When people ask for advice, stop being rude and degrading!

BeachIron

Look OP, perhaps you should actually listen to the advice rather than getting upset that it doesn't fit within your preconceived notions. You can spend your time getting upset or you can spend your time working to achieve your goals and seriously considering the advice that is given. Some will be good and some will be bad. Some will be very polite yet idiotic and some will be snarky but very well informed.

Look at it this way, companies spend millions on marketing and telling you what you want to hear. They are very polite about it because they want you money. When you come here you are, for the most part, getting advice from real people who aren't necessarily going to be experts at delivery. Find a few who are genuinely willing to help you, listen to your issues, and discuss specifics. When you find them, friend them and listen to them. Just don't be surprised that the most knowledgeable are not necessarily the ones that give the biggest hugs.

bigphatcat

I have to pee.

I beleive he said he gotta pee!!!
-John F Kennedy

firstsip

People just don't seem to understand the difference between being helpful and being rude. Helpful is giving advice or contributing something that is actually going to help the person asking a question.

And yeah, there is a lot of sarcasm. But for those of you who don't know... there is actually a difference between sarcastic comments and witty comments.

And yes, telling the rude people to shut the *kitten* up was rude on my part. I do actually apologize for that. I'm not usually that way. I'm one of the people who just wants to see everyone succeed. I understand people have different ways of learning, but I have NEVER met anyone who learns from people being rude.

While it's great to see you not only acknowledge your own initial rudeness, but apologize for it, you seem to have missed the gestalt of everyone's responses.

What one person interprets as rude, another one doesn't. From this thread alone, the majority interpret things correctly--"Oh, this person was just being straight with me."

As someone else pointed out, how something is interpreted is 100% on the person doing the interpretation. Not sure if someone was being rude? Why don't you just say, "I'm not sure I understood you correctly" in attempts to better understand what they told you. You've only been on here about two months, but I'm sure you've seen the daily threads of someone complaining about something someone did IN REAL LIFE (a.k.a, off the internet) that ended up being a misinterpretation on their part. The, "Why do I get dirty looks at the gym/mall/beach" etc. come to mind.

So it's not really an issue that's just on this forum, or on the internet. A site with many people looking to change their bodies, habits, and lifestyles is going to be a den of insecurities. People who are insecure tend to interpret things more negatively from other people, because they view themselves more negatively.

But, like striving to improve one's fitness or sense of self, that is all on the person receiving the information. It's much easier to project outwards and say, "Everyone else is rude!" then to look to oneself and ask, "Why am I seeing this so negatively?"

It might be incredibly hard to rewire how one interprets things said or done around them, but it's a much easier battle than trying to change other people to fit your current worldview.

ImtheOnethatsCool

I almost 20 years of being on the internet, thousands of websites, hundreds of forums, MFP is the only - ONLY - place I've been to that has regular threads of members screaming about how "mean" the internet is.

Has to be something with dieting. Normal people don't freak over "rude" responses in 12 point font this way.

Seriously - ^^^ This. I've been online since the 80's. This is the only place where people whine so much.

jonnythan

i agree with you 100% on this . If I were a mod I would ban those kinds of members who act rudely like that. we can all act like mature adults here when someone needs help suggest something in a polite manner without being mean to someone acting like that sounds like someone who is a toddler just saying.......

You would quickly empty the site of pretty much everyone who has actually accomplished something.

Exactly.

And what the hell is with this "maybe people would take your advice if your were nicer about it" crap? "Oh, I'm not going to listen to you because you're rude." Really? Do you think it personally wounds me if you choose not to follow my great advice? If you want to stay fat just to spite someone on the Internet, you go right ahead. I promise I won't lose any sleep over it.

Personally, I think that if you ignore good advice just because the person who gave it to you didn't pat you on the head and say "there, there, it's OK that you're doing everything wrong because you didn't spend 10 minutes learning anything for yourself and need someone to spoon feed it to you" then you don't deserve the advice anyway.

Seriously. If I screw something up or get something wrong, I want someone who knows better to say "that's wrong and stupid." I'll say "awesome, thanks" and not "SHUT THE **** UP you're SO RUDE people need to be ENCOURAGING!"

But that's because I'm not a 10 year old. I'm a grown adult and I'm OK with the fact that I screw up sometimes. Not everyone is, though.

skorpio1030

That's the thing about the internet - it's pretty representative of real life. You won't like everyone and you won't like what everyone has to say, but we're all entitled to our own personalities and means of expression.

No, the internet is nothing like real life. It does give someone a chance to talk crap and be degrading towards others out of cruelness without being face to face confronted or with little to no repercussions of their actions.

Well said!!!!!

Fozzi43

OP.....no I won't shut up...and if someone posts again about " not being able to eat 1200 calories" again...I shall repeat what I said....how can you struggle to eat that amount of calories? How did you get heavy in the first place?

That ISN'T being a douche..and I repeat..I'm a woman..not a man.

No, it's not rude. It's a valid question. Clearly person didn't get where they are by eating 900 calories per day.

I think it's important for people to expect sarcasm here. It sucks when someone is malicious but I don't see that often. I see bluntness, sarcasm, and lots of tough love.
If that doesn't work for you, don't post in the thread, post a status and ask your friends :]

Thank you!!!

TylerJ76

People just don't seem to understand the difference between being helpful and being rude. Helpful is giving advice or contributing something that is actually going to help the person asking a question.

And yeah, there is a lot of sarcasm. But for those of you who don't know... there is actually a difference between sarcastic comments and witty comments.

And yes, telling the rude people to shut the *kitten* up was rude on my part. I do actually apologize for that. I'm not usually that way. I'm one of the people who just wants to see everyone succeed. I understand people have different ways of learning, but I have NEVER met anyone who learns from people being rude.

While it's great to see you not only acknowledge your own initial rudeness, but apologize for it, you seem to have missed the gestalt of everyone's responses.

What one person interprets as rude, another one doesn't. From this thread alone, the majority interpret things correctly--"Oh, this person was just being straight with me."

As someone else pointed out, how something is interpreted is 100% on the person doing the interpretation. Not sure if someone was being rude? Why don't you just say, "I'm not sure I understood you correctly" in attempts to better understand what they told you. You've only been on here about two months, but I'm sure you've seen the daily threads of someone complaining about something someone did IN REAL LIFE (a.k.a, off the internet) that ended up being a misinterpretation on their part. The, "Why do I get dirty looks at the gym/mall/beach" etc. come to mind.

So it's not really an issue that's just on this forum, or on the internet. A site with many people looking to change their bodies, habits, and lifestyles is going to be a den of insecurities. People who are insecure tend to interpret things more negatively from other people, because they view themselves more negatively.

But, like striving to improve one's fitness or sense of self, that is all on the person receiving the information. It's much easier to project outwards and say, "Everyone else is rude!" then to look to oneself and ask, "Why am I seeing this so negatively?"

It might be incredibly hard to rewire how one interprets things said or done around them, but it's a much easier battle than trying to change other people to fit your current worldview.

Holy *kitten*

TL;DR

freebird777

I think the world just needs better parents. If there were, their kids wouldn't be such arrogant, entitled, rude, (insert numerous other names here)... brats.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. Far from it, actually.

(I found out why I'm ranting this morning. I forgot to have my coffee!)

This. I'm a teacher, and I see it EVERY DAY. I have to waste my class time teaching teenagers basic manners and respectful behavior. It's depressing.

Hellbent_Heidi

People are WAY too sensitive here... If you ask for advice from strangers on a forum, you're going to get some sarcasm, and probably a whole lot of incorrect information along with it...that's the nature of the internet!

RllyGudTweetr

Just making sure I've got this right:

You are disturbed by the negativity and rudeness of some people on this site (and probably others), and feel the best way to express the fact that you're disturbed by it and wish for this behavior to change is to use the caps-lock key (internet shorthand for shouting, generally considered rude) and swear about it.

Does that sum it up?

_Timmeh_

I almost 20 years of being on the internet, thousands of websites, hundreds of forums, MFP is the only - ONLY - place I've been to that has regular threads of members screaming about how "mean" the internet is.

Has to be something with dieting. Normal people don't freak over "rude" responses in 12 point font this way.

Yep same...ever since Al Gore invented the interwebz.

mstrickland9

As a newbie on here (three weeks) I found out the hard way about using the Search button to research a question before posting it. I never knew it existed until someone during my first few days on here pointed it out to me, in a not so nice way. I feel like a lot of people on here could easily change their words of advice just a tiny bit and therefore not come across in such an abrasive manner. Common courtesy should be expected of all of us, both IRL and on this website.

quirkytizzy

And what the hell is with this "maybe people would take your advice if your were nicer about it" crap? "Oh, I'm not going to listen to you because you're rude." Really? Do you think it personally wounds me if you choose not to follow my great advice? If you want to stay fat just to spite someone on the Internet, you go right ahead. I promise I won't lose any sleep over it.

THIS.

The number of rage-quits for what is perceived as rude advice is astounding.

Really? You're going to let some stranger "keep" you fat? Really?

Okay. You go right ahead. I've got my weigh in tomorrow, I'm sure I'll have dropped.

Serah87

i agree with you 100% on this . If I were a mod I would ban those kinds of members who act rudely like that. we can all act like mature adults here when someone needs help suggest something in a polite manner without being mean to someone acting like that sounds like someone who is a toddler just saying.......

You would quickly empty the site of pretty much everyone who has actually accomplished something.

Exactly.

And what the hell is with this "maybe people would take your advice if your were nicer about it" crap? "Oh, I'm not going to listen to you because you're rude." Really? Do you think it personally wounds me if you choose not to follow my great advice? If you want to stay fat just to spite someone on the Internet, you go right ahead. I promise I won't lose any sleep over it.

AGREE 100%!!!!!

ZoeLifts

I wonder how many of the rude people are that way, because they can no longer 'eat their feelings' as they undoubtedly once did. I'm on here because I used to have an eating disorder and the site helps keep things balanced and in check; but when I first did away with the behaviours I was a miserable p.o.s. since I'd lost such a significant coping strategy. I know many people eat to deal with gross feelings or situations, so maybe some people are rude because they can't cope as well without eating themselves numb.

Not everyone is the same as you.

jonnythan

And here's something to think about:

Know why all those people who are in great shape giving you advice that you think is just so darn rude have that attitude?

Because they aren't babies who need to be spoon fed. That's how they got in great shape: by going out and busting their butts and doing it the right way instead of complaining about how horrible other people are.

Absterdam

I almost 20 years of being on the internet, thousands of websites, hundreds of forums, MFP is the only - ONLY - place I've been to that has regular threads of members screaming about how "mean" the internet is.

Has to be something with dieting. Normal people don't freak over "rude" responses in 12 point font this way.

Hahah yeah same here, I was/am a total AOL kid and when you've used programs like that been in the chatrooms and been to places like 4chan you really just get used to people acting like *kitten*. I think a lot of people on here just aren't accustomed to seeing the kind of responses they get sometimes. For me it's just water off a ducks back, roll my eyes and move along xD

jimmmer

The real life vs the internet thing. I find I am much more helpful on the internet than I am in real life. If you constantly asked me the same question over and over in real life and didn't have any intention of listening to my answers..... well, that would go badly for you. Luckily, my sense of attachment is far less on the internet and I can easily walk away calmly and forget all about it!

I still don't understand why people ask for advice they have no intention of listening to though..... seems strange to me. It's like a waste of perfectly good typing..... they could have been getting on with their life, or something.....

ceciliam23

There's a difference between tough love, and being rude. A lot of stuff I've seen people say around here is just trolling. It's not helpful.