When people ask for advice, stop being rude and degrading!
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Just making sure I've got this right:
You are disturbed by the negativity and rudeness of some people on this site (and probably others), and feel the best way to express the fact that you're disturbed by it and wish for this behavior to change is to use the caps-lock key (internet shorthand for shouting, generally considered rude) and swear about it.
Does that sum it up?0 -
I almost 20 years of being on the internet, thousands of websites, hundreds of forums, MFP is the only - ONLY - place I've been to that has regular threads of members screaming about how "mean" the internet is.
Has to be something with dieting. Normal people don't freak over "rude" responses in 12 point font this way.
Yep same...ever since Al Gore invented the interwebz.0 -
As a newbie on here (three weeks) I found out the hard way about using the Search button to research a question before posting it. I never knew it existed until someone during my first few days on here pointed it out to me, in a not so nice way. I feel like a lot of people on here could easily change their words of advice just a tiny bit and therefore not come across in such an abrasive manner. Common courtesy should be expected of all of us, both IRL and on this website.0
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And what the hell is with this "maybe people would take your advice if your were nicer about it" crap? "Oh, I'm not going to listen to you because you're rude." Really? Do you think it personally wounds me if you choose not to follow my great advice? If you want to stay fat just to spite someone on the Internet, you go right ahead. I promise I won't lose any sleep over it.
THIS.
The number of rage-quits for what is perceived as rude advice is astounding.
Really? You're going to let some stranger "keep" you fat? Really?
Okay. You go right ahead. I've got my weigh in tomorrow, I'm sure I'll have dropped.0 -
i agree with you 100% on this . If I were a mod I would ban those kinds of members who act rudely like that. we can all act like mature adults here when someone needs help suggest something in a polite manner without being mean to someone acting like that sounds like someone who is a toddler just saying.......
You would quickly empty the site of pretty much everyone who has actually accomplished something.
Exactly.
And what the hell is with this "maybe people would take your advice if your were nicer about it" crap? "Oh, I'm not going to listen to you because you're rude." Really? Do you think it personally wounds me if you choose not to follow my great advice? If you want to stay fat just to spite someone on the Internet, you go right ahead. I promise I won't lose any sleep over it.
AGREE 100%!!!!!0 -
I wonder how many of the rude people are that way, because they can no longer 'eat their feelings' as they undoubtedly once did. I'm on here because I used to have an eating disorder and the site helps keep things balanced and in check; but when I first did away with the behaviours I was a miserable p.o.s. since I'd lost such a significant coping strategy. I know many people eat to deal with gross feelings or situations, so maybe some people are rude because they can't cope as well without eating themselves numb.
Not everyone is the same as you.
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And here's something to think about:
Know why all those people who are in great shape giving you advice that you think is just so darn rude have that attitude?
Because they aren't babies who need to be spoon fed. That's how they got in great shape: by going out and busting their butts and doing it the right way instead of complaining about how horrible other people are.0 -
I almost 20 years of being on the internet, thousands of websites, hundreds of forums, MFP is the only - ONLY - place I've been to that has regular threads of members screaming about how "mean" the internet is.
Has to be something with dieting. Normal people don't freak over "rude" responses in 12 point font this way.
Hahah yeah same here, I was/am a total AOL kid and when you've used programs like that been in the chatrooms and been to places like 4chan you really just get used to people acting like *kitten*. I think a lot of people on here just aren't accustomed to seeing the kind of responses they get sometimes. For me it's just water off a ducks back, roll my eyes and move along xD0 -
The real life vs the internet thing. I find I am much more helpful on the internet than I am in real life. If you constantly asked me the same question over and over in real life and didn't have any intention of listening to my answers..... well, that would go badly for you. Luckily, my sense of attachment is far less on the internet and I can easily walk away calmly and forget all about it!
I still don't understand why people ask for advice they have no intention of listening to though..... seems strange to me. It's like a waste of perfectly good typing..... they could have been getting on with their life, or something.....0 -
There's a difference between tough love, and being rude. A lot of stuff I've seen people say around here is just trolling. It's not helpful.0
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People are WAY too sensitive here...
:laugh: ^ THIS0 -
Just don't be surprised that the most knowledgeable are not necessarily the ones that give the biggest hugs.
Is it a trend then, for fitness "gurus" to be douche bags? It seems pretty common. In the sports scene, in the sphere of athleticism in general, there appear to be a ton of arrogant pricks.0 -
It's not the rudeness (of which there is a fair amount) that is the problem.
It's the lack of empathy.
There's an old saying - people may forget what you say but they never forget how you make them feel.0 -
The real life vs the internet thing. I find I am much more helpful on the internet than I am in real life. If you constantly asked me the same question over and over in real life and didn't have any intention of listening to my answers..... well, that would go badly for you. Luckily, my sense of attachment is far less on the internet and I can easily walk away calmly and forget all about it!
I still don't understand why people ask for advice they have no intention of listening to though..... seems strange to me. It's like a waste of perfectly good typing..... they could have been getting on with their life, or something.....
THIS as well.
The number of people who ask about something, receive "This doesn't work, try this instead", modify their statement with "anyone with experience?" and then eventually post "Well, I'm going to do it anyways."
Happens. A LOT.
*jaw drop*0 -
Oh I get it now. The OP posted that she can't eat enough calories and someone told her she's doing it wrong. Now she's all offended because someone didn't pat her on the head and tell her that what she's doing is fine.
Well; we didn't tell her she was doing it wrong and it's not the young girl that posted the initial post that is making such a big deal over it!
She happened to be quite realistic compared to the ignorance of the OP of this unnecessary post!
I happen to have supported the gal who asked her how she maintained a weight of 275 lbs is she can't possibly eat 1740 cals a day....
IT'S TIME TO GET REAL PEOPLE!!!! It's not rude when someone simply asks "how did you manage to maintain this weight if 1200 cals a day is too much for you" It's a question I would ask anyone who is struggling.0 -
Just don't be surprised that the most knowledgeable are not necessarily the ones that give the biggest hugs.
Is it a trend then, for fitness "gurus" to be douche bags? It seems pretty common. In the sports scene, in athleticism in general, there appear to be a ton of arrogant pricks.
It takes a lot of self-discipline, study, and sacrifice to accomplish something like that. It's not the kind of mindset that lends itself to babying out of shape whiners who say they're special snowflakes and are looking for shortcuts.0 -
Just don't be surprised that the most knowledgeable are not necessarily the ones that give the biggest hugs.
Is it a trend then, for fitness "gurus" to be douche bags? It seems pretty common. In the sports scene, in the sphere of athleticism in general, there appear to be a ton of arrogant pricks.
Short answer: yes.0 -
question for the OP...
if somebody on MFP starts a thread about wanting to start a 40-day water fast, what exactly is the proper way to respond to that without being called rude?0 -
Has Anyone ever heard of Jillian Michaels. Was it rude when she said "everytime I look at a bagel I can feel my *kitten* getting bigger"? or when she is yelling at someone on the treadmill that "The only reasons to stop are puking, passing out, or dieing"?
Seriously some people need thicker skin0 -
I agree with you. Also, why do people feel the need to answer the question is they are going to be rude. No one is forcing you to answer the questions.0
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People just don't seem to understand the difference between being helpful and being rude. Helpful is giving advice or contributing something that is actually going to help the person asking a question.
And yeah, there is a lot of sarcasm. But for those of you who don't know... there is actually a difference between sarcastic comments and witty comments.
And yes, telling the rude people to shut the *kitten* up was rude on my part. I do actually apologize for that. I'm not usually that way. I'm one of the people who just wants to see everyone succeed. I understand people have different ways of learning, but I have NEVER met anyone who learns from people being rude.
Not everyone is the same as you. 0 -
No, the internet is nothing like real life. It does give someone a chance to talk crap and be degrading towards others out of cruelness without being face to face confronted or with little to no repercussions of their actions.
That's the thing about the internet - it's pretty representative of real life. You won't like everyone and you won't like what everyone has to say, but we're all entitled to our own personalities and means of expression.
Well said!!!!!
Agreed, people have said many things to me online, that I know they damn well wouldn't say to my face. The distance and anonymity gives people a free ticket to show their *kitten* as much as they want.0 -
People are SO brave on the internet. And probably cowards in real life, if they really feel like they can and should be rude to someone simply asking for advice. Drives me nuts. And of course, all the people who are telling you to get over it are the ones completely guilty of being jerks online. Maybe it makes them feel better about themselves? Who knows...0
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Agreed, people have said many things to me online, that I know they damn well wouldn't say to my face. The anonymity gives people a free ticket to show their *kitten* as much as they want.
Yes. Same here. As in, I've never had a complete stranger have the balls to go off in my face about how "rude" and "mean" I was being.
Those people are cowards too.
If you're the kind of person who screams about rude people online - you're own of those cowards you're complaining about.0 -
people often confuse candor with being rude. Jack Welch (of GE fame) often speaks about candor and how giving honest feedback is needed. People always told him he was wrong and his candor would stop him from going places.
Honest feedback is needed. Encouragement is needed. There is a difference between the two. Sometimes we just need to say how it is.0 -
Has Anyone ever heard of Jillian Michaels. Was it rude when she said "everytime I look at a bagel I can feel my *kitten* getting bigger"? or when she is yelling at someone on the treadmill that "The only reasons to stop are puking, passing out, or dieing"?
Seriously some people need thicker skin
Jillian Michaels isn't the only trainer in the world. I am sure she is much different off t.v.0 -
I don't see things get so bad, just ignore what is hurtful and get to the knowledge.
Does it bother me if someone tells me I am an idiot for taking a multivitamin? No, because I know my reasons for taking it and sometimes that info isn't their business but I let them say their piece and move on.
Opinions and criticisms are just that, they are not orders or need for follow directions they are just words that you can either accept or reject for use and when you ask for them be prepared to possibly get your feelings hurt in the process, with text responses can also sound tactless when the person behind them writing them may not actually be trying to be rude or hurtful so don't always take it that way unless it's completely obvious they were being a dillwad.
Now my stomach is grumbling, better go get a snack 0 -
People just don't seem to understand the difference between being helpful and being rude. Helpful is giving advice or contributing something that is actually going to help the person asking a question.
And yeah, there is a lot of sarcasm. But for those of you who don't know... there is actually a difference between sarcastic comments and witty comments.
And yes, telling the rude people to shut the *kitten* up was rude on my part. I do actually apologize for that. I'm not usually that way. I'm one of the people who just wants to see everyone succeed. I understand people have different ways of learning, but I have NEVER met anyone who learns from people being rude.
While it's great to see you not only acknowledge your own initial rudeness, but apologize for it, you seem to have missed the gestalt of everyone's responses.
What one person interprets as rude, another one doesn't. From this thread alone, the majority interpret things correctly--"Oh, this person was just being straight with me."
As someone else pointed out, how something is interpreted is 100% on the person doing the interpretation. Not sure if someone was being rude? Why don't you just say, "I'm not sure I understood you correctly" in attempts to better understand what they told you. You've only been on here about two months, but I'm sure you've seen the daily threads of someone complaining about something someone did IN REAL LIFE (a.k.a, off the internet) that ended up being a misinterpretation on their part. The, "Why do I get dirty looks at the gym/mall/beach" etc. come to mind.
So it's not really an issue that's just on this forum, or on the internet. A site with many people looking to change their bodies, habits, and lifestyles is going to be a den of insecurities. People who are insecure tend to interpret things more negatively from other people, because they view themselves more negatively.
But, like striving to improve one's fitness or sense of self, that is all on the person receiving the information. It's much easier to project outwards and say, "Everyone else is rude!" then to look to oneself and ask, "Why am I seeing this so negatively?"
It might be incredibly hard to rewire how one interprets things said or done around them, but it's a much easier battle than trying to change other people to fit your current worldview.
Holy *kitten*
TL;DR
RUDE.0 -
Probably uses language they'd have to bleep, for one thing.Has Anyone ever heard of Jillian Michaels. Was it rude when she said "everytime I look at a bagel I can feel my *kitten* getting bigger"? or when she is yelling at someone on the treadmill that "The only reasons to stop are puking, passing out, or dieing"?
Seriously some people need thicker skin
Jillian Michaels isn't the only trainer in the world. I am sure she is much different off t.v.0 -
Agreed, people have said many things to me online, that I know they damn well wouldn't say to my face. The anonymity gives people a free ticket to show their *kitten* as much as they want.
Yes. Same here. As in, I've never had a complete stranger have the balls to go off in my face about how "rude" and "mean" I was being.
Those people are cowards too.
If you're the kind of person who screams about rude people online - you're own of those cowards you're complaining about.
Or it could be the case than many obese / overweight people are severely disempowered after being belittled most of their lives so need others to speak on their behalf?0
This discussion has been closed.
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