than simply a question about 1200 calories. Also, I actually didn't say that it equates with bullying. I said it's not surprising that kids today take after our rude examples and in their immature way, use our behaviors to model how they treat and respect other kids. Is that more clear?

2. Bullying does absolutely not always lead to suicide or lifelong depression. Many people are able to shake it off and move past it but it does not mean that the bullying is any less important. Amanda Todd is an extremely sad case of bullying. But it is not the only case and it does not make other forms of bullying less important.

quirkytizzy

Sorry. Got confused. It's hard to follow a thread from my phone. Well anyway, Amanda Todd's story is terribly tragic, but it has no place in this thread.

It's relevant when people start calling other's bullies. Amanda Todd's story IS the poster-child's story for bullying. The subjects are related, at least in theme.

Also, it is easy to get confused. MFP's quote system is not set up for an easily followed discussion. I get turned around on here all the time. :laugh: It's okay.