Divorced Women keeping the "ex" last name

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Replies

  • rcalvert1
    rcalvert1 Posts: 117 Member
    Alot of people do this is they have children, so they keep the same last name as the children. If no kids, I think you should go back to your maiden name. I did.
    This is why I kept my ex's last name.
  • DJDeMo_Oo
    DJDeMo_Oo Posts: 5
    It wouldn't bother me at all if a new girlfriend still had her former married name. I suppose it's a maturity issue. However, if I were female and got divorced then I would definitely change my name back to my maiden name.

    My wife's take on it has always been, change your name back if you have no children, keep the last name if you do have children. Hopefully my wife never has to make that decision. :) We have 4 little ones.
  • twistygirl
    twistygirl Posts: 517 Member
    I never understood why women do this, If you got the name through the marriage and the marriage is over give the man back everything that is his (except for money) You can always go to court and change your last name to anything you like why hold on to the past get a fresh start. DUH! I am divorced and took my name back first thing on the list I ask the judge for was my last name.
  • BeautyDoll
    BeautyDoll Posts: 100 Member
    One more thing... the paperwork and hassle to change your name back isn't a big deal. If you're using that as an excuse just know it's not that much of hassle. Good luck!
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
    My mother kept my father's last name because she didn't want to have a different last name than I did.

    That aside, I don't see how it's disrespectful to the new boyfriend. It's just a name that's attached to your first and you can always change it again if you marry the new guy. It's only disrespectful if you don't shut up about your ex, therefore reminding the guy that you had a ring on your finger once with that man.
  • mariposa224
    mariposa224 Posts: 1,241 Member
    I'll take my fiancee's lase name when we marry but until then its my exes. We share children and he gets it. A name doesn't show commitment. actions do!

    ^ This! My last name is my son's last name. When I remarry, it will be my new husband's name. I think that the guys who think this is "disrespectful" are ridiculous. Seriously.
  • dolfn1972
    dolfn1972 Posts: 84 Member
    I have 4 children with my ex. I kept his last name as it was easier on all of us. However, when I remarried I took my Husbands name. It is the right thing to do.

    I think it depends on the situation. Some change their name because they want nothing to do with the person they were married. Ugly divorces and all that. Others keep the last name for business reasons. Some just cause they dont want the hassle of changing it. Also, what if you were married for 30 years...got married at 20....thats your last name most of your life ...keep it.

    If the woman cheated or did something disgraceful to the man....change it. If the man screwed up and caused the divorce..well maybe he shouldnt have a say in anything she does.

    If the new guy thinks its disrespectful to him....really....that only counts after you marry him...not when you are just dating him. Bigggggg difference.
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
    If I was a woman I'd keep my last name - who wouldn't want "Wild" as a last name?

    (genuine too!).
  • jkandktmom
    jkandktmom Posts: 1,010 Member
    I went back to my maiden name. I had a bad marriage and didn't want to be tied to him in that way. However, before I did this I asked my kids how they would feel if I had a different last name than them. Response was "Mommy, a lot of kids don't have the same last name as their parents". Also, if I remarry, my name will be different at that point anyway.

    ^^ This almost to a T.
  • rcalvert1
    rcalvert1 Posts: 117 Member
    My mom kept hers because we were minors but her divorce agreement stated she could change it when we turned 18. Because it was part of her divorce, it was the same as if she had done it years earlier - just take the agreement to all the government offices.

    I hyphenated my name when I got married. VERY easy to change back when I got divorced. In hindsight I probably hyphenated it because I wasn't committed to him or to the marriage. Now that I'm getting married again, I'm dropping my maiden name completely. And yes, it's a pain to change everything at my age.

    My sweetie's ex wife kept his name. Their kids are grown but they were married for 31 years. It was her last name for more than half her life so it's really her name too. Plus, all her professional licenses and credentials are in her married name. I get it and I'm not bitter. Neither is my sweetie.

    My personal opinion - anyone who is bitter or thinks keeping your ex's last name is disrespectful is likely insecure in the new relationship and may need to look inside to find out why.
    I wish they had a 'like' button on here ... I enjoyed your comment and agree totally
  • NicolePatriot
    NicolePatriot Posts: 621 Member
    I'll reiterate what a lot of people already said. My boyfriends ex wife told him she was keeping the last name for their sons sake. But she's also bat *kitten* crazy so who really knows. lol.
  • whitewhisper
    whitewhisper Posts: 76
    If my future husband makes the argument that we need to have a "family" name then I'm suggesting we create a new name with letters from each of our last names and both change. Otherwise I'm keeping mine.

    That is such a cool idea!!
  • itgeekwoman
    itgeekwoman Posts: 804 Member
    first marriage took my husbands name.. divorced went to maiden name.. kids have their dads name..he remarried and their step mom is the mrs now and takes them to medical appointments and such as well as makes critical care decisions that are not hers to make.

    I remarried, didn't want to change my name again, but well here I am.. hubby's name again. If I EVER am single again or remarry AGAIN.. I am keeping my maiden name.. even though it is tremendously long.
    It is who I am.
  • GeorgieLove708
    GeorgieLove708 Posts: 442 Member
    If I got divorced, I would keep my husband's last name unless I remarried, then I would take my next husband's last name. It's not disrespectful to anybody. It's difficult and expensive to change your name in the case of divorce and I would keep my last name so that it matched my children's.
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
    It's expensive as all get out to change a name.

    So I figure if a woman keeps her married name all the power to her. It's a waste of money to change it back to her maiden name and then change it again if she gets married again.
  • lvpthemvp
    lvpthemvp Posts: 266 Member
    I am female but will post my opinion. There are two main questions. Do you share small children? If so that goes from making it "his last name" to a family last name so there are more people involved more outcomes to consider. The 2nd question is "who am I now and in the future" and how does my name add or subtract to that.
  • HeinzPrincess
    HeinzPrincess Posts: 92
    I changed mine back before the divorce was even final.

    Married at age 20, Divorced at age 28.

    Changing my name back was the BEST decision I made about him. ;)

    We had 2 kids together (now age 6 and 4) and they know our last names are different and don't care! I figured if I remarried (which I hope to do one day) I would change it the anyway. But now...I don't know!

    Love having my maiden name back and having ME back. It's what prompted me to lose all my married weight and become the person I was before I married, in name and in everything else.
  • jenbroussard71
    jenbroussard71 Posts: 282 Member
    Also, guys, if you want a woman to go through the trouble of changing her name for you, then give her yours. Otherwise, why do you deserve the effort? The ex is an ex for a reason, no threat to you.

    this^^^
  • dodihere
    dodihere Posts: 490
    Job or children, otherwise change your name back to your maiden name. Why? Because you are not married to him anymore and the name belongs to him.
  • Promqueen_74932
    Promqueen_74932 Posts: 203 Member
    LOL! What? IDK about all that...

    I kept my ex's last name b/c of college. I didn't want to go from one last name to another and my credits get lost or something crazy! **Just my luck**

    Ex's are ex's for a reason.

    Sara
  • AdAstra47
    AdAstra47 Posts: 823 Member
    I think it's "disrespectful" for a guy to weigh in on the subject at all, since men are never expected to change their names.

    It all depends on a woman's personal circumstances. If she'd been married a long time, or had established a professional reputation under that name, or if she shared that name with her children, I totally understand wanting to keep it even if you got married again.

    Personally, even if I ever find a significant other and get married, I am never changing my name. My parents gave me my name and I like it, all my friends and professional contacts know me by this name, and I'm too old to change now.

    And I don't see why a woman should have to fill out a bunch of paperwork, get all new checks and IDs and change who she is, unless the man also has to do the same. Sexism is alive and well in our society.
  • Sinisi2012
    Sinisi2012 Posts: 333 Member
    I kept my ex's last name because it was also my daughter's last name. When she got married, I considered changing back to my maiden name. It's been so many years that it just seems a hassle to have go through EVERY legal thing and notify everyone. I really don't see the point.

    This ^^
  • HeinzPrincess
    HeinzPrincess Posts: 92
    Also, in PA (and in Daupin County) it cost $11.50 to change back to your maiden name during a divorce. It's a much trickier process if you just randomly change your name, but it was 1 form to change during a divroce.
  • DJTJ34
    DJTJ34 Posts: 22
    ok, I have been on all sides of this situation. My parents got divorced and remarried,and I started dating my current gf while she was separated and through her divorce. I dont buy the keeping the last name for the kids sake stuff. My mom kept my dads last name till she remarried because it was too much of a hassle to change. If she said it was for me it was bs because I didnt care. To me her name was mom! It is way more embarrising explaining to friends that your parents are divorced than that you and your mom dont have the same last name.If you plan on remarrying your last name will change anyway.

    I never cared that my gf kept her exs last name. If she wont take my last name when we get married I would probably be upset though. To the op I do not think it is disrespectfull at all.....really dont think it even matters at all.
  • lvpthemvp
    lvpthemvp Posts: 266 Member
    Forgot to say I changed mine back immediately. It is not that big of a hassle as some are saying and it's really not expensive.
  • Lazygal53
    Lazygal53 Posts: 294 Member
    Also, guys, if you want a woman to go through the trouble of changing her name for you, then give her yours. Otherwise, why do you deserve the effort? The ex is an ex for a reason, no threat to you.

    this^^^

    This ^^
  • irishbunnylover
    irishbunnylover Posts: 13 Member
    From the 3rd wife's POV: I hate it that my husband's first two wives still have his last name. And his name is long and no one ever understands it. I get it when the kids are in school, but they are out of college in the first case, and in the case of the second wife, she remarried, but after divorcing, went back to my husband's name! So I kept my own name when we got married, which he doesn't like, but I feel less like the 3rd.
  • BrazenHarpy
    BrazenHarpy Posts: 81 Member
    I kept my last name to annoy my ex-husband. Petty, yes, but I didn't have any emotional attachment to my maiden name or my married name. When he demanded that I change my last name so that I would no longer be affiliated with his family, I pointed him to the law that stated I was not under any legal obligation to change my name back.

    I ended up getting remarried anyway, so I don't have that last name anymore...

    I knew a guy whose last name was Smith, who was demanding his ex change her last name. Smith--seriously...

    EDIT: I didn't actually know the guy, I knew the ex.

    Wow. Smith, eh? That's kind of funny. Actually, my ex-husband's last name wasn't all that uncommon either. Not sure why he thought my having it would taint his family's noble reputation of being hoarders, alcoholics, and pretentious d-bags ;).
  • Thelectrawoman
    Thelectrawoman Posts: 4
    I would love to change mine but I have a child so I am playing with the idea of hyphenating when I remarry---probably only on documents that relate to my child. My guy is perfectly fine with that.
  • KKWilson
    KKWilson Posts: 68 Member
    I agree with all the women who stated that they did not change back to their maiden name because they have kids with their ex-husband. My divorce was final just last month and the only reason I kept my husband's last name was because of my daughter. My ex actually requested that I go back to my maiden name during the divorce proceedings. I responded that I would, providing that my daughter's last name also change to my maiden name. Now would I have ever really done that, "No", but I think he got my point.

    As far as my future in the dating-world...if a man is not interested in me because of an incompatibility or discrepancy in values that is one thing. However, if a man is threatened because I retained my ex husbands last name then thats his issue, not mine, and I would be more interested in dating someone who is self-assured and confident.

    Bottom line...if I had wanted to be with my ex-husband, we wouldn't have gotten divorced.

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