When people ask for advice, stop being rude and degrading!

Fozzi43

OP.....no I won't shut up...and if someone posts again about " not being able to eat 1200 calories" again...I shall repeat what I said....how can you struggle to eat that amount of calories? How did you get heavy in the first place?

That ISN'T being a douche..and I repeat..I'm a woman..not a man.

katy84o

When you put a post out there you set yourself up for degrading comments. It's a public forum you have to sift the good advice from the crap advice.

The problem is, is that when someone is being a complete *kitten* it's hard to take their advice to heart, even if it is good advice.

And to the OP, I've noticed it a lot to lately. It's usually the same group of people. I totally agree with them that it can be frustrating but if it's frustrating to see it posted why even read it? Why waste the time to comment?

I'm not saying you can't ever have a smartass remark or be a bit rude. Everyone has here and there. Its the attacks on the new people who are asking about calorie consumption that I think is the problem. It's just as petty as when people post the 'it's lose NOT loose DUH!' threads.

drchimpanzee

I want to be fit. I befriend people who are fit and who listen to fit people. They've got to be doing something right and hopefully I can soak up some of that knowledge and if it is delivered frankly without qualifiers to cushion the blow, even better.

It's non-fit people who get butthurt when fit people say, 'hey there, you're doing that wrong, do this instead' that are the issue. It's like some people don't want to help themselves or let others help them.

One of the first comments is from a guy saying, "Well if you're struggling to eat that many now, then how did you get to big to begin with?? Only saying what people are thinking"

This is not constructive criticism. Whoever this guy was wasn't trying to be helpful. He was being a being a douche.

I fail to see how this was douche-y. Honestly, I don't.

It really is mind-boggling to see someone say they can't manage to eat 1200 cals but yet they are significantly overweight. Maybe that comment set off a light bulb for someone.

As I stated previously, significantly overweight people at a higher quantity of unhealthy food. Personally, I've found that in my 10 weeks on here, eating foods that are healthy for you and actually fill you up consist of less calories... which for me makes it a bit harder to reach my calorie goal.

it is NOT hard

butter
peanut butter
nuts
seeds
avocado
olive oil dressing
ANYTHING.

Candy bar or any dessert item. IIFYM.

Letters24You

Couldn't agree more!! I've never had anything directly pointed to me but I see it all the time. It always ends up being the people that are the most fit and successfull on their journey which I find odd because they wouldn't be on MFP if they hadn't started with some kind of goal in mind. I see people ask all kinds of questions on here that seem silly to others but why can't people just give the answers they are looking for and move on. Something tells me they worked on their body and not their personality during their journey.

salcha76

I agree with you....and thank you for this post, brave of you! I made a post about how women should be proud of their fitness changes, weight loss, etc...not showing off their boobs like this is a dating site...I got 18 pages of being blasted....and really try to avoid posting or commenting now....it's not worth hearing everyone's opinions and the harrassment involved....

jonnythan

i agree with you 100% on this . If I were a mod I would ban those kinds of members who act rudely like that. we can all act like mature adults here when someone needs help suggest something in a polite manner without being mean to someone acting like that sounds like someone who is a toddler just saying.......

You would quickly empty the site of pretty much everyone who has actually accomplished something.

msaestein1

It's not really rude or degrading but my favorite piece of generic advice is "you need to lift heavy." It's not even that I think the advice is bad but rather that lifting heavy isn't the only thing people who have a lot of weight to lose need to be doing. It's just one piece of the puzzle.

I agree. I don't think that people are necessarily rude or mean. I would call it more snarky. Vague, duh, responses. I think we overuse the word rude and bully sometimes.

I love "lose weight"...that annoys me so much. Especially when someone is already eating at a deficit and working out regularly. I usually see this when people ask for advice to help them with trouble areas, mainly abs. I get that you can't 'spot reduce'. but you can tell them in the same amount of words, because someone once told me that you shouldn't HAVE to explain any further and they weren't word for not doing this, "adjust macros", "try running", "more cardio", etc.

TylerJ76

I have to pee.

fitfreakymom

It really bugs me that even on a FITNESS website designed to help people LOSE WEIGHT AND GET IN SHAPE, the ones who are in prime physical condition are extremely rude and degrading toward the people who aren't all the way there yet. But at least they're doing something about it rather than just sitting at home!! Those people need to find another way to feel better about themselves rather than putting people down.

False. The rudest person to me on MFP is fat and ugly.

Personally, I've only had one person say something directed towards me.

That'll change. You haven't been here very long.

I have seen rude comment's from all shapes and sizes, I remember when matt wild put up a thread for his very hot looking gf and was promoting her and telling people how she achieved her goals and he had to remove it because of women saying how horrible she looked and could not understand why a woman would want to build that kind of muscle. Those rude comment came from fat women and fit women.

hammomh

Totally agree!

MFP is full of rude people, some people are able to give constructive critisim and feedback, showing what people may be doing wrong/right and giving their opinions.

Others, are just plain mean! Have sarcastic comments, are very brash and have zero respect for people asking for some help or advice.

One thing that always annoys me on this, is when the OP posts a topic and someone else offers their advice other people chime in to other posters' advice saying it is wrong (it may well be) and being rude to them. Just going off topic and not offering the OP some advice they may have. These people seem to troll around the forums waiting to pounce and get their digs in where they can as they believe their way is the best way.

AlongCame_Molly

Nope. If you're going to ask for advice, you don't get to make rules about how I deliver that advice to you. Most people need a good, swift kick in the *kitten* anyway.

Sorry I'm not sorry.

I think I love you

quirkytizzy

i agree with you 100% on this . If I were a mod I would ban those kinds of members who act rudely like that. we can all act like mature adults here when someone needs help suggest something in a polite manner without being mean to someone acting like that sounds like someone who is a toddler just saying.......

You would quickly empty the site of pretty much everyone who has actually accomplished something.

But there'd be the Dr. Oz followers, the Raspberry Ketoner's, and the Green and Mango Tea Pillers. MFP would still be here.

It'd just be useless as everyone congratulated and supported everyone through these diet miracles and dangerously low calorie counts.

BurtHuttz

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/976527-when-people-offer-advice-stop-being-rude-and-degrading

:flowerforyou:

NutellaAddict

I wonder how many of the rude people are that way, because they can no longer 'eat their feelings' as they undoubtedly once did. I'm on here because I used to have an eating disorder and the site helps keep things balanced and in check; but when I first did away with the behaviours I was a miserable p.o.s. since I'd lost such a significant coping strategy. I know many people eat to deal with gross feelings or situations, so maybe some people are rude because they can't cope as well without eating themselves numb.

Nope I was raised in NJ.

ItsCasey

i agree with you 100% on this . If I were a mod I would ban those kinds of members who act rudely like that. we can all act like mature adults here when someone needs help suggest something in a polite manner without being mean to someone acting like that sounds like someone who is a toddler just saying.......

You would quickly empty the site of pretty much everyone who has actually accomplished something.

Exactly.

And what the hell is with this "maybe people would take your advice if your were nicer about it" crap? "Oh, I'm not going to listen to you because you're rude." Really? Do you think it personally wounds me if you choose not to follow my great advice? If you want to stay fat just to spite someone on the Internet, you go right ahead. I promise I won't lose any sleep over it.

quirkytizzy

I almost 20 years of being on the internet, thousands of websites, hundreds of forums, MFP is the only - ONLY - place I've been to that has regular threads of members screaming about how "mean" the internet is.

Has to be something with dieting. Normal people don't freak over "rude" responses in 12 point font this way.

christchick7

Stupid question syndrome, sure, that's true, but not everyone can learn everything at the same instant in time! Do babies come out knowing how to speak and eat and are they potty trained? No, of course not. And the babies born next year will have to learn the same lessons at different points in time. Remember that when you think that being rude to someone is the answer.

People are not going to know all the lessons about healthy weight loss and are going to ask what you might think are stupid questions. Oh well, too bad, and you were there once yourself. No one can know everything at all times. If you don't like giving out supportive and helpful comments then get the flip off of MFP and go have fun being ignorant, obnoxious, rude, and condescending on some other site.

This; I love being positive and would rather do that than tear people down.

DandelionCupcakes

OP.....no I won't shut up...and if someone posts again about " not being able to eat 1200 calories" again...I shall repeat what I said....how can you struggle to eat that amount of calories? How did you get heavy in the first place?

That ISN'T being a douche..and I repeat..I'm a woman..not a man.

No, it's not rude. It's a valid question. Clearly person didn't get where they are by eating 900 calories per day.

I think it's important for people to expect sarcasm here. It sucks when someone is malicious but I don't see that often. I see bluntness, sarcasm, and lots of tough love.
If that doesn't work for you, don't post in the thread, post a status and ask your friends :]

_noob_

i agree with you 100% on this . If I were a mod I would ban those kinds of members who act rudely like that. we can all act like mature adults here when someone needs help suggest something in a polite manner without being mean to someone acting like that sounds like someone who is a toddler just saying.......

You would quickly empty the site of pretty much everyone who actually posts, thus eleminating this board's best attribute: traffic

FIFY.

_Pseudonymous_

People are going to do what they are going to do.

They are who they are.

Rude, nice, Supportive or degrading. There is nothing we can do about it so why worry?

I just ignore them and do my thing. It's only words, they cannot hurt you. They are not a physical aspect of life. They are easily ignored and are only as effective as you allow them to be.

So I say why complain? Why worry? Just be the person you want to see and hope it pays itself forward, worrying about other people and how they do or do not act is a waste of energy, Energy that could be used to better yourself and be an example of want you want to see.

That's my opinion on the matter.

You will be so much happier once you stop worrying about stuff that you don't have control over.