Divorced Women keeping the "ex" last name

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  • gogojodee
    gogojodee Posts: 1,261 Member
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    If I had a divorce - I'd so change back to my maiden name. Why not? I love my last name and I wouldn't want to be associated with that person, even if there were children involved.
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
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    I am divorced and I kept my husband's surname because I am a journalist and I made my name with my married surname. All my portfolio would no longer be associated with me were anyone to search for it under my maiden name.

    Plus it's expensive and time-consuming to change all the documents concerned, and money is in short supply after a divorce, especially when you're a journalist!

    Believe me, I'd like to go back to my maiden name - I was the last of the family with my Dad's surname. I changed it on Facebook, as searches bring me up for both names and it's a sufficient declaration of who I am. I also have email accounts in both names.

    Any future partner would only know me with this surname and would never meet my ex, so that side would never be an issue. Were I to marry again... I don't know, but it's a pretty unlikely scenario.

    I know who I am and that's all that matters.
  • jaygolden
    jaygolden Posts: 22 Member
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    I kept it because of my children.

    I agree!!!!!!
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,554 Member
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    I didn't choose to go back to my maiden name when I got divorced. I was well know right around the country (in my particular field of work) and had no desire to explain to everybody that "no, I didn't just get married, I got divorced".

    I DID take my new husband's name when I got married for a second time - mostly because I didn't choose to continue to use the name of my ex husband when i had a new husband.

    It was entirely my choice and I'm happy for any other woman to make the choice that suits her, for her own reasons. It's none of my business what someone else does in their life.
  • cheercoach80
    cheercoach80 Posts: 45
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    I had a debate with a few guys about this subject. They believe if a woman divorces and keeps her ex's last name its disrespectful to the new guy in her life and means that she isn't truly over her ex or can't fully part with the ex. And God forbids if you were separated for a long time and started dating before the divorce was final and kept the last name - they really said that is disrespectful to the new guy. I didn't agree with this. I am sure that's the motive for "some" women, but most def. not all women. Men what's your views? Would you want your ex to go back to her maiden name? Would you think a woman you are dating isn't over the ex if she kept his last name? Women, please weigh in on this also and please do tell if you kept your last name and why. Thanks MFP

    When I got divorced I didn't change my last name back to my maiden name solely because I couldn't afford it. Here in Nova Scotia it costs approx $1400 to change your name back to your maiden name, on top of the nearly $5000 it had cost me for the divorce and as a single mom it wasn't affordable at the time. When I got very serious with my now second husband we talked about it and he actually helped me pay to change my name back to my maiden name and at the same time he adopted my daughter. While we're only common law all our children (including my oldest that he adopted, who chose her own last name) are all hyphenated (mine-his) and after 10 years everyone just calls me by his last name anyways.
  • cheercoach80
    cheercoach80 Posts: 45
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    You're making several assumptions here. I said "my parents gave me this name," I never said it was passed down from my father.

    Was your mothers last name the same as your fathers? If it was then guess what? Your name has been passed down by your father.

    Says who. There's no rule the on the birth certificate you have to use the father's last name.

    This is ridiculous. Either explain where the last name came from or stop arguing. Unless the father isn't in the picture, the father and mother have to agree as to the name on the birth certificate.

    Here in NS in 2006 (when I had my last child) the hospital's rule was the child was automatically given the mother's last name and if you aren't married we then had to go through a legal process to change the child's last name to a hyphenated name for both mine and their father's. It was months of paperwork and had cost us a small fortune in fees for having documents witnessed by a justice of the peace.
  • BADGIRLstl
    BADGIRLstl Posts: 473 Member
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    You're making several assumptions here. I said "my parents gave me this name," I never said it was passed down from my father.

    Was your mothers last name the same as your fathers? If it was then guess what? Your name has been passed down by your father.

    Says who. There's no rule the on the birth certificate you have to use the father's last name.

    This is ridiculous. Either explain where the last name came from or stop arguing. Unless the father isn't in the picture, the father and mother have to agree as to the name on the birth certificate.

    Here in NS in 2006 (when I had my last child) the hospital's rule was the child was automatically given the mother's last name and if you aren't married we then had to go through a legal process to change the child's last name to a hyphenated name for both mine and their father's. It was months of paperwork and had cost us a small fortune in fees for having documents witnessed by a justice of the peace.
    Now this is insane!
  • pain_is_weakness
    pain_is_weakness Posts: 798 Member
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    I would keep my his last name because I have a kid with him, but if I remarried I wouldn't I tihnk it is disrespectful to do that and remarry. But I see why women who have kids keep the name and there is nothing wrong with that.
  • Brooke_26
    Brooke_26 Posts: 204
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    Get married, take his last name.......get divorced, drop his last name. I wouldn't want to continue walking around with my ex's last name..time to move on :wink:
  • LifestyleChange33
    LifestyleChange33 Posts: 169 Member
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    Ha I kept my daughter's last name- better for her and I had made a name for myself with her last name- the x has nothing to do with my decision :drinker:
  • BADGIRLstl
    BADGIRLstl Posts: 473 Member
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    Very interesting responses. I wish more men would way in. MEN, WHERE ARE YOU?????
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Very interesting responses. I wish more men would way in. MEN, WHERE ARE YOU?????
    I think I now have a better understanding of the original question.
    lol

    Right now I still hvae my ex's name. I will contiune to do so until I get remarried. My fiance and I agreed this was the best thing for my very young children.
    I would not keep my ex's name once we are married. But, at that point the different name thing will make more sense to them.
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,198 Member
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    When my ex-husband & I divorced, I asked him if I could keep his last name. It had nothing to do with me still wanting to be with him…I just wanted to have the same last name as my kids. Probably a stupid reason but before we were married, having a different last name than my daughter just led to headaches with paperwork & what not.
  • AngryDiet
    AngryDiet Posts: 1,349 Member
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    A male friend took her last name, and when they eventually divorced, he kept it.

    IIRC, he mentioned that changing his last name due to marriage was quite difficult at the time.
  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
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    I kept my ex's last name because of my son. I did, however, change it to my new husband's name when we got married. I was going to hyphenate it, but then realzied his name would come before my husband's so decided against it. I just had a talk with my son explaining that regardless of our last names, I will always be his mommy.
  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
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    Oh and BTW....it is a ROYAL pain in the *kitten* to change your name. I'm sure that's why many don't change it.
  • heggleston921
    heggleston921 Posts: 41 Member
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    I kept it for several reasons. First and most importantly, so I would have the same name as my son. Second, it's way better than my maiden name was. Third, it's such a hassle to change your name!

    ^^^^This!
  • BigCed77024
    BigCed77024 Posts: 1,115 Member
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    my ex wives (been married twice) both have my last name. And so do all my kids. True I liked them better before they took my last name..lol..but I really dont have a problem with them doing that. it's not out of love its out of ninja I went thru hell and back with you and i changed my identity for you well since you are gone i am keeping a reminder..lol. Also for insurance purposes its easier.
  • Nixenne
    Nixenne Posts: 37 Member
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    Hell, I'm still technically MARRIED to my ex...and have been for the 2+ years I've been with my boyfriend. :laugh: It's never bothered him, but maybe he's just more secure than the average man?

    After the divorce has gone through, I imagine I'll still be keeping the ex's name. Too many certifications and crap that I'd have to have changed. Just not worth the hassle, unless I end up married again at some point.
  • belle0226
    belle0226 Posts: 33 Member
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    I kept mine after the divorce for the kids. However when I got remarried I took his name.

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