Is it your responsibility to stay in shape for your S/O...

InnerConflict

I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
I don't care what my husband thinks.

Sounds like your boyfriend is your S/O

SmartAlec03211988

Still only doing it for myself. They can leave if they aren't attracted anymore. Their loss.

So you don't believe you have a responsibility in maintaining your S/O's sexual interest?

No.

MagicalLeopleurodon

only if it goes both ways. if he expects me to maintain a certain physical qualitt, he had better be prepared to bench press a car.

thankfully, neither of us has set this standard.

laughingdani

Does one's SO have the responsibility to not say anything negatively if they gain some weight back?
Because let's face it....*kitten* happens.

It's not my responsibility to look good for him. Sure he reaps some benefits....but he's not a motivating factor.

I do this for myself. I made myself a priority.

ironanimal

Still only doing it for myself. They can leave if they aren't attracted anymore. Their loss.

So you don't believe you have a responsibility in maintaining your S/O's sexual interest?

No.

What is your opinion if the shoe's on the other foot? Would you expect your partner to stay in decent shape? If not, would you be able to honestly remain attracted despite it?

I'm not taking a dig, just curious about this POV.

whierd

Still only doing it for myself. They can leave if they aren't attracted anymore. Their loss.

So you don't believe you have a responsibility in maintaining your S/O's sexual interest?

No.

Do you believe you have a responsibility to be as good in bed for them as possible?

And as a second question:

Do you believe you have any responsibility for their happiness in any area?

Not as the primary responsible party, but at all.

jonnythan

Does one's SO have the responsibility to not say anything negatively if they gain some weight back?
Because let's face it....*kitten* happens.

It's not my responsibility to look good for him. Sure he reaps some benefits....but he's not a motivating factor.

I do this for myself. I made myself a priority.

Indeed, and that's why it's important in a relationship.

It's not important that you "look good" for your SO. It's important that you have enough self respect and control over your physical desires that you can maintain a healthy body.

EatClean_WashUrNuts

Talents far outweigh the eye candy factor

whierd

only if it goes both ways. if he expects me to maintain a certain physical qualitt, he had better be prepared to bench press a car.

thankfully, neither of us has set this standard.

Yes, I asked the question with the intent of it applying to both parties.

rml_16

I don't like when people decide on purpose to let themselves go because they're married and "don't have to try anymore." I find that horribly dishonest.

However, when you spend a lifetime with another person, you have to expect that crap happens and sometimes physical appearance becomes less of a priority as other things get in the way. If you only love a person for what he orshe looks like, you are probably not going to have a successful relationship, long-term.

alisonlynn1976

I think it is to some extent, if you want to keep the sexual spark in the relationship. It can be taken too far ("stay within this narrow weight range or I will immediately dump you"), but on the other hand, it's unrealistic to expect your partner to stay equally attracted to you if you now look completely different than when you got together.

wolfpack77

Still only doing it for myself. They can leave if they aren't attracted anymore. Their loss.

So you don't believe you have a responsibility in maintaining your S/O's sexual interest?

No.

Narcissistic much?

SmartAlec03211988

Still only doing it for myself. They can leave if they aren't attracted anymore. Their loss.

So you don't believe you have a responsibility in maintaining your S/O's sexual interest?

No.

What is your opinion if the shoe's on the other foot? Would you expect your partner to stay in decent shape? If not, would you be able to honestly remain attracted despite it?

I'm not taking a dig, just curious about this POV.

That's assuming they're already in decent shape. Perhaps they're not?

Assuming they are, no I wouldn't expect them to stay in decent shape. Whether I'd still be attracted to them is not a simple yes or no. I might, or I might not. If I weren't, I'd have to be honest with them why, and go from there.

maillemaker

Here's the thing:

No matter what you do, one day, you too will grow old and ugly.

Your marriage has to have more to it than just physical attraction, because that won't last forever.

That said, it's sad when you get fat and ugly before your time. But them's the breaks. It was going to happen eventually anyway.

Tiffyholli

I stay in shape for myself & for my boyfriend, he appreciates it & sex is way better when your fit & healthy.

KylerJaye

But I believe that physical attraction is critical to a healthy romantic relationship, and sex is most definitely critical to a healthy marriage. Obviously, as you age, things are going to change about your body (wrinkles, gray hair, pregnancy, etc.), and that's fine. But there is no excuse for gaining a dramatic amount of weight and expecting your spouse to continue on like nothing has changed. People always say "If your husband/wife loved you, they shouldn't care." Well, if YOU loved him/her, why would you gain 50 lbs and act like that doesn't affect some key areas of your relationship?

this.
my S/O has gained about 35lbs since we started dating (all in his mid-section), and fully broadcasts how he's let himself go since we moved in together.
i'm so sick of hearing "if you loved him, you wouldn't care"
F-that.
i've always been physically attracted to tall slender men.
i would like to be able to have sex with my S/O and actually be super into it because i'm turned on by both him and his body (which is how it used to be). what is so wrong with that???
he's said to me how he doesn't care if i gain weight or whatnot because he's dated all types and sizes in the past.
i care.
i don't track my food and all that fun stuff because i'm bored and need something else to do.
he needs to care too.

Cadori

Do you believe you have a responsibility to be as good in bed for them as possible?

Absolutely. Since that is an activity I want reserved for me, then I'm going to be as good at it as possible and engage in it as frequently as possible.

Do you believe you have any responsibility for their happiness in any area?

Yes. We can't force anyone to be happy and things like stress and depression can hinder happiness, but if both parties focus on what they're putting into the relationship vs what they're getting out of it, it makes for a pretty happy one.

Mmmmona

Not in my case. I was fat when we got together so any weight I lose is just a bonus for him.

zyxst

No. Married people don't have sex with each other.

trophywife24

Comparing not caring about yourself physically after you are in a relationship is not even remotely the same thing as getting into an accident, getting ill, etc. How is that even comparable? No, and no. Also... no.