Is it your responsibility to stay in shape for your S/O...

whierd
whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
in Chit-Chat
...to keep them sexually attracted?

Or should they just accept you as you are?

I was reading a thread earlier about some spouses letting themselves go after marriage and it struck me as odd. I have always subscribed to the former. Your thoughts?
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Replies

  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    IN!
  • tattygun
    tattygun Posts: 447 Member
    Should make an effort to stay in shape IMO
  • _noob_
    _noob_ Posts: 3,306 Member
    it's definitely easier on my bank account when I'm attractive enough for my wife to accept me.
  • FussyFruitbat
    FussyFruitbat Posts: 110 Member
    If you're getting to married to someone who only wants to be with you when you're hot, you shouldn't have gotten married to them in the first place.
  • livingfortheone
    livingfortheone Posts: 273 Member
    You start getting serious when your S/O starts using Sex as a weapon.
  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,486 Member
    They should accept you as you are, but they (and you) also need to be honest with each other as to what you are sexually attracted to physically and visually. You marry or are with the person for what is inside; however, if they do not want to see a decrease in sex then they need to do their part in keeping it together for their SO. IMO.
  • erg2013
    erg2013 Posts: 84 Member
    Absolutely! People often get complacent in relationships - I think you should always try to look your best for yourself - and your partner.
  • Sox90716
    Sox90716 Posts: 976 Member
    It is your responsibility to stay in shape for yourself.
  • mmddwechanged
    mmddwechanged Posts: 1,687 Member
    No it is not!!!!!!!

    It's written in the marriage vows:)
    It is a responsibility to love each other through thick and thin and accept each other unconditionally.

    Having said that, I know I am a better wife, friend, mother if I take care if my own health and happiness. By being a better person for ourselves we improve our relationship with others.
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    i'm sure there is an answer he that applies to every relationship in existence.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    It's your responsibility to stay in shape for yourSELF. It is unattractive when a person doesn't care about themselves enough to take pride in their health or overall well being. Not just about appearance, although let's face it, we're all a LITTLE shallow to some extent (you didn't see your husband/wife for the first time and go "damn, I bet they've got an AMAZING personality", the physical attraction was the attention grabber), but the overall sense of self worth. If someone shows that they no longer value him or herself, it's going to be a turn off, no matter how much you love a person.
  • ahviendha
    ahviendha Posts: 1,291 Member
    They should accept you as you are, but they (and you) also need to be honest with each other as to what you are sexually attracted to physically and visually. You marry or are with the person for what is inside; however, if they do not want to see a decrease in sex then they need to do their part in keeping it together for their SO. IMO.

    agree with your words and your cleavage.
  • siany01
    siany01 Posts: 319 Member
    They should accept you as you are, but they (and you) also need to be honest with each other as to what you are sexually attracted to physically and visually. You marry or are with the person for what is inside; however, if they do not want to see a decrease in sex then they need to do their part in keeping it together for their SO. IMO.

    This
  • evans72002
    evans72002 Posts: 89 Member
    Get it shape for your self esteem and your health. If you have to maintain a certain standard for your s/o to stay interested, find someone new. You aren't doing it right if everything in the bedroom is visual, anyway.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    Ppl let themselves go becuz they become complacent and lazy.
    Its pathetic that so many relationships suffer after the "courting" or "honeymoon" is over. Lots of ppl don't even wait that long.
    Its so easy to find love when ur young, wait till ur in ur late 20's or early 30's and see how hard it is to find someone.
    Ppl need to start embracing life from the jump.
    I feel for those who "give up"
    With that being said..

    I.gif

    Wher's my bow and arrow!
  • mmddwechanged
    mmddwechanged Posts: 1,687 Member
    And I also would add that being in shape is a tiny factor contributing towards sexuality.
  • determinedbutlazy
    determinedbutlazy Posts: 1,941 Member
    I think it's more important to be in shape for YOU, not for your spouse.
    If I were back at 240lbs, I would not be feeling sexy or attractive... I would be less keen on engaging my partner in any kind of activity that didn't involve the lights out and all my clothes still on.
    HOWEVER, there are some women that can maintain a vibrant, sparky sexlife at a higher weight and as long as their husbands don't find them unattractive, why not?

    I used to go through a fat-happy stage in relationships, where we're both comfortable and don't feel the need to "try" any more.
    Then I realise *I* don't want to have sex because I'm fat and lazy and I don't want to have sex with *him* because I don't find him as attractive any more.

    Plus it's all relative. I few lbs around the middle from good food and good wine and general contentedness? Sure, hubby, why not. Still a demon in the bedroom? Fine by me. 150lbs gained in 5 years, stuck in front of the TV all day and snoring like a pig in a drainpipe every night instead of taking care of business? Nope.
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
    As much as I want to say "They should accept you as you are," I think it doesn't actually match up with real-life. Your SO signed up for who you were when you got together. People change both emotionally and physically over time, though. Sometimes either of these types of changes can be really unpleasant. So, yeah - try to look as good or better most of the time as you did when you attracted him or her.
  • skalkbrenn
    skalkbrenn Posts: 47 Member
    Hi Whierd,

    Interesting topic....I think that a spouse should love you no matter what, but I think that love and attraction are two different things. I have been married for 12 years and my husband has put on about 80lbs (he was super scrawny when we got married so he's not even huge now). But I am still incredibly attracted to him. Alot of that attraction comes from the bound that we have and the fact that he can still make me laugh, and part of it is definitely physical. Sometimes the attraction is just there and other times you have to work at it.

    That being said I always work to improve myself and look good for not only him but myself. If I find myself attractive then I do not need his approval/attention, it's just a bonus. Plus, I've noticed that when I feel attractive and confident then he is naturally more attracted to me. I think that confidence and attraction go together instinctively. If someone is confident, they are usually going to take care of themself. It's during the times when I have been depressed or bummed out when I haven't cared and that is when I notice the biggest decline in attraction between both of us. It's not just one person's responsibility to keep attraction going, it is a joint effort.
  • highmaintnance
    highmaintnance Posts: 215 Member
    This opinion come from the scenario that the two people truly loved each other for who they are to begin with. Shallow love is a whole different topic. I don't think it's just the weight gain that makes a person unattractive, it's the lack of motivation, laziness and emotional changes that sometimes goes with the weight gain that makes the difference. If my boyfriend was active, ambitious, happy and healthy and then changes and stops being so active, gets stuck in a rut he doesn't try to get out of, and just generally has a personality change that he won't acknowledge or try to change that would make me become less attracted.
  • skalkbrenn
    skalkbrenn Posts: 47 Member
    Hi Whierd,

    Interesting topic....I think that a spouse should love you no matter what, but I think that love and attraction are two different things. I have been married for 12 years and my husband has put on about 80lbs (he was super scrawny when we got married so he's not even huge now). But I am still incredibly attracted to him. Alot of that attraction comes from the bond that we have and the fact that he can still make me laugh, and part of it is definitely physical. Sometimes the attraction is just there and other times you have to work at it.

    That being said I always work to improve myself and look good for not only him but myself. If I find myself attractive then I do not need his approval/attention, it's just a bonus. Plus, I've noticed that when I feel attractive and confident then he is naturally more attracted to me. I think that confidence and attraction go together instinctively. If someone is confident, they are usually going to take care of themself. It's during the times when I have been depressed or bummed out when I haven't cared and that is when I notice the biggest decline in attraction between both of us. It's not just one person's responsibility to keep attraction going, it is a joint effort.
  • jmessina205
    jmessina205 Posts: 190 Member
    It's your responsibility to stay in shape for yourSELF. It is unattractive when a person doesn't care about themselves enough to take pride in their health or overall well being. Not just about appearance, although let's face it, we're all a LITTLE shallow to some extent (you didn't see your husband/wife for the first time and go "damn, I bet they've got an AMAZING personality", the physical attraction was the attention grabber), but the overall sense of self worth. If someone shows that they no longer value him or herself, it's going to be a turn off, no matter how much you love a person.

    This. Its very easy to get comfortable and let yourself go, in the end though you need to do what makes you happy. Im on this journey to make me happy about my body. Your significant other should be there to support you!!
  • IMD918
    IMD918 Posts: 49
    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.

    LMAO
  • csuhar
    csuhar Posts: 779 Member
    If anything, I think it's more a matter of staying in shape because you need to keep yourself running well in order to contribute to "the team". Life and relationships can be challenging enough. Allowing what could have been avoidable health issues enter into the picture only makes it harder.

    Besides, we're all going to lose our sexiness over time and, from what I've seen, sex does not seem to be as important later in life. (At least, I don't tend to hear people my parents' / grandparents' age discussing what they can do to get lucky as much as the younger folk do.)
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    It's your responsibility to stay in shape for yourSELF. It is unattractive when a person doesn't care about themselves enough to take pride in their health or overall well being. Not just about appearance, although let's face it, we're all a LITTLE shallow to some extent (you didn't see your husband/wife for the first time and go "damn, I bet they've got an AMAZING personality", the physical attraction was the attention grabber), but the overall sense of self worth. If someone shows that they no longer value him or herself, it's going to be a turn off, no matter how much you love a person.

    Exactly what Mere said.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    So is your partner at fault if they become less sexually interested as a result?
  • Prettee2B
    Prettee2B Posts: 39
    Its critical that a spouse feels as attractive to the other, Affirmation is a neccessity if it's not for physical than encouragement needed for mental, emotional and yes sexual.
  • BrandiBoo84
    BrandiBoo84 Posts: 110 Member
    I think we should both stay fit and healthy for eachother. People wear makeup, special clothes to attract their spouse, ,I think it's the same thing only you will look good underneath it all. I personally thinks its a responsibility.
  • trophywife24
    trophywife24 Posts: 1,472 Member
    I don't know about 'in shape' but damn straight it's your responsibility to be attractive to your spouse. I had gotten into little internet scuffs with people (lolz, seriously) about this a couple of times and that just blows my mind. I just don't understand not wanting to look good for your significant other. That does not compute, at all.

    Edited to add- having small children, being married, etc, none of that is a valid excuse to just completely not care about yourself. If it's important (and you are!), you find the time to take care of yourself.

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