Is it your responsibility to stay in shape for your S/O...

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Replies

  • PaleoChocolateBear
    PaleoChocolateBear Posts: 2,844 Member
    I wouldn't say it's your responsibility but if you were to let yourself go and really let yourself go, someone could make the argument that you're not the same person they fell in love with. I think it also leads to more than just physical attractiveness, you might also get concerned about your S/O's health and that can become stressful. I don't think if someone let themselves go it would make the person a bad person if they were to break up with the person; with that being said everyone has to make their mind up for themselves what they want to look like and feel like. So don't work out or stay healthy for your S/O you should just do it for yourself because being healthy is just an awesome way to live.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    The better I look, the better I am in bed..

    Im just sayin..
    ditto ^^

    so that's really a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?
    Well some stuff just works better when you're a bit slimmer, stronger and more flexible, heh.
    Exactly! It is more easier to put your feet behind your head with less tummy fat in the way... :bigsmile:

    Hi. :flowerforyou:
  • icmuse
    icmuse Posts: 263 Member
    Oh, it's you again, I am not taking the bait this time :tongue:

    :laugh:

    This is actually a serious post and I think it warrants discussion. It is a bit of a hot topic and I am sure a little emotional for some people, but it deserves some critical thinking.

    Okie, dokie.

    I do not think it is a "responsibility" to stay in shape. Everybody is their own person and should take care of their health/looks for themselves first!

    BUT to be perfectly honest it does not hurt to have the stamina that comes with being in shape, and to still consider your hubby a hottie (or to be called one in return) even after 9 years together. :heart:
  • kmbweber2014
    kmbweber2014 Posts: 680 Member
    It's your responsibility to stay in shape for yourSELF. It is unattractive when a person doesn't care about themselves enough to take pride in their health or overall well being. Not just about appearance, although let's face it, we're all a LITTLE shallow to some extent (you didn't see your husband/wife for the first time and go "damn, I bet they've got an AMAZING personality", the physical attraction was the attention grabber), but the overall sense of self worth. If someone shows that they no longer value him or herself, it's going to be a turn off, no matter how much you love a person.

    this!
  • LuHox
    LuHox Posts: 136
    I'd rather be single my entire life than marry or even date someone who thought it was my "responsibility" to stay in shape for him (or his for me).
  • Krecob
    Krecob Posts: 86 Member
    Its your responsibiltiy to live a healthy life and stay in shape yes, whose responsibility should it be? Just because you have become married doesnt mean you dont have to continue to impress eachother. Thats why there is such a high divorce rate, people think well we are married now I dont have to try, i can let myself go... NO you still need to try becasue if you stop the natural thing for your significant other is to look for someone who will try.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I'd rather be single my entire life than marry or even date someone who thought it was my "responsibility" to stay in shape for him (or his for me).

    You completely missed the point. I did not ask if you felt it was someone else's responsibility, but if YOU had that responsibility.
  • LuHox
    LuHox Posts: 136
    I'd rather be single my entire life than marry or even date someone who thought it was my "responsibility" to stay in shape for him (or his for me).

    You completely missed the point. I did not ask if you felt it was someone else's responsibility, but if YOU had that responsibility.

    I don't feel like I did, yet your response doesn't make sense as a response to what I said.
    I said no, I do not. I thought that was pretty clear, but maybe I'm wrong. Or maybe you're asking a question that is so far above my intellectual level that I just don't get it.
  • InnerConflict
    InnerConflict Posts: 1,592 Member
    The better I look, the better I am in bed..

    Im just sayin..
    ditto ^^

    so that's really a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?
    Well some stuff just works better when you're a bit slimmer, stronger and more flexible, heh.
    Exactly! It is more easier to put your feet behind your head with less tummy fat in the way... :bigsmile:

    Pics or it didn't happen :tongue:
  • kiwidrop
    kiwidrop Posts: 222 Member
    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.

    LMAO :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Syriene
    Syriene Posts: 238
    Well, I'd say a little of both. I'm thinking from more of a health stand point though, instead of attraction. You should accept them for who they are, but at the same time, you don't want their health to become affected. You want them to be around and healthy as long as possible.
  • JLPaige
    JLPaige Posts: 194
    It is your responsibility to stay in shape for yourself.

    Definitely this!
  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,486 Member
    The better I look, the better I am in bed..

    Im just sayin..

    AGREE 100%...if I feel good and think I look good then I'm fantastic (at least in my head..haha).
  • RawMomma10
    RawMomma10 Posts: 89 Member
    Hi Whierd,

    Interesting topic....I think that a spouse should love you no matter what, but I think that love and attraction are two different things. I have been married for 12 years and my husband has put on about 80lbs (he was super scrawny when we got married so he's not even huge now). But I am still incredibly attracted to him. Alot of that attraction comes from the bond that we have and the fact that he can still make me laugh, and part of it is definitely physical. Sometimes the attraction is just there and other times you have to work at it.

    That being said I always work to improve myself and look good for not only him but myself. If I find myself attractive then I do not need his approval/attention, it's just a bonus. Plus, I've noticed that when I feel attractive and confident then he is naturally more attracted to me. I think that confidence and attraction go together instinctively. If someone is confident, they are usually going to take care of themself. It's during the times when I have been depressed or bummed out when I haven't cared and that is when I notice the biggest decline in attraction between both of us. It's not just one person's responsibility to keep attraction going, it is a joint effort.

    I totally agree with this.... after giving birth to three kids... I was SO NOT in the shape I was when my ex husband and I first met...... but then again neither was he..... While I think it is important to be in shape... for health reasons... if you are not in shape.. but still healthy (as in not suffering from medical issues caused by not being in top shape).... and you feel good about yourself and your happy... then so what??..... In my own opinion... if your SO is going to leave you because you gained 30 pounds with kids you cant seem to get off in what he thinks is a sufficient amount of time.. and vice versa... then that SO would prob leave/cheat/be unhappy regardless.. they would just find another reason for it... I think its great to be in shape for your SO .. we all want to feel desired, attractive to our other half..... but I dont think it should be standardized..... I think its up to each individual person/couple..... :)
  • cgirlygirl
    cgirlygirl Posts: 49
    I don't think it is necessarily to keep them sexually attracted to you--I think it is MORE important to be healthy so that you are around longer, able to take care of yourself, your children, and them! And to still be active and alive!
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
    The better I look, the better I am in bed..

    Im just sayin..
    ditto ^^

    so that's really a function of confidence no? Not necessarily the weight itself. And also more your issue than your SO's, no?

    for me it's a function of the legs and back disc in P90X. :tongue:
  • ohmscheeks
    ohmscheeks Posts: 840 Member
    I think it is a spouse's responsibility to do everything in his or her power to bring happiness into the marriage; within reason of course. Hottie maintenance is pretty reasonable; health willing...
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I'd rather be single my entire life than marry or even date someone who thought it was my "responsibility" to stay in shape for him (or his for me).

    You completely missed the point. I did not ask if you felt it was someone else's responsibility, but if YOU had that responsibility.

    I don't feel like I did, yet your response doesn't make sense as a response to what I said.
    I said no, I do not. I thought that was pretty clear, but maybe I'm wrong. Or maybe you're asking a question that is so far above my intellectual level that I just don't get it.

    I feel that you did. You stated that you would not remain with someone who thought it was your responsibility to stay in shape for them. I was asking if YOU felt like it was YOUR responsibility to stay in shape for them.
  • ncl1313
    ncl1313 Posts: 237 Member

    What is my responsibility is to do everything I can to be around for her and my son as long as I can, and that's the reason for me trying to get healthier. It's also the reason I don't base jump.

    So - I guess the short answer, for me, is that it is my responsibility to find things to make my wife's life better, where being in shape falls on that spectrum is dependent upon the relationship you are in and what values your SO places on that.

    I totally agree with this. Besides, what is the definition of "letting yourself go"? Are we talking about gaining 20 pounds? 30? 100? What about going grey and not dyeing your hair? Getting wrinkles and refusing to get botox? Having stretch marks from pregnancy and not getting laser removal surgery? Not shaving your legs in the winter? Not showering every day? No longer getting mani/pedis? How about never going to the doctor for yearly checkups? Or the dentist?

    And perhaps it's more about priorities for some people. If only one of you likes to/has to work out to stay in shape, is it more valuable for that person to spend their free time in the gym instead of with their spouse?

    But maybe I'm spoiled because sexual attraction/prowess has never been an issue for hubby and me, even with the extra weight.
  • chantelp89
    chantelp89 Posts: 590 Member
    If you're getting to married to someone who only wants to be with you when you're hot, you shouldn't have gotten married to them in the first place.
    If you were hot and in shape when you got married, then that's the person they were attracted to

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