When people ask for advice, stop being rude and degrading!

jukyu

HAHAHA the threads I've seen on the MFP community have been gentle at best. As a frequenter on the bodybuilding.com and tnation forums where tough love is standard operating procedure, you should feel fortunate that there are so many MFP users willing to even touch stupid topics that have been discussed ad nauseum.

quirkytizzy

That is all.

That's photoshopped. Cats use saddles when riding unicorns!

ArchangelMJ

Has Anyone ever heard of Jillian Michaels. Was it rude when she said "everytime I look at a bagel I can feel my *kitten* getting bigger"? or when she is yelling at someone on the treadmill that "The only reasons to stop are puking, passing out, or dieing"?

Seriously some people need thicker skin

People from The Biggest Loser have gone on record to discuss how much they were abused on the show, and that the production is hardly close to reality. In general, I find that Jillian has a very loud mouth that can be incredibly irritating. I think her methods can be counterproductive for people who are very new to fitness, chasing them away instead of inspiring them to discover new ways to enjoy being active, instilling the idea that everyone must follow the same road at the same pace.

And anyone who doesn't like her style of training can feel free to change the channel or not hire her as a trainer. Some people do like her advice and methods though. She's been successful and the Biggest Loser is pretty popular, so you can't completely discredit her.

Anyone who doesn't like advice that I may give (or the advice of anyone else on this site) can skip over it or put me on ignore. Some people do like what I have to say though. I've been relatively successful and I have friends who regularly ask me questions, so you can't completely discredit me.

Do you see what I'm saying?

It goes back to - we're all different and we all want support in different ways.

I agree that Jillian works well for some and not well for others. I've tried her several times but I don't find her to be a good fit for me presently, I may give her another go in the future. I was just making the point that her brashness isn't a magic pill and that successful trainers don't have to be that way.

UsedToBeHusky

It's not about successful or not.

It's about using success to belittle others or disregard their humanity to make yourself look smart. It's cheap.

Which does happen on here.

The statement in question here had no negative connotation whatsoever. A tone was perceived, but not intended, and as we all well know, tone is not translated well on the Internet.

Therefore, unless you know the person you are giving advice too or have interacted with them before, the giver should err on the side of caution and be more rather than less polite?

Or, if you are preaching the "tough love" line at least have a basic understanding of positive / negative association and / or punishment to know how it will affect people?

So the deliverer of the message is at fault because the receiver interpretted it wrong?

quirkytizzy

I agree that Jillian works well for some and not well for others. I've tried her several times but I don't find her to be a good fit for me presently, I may giver her another go in the future. I was just making the point that her brashness isn't a magic pill and that successful trainers don't have to be that way.

See, that's it.

I'm not a fan of tough love, personally. It doesn't work for me. I have carefully chosen my friend's list to be gentle, supportive, kind, and nice. I don't get the whole "eat more, *****!" or "knock off the McDonald's!" stuff from them. I don't respond well to that kind of support.

But I also do not expect an entire forum with hundreds of active members to conform to MY support needs.

I've cultivated a friend's list who knows me, knows my situation and life and how I prefer to be handled, and I let the rest be what they will be.

jonnythan

Here's a tip for people like OP:

When you post a question, before you hit that "post" button, ask yourself something.

Ask yourself "what am I really asking for? Do I actually want advice from people who are more knowledgeable than experienced than I, or do I want someone to make me feel warm and fuzzy?"

If it's the former, hit post and put your big girl pants on. If it's the latter, think about closing the tab and posting to your wall instead.

quirkytizzy

Here's a tip for people like OP:

When you post a question, before you hit that "post" button, ask yourself something.

Ask yourself "what am I really asking for? Do I actually want advice from people who are more knowledgeable than experienced than me, or do I want someone to make me feel warm and fuzzy?"

If it's the former, hit post and put your big girl pants on. If it's the latter, think about closing the tab and posting to your wall instead.

AlongCame_Molly

I won't stop being blunt.

That's all.

Right?^^

I am also a naturally blunt person, and I am happy with who I am.

Why should we censor ourselves because one or two delicate flowers get their soft petals bruised? Don't like what we have to say? Ignore it and move on. Mind ya own and don't tell others how to act.

KaleidoscopeEyes1056

That is all.

That's photoshopped. Cats use saddles when riding unicorns!

It's not photoshopped! I saw this for realsies one day! It was the same day that I saw somebody who got fat but could only manage to eat 600 calories a day.

myofibril

It's not about successful or not.

It's about using success to belittle others or disregard their humanity to make yourself look smart. It's cheap.

Which does happen on here.

The statement in question here had no negative connotation whatsoever. A tone was perceived, but not intended, and as we all well know, tone is not translated well on the Internet.

Therefore, unless you know the person you are giving advice too or have interacted with them before, the giver should err on the side of caution and be more rather than less polite?

Or, if you are preaching the "tough love" line at least have a basic understanding of positive / negative association and / or punishment to know how it will affect people?

So the deliverer of the message is at fault because the receiver interpretted it wrong?

Yes, in part.

If we know tone is difficult to convey and often misinterpreted how hard is to to take a step back and seek polite clarification before giving advice? Often giving advice on here doesn't seem to be about being genuinely helpful rather than showing off in front of your mates.

PS: I am talking generally here. I do not know the origins of this particular complaint.

ekahnicole

That's photoshopped. Cats use saddles when riding unicorns!

You know too much!

juicyisme

I absolutely agree with your topic. Whether or not it's the internet, the things people say on here, they'd never say to your face. They hide behind their monitor and make snide rude remarks. Often times they're very condecending. To me, they sound like they've become prejudicial towards people who are overweight. All they do is perpetuate the stigma. There's a way to talk to people and a way not to talk to people. It's really about respect.

rduhlir

Why should we censor ourselves because one or two delicate flowers get their soft petals bruised? Don't like what we have to say? Ignore it and move on. Mind ya own and don't tell others how to act.

I like to eat flowers. Roses are especialy tasty. OH, and dandelion is yummy too. They sell it here at the Asian Market. I wonder what banana flower tastes like.....

charmin61479

I do the same but I had a trainer tell me to do certain amount of reps on machines that target the problem areas. If there are trainers at the gym see if they have any advice. I cn tell you they stres cardio before and after the workout./

Barbellerella

quirkytizzy

I absolutely agree with your topic. Whether or not it's the internet, the things people say on here, they'd never say to your face. They hide behind their monitor and make snide rude remarks. Often times they're very condecending. To me, they sound like they've become prejudicial towards people who are overweight. All they do is perpetuate the stigma. There's a way to talk to people and a way not to talk to people. It's really about respect.

Most of us are here because we were or are fat.

Not impossible that some of us might become prejudiced against fat people.

Just less likely since, you know, we're fat, too.

quirkytizzy

BRITNEY!!!! *fangirl squee*

Okay, on with ya'l.....

Tomhoffman84

Here's a tip for people like OP:

When you post a question, before you hit that "post" button, ask yourself something.

Ask yourself "what am I really asking for? Do I actually want advice from people who are more knowledgeable than experienced than I, or do I want someone to make me feel warm and fuzzy?"

If it's the former, hit post and put your big girl pants on. If it's the latter, think about closing the tab and posting to your wall instead.

Like church on Sunday...

Also, regarding the prejudice against overweight thing...its not prejudice, its irritation. I get it, think its kind of natural. Its like someone that's earned there way up from nothing in the job market listening someone complain about not having any opportunity when the choices they continue to make are the only thing limiting said opportunity. You try to encourage, but every one in a while you say "STFU!"

UsedToBeHusky

It's not about successful or not.

It's about using success to belittle others or disregard their humanity to make yourself look smart. It's cheap.

Which does happen on here.

The statement in question here had no negative connotation whatsoever. A tone was perceived, but not intended, and as we all well know, tone is not translated well on the Internet.

Therefore, unless you know the person you are giving advice too or have interacted with them before, the giver should err on the side of caution and be more rather than less polite?

Or, if you are preaching the "tough love" line at least have a basic understanding of positive / negative association and / or punishment to know how it will affect people?

So the deliverer of the message is at fault because the receiver interpretted it wrong?

Yes, in part.

If we know tone is difficult to convey and often misinterpreted how hard is to to take a step back and seek polite clarification before giving advice? Often giving advice on here doesn't seem to be about being genuinely helpful rather than showing off in front of your mates.

PS: I am talking generally here. I do not know the origins of this particular complaint.

But if the poster's intention was not meant to be offensive, then why should the deliverer of the message expect it to be perceived that way?

michellewong699

For example the one I just read, the girl was asking if she could be concerned about dramatic weight loss because she was only eating 1200-1300 calories a day rather than the recommended 1700 some odd calories. One of the first comments is from a guy saying, "Well if you're struggling to eat that many now, then how did you get to big to begin with?? Only saying what people are thinking"

I agree that people don't need to be rude while giving advice, but I don't believe that this example is being rude at all. It may be an insensitive way of asking the question, but, in the end, the guy was just asking a question and not trying to make her feel bad for being bigger. I believe that, if you are going to post on a forum, then expect some people to be more blunt than others. Its not a matter of being rude here, in no way was he attacking her. Sure, he could have phrased it differently, but there is no need to take offense to a comment like this. There is no hostility in it. So... I just don't get you >.<