Is it your responsibility to stay in shape for your S/O...
Replies
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I was going to bail on this topic, so I haven't read the first gazillion posts....
"Responsibility" is the word that is tricky here. People fall out of love sometimes, and that will happen regardless of how much one works out. Sometimes it happens because someone is spending too much time working out or just at work, or away from their SO, or because they are working out and their SO isn't and they ascribe that the he/she isn't putting in the effort, or seems lazy, or whatever.
But, it is my responsibility to do what I can to make my wife happy. I have not ever shaved my goatee since being with her, because she likes it. Is it my "responsibility" to keep it so she is attracted to me? No. There are a ton of these little things that I do for her - but being in shape wasn't one of them.
I have never been skinny in the time that she has known me, so she fell in love with a fatter me. Does that mean it is my "responsibility" to stay fat? No. People would find it ridiculous to suggest that. So this is probably a question along those lines. She loves me regardless of where my weight is, as I love her regardless.
What is my responsibility is to do everything I can to be around for her and my son as long as I can, and that's the reason for me trying to get healthier. It's also the reason I don't base jump.
So - I guess the short answer, for me, is that it is my responsibility to find things to make my wife's life better, where being in shape falls on that spectrum is dependent upon the relationship you are in and what values your SO places on that.0 -
i think it is important. like shaving my legs in winter...i do it for the man!0
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" i dont workout for chicks, s/o etc., i workout to create an aura. when i walk into a room, introduce myself to someone, go for a job interview, i love looking dominant, in charge, and in control. I love walking past and having people point and talk about me. i love the fact that when i go somewhere with thousands of people. almost all of them will remember who i am when it is over, and i didnt even have to say a word (this was the case before people knew who i was)
None of this will make sense to any of you once you get the physique and know whats its like. I know it sounds like im bragging, but think of it as driving a ferrari in real life. Why do people drive ferraris? to get attention, looks, exert dominance and superiority from the norm, and to get people talking..but it also inspires jealousy and haters on the person driving. Thats exactly what i experience in real life " - quoted by Zyzz (bodybuilder)
this may or may not deal with this topic depending how you look at it, but basically its your responsibility to be in shape for you and your everyday life this includes, youre s/o, job, personal life, etc. Being fit will ultimately make you the best you, you can be, mentally and physically...so everyone wins.0 -
Its the one thing I have always done for myself.
Through out my entire marriage, my wife let herself go. I supported my wife at any weight she was and found her attractive as I was in love with the person inside.
Ultimately she never supported me being in shape and often told me she would be much happier if I gained weight.
(/issues)0 -
The better I look, the better I am in bed..
Im just sayin..0 -
I was going to bail on this topic, so I haven't read the first gazillion posts....
"Responsibility" is the word that is tricky here. People fall out of love sometimes, and that will happen regardless of how much one works out. Sometimes it happens because someone is spending too much time working out or just at work, or away from their SO, or because they are working out and their SO isn't and they ascribe that the he/she isn't putting in the effort, or seems lazy, or whatever.
But, it is my responsibility to do what I can to make my wife happy. I have not ever shaved my goatee since being with her, because she likes it. Is it my "responsibility" to keep it so she is attracted to me? No. There are a ton of these little things that I do for her - but being in shape wasn't one of them.
I have never been skinny in the time that she has known me, so she fell in love with a fatter me. Does that mean it is my "responsibility" to stay fat? No. People would find it ridiculous to suggest that. So this is probably a question along those lines. She loves me regardless of where my weight is, as I love her regardless.
What is my responsibility is to do everything I can to be around for her and my son as long as I can, and that's the reason for me trying to get healthier. It's also the reason I don't base jump.
So - I guess the short answer, for me, is that it is my responsibility to find things to make my wife's life better, where being in shape falls on that spectrum is dependent upon the relationship you are in and what values your SO places on that.
That's true if it were reversed no one would suggest staying overweight if one met us that way? Actually that will become an issue for me in the next couple of months when I dip under the weight my husband met me at and continue cruising to a good twenty to thirty pounds beneath it. We will see if he still loves me when I'm skinnier than when I met him. Already he seems to love me when I'm heavier, although he does seem dissappointed but really I can't say that's about my weight either, just other things I'm not so good at, that even dissappoint me.0 -
The sex is better for my SO if I stay in shape.0
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ditto ^^The better I look, the better I am in bed..
Im just sayin..0 -
Just because someone gets married doesn't mean they have to stop looking after themselves..I'll never " let myself go"0
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ditto ^^The better I look, the better I am in bed..
Im just sayin..
so that's really a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?0 -
So - I guess the short answer, for me, is that it is my responsibility to find things to make my wife's life better, where being in shape falls on that spectrum is dependent upon the relationship you are in and what values your SO places on that.
This is an interesting take, and I agree with you. Some people do not see being in a certain kind of "shape" as indicative of one's values or self-respect, and those people are probably not going to be as bothered by significant weight gain as those who think the way you look on the outside mirrors how you feel about yourself.
But I made an assumption about the OP's point (and perhaps I shouldn't have), which is that he's saying if you're in great shape and your SO is in great shape, clearly fitness is a priority to the two of you. If you suddenly stop caring about staying in shape, you put on a lot of weight, etc., is it unreasonable to expect that your SO might have a problem with it? That he/she might internalize it? That it could affect your sex life and, thus, your relationship with each other?0 -
When my wife and I got married I weighed something like 165 lbs up until a few months ago I tipped the scale at 235. TBH it kinda sneaks up on ya if you aren't paying attention. I'd say you have a responsibility to each other to stay healthy. Lets be honest we all say "in sickness and in health" but what we really mean is OMG PLEASE LET IT BE IN HEALTH. I don't know very many couples where one is in far greater shape due to exercise than the other. I know people where one s/o goes the the gym etc and the other doesn't but they are visually both attractive. What I mean is I don't know any couple where one is fitness oriented and healthy and the other is fat and unhealthy. I'm sure it happens.
Anyway thats my opinion having started back on the fit path. Our responsibility is to be as healthy as we can for our s/o and they us.0 -
I was going to bail on this topic, so I haven't read the first gazillion posts....
"Responsibility" is the word that is tricky here. People fall out of love sometimes, and that will happen regardless of how much one works out. Sometimes it happens because someone is spending too much time working out or just at work, or away from their SO, or because they are working out and their SO isn't and they ascribe that the he/she isn't putting in the effort, or seems lazy, or whatever.
But, it is my responsibility to do what I can to make my wife happy. I have not ever shaved my goatee since being with her, because she likes it. Is it my "responsibility" to keep it so she is attracted to me? No. There are a ton of these little things that I do for her - but being in shape wasn't one of them.
I have never been skinny in the time that she has known me, so she fell in love with a fatter me. Does that mean it is my "responsibility" to stay fat? No. People would find it ridiculous to suggest that. So this is probably a question along those lines. She loves me regardless of where my weight is, as I love her regardless.
What is my responsibility is to do everything I can to be around for her and my son as long as I can, and that's the reason for me trying to get healthier. It's also the reason I don't base jump.
So - I guess the short answer, for me, is that it is my responsibility to find things to make my wife's life better, where being in shape falls on that spectrum is dependent upon the relationship you are in and what values your SO places on that.
Very excellent post! And I agree that the word "responsibility" was, perhaps, the wrong word.
And to clarify my own stance, I do believe that getting into or maintaining your shape should primarily be for yourself. I do not dispute that at all. However, I do believe that your S/O's preference should be taken into account. In my opinion, which should be taken with a grain of salt, a relationship is happiest when each party has the others best interest and happiness in mind. This doesn't mean you aren't responsible for your own happiness, but your happiness is going to undoubtably be linked in some way to your partner's.
As for maintaining the sexual attraction through fitness, this is both the physical and mental aspect. I, for one, want to be an object of lust for my partner as well as love. This affects my self-esteem and confidence sexually, which my partner would sense and enjoy. If I felt disgusting and unattractive to myself, I would think they felt the same way despite any protests and our sexual relationship would suffer. This would in turn cause issues in other areas.0 -
Oh, it's you again, I am not taking the bait this time
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Well some stuff just works better when you're a bit slimmer, stronger and more flexible, heh.
ditto ^^The better I look, the better I am in bed..
Im just sayin..
so that's really a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?0 -
Oh, it's you again, I am not taking the bait this time
:laugh:
This is actually a serious post and I think it warrants discussion. It is a bit of a hot topic and I am sure a little emotional for some people, but it deserves some critical thinking.0 -
Well some stuff just works better when you're a bit slimmer, stronger and more flexible, heh.
ditto ^^The better I look, the better I am in bed..
Im just sayin..
so that's really a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?
Also, many of us derive our confidence from our appearance.0 -
My husband's not allowed to get fat again, the snoring was impossible :noway:0
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Exactly! It is more easier to put your feet behind your head with less tummy fat in the way... :bigsmile:
Well some stuff just works better when you're a bit slimmer, stronger and more flexible, heh.
ditto ^^The better I look, the better I am in bed..
Im just sayin..
so that's really a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?0 -
Can't say I've tried that.
Exactly! It is more easier to put your feet behind your head with less tummy fat in the way... :bigsmile:
Well some stuff just works better when you're a bit slimmer, stronger and more flexible, heh.a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?
I have tried, and succeeded recently with no furniture and only MY feet on the floor recently. That is a confidence boost and a half.0 -
I wouldn't say it's your responsibility but if you were to let yourself go and really let yourself go, someone could make the argument that you're not the same person they fell in love with. I think it also leads to more than just physical attractiveness, you might also get concerned about your S/O's health and that can become stressful. I don't think if someone let themselves go it would make the person a bad person if they were to break up with the person; with that being said everyone has to make their mind up for themselves what they want to look like and feel like. So don't work out or stay healthy for your S/O you should just do it for yourself because being healthy is just an awesome way to live.0
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Exactly! It is more easier to put your feet behind your head with less tummy fat in the way... :bigsmile:
Well some stuff just works better when you're a bit slimmer, stronger and more flexible, heh.
ditto ^^The better I look, the better I am in bed..
Im just sayin..
so that's really a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?
Hi. :flowerforyou:0 -
Oh, it's you again, I am not taking the bait this time
:laugh:
This is actually a serious post and I think it warrants discussion. It is a bit of a hot topic and I am sure a little emotional for some people, but it deserves some critical thinking.
Okie, dokie.
I do not think it is a "responsibility" to stay in shape. Everybody is their own person and should take care of their health/looks for themselves first!
BUT to be perfectly honest it does not hurt to have the stamina that comes with being in shape, and to still consider your hubby a hottie (or to be called one in return) even after 9 years together.
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It's your responsibility to stay in shape for yourSELF. It is unattractive when a person doesn't care about themselves enough to take pride in their health or overall well being. Not just about appearance, although let's face it, we're all a LITTLE shallow to some extent (you didn't see your husband/wife for the first time and go "damn, I bet they've got an AMAZING personality", the physical attraction was the attention grabber), but the overall sense of self worth. If someone shows that they no longer value him or herself, it's going to be a turn off, no matter how much you love a person.
this!0 -
I'd rather be single my entire life than marry or even date someone who thought it was my "responsibility" to stay in shape for him (or his for me).0
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Its your responsibiltiy to live a healthy life and stay in shape yes, whose responsibility should it be? Just because you have become married doesnt mean you dont have to continue to impress eachother. Thats why there is such a high divorce rate, people think well we are married now I dont have to try, i can let myself go... NO you still need to try becasue if you stop the natural thing for your significant other is to look for someone who will try.0
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I'd rather be single my entire life than marry or even date someone who thought it was my "responsibility" to stay in shape for him (or his for me).
You completely missed the point. I did not ask if you felt it was someone else's responsibility, but if YOU had that responsibility.0 -
I'd rather be single my entire life than marry or even date someone who thought it was my "responsibility" to stay in shape for him (or his for me).
You completely missed the point. I did not ask if you felt it was someone else's responsibility, but if YOU had that responsibility.
I don't feel like I did, yet your response doesn't make sense as a response to what I said.
I said no, I do not. I thought that was pretty clear, but maybe I'm wrong. Or maybe you're asking a question that is so far above my intellectual level that I just don't get it.0 -
Exactly! It is more easier to put your feet behind your head with less tummy fat in the way... :bigsmile:
Well some stuff just works better when you're a bit slimmer, stronger and more flexible, heh.
ditto ^^The better I look, the better I am in bed..
Im just sayin..
so that's really a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?
Pics or it didn't happen 0 -
I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
I don't care what my husband thinks.
LMAO :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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