Divorced Women keeping the "ex" last name

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Replies

  • AreneeG31
    AreneeG31 Posts: 256 Member
    I have children so until I got remarried id keep the same name. bottom line.
  • sailorsiren13
    sailorsiren13 Posts: 460
    if i ever get divorced after having his last name longer than i had my maiden name heck yeah i'm going to keep it. it's not about a new guy or disrespecting the new woman. It's about my kids and my personal beliefs.
  • terrappyn
    terrappyn Posts: 324 Member
    Here's one for you:

    A friend of mine got married and then divorced. Kept her exes last name then got re-married not too long ago and the new husband took her exes last name. Yup you read that right!! I thought thats a new one for the books!
  • treimnitz
    treimnitz Posts: 51 Member
    I changed my back to my original last name because I didn't want to be associated with my ex.
  • suemar74
    suemar74 Posts: 447 Member
    Funny this came up...I've been debating this in my head lately. When I got divorced, it was actually my ex's idea to keep his last name to share with our sons.

    He has since remarried. I have not, and I can't foresee me doing so...ever.

    But I have been thinking about my future possible headstone over my grave. Do I want it to be his name, or do I want it to be mine?

    My children are old enough that I asked their opinion. They don't care.

    So I think I'm going to go back to my maiden name. I want MY name back, and I think it will be worth the hassle.

    As for my children, I have decided that this will not disassociate me from them, because they are half my maiden name too. We still share that. It's just that his half is "visible" to society.

    In the end, I think it's a very personal choice, and there is no "right" or "wrong".
  • MommaRou56
    MommaRou56 Posts: 68 Member
    But I have been thinking about my future possible headstone over my grave. Do I want it to be his name, or do I want it to be mine?
    In the end, I think it's a very personal choice, and there is no "right" or "wrong".

    You brought up something that I thought about a while back. My headstone over my grave. I don't know that I necessarily want it "set in stone" (literally) with my ex-husband's name, but then it may hurt my children's feelings if I leave it off. And after all, they're the ones who will likely see my grave (if they get up to visit it very often), and I'd hate to leave a hurt behind for them. I'll have to think about this aspect a bit more. I'll be dead after all; the gravesite is left for the living.
  • ErinBeth7
    ErinBeth7 Posts: 1,625 Member
    It is so much freaking trouble to change your name.

    This is probably why I'd keep the last name. But for me, it'd have to depend on the situation, how it ended, who did what etc. If he was nasty or was horrible, I'd probably want to change it. If it was a civil divorce, I'd probably keep it.

    However, I am very proud of my last name and am saddened about changing it if I'm ever married.
  • Mama_Jag
    Mama_Jag Posts: 474 Member
    I didn't read all the replies, but my two cents.

    It's not "his" last name. It's also "hers", now. For whatever reason a woman should so choose, she can "keep" it. Not disrespectful (to anyone), and doesn't matter why.
  • stringsNlinks
    stringsNlinks Posts: 293 Member
    I liked my maiden name better so I changed it right after I discussed it with my (teenage) daughers to make sure it did not offend them. They asked if they could change theirs also haha... This is so personal and individual that it shouldn't be anybody elses decision or in their control!
  • Kcham817
    Kcham817 Posts: 106 Member
    No children involved, still pretty early in my career so I'm going back to my maiden name. Don't care to be associated with that name. I don't mind the paperwork to change it, it's worth it for me.
  • stringsNlinks
    stringsNlinks Posts: 293 Member
    I didn't read all the replies, but my two cents.

    It's not "his" last name. It's also "hers", now. For whatever reason a woman should so choose, she can "keep" it. Not disrespectful (to anyone), and doesn't matter why.

    well said!
  • sjtreely
    sjtreely Posts: 1,014 Member
    Kept his last name. It was an easy decision for me.

    My inherent love for the children we had together greatly out trumped my feelings for him.
  • _Calvin_
    _Calvin_ Posts: 122 Member
    To says its to difficult to change your last name is just an excuse. When I was married i changed my last name, faxed in my marriage certificate to my credit cards company, car company and so on.. Process took about 2 weeks to get new name at social security office which I admit is a pain in the butt to wait there..

    When I got divorced, did the same process

    ^^^This, I hope my soon to be ex is a rational as you!
  • Coffeeholic8
    Coffeeholic8 Posts: 272 Member
    Surely it is about the person and not their name? If I ever end up in a relationship again it will be because I am attracted to the person and her personality, outlook on life and so on, her name won't have any thing to do with it.

    I may have to rethink this though if I ever meet a woman called Hellova Sweatybuttcrack.
  • rchupka87
    rchupka87 Posts: 542 Member
    I just want to talk about the OTHER side of crazy here for a second. My hubby's ex wife just finished up with her third divorce. When they first split, she kept her married name. She met a guy, got married (2nd husband), and changed from her married name to her "new" married name. Then they divorced. She changed her name BACK, not to her maiden name, but to her first husbands name. Then she meets a new guy. Same thing. They get married. She changes her name to her "new" hubby's name (3rd husband). Well guess what. They got divorced, and she is in the process of changing her name back to her first husbands name (my hubby's name).

    Is it just me because i'm in the situation, or is this a little much?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    To says its to difficult to change your last name is just an excuse. When I was married i changed my last name, faxed in my marriage certificate to my credit cards company, car company and so on.. Process took about 2 weeks to get new name at social security office which I admit is a pain in the butt to wait there..

    When I got divorced, did the same process

    ^^^This, I hope my soon to be ex is a rational as you!

    Apparently this person doesn't have a driver's license.
  • MFPBrandy
    MFPBrandy Posts: 564 Member
    I just want to talk about the OTHER side of crazy here for a second. My hubby's ex wife just finished up with her third divorce. When they first split, she kept her married name. She met a guy, got married (2nd husband), and changed from her married name to her "new" married name. Then they divorced. She changed her name BACK, not to her maiden name, but to her first husbands name. Then she meets a new guy. Same thing. They get married. She changes her name to her "new" hubby's name (3rd husband). Well guess what. They got divorced, and she is in the process of changing her name back to her first husbands name (my hubby's name).

    Is it just me because i'm in the situation, or is this a little much?
    Yeah, that would annoy me, too.
  • BADGIRLstl
    BADGIRLstl Posts: 473 Member
    I just want to talk about the OTHER side of crazy here for a second. My hubby's ex wife just finished up with her third divorce. When they first split, she kept her married name. She met a guy, got married (2nd husband), and changed from her married name to her "new" married name. Then they divorced. She changed her name BACK, not to her maiden name, but to her first husbands name. Then she meets a new guy. Same thing. They get married. She changes her name to her "new" hubby's name (3rd husband). Well guess what. They got divorced, and she is in the process of changing her name back to her first husbands name (my hubby's name).

    Is it just me because i'm in the situation, or is this a little much?
    Now I know we talk about it is the woman's choice...but this is a bit much! Insane maybe. Uggh.
  • pittjenn
    pittjenn Posts: 247 Member
    I am lazy - it's far less difficult to keep the name (and if any of my married friends had honestly told me what a PITA it was to change names, I never would have when I got married :P).

    However, my ex decided to become a creepy stalker, and so I decided to revert back to my old name to alleviate some of the times he was calling around (Doctors office, Dog's Kennel, etc) saying his last name, and asking if his "wife" had made an upcoming appointment. Ick.
  • BADGIRLstl
    BADGIRLstl Posts: 473 Member
    I am lazy - it's far less difficult to keep the name (and if any of my married friends had honestly told me what a PITA it was to change names, I never would have when I got married :P).

    However, my ex decided to become a creepy stalker, and so I decided to revert back to my old name to alleviate some of the times he was calling around (Doctors office, Dog's Kennel, etc) saying his last name, and asking if his "wife" had made an upcoming appointment. Ick.
    Arrrrrgh. I hate you had to go through that.
  • veganbaum
    veganbaum Posts: 1,865 Member
    Avoiding situations like this is just another good reason for a woman to keep her "maiden" name.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    If I were a woman and got divorced, I'd want to get rid of that name pretty fast so as to not be reminded of the ex.
  • pittjenn
    pittjenn Posts: 247 Member
    I am lazy - it's far less difficult to keep the name (and if any of my married friends had honestly told me what a PITA it was to change names, I never would have when I got married :P).

    However, my ex decided to become a creepy stalker, and so I decided to revert back to my old name to alleviate some of the times he was calling around (Doctors office, Dog's Kennel, etc) saying his last name, and asking if his "wife" had made an upcoming appointment. Ick.
    Arrrrrgh. I hate you had to go through that.

    But it would have been far worse to stay with that! :tongue:
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    Haha. I never have changed my last name and am happily married going on 3 years. LOL. Just too much of a pain in the butt and rear end to change it all. I will hyphenate when I have children or maybe after I graduate/change jobs.
  • Meatsies
    Meatsies Posts: 351 Member
    I'm in the process of a divorce.

    I'm going back to my maiden name.

    BUT, I'm changing the kids' names, too.

    I will not have a different last name than my kids.
  • Huskeryogi
    Huskeryogi Posts: 578 Member
    You're making several assumptions here. I said "my parents gave me this name," I never said it was passed down from my father.

    Was your mothers last name the same as your fathers? If it was then guess what? Your name has been passed down by your father.

    Says who. There's no rule the on the birth certificate you have to use the father's last name.
  • Mhaney
    Mhaney Posts: 467 Member
    Your friend is a moron.
    I keep the last name because it is my kids' last name as well and just makes everything easier that way. What kind of shallow, controlling douche bag guys would I be dating for them to think my LAST NAME has anything to do with them?
  • ValerieMartini2Olives
    ValerieMartini2Olives Posts: 3,024 Member
    I'm a divorced woman and I kept my married name. I did so because I like the way out sounds and flows better than my first name. I also don't want to go through all of the hassle of changing all my info driver's license, credit cards, subscriptions, etc back to my married name. I also got my ex's blessing to continue using the name. It has never been an issue with anyone I have dated since. Now I am pregnant and the family and I had a debate about what to do with the last name with the baby comes. My mom wants me to use my maiden name. I wasn't sure, so I talked it over with my kid's dad. He said he needed to think about it and ultimately decided that he wants his last name.
  • BADGIRLstl
    BADGIRLstl Posts: 473 Member
    Your friend is a moron.
    I keep the last name because it is my kids' last name as well and just makes everything easier that way. What kind of shallow, controlling douche bag guys would I be dating for them to think my LAST NAME has anything to do with them?
    You really went in on this one and I feel some type of way about it. So to keep it nice, don't personalize this ok? We all have our opinions. And it was a debate... jeesh!
  • bobie1978
    bobie1978 Posts: 204 Member
    I debated this with my current boyfriend. He said the same thing its disrespectful.

    1. I kept it cause i have a daugter.
    2. I left my ex, i was over him long before i got a divorce.
    3 . Like my bf they are probably insecure
    4. Its easier to keep the same and a pain to change it.
    5. It is free with a divorce about $500 and a pain to change it afterwards.

    After 3 years of listening to my current bf say things about me still havig my married name. I changed it. I was divorced for 6 years before i even met my bf. My daughter is older now thats the only reason i actually did it. Also to get my bf to shut up! Lol i dont agree with any of that at all. I have absolutely no feelings for my ex whatsoever. If someone doesnt accept you for who you are and your past they need to grow up. Including my bf.

    And for all you grammar police. .sure i have typos. Sorry new phone and cant figure out how to get back to fix it!

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