Open Relationships?

pain_is_weakness
pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
in Chit-Chat
Who has them, what is your view on how it is wokring?

Just curious, my husband and I have been talking . . .
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Replies

  • obrendao
    obrendao Posts: 318
    I could never go there but to each his/her own. I could never be into somethin like that because I can't be sexual outside of a love relationship.
  • afgivens4
    afgivens4 Posts: 117
    It will never work. It will always end badly.... Don't do it. There is literally thousands of other ways to spice up a marraige!
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
    just curious, swinging isn't for everyone I hate the term but I do love my husband, but sex is just sex, just curious if anyone has been doing it and had it work for a while?
  • CarleyLovesPets
    CarleyLovesPets Posts: 410 Member
    I could never go there but to each his/her own. I could never be into somethin like that because I can't be sexual outside of a love relationship.
  • iamihobo
    iamihobo Posts: 232 Member
    I guess open relationships have never really made sense to me. it's like cheating with permission :noway:
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Swinging doesnt always end badly. I used to know an older swinger couple. But that is anecdotal.
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
    Swinging doesnt always end badly. I used to know an older swinger couple. But that is anecdotal.


    I have good friends that have been swinging for 15 years, it works. just curious how many of us swing out of the closet?
  • KayceRN
    KayceRN Posts: 40
    It's not for me but my best friend and her hubby have been swingers for years... It seems to work for them.
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
    It's not for me but my best friend and her hubby have been swingers for years... It seems to work for them.


    thats awesome, glad they share with you. No it isn't for everyone it's nice you guys can be open about that with eachother!
  • MiCool90
    MiCool90 Posts: 460 Member
    If you both have an understanding and it both interests you, then it would work. Just make sure its both you ideas and everything is out in the open.
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
    If you both have an understanding and it both interests you, then it would work. Just make sure its both you ideas and everything is out in the open.

    yeah we are hella honest about our feelings and limits with that. We have been married almost 6 yers and never ran into problems with this, but lately thinking about expanding
  • ThaRealNicki
    ThaRealNicki Posts: 322 Member
    Me and my guy did this last year and relationship was pretty rocky because of it for the most part until we cut it off and have been recovering ever since and we're pretty much back to normal now.

    So here is the thing, if you or your husband has any feelings of resentment or jealousy at all toward you or other people (strangers exes friends flirts) it could become a problem and most swingers and [people in open relationships will tell you that this will make or break your relationship. Me and my guy had tons of trust for each other but this just messed it all up! We were good for a long time then people stopped respecting our relationship and getting stupid when the other wasnt around. We set our rules (such as no kissing on the lips and always be honest and so on and so forth) but other people didnt respect nor appreciate us or our relationship. Biggest reason the **** had to stop. Neither of us liked it.

    And if you ever consider becoming friends with someone you sleep with, I highly reccomend you dont do it!! Its just sex and thats where it stops

    And if you are the kind of people who say sex is just sex no big deal then you guys will be alright but be weary of emotional connections becoming too strong.
  • redhousecat
    redhousecat Posts: 584 Member
    It works if folks are mature enough to handle it.
    We aren't swingers, per se, but we are rather open. We've been happily married for 12 years. Things like that tend to spice up a couple's sex life if it gets in a rut.

    To me, sex is just sex and adding a third or fourth to the mix just makes more sex.
  • AntWrig
    AntWrig Posts: 2,273 Member
    If it works for them. However, in my opinion people like that are weak. You either are committed 100% or you not.
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
    It works if folks are mature enough to handle it.
    We aren't swingers, per se, but we are rather open. We've been happily married for 12 years. Things like that tend to spice up a couple's sex life if it gets in a rut.

    To me, sex is just sex and adding a third or fourth to the mix just makes more sex.


    exactly, we hate the term, but I agree fully!
  • ThaRealNicki
    ThaRealNicki Posts: 322 Member
    It works if folks are mature enough to handle it.
    We aren't swingers, per se, but we are rather open. We've been happily married for 12 years. Things like that tend to spice up a couple's sex life if it gets in a rut.

    To me, sex is just sex and adding a third or fourth to the mix just makes more sex.

    its not that we werent mature enough to handle it, if something is hurting us we need to fix because over all this strange coming our way WE ALWAYS COME FIRST
  • Nerdy_Rose
    Nerdy_Rose Posts: 1,277 Member
    #1: Be very clear about your ground rules from Day 1. If either party breaks the ground rules, the agreement is void.

    #2: It is possible to genuinely love and sleep with multiple people. It's called polyamory -- and I know some people it works VERY well for.

    #3: It's all about honesty. This includes being honest with yourself about how you feel about the situation.

    It can work.

    It can also go horribly awry.

    It varies wildly per person/couple in question. And there's the "just sex" version and the polyamory version. If you PM me, I can get you some info on a good book one of my poly friends recommends.
  • redhousecat
    redhousecat Posts: 584 Member
    we also DO NOT have kids. I think that could bring weirdness to the mix.
  • A_Shannigans
    A_Shannigans Posts: 170 Member
    My ex started wanting to get into that.... matter of fact he sort of tried it without me when I wouldn't go for it. Hence him being my ex.

    My take on it is it would be more challenging than a monogamous one. You'd both need to be very secure in your relationship.

    It's not something I want I want one person to be my life companion. My SO and I have a different kind of open relationship. We hide nothing from each other. We have open access to each others emails, facebook , text messages and so on. We don't really use it that often but its very comfortable knowing if we wanted to we could.
  • redhousecat
    redhousecat Posts: 584 Member
    It works if folks are mature enough to handle it.
    We aren't swingers, per se, but we are rather open. We've been happily married for 12 years. Things like that tend to spice up a couple's sex life if it gets in a rut.

    To me, sex is just sex and adding a third or fourth to the mix just makes more sex.

    its not that we werent mature enough to handle it, if something is hurting us we need to fix because over all this strange coming our way WE ALWAYS COME FIRST

    I understand. You are SO YOUNG though. You need to be in a real strong relationship first. You are lucky that you are able to stick together and work on yours. So many others are not that strong.
  • prettybub
    prettybub Posts: 54 Member
    I (and my husband) was involved in a Polygamous relationship for some time. It was an amazing experience. Was it easy..No..was it something I sort out.No...would I do it again..Nope. Would I go back and change it. Never. Your relationship with your primary partner has to be solid as. And there is a lot of things that can shake it. it is a LOT of hard work. But can be an amazing thing.
  • i_am_losing_it
    i_am_losing_it Posts: 310 Member
    My Ex husband and I did that, he pushed and pushed the issue, I did it to be a good wife and please my husband, I had never ever ventured outside of the relationship and did not want to. I did not even look at other guys, and don't now in my current marriage, but once I opened my eyes up to other guys I fell for one and have been with him for over 20 years now, married for 15. I am 46 and every person I know who was into that are no longer together. I believe in a one on one committed relationship, but if I would have stuck to my guns back then, I would have missed out on the awesome marriage relationship I have now, neither of us ever venture out of the relationship as we both feel the same about being committed to each other and love it!
    Who knows, you may find someone better :)
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
    #1: Be very clear about your ground rules from Day 1. If either party breaks the ground rules, the agreement is void.

    #2: It is possible to genuinely love and sleep with multiple people. It's called polyamory -- and I know some people it works VERY well for.

    #3: It's all about honesty. This includes being honest with yourself about how you feel about the situation.

    It can work.

    It can also go horribly awry.

    It varies wildly per person/couple in question. And there's the "just sex" version and the polyamory version. If you PM me, I can get you some info on a good book one of my poly friends recommends.

    you're awesome!
  • graveflower316
    graveflower316 Posts: 169 Member
    I'm too jealous for an open relationship. The only way I could do that is if I seriously did not care about the other person, otherwise I'd feel guilty and DEFINITELY upset if/when I found out they were sleeping around with someone. I say if you're going to try it out, do it on a lower scale first to test the waters. Go out and flirt around with your partner watching from afar.
  • jasondcooper
    jasondcooper Posts: 125
    I could never go there but to each his/her own. I could never be into somethin like that because I can't be sexual outside of a love relationship.

    What she said. I don't understand it at all, but to each his own.
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
    We swing. I didn't till a few years ago, it took us about 13 years to feel good enough to do it. We are both bi-sexual though so it makes it even easier cause we don't have to be with the opposite sex. I think that makes it easy for us anyway.
  • redhousecat
    redhousecat Posts: 584 Member
    It works if folks are mature enough to handle it.
    We aren't swingers, per se, but we are rather open. We've been happily married for 12 years. Things like that tend to spice up a couple's sex life if it gets in a rut.

    To me, sex is just sex and adding a third or fourth to the mix just makes more sex.


    exactly, we hate the term, but I agree fully!

    yeah, the term sounds so, illogical....lolol
  • CassiusKnox
    CassiusKnox Posts: 305 Member
    My opinion?.... 'Open' a marriage ONLY if you are fully prepared to LOSE the marriage.

    It's not that you definitely will lose it... but you most likely will. Loss of trust in a marriage is usually fatal.

    Like I said.... just my opinion.
  • KayceRN
    KayceRN Posts: 40
    They've been married for 25 years.... They just enjoy their lifestyle and seem quite happy... twice a year they travel to Mexico to a swingers resort and I love hearing about their adventures when they come back...I've been single for most of my adult life so honestly I admit even though I say it's not for me...it's always intrigued me ...I've been friends with them for almost 20 years :)
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
    They've been married for 25 years.... They just enjoy their lifestyle and seem quite happy... twice a year they travel to Mexico to a swingers resort and I love hearing about their adventures when they come back...I've been single for most of my adult life so honestly I admit even though I say it's not for me...it's always intrigued me ...I've been friends with them for almost 20 years :)


    awesome, great for them!

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