Open Relationships?
Replies
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I am in an open relationship and it's challenging. The challenge is really more from other people and their opinions. If you and your husband set some strong ground rules, and can REALLY be honest with each other about EVERYTHING.... then it could work. But the minute someone feels like the other is looking for a replacement or not telling the whole story about feelings or situations, it's a wrap. It actually can ironically really help you trust your partner more and develop the friendship side of the relationship in the strongest, craziest way. It opens some fun and hard conversations that allow you to understand your partner in a way that they may have never shared with you. And if your guy is anything like mine, it will help your sex life together because he will always strive to make sure that no one is handling business better than he is. EVER.
But with all that said, it may be best to keep your openness a secret from everyone. Family and friends especially. And even the new lovers. If you keep everything between the two of you and you both REALLY feel like sex is just sex, it's your secret and the joke is on everyone else. There isn't even really a need to tell the outsiders that you are married(unless it's a threesome ;-) ). It's just makes for stupid competition and it gets annoying. Bottom line, if you are curious and you two think you really can handle it, try it. But if you aren't feeling it, neither one of you can hold that against one another. If you like it, go for it. If *kitten* starts getting out of control, focus on your relationship only again. But always Always ALWAYS tell the truth and communicate about EVERYTHING. All feelings good and bad should be disclosed. and SERIOUS RULES MUST BE PUT IN PLACE. Good luck.0 -
#1: Be very clear about your ground rules from Day 1. If either party breaks the ground rules, the agreement is void.
#2: It is possible to genuinely love and sleep with multiple people. It's called polyamory -- and I know some people it works VERY well for.
#3: It's all about honesty. This includes being honest with yourself about how you feel about the situation.
It can work.
It can also go horribly awry.
It varies wildly per person/couple in question. And there's the "just sex" version and the polyamory version. If you PM me, I can get you some info on a good book one of my poly friends recommends.
^^ THIS... I have some friends who are in "open" relationships/marriages, and they have rules. The biggest thing is knowing what you're getting into and understanding each other's feelings. You have to truly be OPEN and HONEST about everything... feelings/emotions, sensations, everything. Otherwise someone WILL end up hurt. I've seen the bad side of this as well. Any hint of jealousy in the relationship... then definitely avoid doing the "open" thing...0 -
But with all that said, it may be best to keep your openness a secret from everyone. Family and friends especially. And even the new lovers. If you keep everything between the two of you and you both REALLY feel like sex is just sex, it's your secret and the joke is on everyone else. There isn't even really a need to tell the outsiders that you are married(unless it's a threesome ;-) ). It's just makes for stupid competition and it gets annoying. Bottom line, if you are curious and you two think you really can handle it, try it. But if you aren't feeling it, neither one of you can hold that against one another. If you like it, go for it. If *kitten* starts getting out of control, focus on your relationship only again. But always Always ALWAYS tell the truth and communicate about EVERYTHING. All feelings good and bad should be disclosed. and SERIOUS RULES MUST BE PUT IN PLACE. Good luck.
I agree. I especially agree with the secret part.0 -
i think you're on the wrong website.
you're questions might be better answered on fetlife.com
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It will never work. It will always end badly.... Don't do it. There is literally thousands of other ways to spice up a marraige!
I'm sorry to call a spade a spade, but that statement is presumtuous. There are numerous examples of people who live in various alternative relational settings. Poly, Swinging, Open, Triads, sharing, you name it. While you personally have a strong fundamental belief that it can't work and will always end badly for you, it's rather closed minded to assume that such a statement is absolutely and unequivocably true.
Examples: I personally know 2 out of 3 members of a triad. One is female, bisexual. Another is a transgenered female - also bisexual. And the third is a straight male. And they're all happy and have been together for.... 9 years I think?
I know a couple who has been swinging off and on for 15 years. They're happy and they enjoy it. They swing when they feel the need to, and otherwise they don't. And it works for them.
As someone who was once a member of a local alternative lifestyle group (read into that however you wish), I knew a fairly large number of people who were part of polyamorous relationships, many of which had been together for years. Again, it works for them.
Does society like it? Apparently not. I won't get into the political discussions that could lead to. Suffice to say that I take issue with the notion that because YOU don't believe it can work, it must therefore automatically be the unadulterated truth.
For the OP: Yes, open relationships CAN work. If your committment to each other is strong enough, if neither of you have ANY jealousy issues, and if both of you are committed to communicating with each other. ALWAYS communicate. ALWAYS tell the other how you're feeling so that things don't fester or get worse.0 -
But with all that said, it may be best to keep your openness a secret from everyone. Family and friends especially. And even the new lovers. If you keep everything between the two of you and you both REALLY feel like sex is just sex, it's your secret and the joke is on everyone else. There isn't even really a need to tell the outsiders that you are married(unless it's a threesome ;-) ). It's just makes for stupid competition and it gets annoying. Bottom line, if you are curious and you two think you really can handle it, try it. But if you aren't feeling it, neither one of you can hold that against one another. If you like it, go for it. If *kitten* starts getting out of control, focus on your relationship only again. But always Always ALWAYS tell the truth and communicate about EVERYTHING. All feelings good and bad should be disclosed. and SERIOUS RULES MUST BE PUT IN PLACE. Good luck.
I agree. I especially agree with the secret part.
That's the biggest mistake we made from the beginning and somehow "open" translates to people as *kitten* buddies or Not official. lol0 -
It will never work. It will always end badly.... Don't do it. There is literally thousands of other ways to spice up a marraige!
I'm sorry to call a spade a spade, but that statement is presumtuous. There are numerous examples of people who live in various alternative relational settings. Poly, Swinging, Open, Triads, sharing, you name it. While you personally have a strong fundamental belief that it can't work and will always end badly for you, it's rather closed minded to assume that such a statement is absolutely and unequivocably true.
Examples: I personally know 2 out of 3 members of a triad. One is female, bisexual. Another is a transgenered female - also bisexual. And the third is a straight male. And they're all happy and have been together for.... 9 years I think?
I know a couple who has been swinging off and on for 15 years. They're happy and they enjoy it. They swing when they feel the need to, and otherwise they don't. And it works for them.
As someone who was once a member of a local alternative lifestyle group (read into that however you wish), I knew a fairly large number of people who were part of polyamorous relationships, many of which had been together for years. Again, it works for them.
Does society like it? Apparently not. I won't get into the political discussions that could lead to. Suffice to say that I take issue with the notion that because YOU don't believe it can work, it must therefore automatically be the unadulterated truth.
For the OP: Yes, open relationships CAN work. If your committment to each other is strong enough, if neither of you have ANY jealousy issues, and if both of you are committed to communicating with each other. ALWAYS communicate. ALWAYS tell the other how you're feeling so that things don't fester or get worse.
I tihnk i love you!0 -
It works if folks are mature enough to handle it.
We aren't swingers, per se, but we are rather open. We've been happily married for 12 years. Things like that tend to spice up a couple's sex life if it gets in a rut.
To me, sex is just sex and adding a third or fourth to the mix just makes more sex.
its not that we werent mature enough to handle it, if something is hurting us we need to fix because over all this strange coming our way WE ALWAYS COME FIRST
I understand. You are SO YOUNG though. You need to be in a real strong relationship first. You are lucky that you are able to stick together and work on yours. So many others are not that strong.
our relationship is strong weve been together 5 years now and when this was going on it was our 4th year I dont understand why people assume our relationship isnt strong because hes 25 and im 240 -
I have good friends that have been swinging for 15 years, it works. just curious how many of us swing out of the closet?
"Out of the closet"? I think there is more going on here than others have realized. Perhaps, and I'm only guessing, there are interests other than heterosexual? I have seen that work, but it takes a great deal of understanding.0 -
I have good friends that have been swinging for 15 years, it works. just curious how many of us swing out of the closet?
"Out of the closet"? I think there is more going on here than others have realized. Perhaps, and I'm only guessing, there are interests other than heterosexual? I have seen that work, but it takes a great deal of understanding.
nope, we are both straight, but good guess0 -
I agree with Nicki. It's not immature people who are in committed monogamous relationships. If anyone is immature it's the ones who get married then cheat even if it is cheating with permission. Also like Nicki, I was 19 when I started dating my husband so we had been together for 5 years when I was her age too. That was 18 years ago.It works if folks are mature enough to handle it.
We aren't swingers, per se, but we are rather open. We've been happily married for 12 years. Things like that tend to spice up a couple's sex life if it gets in a rut.
To me, sex is just sex and adding a third or fourth to the mix just makes more sex.
its not that we werent mature enough to handle it, if something is hurting us we need to fix because over all this strange coming our way WE ALWAYS COME FIRST
I understand. You are SO YOUNG though. You need to be in a real strong relationship first. You are lucky that you are able to stick together and work on yours. So many others are not that strong.
our relationship is strong weve been together 5 years now and when this was going on it was our 4th year I dont understand why people assume our relationship isnt strong because hes 25 and im 24
As for all the anecdotes, they're just that. For every marriage that makes it work far more don't. I can tell you stories about women who married their boyfriend after he knocked her up when she was 15 and they made it work. I can tell stories of couples with 40 year age differences who made it work. Hell, there are even some Hollywood couples who have been together over 30 years. But a story doesn't mean it's the norm. It could be 1 in a million.
Really though, why even bother getting married at all if you want to f* around?0 -
interesting concept. I have friends who swing and they're great together. They have 2 awesome kids and are very happy together, it's just something they do. I don't think there's anything wrong ith it as long as you're both happy with it and one is not trying to force the other. Go for it, it's great fun!0
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Um. In MY opinion, if you truly love the one you're with. Thats enough. Open relationships are for people unsure of their feelings for their 'partner', but still want the security of a relationship.
I've only heard of a select few people that make "swinging" or "open relationships" work
Edit- Banging other people could be alright. Its just that the majority of open relationships I know end up with one partner gaining feelings for another person, which leads to emotional cheating.0 -
I agree with Nicki. It's not immature people who are in committed monogamous relationships. If anyone is immature it's the ones who get married then cheat even if it is cheating with permission. Also like Nicki, I was 19 when I started dating my husband so we had been together for 5 years when I was her age too. That was 18 years ago.It works if folks are mature enough to handle it.
We aren't swingers, per se, but we are rather open. We've been happily married for 12 years. Things like that tend to spice up a couple's sex life if it gets in a rut.
To me, sex is just sex and adding a third or fourth to the mix just makes more sex.
its not that we werent mature enough to handle it, if something is hurting us we need to fix because over all this strange coming our way WE ALWAYS COME FIRST
I understand. You are SO YOUNG though. You need to be in a real strong relationship first. You are lucky that you are able to stick together and work on yours. So many others are not that strong.
our relationship is strong weve been together 5 years now and when this was going on it was our 4th year I dont understand why people assume our relationship isnt strong because hes 25 and im 24
As for all the anecdotes, they're just that. For every marriage that makes it work far more don't. I can tell you stories about women who married their boyfriend after he knocked her up when she was 15 and they made it work. I can tell stories of couples with 40 year age differences who made it work. Hell, there are even some Hollywood couples who have been together over 30 years. But a story doesn't mean it's the norm. It could be 1 in a million.
Really though, why even bother getting married at all if you want to f* around?
This is pretty much my take on it but each to their own I don't tell other people who they should live it just doesn't make sense to me.
However I'm curious why you're asking because you seem to already have your mind made up.0 -
i think no matter how confident or how secure you may be there's always room for jealousy when you're in a relationship.It's possible for you to fall in love with someone else or just feel like you would like to explore your options with no stringS attached (marriage)....it would really suck and be painful for 1 in the end,however i think if thats what you want you should go into a relationship with that decision already made....being in a committed relationship then deciding to do so could lead in all of the above^....but that's my opinion 0
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It is a gamble. If the marriage is something you are willing to gamble with and are prepared to lose over random sex then by all means do it. This is just my opinion but I would not gamble with something that I truly valued.0
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To each their own. But I must say, I love my partner enough I would never ever want to share him.
I don't know how people that in love could want to share.
I think it's a one way ticket to drunken fights, sleeping in separate beds..0 -
yes, depends on the people and the relationship. Definenlty not for everyone!0
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My husband & I would never we beleve you marry a person that's the only person you are with,we feel like we are cheating each other we love each alot i love spending time with him,his the ONLY 1 for me.Are you not afraid of diseases you can get,i think it's digusting .So i'm aganist it0
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I'm not knocking it, but I just don't understand it.
If someone wants to sleep with other people, I don't understand why they would get married in the first place? It just seems like things would get so complicated!
But, I've never been in an open relationship... So I don't know.0 -
To each their own. But I must say, I love my partner enough I would never ever want to share him.
I don't know how people that in love could want to share.
I think it's a one way ticket to drunken fights, sleeping in separate beds..
I agree. I feel like a broken record, but I'll say it again, I don't share. My heart and my body belong to my husband and nobody else will have access to either. He says he feels the exact same way.0 -
I honestly think if you'd consider this, something would be inherently wrong with the relationship. Better to spend money on therapy than swingers bars in this situation.To each their own. But I must say, I love my partner enough I would never ever want to share him.
I don't know how people that in love could want to share.
I think it's a one way ticket to drunken fights, sleeping in separate beds..
I agree. I feel like a broken record, but I'll say it again, I don't share. My heart and my body belong to my husband and nobody else will have access to either. He says he feels the exact same way.
Not to mention it's incredibly unsanitary.0 -
How would you feel if "he" starts spending more time with "her"?
What if they become closer than the two of you?
I could never do it. Beyond the sex I just can't imagine my man being "intimate" with another woman, kissing, touching or ANYTHING. Be careful what you wish for. The grass isn't always greener.0 -
but what if you're jogging and you see an ex standing in someone's driveway and decide to text him that this is YOUR street to jog on?
Oh sorry, wrong thread.0 -
Im in an open relationship. Its necessary for my sanity. I dont act on that, though.
Meaning, one man has my heart, but he doesnt have his thumb on me, especially cause its the kind of situation where you dont get to see each other very often. So I completely have the option to involve myself intimately elsewhere, I just dont want to. I can, but I dont.0 -
My husband and I have a semi-open relationship. We love it. We don't just go out and sleep with whomever we want. And I don't "sleep around" but we have been with 1 other couple and 1 other girl. We are both extremely sexual people and I think it is perfect for our personalities. It's definitely not for everyone.
If you want to talk about it in more detail, PM me. I don't want to get into details here.0 -
I could never go there but to each his/her own. I could never be into somethin like that because I can't be sexual outside of a love relationship.
needy0 -
It will never work. It will always end badly.... Don't do it. There is literally thousands of other ways to spice up a marraige!
And you know this because . . . . . . .?0 -
It works if folks are mature enough to handle it.
Maturity has nothing to do with it.0 -
I thought this topic was about tattoos?0
This discussion has been closed.
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