Is it your responsibility to stay in shape for your S/O...

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  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,780 Member
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    I was going to bail on this topic, so I haven't read the first gazillion posts....

    "Responsibility" is the word that is tricky here. People fall out of love sometimes, and that will happen regardless of how much one works out. Sometimes it happens because someone is spending too much time working out or just at work, or away from their SO, or because they are working out and their SO isn't and they ascribe that the he/she isn't putting in the effort, or seems lazy, or whatever.

    But, it is my responsibility to do what I can to make my wife happy. I have not ever shaved my goatee since being with her, because she likes it. Is it my "responsibility" to keep it so she is attracted to me? No. There are a ton of these little things that I do for her - but being in shape wasn't one of them.

    I have never been skinny in the time that she has known me, so she fell in love with a fatter me. Does that mean it is my "responsibility" to stay fat? No. People would find it ridiculous to suggest that. So this is probably a question along those lines. She loves me regardless of where my weight is, as I love her regardless.

    What is my responsibility is to do everything I can to be around for her and my son as long as I can, and that's the reason for me trying to get healthier. It's also the reason I don't base jump.

    So - I guess the short answer, for me, is that it is my responsibility to find things to make my wife's life better, where being in shape falls on that spectrum is dependent upon the relationship you are in and what values your SO places on that.
  • bearkisses
    bearkisses Posts: 1,252 Member
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    i think it is important. like shaving my legs in winter...i do it for the man!
  • chesq77
    chesq77 Posts: 270 Member
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    " i dont workout for chicks, s/o etc., i workout to create an aura. when i walk into a room, introduce myself to someone, go for a job interview, i love looking dominant, in charge, and in control. I love walking past and having people point and talk about me. i love the fact that when i go somewhere with thousands of people. almost all of them will remember who i am when it is over, and i didnt even have to say a word (this was the case before people knew who i was)
    None of this will make sense to any of you once you get the physique and know whats its like. I know it sounds like im bragging, but think of it as driving a ferrari in real life. Why do people drive ferraris? to get attention, looks, exert dominance and superiority from the norm, and to get people talking..but it also inspires jealousy and haters on the person driving. Thats exactly what i experience in real life " - quoted by Zyzz (bodybuilder)

    this may or may not deal with this topic depending how you look at it, but basically its your responsibility to be in shape for you and your everyday life this includes, youre s/o, job, personal life, etc. Being fit will ultimately make you the best you, you can be, mentally and physically...so everyone wins.
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
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    Its the one thing I have always done for myself.

    Through out my entire marriage, my wife let herself go. I supported my wife at any weight she was and found her attractive as I was in love with the person inside.

    Ultimately she never supported me being in shape and often told me she would be much happier if I gained weight.

    (/issues)
  • Nikki_WantsIt
    Nikki_WantsIt Posts: 204 Member
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    The better I look, the better I am in bed..

    Im just sayin..
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    I was going to bail on this topic, so I haven't read the first gazillion posts....

    "Responsibility" is the word that is tricky here. People fall out of love sometimes, and that will happen regardless of how much one works out. Sometimes it happens because someone is spending too much time working out or just at work, or away from their SO, or because they are working out and their SO isn't and they ascribe that the he/she isn't putting in the effort, or seems lazy, or whatever.

    But, it is my responsibility to do what I can to make my wife happy. I have not ever shaved my goatee since being with her, because she likes it. Is it my "responsibility" to keep it so she is attracted to me? No. There are a ton of these little things that I do for her - but being in shape wasn't one of them.

    I have never been skinny in the time that she has known me, so she fell in love with a fatter me. Does that mean it is my "responsibility" to stay fat? No. People would find it ridiculous to suggest that. So this is probably a question along those lines. She loves me regardless of where my weight is, as I love her regardless.

    What is my responsibility is to do everything I can to be around for her and my son as long as I can, and that's the reason for me trying to get healthier. It's also the reason I don't base jump.

    So - I guess the short answer, for me, is that it is my responsibility to find things to make my wife's life better, where being in shape falls on that spectrum is dependent upon the relationship you are in and what values your SO places on that.

    That's true if it were reversed no one would suggest staying overweight if one met us that way? Actually that will become an issue for me in the next couple of months when I dip under the weight my husband met me at and continue cruising to a good twenty to thirty pounds beneath it. We will see if he still loves me when I'm skinnier than when I met him. Already he seems to love me when I'm heavier, although he does seem dissappointed but really I can't say that's about my weight either, just other things I'm not so good at, that even dissappoint me.
  • Nessiechickie
    Nessiechickie Posts: 1,392 Member
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    The sex is better for my SO if I stay in shape.
  • Nessiechickie
    Nessiechickie Posts: 1,392 Member
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    The better I look, the better I am in bed..

    Im just sayin..
    ditto ^^
  • Fozzi43
    Fozzi43 Posts: 2,984 Member
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    Just because someone gets married doesn't mean they have to stop looking after themselves..I'll never " let myself go"
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    The better I look, the better I am in bed..

    Im just sayin..
    ditto ^^

    so that's really a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    So - I guess the short answer, for me, is that it is my responsibility to find things to make my wife's life better, where being in shape falls on that spectrum is dependent upon the relationship you are in and what values your SO places on that.

    This is an interesting take, and I agree with you. Some people do not see being in a certain kind of "shape" as indicative of one's values or self-respect, and those people are probably not going to be as bothered by significant weight gain as those who think the way you look on the outside mirrors how you feel about yourself.

    But I made an assumption about the OP's point (and perhaps I shouldn't have), which is that he's saying if you're in great shape and your SO is in great shape, clearly fitness is a priority to the two of you. If you suddenly stop caring about staying in shape, you put on a lot of weight, etc., is it unreasonable to expect that your SO might have a problem with it? That he/she might internalize it? That it could affect your sex life and, thus, your relationship with each other?
  • MjrFatteh
    MjrFatteh Posts: 15
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    When my wife and I got married I weighed something like 165 lbs up until a few months ago I tipped the scale at 235. TBH it kinda sneaks up on ya if you aren't paying attention. I'd say you have a responsibility to each other to stay healthy. Lets be honest we all say "in sickness and in health" but what we really mean is OMG PLEASE LET IT BE IN HEALTH. I don't know very many couples where one is in far greater shape due to exercise than the other. I know people where one s/o goes the the gym etc and the other doesn't but they are visually both attractive. What I mean is I don't know any couple where one is fitness oriented and healthy and the other is fat and unhealthy. I'm sure it happens.

    Anyway thats my opinion having started back on the fit path. Our responsibility is to be as healthy as we can for our s/o and they us.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    I was going to bail on this topic, so I haven't read the first gazillion posts....

    "Responsibility" is the word that is tricky here. People fall out of love sometimes, and that will happen regardless of how much one works out. Sometimes it happens because someone is spending too much time working out or just at work, or away from their SO, or because they are working out and their SO isn't and they ascribe that the he/she isn't putting in the effort, or seems lazy, or whatever.

    But, it is my responsibility to do what I can to make my wife happy. I have not ever shaved my goatee since being with her, because she likes it. Is it my "responsibility" to keep it so she is attracted to me? No. There are a ton of these little things that I do for her - but being in shape wasn't one of them.

    I have never been skinny in the time that she has known me, so she fell in love with a fatter me. Does that mean it is my "responsibility" to stay fat? No. People would find it ridiculous to suggest that. So this is probably a question along those lines. She loves me regardless of where my weight is, as I love her regardless.

    What is my responsibility is to do everything I can to be around for her and my son as long as I can, and that's the reason for me trying to get healthier. It's also the reason I don't base jump.

    So - I guess the short answer, for me, is that it is my responsibility to find things to make my wife's life better, where being in shape falls on that spectrum is dependent upon the relationship you are in and what values your SO places on that.

    Very excellent post! And I agree that the word "responsibility" was, perhaps, the wrong word.

    And to clarify my own stance, I do believe that getting into or maintaining your shape should primarily be for yourself. I do not dispute that at all. However, I do believe that your S/O's preference should be taken into account. In my opinion, which should be taken with a grain of salt, a relationship is happiest when each party has the others best interest and happiness in mind. This doesn't mean you aren't responsible for your own happiness, but your happiness is going to undoubtably be linked in some way to your partner's.

    As for maintaining the sexual attraction through fitness, this is both the physical and mental aspect. I, for one, want to be an object of lust for my partner as well as love. This affects my self-esteem and confidence sexually, which my partner would sense and enjoy. If I felt disgusting and unattractive to myself, I would think they felt the same way despite any protests and our sexual relationship would suffer. This would in turn cause issues in other areas.
  • icmuse
    icmuse Posts: 263 Member
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    Oh, it's you again, I am not taking the bait this time :tongue:
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    The better I look, the better I am in bed..

    Im just sayin..
    ditto ^^

    so that's really a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?
    Well some stuff just works better when you're a bit slimmer, stronger and more flexible, heh.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    Oh, it's you again, I am not taking the bait this time :tongue:

    :laugh:

    This is actually a serious post and I think it warrants discussion. It is a bit of a hot topic and I am sure a little emotional for some people, but it deserves some critical thinking.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    The better I look, the better I am in bed..

    Im just sayin..
    ditto ^^

    so that's really a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?
    Well some stuff just works better when you're a bit slimmer, stronger and more flexible, heh.

    Also, many of us derive our confidence from our appearance.
  • thecakelocker
    thecakelocker Posts: 407 Member
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    My husband's not allowed to get fat again, the snoring was impossible :noway:
  • Nessiechickie
    Nessiechickie Posts: 1,392 Member
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    The better I look, the better I am in bed..

    Im just sayin..
    ditto ^^

    so that's really a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?
    Well some stuff just works better when you're a bit slimmer, stronger and more flexible, heh.
    Exactly! It is more easier to put your feet behind your head with less tummy fat in the way... :bigsmile:
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?
    Well some stuff just works better when you're a bit slimmer, stronger and more flexible, heh.
    Exactly! It is more easier to put your feet behind your head with less tummy fat in the way... :bigsmile:
    Can't say I've tried that.

    I have tried, and succeeded recently with no furniture and only MY feet on the floor recently. That is a confidence boost and a half.

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