When people ask for advice, stop being rude and degrading!
Replies
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OP.....no I won't shut up...and if someone posts again about " not being able to eat 1200 calories" again...I shall repeat what I said....how can you struggle to eat that amount of calories? How did you get heavy in the first place?
That ISN'T being a douche..and I repeat..I'm a woman..not a man.0 -
When you put a post out there you set yourself up for degrading comments. It's a public forum you have to sift the good advice from the crap advice.
The problem is, is that when someone is being a complete *kitten* it's hard to take their advice to heart, even if it is good advice.
And to the OP, I've noticed it a lot to lately. It's usually the same group of people. I totally agree with them that it can be frustrating but if it's frustrating to see it posted why even read it? Why waste the time to comment?
I'm not saying you can't ever have a smartass remark or be a bit rude. Everyone has here and there. Its the attacks on the new people who are asking about calorie consumption that I think is the problem. It's just as petty as when people post the 'it's lose NOT loose DUH!' threads.0 -
I want to be fit. I befriend people who are fit and who listen to fit people. They've got to be doing something right and hopefully I can soak up some of that knowledge and if it is delivered frankly without qualifiers to cushion the blow, even better.
It's non-fit people who get butthurt when fit people say, 'hey there, you're doing that wrong, do this instead' that are the issue. It's like some people don't want to help themselves or let others help them.One of the first comments is from a guy saying, "Well if you're struggling to eat that many now, then how did you get to big to begin with?? Only saying what people are thinking"
This is not constructive criticism. Whoever this guy was wasn't trying to be helpful. He was being a being a douche.
I fail to see how this was douche-y. Honestly, I don't.
It really is mind-boggling to see someone say they can't manage to eat 1200 cals but yet they are significantly overweight. Maybe that comment set off a light bulb for someone.
As I stated previously, significantly overweight people at a higher quantity of unhealthy food. Personally, I've found that in my 10 weeks on here, eating foods that are healthy for you and actually fill you up consist of less calories... which for me makes it a bit harder to reach my calorie goal.
it is NOT hard
butter
peanut butter
nuts
seeds
avocado
olive oil dressing
ANYTHING.
Candy bar or any dessert item. IIFYM.0 -
Couldn't agree more!! I've never had anything directly pointed to me but I see it all the time. It always ends up being the people that are the most fit and successfull on their journey which I find odd because they wouldn't be on MFP if they hadn't started with some kind of goal in mind. I see people ask all kinds of questions on here that seem silly to others but why can't people just give the answers they are looking for and move on. Something tells me they worked on their body and not their personality during their journey.0
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I agree with you....and thank you for this post, brave of you! I made a post about how women should be proud of their fitness changes, weight loss, etc...not showing off their boobs like this is a dating site...I got 18 pages of being blasted....and really try to avoid posting or commenting now....it's not worth hearing everyone's opinions and the harrassment involved....0
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i agree with you 100% on this . If I were a mod I would ban those kinds of members who act rudely like that. we can all act like mature adults here when someone needs help suggest something in a polite manner without being mean to someone acting like that sounds like someone who is a toddler just saying.......
You would quickly empty the site of pretty much everyone who has actually accomplished something.0 -
It's not really rude or degrading but my favorite piece of generic advice is "you need to lift heavy." It's not even that I think the advice is bad but rather that lifting heavy isn't the only thing people who have a lot of weight to lose need to be doing. It's just one piece of the puzzle.
I agree. I don't think that people are necessarily rude or mean. I would call it more snarky. Vague, duh, responses. I think we overuse the word rude and bully sometimes.
I love "lose weight"...that annoys me so much. Especially when someone is already eating at a deficit and working out regularly. I usually see this when people ask for advice to help them with trouble areas, mainly abs. I get that you can't 'spot reduce'. but you can tell them in the same amount of words, because someone once told me that you shouldn't HAVE to explain any further and they weren't word for not doing this, "adjust macros", "try running", "more cardio", etc.0 -
I have to pee.0
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It really bugs me that even on a FITNESS website designed to help people LOSE WEIGHT AND GET IN SHAPE, the ones who are in prime physical condition are extremely rude and degrading toward the people who aren't all the way there yet. But at least they're doing something about it rather than just sitting at home!! Those people need to find another way to feel better about themselves rather than putting people down.
False. The rudest person to me on MFP is fat and ugly.Personally, I've only had one person say something directed towards me.
That'll change. You haven't been here very long.
I have seen rude comment's from all shapes and sizes, I remember when matt wild put up a thread for his very hot looking gf and was promoting her and telling people how she achieved her goals and he had to remove it because of women saying how horrible she looked and could not understand why a woman would want to build that kind of muscle. Those rude comment came from fat women and fit women.0 -
Totally agree!
MFP is full of rude people, some people are able to give constructive critisim and feedback, showing what people may be doing wrong/right and giving their opinions.
Others, are just plain mean! Have sarcastic comments, are very brash and have zero respect for people asking for some help or advice.
One thing that always annoys me on this, is when the OP posts a topic and someone else offers their advice other people chime in to other posters' advice saying it is wrong (it may well be) and being rude to them. Just going off topic and not offering the OP some advice they may have. These people seem to troll around the forums waiting to pounce and get their digs in where they can as they believe their way is the best way.0 -
Nope. If you're going to ask for advice, you don't get to make rules about how I deliver that advice to you. Most people need a good, swift kick in the *kitten* anyway.
Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think I love you
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i agree with you 100% on this . If I were a mod I would ban those kinds of members who act rudely like that. we can all act like mature adults here when someone needs help suggest something in a polite manner without being mean to someone acting like that sounds like someone who is a toddler just saying.......
You would quickly empty the site of pretty much everyone who has actually accomplished something.
But there'd be the Dr. Oz followers, the Raspberry Ketoner's, and the Green and Mango Tea Pillers. MFP would still be here.
It'd just be useless as everyone congratulated and supported everyone through these diet miracles and dangerously low calorie counts.0 -
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I wonder how many of the rude people are that way, because they can no longer 'eat their feelings' as they undoubtedly once did. I'm on here because I used to have an eating disorder and the site helps keep things balanced and in check; but when I first did away with the behaviours I was a miserable p.o.s. since I'd lost such a significant coping strategy. I know many people eat to deal with gross feelings or situations, so maybe some people are rude because they can't cope as well without eating themselves numb.
Nope I was raised in NJ.0 -
i agree with you 100% on this . If I were a mod I would ban those kinds of members who act rudely like that. we can all act like mature adults here when someone needs help suggest something in a polite manner without being mean to someone acting like that sounds like someone who is a toddler just saying.......
You would quickly empty the site of pretty much everyone who has actually accomplished something.
Exactly.
And what the hell is with this "maybe people would take your advice if your were nicer about it" crap? "Oh, I'm not going to listen to you because you're rude." Really? Do you think it personally wounds me if you choose not to follow my great advice? If you want to stay fat just to spite someone on the Internet, you go right ahead. I promise I won't lose any sleep over it.0 -
I almost 20 years of being on the internet, thousands of websites, hundreds of forums, MFP is the only - ONLY - place I've been to that has regular threads of members screaming about how "mean" the internet is.
Has to be something with dieting. Normal people don't freak over "rude" responses in 12 point font this way.0 -
Stupid question syndrome, sure, that's true, but not everyone can learn everything at the same instant in time! Do babies come out knowing how to speak and eat and are they potty trained? No, of course not. And the babies born next year will have to learn the same lessons at different points in time. Remember that when you think that being rude to someone is the answer.
People are not going to know all the lessons about healthy weight loss and are going to ask what you might think are stupid questions. Oh well, too bad, and you were there once yourself. No one can know everything at all times. If you don't like giving out supportive and helpful comments then get the flip off of MFP and go have fun being ignorant, obnoxious, rude, and condescending on some other site.
This; I love being positive and would rather do that than tear people down.0 -
OP.....no I won't shut up...and if someone posts again about " not being able to eat 1200 calories" again...I shall repeat what I said....how can you struggle to eat that amount of calories? How did you get heavy in the first place?
That ISN'T being a douche..and I repeat..I'm a woman..not a man.
No, it's not rude. It's a valid question. Clearly person didn't get where they are by eating 900 calories per day.
I think it's important for people to expect sarcasm here. It sucks when someone is malicious but I don't see that often. I see bluntness, sarcasm, and lots of tough love.
If that doesn't work for you, don't post in the thread, post a status and ask your friends :]0 -
i agree with you 100% on this . If I were a mod I would ban those kinds of members who act rudely like that. we can all act like mature adults here when someone needs help suggest something in a polite manner without being mean to someone acting like that sounds like someone who is a toddler just saying.......
You would quickly empty the site of pretty much everyone who actually posts, thus eleminating this board's best attribute: traffic
FIFY.0 -
People are going to do what they are going to do.
They are who they are.
Rude, nice, Supportive or degrading. There is nothing we can do about it so why worry?
I just ignore them and do my thing. It's only words, they cannot hurt you. They are not a physical aspect of life. They are easily ignored and are only as effective as you allow them to be.
So I say why complain? Why worry? Just be the person you want to see and hope it pays itself forward, worrying about other people and how they do or do not act is a waste of energy, Energy that could be used to better yourself and be an example of want you want to see.
That's my opinion on the matter.
You will be so much happier once you stop worrying about stuff that you don't have control over.0 -
Look OP, perhaps you should actually listen to the advice rather than getting upset that it doesn't fit within your preconceived notions. You can spend your time getting upset or you can spend your time working to achieve your goals and seriously considering the advice that is given. Some will be good and some will be bad. Some will be very polite yet idiotic and some will be snarky but very well informed.
Look at it this way, companies spend millions on marketing and telling you what you want to hear. They are very polite about it because they want you money. When you come here you are, for the most part, getting advice from real people who aren't necessarily going to be experts at delivery. Find a few who are genuinely willing to help you, listen to your issues, and discuss specifics. When you find them, friend them and listen to them. Just don't be surprised that the most knowledgeable are not necessarily the ones that give the biggest hugs.0 -
I have to pee.
I beleive he said he gotta pee!!!
-John F Kennedy0 -
People just don't seem to understand the difference between being helpful and being rude. Helpful is giving advice or contributing something that is actually going to help the person asking a question.
And yeah, there is a lot of sarcasm. But for those of you who don't know... there is actually a difference between sarcastic comments and witty comments.
And yes, telling the rude people to shut the *kitten* up was rude on my part. I do actually apologize for that. I'm not usually that way. I'm one of the people who just wants to see everyone succeed. I understand people have different ways of learning, but I have NEVER met anyone who learns from people being rude.
While it's great to see you not only acknowledge your own initial rudeness, but apologize for it, you seem to have missed the gestalt of everyone's responses.
What one person interprets as rude, another one doesn't. From this thread alone, the majority interpret things correctly--"Oh, this person was just being straight with me."
As someone else pointed out, how something is interpreted is 100% on the person doing the interpretation. Not sure if someone was being rude? Why don't you just say, "I'm not sure I understood you correctly" in attempts to better understand what they told you. You've only been on here about two months, but I'm sure you've seen the daily threads of someone complaining about something someone did IN REAL LIFE (a.k.a, off the internet) that ended up being a misinterpretation on their part. The, "Why do I get dirty looks at the gym/mall/beach" etc. come to mind.
So it's not really an issue that's just on this forum, or on the internet. A site with many people looking to change their bodies, habits, and lifestyles is going to be a den of insecurities. People who are insecure tend to interpret things more negatively from other people, because they view themselves more negatively.
But, like striving to improve one's fitness or sense of self, that is all on the person receiving the information. It's much easier to project outwards and say, "Everyone else is rude!" then to look to oneself and ask, "Why am I seeing this so negatively?"
It might be incredibly hard to rewire how one interprets things said or done around them, but it's a much easier battle than trying to change other people to fit your current worldview.0 -
I almost 20 years of being on the internet, thousands of websites, hundreds of forums, MFP is the only - ONLY - place I've been to that has regular threads of members screaming about how "mean" the internet is.
Has to be something with dieting. Normal people don't freak over "rude" responses in 12 point font this way.
Seriously - ^^^ This. I've been online since the 80's. This is the only place where people whine so much.0 -
i agree with you 100% on this . If I were a mod I would ban those kinds of members who act rudely like that. we can all act like mature adults here when someone needs help suggest something in a polite manner without being mean to someone acting like that sounds like someone who is a toddler just saying.......
You would quickly empty the site of pretty much everyone who has actually accomplished something.
Exactly.
And what the hell is with this "maybe people would take your advice if your were nicer about it" crap? "Oh, I'm not going to listen to you because you're rude." Really? Do you think it personally wounds me if you choose not to follow my great advice? If you want to stay fat just to spite someone on the Internet, you go right ahead. I promise I won't lose any sleep over it.
Personally, I think that if you ignore good advice just because the person who gave it to you didn't pat you on the head and say "there, there, it's OK that you're doing everything wrong because you didn't spend 10 minutes learning anything for yourself and need someone to spoon feed it to you" then you don't deserve the advice anyway.
Seriously. If I screw something up or get something wrong, I want someone who knows better to say "that's wrong and stupid." I'll say "awesome, thanks" and not "SHUT THE **** UP you're SO RUDE people need to be ENCOURAGING!"
But that's because I'm not a 10 year old. I'm a grown adult and I'm OK with the fact that I screw up sometimes. Not everyone is, though.0 -
No, the internet is nothing like real life. It does give someone a chance to talk crap and be degrading towards others out of cruelness without being face to face confronted or with little to no repercussions of their actions.
That's the thing about the internet - it's pretty representative of real life. You won't like everyone and you won't like what everyone has to say, but we're all entitled to our own personalities and means of expression.
Well said!!!!!0 -
OP.....no I won't shut up...and if someone posts again about " not being able to eat 1200 calories" again...I shall repeat what I said....how can you struggle to eat that amount of calories? How did you get heavy in the first place?
That ISN'T being a douche..and I repeat..I'm a woman..not a man.
No, it's not rude. It's a valid question. Clearly person didn't get where they are by eating 900 calories per day.
I think it's important for people to expect sarcasm here. It sucks when someone is malicious but I don't see that often. I see bluntness, sarcasm, and lots of tough love.
If that doesn't work for you, don't post in the thread, post a status and ask your friends :]
Thank you!!!0 -
People just don't seem to understand the difference between being helpful and being rude. Helpful is giving advice or contributing something that is actually going to help the person asking a question.
And yeah, there is a lot of sarcasm. But for those of you who don't know... there is actually a difference between sarcastic comments and witty comments.
And yes, telling the rude people to shut the *kitten* up was rude on my part. I do actually apologize for that. I'm not usually that way. I'm one of the people who just wants to see everyone succeed. I understand people have different ways of learning, but I have NEVER met anyone who learns from people being rude.
While it's great to see you not only acknowledge your own initial rudeness, but apologize for it, you seem to have missed the gestalt of everyone's responses.
What one person interprets as rude, another one doesn't. From this thread alone, the majority interpret things correctly--"Oh, this person was just being straight with me."
As someone else pointed out, how something is interpreted is 100% on the person doing the interpretation. Not sure if someone was being rude? Why don't you just say, "I'm not sure I understood you correctly" in attempts to better understand what they told you. You've only been on here about two months, but I'm sure you've seen the daily threads of someone complaining about something someone did IN REAL LIFE (a.k.a, off the internet) that ended up being a misinterpretation on their part. The, "Why do I get dirty looks at the gym/mall/beach" etc. come to mind.
So it's not really an issue that's just on this forum, or on the internet. A site with many people looking to change their bodies, habits, and lifestyles is going to be a den of insecurities. People who are insecure tend to interpret things more negatively from other people, because they view themselves more negatively.
But, like striving to improve one's fitness or sense of self, that is all on the person receiving the information. It's much easier to project outwards and say, "Everyone else is rude!" then to look to oneself and ask, "Why am I seeing this so negatively?"
It might be incredibly hard to rewire how one interprets things said or done around them, but it's a much easier battle than trying to change other people to fit your current worldview.
Holy *kitten*
TL;DR0 -
I think the world just needs better parents. If there were, their kids wouldn't be such arrogant, entitled, rude, (insert numerous other names here)... brats.
I'm not saying I'm perfect. Far from it, actually.
(I found out why I'm ranting this morning. I forgot to have my coffee!)
This. I'm a teacher, and I see it EVERY DAY. I have to waste my class time teaching teenagers basic manners and respectful behavior. It's depressing.0 -
People are WAY too sensitive here... If you ask for advice from strangers on a forum, you're going to get some sarcasm, and probably a whole lot of incorrect information along with it...that's the nature of the internet!0
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