When people ask for advice, stop being rude and degrading!

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  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    It's not about successful or not.

    It's about using success to belittle others or disregard their humanity to make yourself look smart. It's cheap.

    Which does happen on here.

    The statement in question here had no negative connotation whatsoever. A tone was perceived, but not intended, and as we all well know, tone is not translated well on the Internet.

    Therefore, unless you know the person you are giving advice too or have interacted with them before, the giver should err on the side of caution and be more rather than less polite?

    Or, if you are preaching the "tough love" line at least have a basic understanding of positive / negative association and / or punishment to know how it will affect people?
  • ArchangelMJ
    ArchangelMJ Posts: 308 Member
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    Agreed, people have said many things to me online, that I know they damn well wouldn't say to my face. The anonymity gives people a free ticket to show their *kitten* as much as they want.

    Yes. Same here. As in, I've never had a complete stranger have the balls to go off in my face about how "rude" and "mean" I was being.

    Those people are cowards too.

    If you're the kind of person who screams about rude people online - you're own of those cowards you're complaining about.

    What I'm more referring too, is straight up insulting another person you don't even know, something I'd never do in real life. In person, I'm very meek and unassuming, so no, I usually don't get in the face of jerks. "Cowardly", as you so lovingly put it.

    What I don't understand is why some people feel entitled to be rude, as if it makes them cool or "better". I think empathy and being genuinely kind are extremely important traits and I cherish them in others.
  • Southernb3lle
    Southernb3lle Posts: 862 Member
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    I just want to make a comment on the person that compared this to bullying. Really?! I think it is someone giving tough love or either taking it wrong. Now if someone was getting bullied via their PM box then I would consider THAT but not forum discussions. The person writing in the PUBLIC forum is subjecting themselves to whatever someone might say good and bad. You can't expect everyone to be nice.
  • joleenl
    joleenl Posts: 739 Member
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    Some people do better with tough love.

    It may not be for you, so just skip that response and go for the advice that you like.


    That's the thing about the internet - it's pretty representative of real life. You won't like everyone and you won't like what everyone has to say, but we're all entitled to our own personalities and means of expression.

    ^^ this.

    I for one appreciate honesty (even if it's blunt) and information. I do not find any help in "Sugar" coating things. For example, if I ask for advice and I'm doing something really wrong... Like the most common post... "help I'm eating 900 calories a day and can't lose weight." I don't want responses like "it's ok we all are struggling." To me this is consoling not advice. I want people to be like, "seriously, eat some food" with a some information on how to determine how much I should be eating.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    sticker,375x360.png

    There, is that better?
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    What I'm more referring too, is straight up insulting another person you don't even know, something I'd never do in real life. In person, I'm very meek and unassuming, so no, I usually don't get in the face of jerks. "Cowardly", as you so lovingly put it.

    What I don't understand is why some people feel entitled to be rude, as if it makes them cool or "better". I think empathy and being genuinely kind are extremely important traits and I cherish them in others.

    That clarification makes sense.

    I've rarely seen real rudeness here. I've seen snark. I've seen sarcasm. But true insults? Name calling? Things that are actually damaging and/or complicit with allowing someone to hurt themselves?

    No. Not here.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    Therefore, unless you know the person you are giving advice too or have interacted with them before, the giver should err on the side of caution and be more rather than less polite?

    Or, if you are preaching the "tough love" line at least have a basic understanding of positive / negative association and / or punishment to know how it will affect people?

    If I give advice to someone I think is being an idiot, it's general more for others reading than for the person I'm speaking to specifically.

    Is it mean? Yeah, sure, but I don't care because I'm an a**hole anyway.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
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    It really bugs me that even on a FITNESS website designed to help people LOSE WEIGHT AND GET IN SHAPE, the ones who are in prime physical condition are extremely rude and degrading toward the people who aren't all the way there yet. But at least they're doing something about it rather than just sitting at home!! Those people need to find another way to feel better about themselves rather than putting people down.

    It's hazing. The beatings will continue until morale improves.

    Really, it's really mild here, even with the diary shaming it's really low key and mild.

    Additionally, this is not a fitness site, it's a food journaling site with a forum. Otherwise the exercise and reporting capabilities would be a lot better than they are.

    TL;DR: HTFU.
  • PomegranatePriestess
    PomegranatePriestess Posts: 2,455 Member
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  • carolynSC74
    carolynSC74 Posts: 10
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    I want to be fit. I befriend people who are fit and who listen to fit people. They've got to be doing something right and hopefully I can soak up some of that knowledge and if it is delivered frankly without qualifiers to cushion the blow, even better.

    It's non-fit people who get butthurt when fit people say, 'hey there, you're doing that wrong, do this instead' that are the issue. It's like some people don't want to help themselves or let others help them.
    One of the first comments is from a guy saying, "Well if you're struggling to eat that many now, then how did you get to big to begin with?? Only saying what people are thinking"

    This is not constructive criticism. Whoever this guy was wasn't trying to be helpful. He was being a being a douche.

    I fail to see how this was douche-y. Honestly, I don't.

    It really is mind-boggling to see someone say they can't manage to eat 1200 cals but yet they are significantly overweight. Maybe that comment set off a light bulb for someone.


    Too right!
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
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    If you think someone saying "How did you become overweight if you can't eat at regular levels" is bullying, please look up Amanda Todd.

    Then come back and talk about bullying. I'd say "go talk to her", but she's dead. Killed herself, you see. 16 year old girl.

    Extremely tragic.

    I'm pretty sure Amanda Todd didn't kill herself because someone pointed out to her that she once consumed more food and therefore consuming more should not be difficult for her now.

    You really are kind of ridiculous for attempting to make that comparison.

    fixed it for you :flowerforyou:
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    I just wanna live on Candy mountain where the Unicorns are free to roam and the reeses peanut butter eggs and M&Ms are plentiful. :flowerforyou:
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    If you think someone saying "How did you become overweight if you can't eat at regular levels" is bullying, please look up Amanda Todd.

    Then come back and talk about bullying. I'd say "go talk to her", but she's dead. Killed herself, you see. 16 year old girl.

    Extremely tragic.

    I'm pretty sure Amanda Todd didn't kill herself because someone pointed out to her that she once consumed more food and therefore consuming more should not be difficult for her now.

    You really are kind of ridiculous for attempting to make that comparison.

    fixed it for you :flowerforyou:

    That was my point. (In fact, the further part of my post quoted states exactly how ridiculous it is when people make that comparison.)

    I wish MFP had quotes set up easier. It would make the million page long threads more comprehensible. :laugh:
  • Southernb3lle
    Southernb3lle Posts: 862 Member
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  • Fozzi43
    Fozzi43 Posts: 2,984 Member
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    I won't stop being blunt.

    That's all.
  • RllyGudTweetr
    RllyGudTweetr Posts: 2,019 Member
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    Some people do better with tough love.

    It may not be for you, so just skip that response and go for the advice that you like.


    That's the thing about the internet - it's pretty representative of real life. You won't like everyone and you won't like what everyone has to say, but we're all entitled to our own personalities and means of expression.

    ^^ this.

    I for one appreciate honesty (even if it's blunt) and information. I do not find any help in "Sugar" coating things. For example, if I ask for advice and I'm doing something really wrong... Like the most common post... "help I'm eating 900 calories a day and can't lose weight." I don't want responses like "it's ok we all are struggling." To me this is consoling not advice. I want people to be like, "seriously, eat some food" with a some information on how to determine how much I should be eating.
    I thought having too many things sugar-coated was what made me wind up on MFP to begin with. . . .
  • mstrickland9
    mstrickland9 Posts: 102
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    I really agree that all this comparison of "rude" people on MFP to bullying is doing a grave disservice to the young people in our country who really are being bullied on the internet and/or in IRL. Bullying is a terrible and very real problem in our country and has resulted in some great tragedies. Not the same thing at all as simply not liking the tone of someone's advice to you on MFP.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    I really agree that all this comparison of "rude" people on MFP to bullying is doing a grave disservice to the young people in our country who really are being bullied on the internet and/or in IRL. Bullying is a terrible and very real problem in our country and has resulted in some great tragedies. Not the same thing at all as simply not liking the tone of someone's advice to you on MFP.

    Thank you.
  • ekahnicole
    ekahnicole Posts: 216 Member
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    tumblr_md3rx1Aq9x1rch2qqo1_400.jpg

    That is all.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    Therefore, unless you know the person you are giving advice too or have interacted with them before, the giver should err on the side of caution and be more rather than less polite?

    Or, if you are preaching the "tough love" line at least have a basic understanding of positive / negative association and / or punishment to know how it will affect people?

    If I give advice to someone I think is being an idiot, it's general more for others reading than for the person I'm speaking to specifically.

    Is it mean? Yeah, sure, but I don't care because I'm an a**hole anyway.

    At least you're honest and don't try and hide it behind the veneer of "keeping it real bro!" or "tough love yeah!"

    Using people as sacrificial lambs so others can benefit still requires the "idiot" being belittled. Maybe that's deserving sometimes. Generally - no.
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