Is it your responsibility to stay in shape for your S/O...

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  • highmaintnance
    highmaintnance Posts: 215 Member
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    This opinion come from the scenario that the two people truly loved each other for who they are to begin with. Shallow love is a whole different topic. I don't think it's just the weight gain that makes a person unattractive, it's the lack of motivation, laziness and emotional changes that sometimes goes with the weight gain that makes the difference. If my boyfriend was active, ambitious, happy and healthy and then changes and stops being so active, gets stuck in a rut he doesn't try to get out of, and just generally has a personality change that he won't acknowledge or try to change that would make me become less attracted.
  • skalkbrenn
    skalkbrenn Posts: 47 Member
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    Hi Whierd,

    Interesting topic....I think that a spouse should love you no matter what, but I think that love and attraction are two different things. I have been married for 12 years and my husband has put on about 80lbs (he was super scrawny when we got married so he's not even huge now). But I am still incredibly attracted to him. Alot of that attraction comes from the bond that we have and the fact that he can still make me laugh, and part of it is definitely physical. Sometimes the attraction is just there and other times you have to work at it.

    That being said I always work to improve myself and look good for not only him but myself. If I find myself attractive then I do not need his approval/attention, it's just a bonus. Plus, I've noticed that when I feel attractive and confident then he is naturally more attracted to me. I think that confidence and attraction go together instinctively. If someone is confident, they are usually going to take care of themself. It's during the times when I have been depressed or bummed out when I haven't cared and that is when I notice the biggest decline in attraction between both of us. It's not just one person's responsibility to keep attraction going, it is a joint effort.
  • jmessina205
    jmessina205 Posts: 190 Member
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    It's your responsibility to stay in shape for yourSELF. It is unattractive when a person doesn't care about themselves enough to take pride in their health or overall well being. Not just about appearance, although let's face it, we're all a LITTLE shallow to some extent (you didn't see your husband/wife for the first time and go "damn, I bet they've got an AMAZING personality", the physical attraction was the attention grabber), but the overall sense of self worth. If someone shows that they no longer value him or herself, it's going to be a turn off, no matter how much you love a person.

    This. Its very easy to get comfortable and let yourself go, in the end though you need to do what makes you happy. Im on this journey to make me happy about my body. Your significant other should be there to support you!!
  • IMD918
    IMD918 Posts: 49
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    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.

    LMAO
  • csuhar
    csuhar Posts: 779 Member
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    If anything, I think it's more a matter of staying in shape because you need to keep yourself running well in order to contribute to "the team". Life and relationships can be challenging enough. Allowing what could have been avoidable health issues enter into the picture only makes it harder.

    Besides, we're all going to lose our sexiness over time and, from what I've seen, sex does not seem to be as important later in life. (At least, I don't tend to hear people my parents' / grandparents' age discussing what they can do to get lucky as much as the younger folk do.)
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    It's your responsibility to stay in shape for yourSELF. It is unattractive when a person doesn't care about themselves enough to take pride in their health or overall well being. Not just about appearance, although let's face it, we're all a LITTLE shallow to some extent (you didn't see your husband/wife for the first time and go "damn, I bet they've got an AMAZING personality", the physical attraction was the attention grabber), but the overall sense of self worth. If someone shows that they no longer value him or herself, it's going to be a turn off, no matter how much you love a person.

    Exactly what Mere said.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    So is your partner at fault if they become less sexually interested as a result?
  • Prettee2B
    Prettee2B Posts: 39
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    Its critical that a spouse feels as attractive to the other, Affirmation is a neccessity if it's not for physical than encouragement needed for mental, emotional and yes sexual.
  • BrandiBoo84
    BrandiBoo84 Posts: 110 Member
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    I think we should both stay fit and healthy for eachother. People wear makeup, special clothes to attract their spouse, ,I think it's the same thing only you will look good underneath it all. I personally thinks its a responsibility.
  • trophywife24
    trophywife24 Posts: 1,472 Member
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    I don't know about 'in shape' but damn straight it's your responsibility to be attractive to your spouse. I had gotten into little internet scuffs with people (lolz, seriously) about this a couple of times and that just blows my mind. I just don't understand not wanting to look good for your significant other. That does not compute, at all.

    Edited to add- having small children, being married, etc, none of that is a valid excuse to just completely not care about yourself. If it's important (and you are!), you find the time to take care of yourself.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    I think you owe it to your partner to be in the best shape reasonably possible within the constraints of your lifestyle.

    I don't think it's fair or right to become something completely different (ie fat blob with poor hygiene) once somebody is legally bound to you just because you can.
  • jporter2004
    jporter2004 Posts: 60 Member
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    It's your responsibility to stay in shape for yourSELF. It is unattractive when a person doesn't care about themselves enough to take pride in their health or overall well being. Not just about appearance, although let's face it, we're all a LITTLE shallow to some extent (you didn't see your husband/wife for the first time and go "damn, I bet they've got an AMAZING personality", the physical attraction was the attention grabber), but the overall sense of self worth. If someone shows that they no longer value him or herself, it's going to be a turn off, no matter how much you love a person.


    ^^^^Agree with this post!
  • valeriewxy
    valeriewxy Posts: 418 Member
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    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.

    Lol XD
  • berriboobear
    berriboobear Posts: 524 Member
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    I let myself go during my last (and only) serious relationship, it probably made it easier because he was also much overweight... Now I'm not only working for my future S/O, but for myself as well. I think it's important for you to feel good and support yourself, but also to draw from the support of your S/O.
  • redredy9
    redredy9 Posts: 706 Member
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    I don't think its your responsibility TO your spose. But keeping in shape for yourself is the best thing you can do for YOURSELF for so many reasons, health, energy, self esteem, and yeah staying physically attractive to their S/O can be one of those benefits.

    That being said - I think that if someone doesn't keep in shape they have to accept that thier S/O may become less physically attracted to them. I think its human nature. Physical attraction is not everything though. It doesn't mean the relationship will fall apart or that thier S/O won't still be attracted to them at all or will stop loving them.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    My friend's dad was in the hospital for over a year with legionnaire's disease. I've had two pregnancies. My husband is getting ear hair. I could probably trade him in for a hotter model, but I like him the way he is.

    Yes, you should have the self-respect to look the best you can. However, life happens too and marriage is for the long term.

    PS - my husband thinks I was sexy at my heaviest and most out of shape. Love him for that!
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I don't have a S/O at the moment, but I think you absolutely have that responsibility, especially if you are married. Boyfriends/girlfriends can walk away at any time. Spouses (ideally) cannot.

    I got in shape (and I'm staying that way) because I wanted to, not because I thought I had to for someone else. I have seen the benefits of adopting this as a lifestyle and not just to fit into a dress or to look good on the beach for the summer and then go back to ignoring my body. So first and foremost, I think you owe it to yourself.

    But I believe that physical attraction is critical to a healthy romantic relationship, and sex is most definitely critical to a healthy marriage. Obviously, as you age, things are going to change about your body (wrinkles, gray hair, pregnancy, etc.), and that's fine. But there is no excuse for gaining a dramatic amount of weight and expecting your spouse to continue on like nothing has changed. People always say "If your husband/wife loved you, they shouldn't care." Well, if YOU loved him/her, why would you gain 50 lbs and act like that doesn't affect some key areas of your relationship?
  • sandy_gee
    sandy_gee Posts: 372 Member
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    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.

    :drinker:
  • __Aid__
    __Aid__ Posts: 72 Member
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    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.

    :laugh: Funny cos its true
  • Kat5343
    Kat5343 Posts: 451 Member
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    I let myself go because I was depressed and unhappy... and did not care any more. Now that I am divorced and in a great relationship (and he got with me in the middle of my weight loss), I want to be the best me that I can be! I want him to be proud of me and proud to be with me. I want this because I know he loves me regardless of my weight.

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