Need to Vent!!! I THINK I LOVE MY HUSBAND

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  • Ralphrabbit
    Ralphrabbit Posts: 351 Member
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    I wonder if he is feeling a little self conscious since you have lost weight & he has gained?? I suspect there is more to this than just sex as most men do not say no but there may be a reason for his reply. See if he will talk but in the mean time leave him to do the running for a bit....
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    If he's totally ignoring you, why not try therapy? Obviously you're not happy about this. It will only hurt your marriage if it continues.
  • Here2GetFit
    Here2GetFit Posts: 292
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    Note to Pittsburgh women in this situation.

    I MAKE HOUSE CALLS! :wink:
  • mdbs2004
    mdbs2004 Posts: 220
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    I have a hard time understanding this. My girlfriend can get done working out and smell like she got his by a stink truck and I still want to hit it. :)
  • tmanfromtexas
    tmanfromtexas Posts: 928 Member
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    I wish my wife would be like that. Before I started eating better and exercising I was lucky if I could last 5 mins without feeling like my heart was going to explode out of my chest. So she just stopped because she was afraid I would hurt myself which I totally understand I am not healthy at the moment. But 1 day last week and was able to get her and we lasted for 45 mins and she was super supportive and was excited about the extra stamina and that i didn't feel like i was going to die. But since then its like I don't exist :(

    You did it too good!!! LOL.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    If he has put on 40 since leaving the military, he is probably feeling the opposite of how you are feeling losing 10. If he is willing, he would likely be a great exercise partner, what with the military training and all. Then he too can reap the rewards, physically and sexually!
  • richf9
    richf9 Posts: 1
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    ...and fantasy football
  • bleacheblonde
    bleacheblonde Posts: 333
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    Just, um, "take care of yourself." :wink: Also, he might have low testosterone...my fiance had that problem for a couple years and when he finally figured it out and started getting Andro-gel, the change was crazy. Before he was depressed and had no energy and no interest in sex, finally went to the doctor, and found out that his testosterone levels were CRAZY low.
  • kittyhasclaws
    kittyhasclaws Posts: 446 Member
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    I don't know if this has been brought up, but if he just go out of the Army, then he's probably having trouble adjusting to civilian life. It's hard on guys. It's depressing, but for some stupid reason guys think they have to suck it up and just ride out depression because "feelings are for sissies". Have you actually sat and talked to him about? Asked him about depression? Because depression kills sex drives.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    I have a hard time understanding this. My girlfriend can get done working out and smell like she got his by a stink truck and I still want to hit it. :)

    ^^^This cracks me up, because my hubby likes to sniff me after a workout! I think he's nuts, but he thinks I smell "yummy", and often leads to additional exercise :love:
  • tmanfromtexas
    tmanfromtexas Posts: 928 Member
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    I know you asked for no negativity but you're being a jerk.. I'm sorry

    If you havent been down this road and I would consider that the case since you are 20, then you dont know what you are talking about by calling someone a jerk. This causes many problems in a marriage on both sides of the aisle. It sucks when one wants it and the other doesnt for what ever the reason. Until you live in her shoes, maybe you should sit back, read and learn from other's ideas.
  • danwood2
    danwood2 Posts: 291 Member
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    I wish my wife had as much libido as I do!! :) No matter if I was overweight or not, I have always been willing.

    My question to you though - have you ever just started with him? Wake him up in a good way? Joined him in the shower for a little fun? It sounds like you are going to have to initiate if you need the intimacy for right now. And I agree with a bunch of the responders - after he left the military and gained the weight - he is either depressed, low testosterone, needs to start getting more active, and possibly even go to therapy (couples and single) to help. You guys need to open that line of communication!!

    if that doesn't work... stock up on the batteries... if you are into it - have him walk in on you... it almost seems like you need to shock him to wake up a little bit!!
  • Shambree813
    Shambree813 Posts: 37 Member
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    Maybe he lacks self confidence because he gained so much weight? or maybe getting out of the army was a lot for him..... Try to encourage him to work out not point the finger in whos right or wrong. Men are men, they are arrogant and stubborn. But us women we wear the pants! Its all about control, so I would say one step at a time, try to get him into it. Do things he likes, sometimes guys need more then just a naked body in front of them. Ive seen many online or in person half naked or naked guys and that really doesn't do it for me.... Not all guys (suprisingly) are just readyt o go! Just saying, but good luck regardless

    ^agree...be patient and keep communicating. It sounds like you're finally taking control of your body and health and you are reaping those rewards. He's not in the same place as you are at this point. Don't have enough info as to why. Keep looking for those little things you do or did together and be lightly seductive and be patient...believe it or not, sometimes the stronger the advance the more standoffish he may become. I am pretty confident the challenge you are dealing with has less to do with you (you look great btw) than it does with where he is at and whatever he is dealing with (or likely not dealing with). This is coming from a husband who was guilty of the same at one point and has since made it his first motivation to never be there again.
  • Shambree813
    Shambree813 Posts: 37 Member
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    Very good and insightful advice!
  • Tropical_Turtle
    Tropical_Turtle Posts: 2,236 Member
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    adameve.com

    you can find something to play with here!

    This is an AWESOME site - lots of fun stuff :wink:

    ETA: Make him a sammich and give him a beer, and let him watch tv and you give him a some time on your knees? option? May lead to more?
  • tmanfromtexas
    tmanfromtexas Posts: 928 Member
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    Ok seriously what guy in the world turns down sex when there wife is basically begging for it! WTF I understand "sex" is not what makes a marriage, BUT since I dropped the 10 lbs Still have a ways to go (45) and been working out 5x a week its all that is on my mind. All my husband wants to do is sit on the damn couch be boring and eat chips. I do not get it in any way, been married to the man since I was 17 WTF. He has just gotten so damn lazy since he got out of the ARMY i mean god I think he has gained atleast 40lbs I have pointed it out to him! Like everyone already knows until he wants to change it, its not gonna change!


    Anyways sorry just had to get it out GRRR. Please no negativity its not like that at all.
    Anyone feel free to add me!


    Something is wrong with that man. Very rarely am I too tired for sex.

    AMEN Brother!!! Hell I am 47 years old, work fifty hours a week and am always ready...
  • SofaKingRad
    SofaKingRad Posts: 1,592 Member
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    ITT: future cheaters

    also I love how everyone's jumping my *kitten* just because I'm a virgin. Just because I'm one doesn't mean my opinion is completely irrelevant. Yeah I get I don't know what it's like. yeah I get it people LOVE sex. What I DON'T get is why it turns people into the worst people in this world.

    Their jumping your *kitten* because you're a virgin and they wanna take dat! :laugh:
  • AuddAlise
    AuddAlise Posts: 723 Member
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    Been there done that...written the book. My husband couldn't be less interested. I couldn't want it more. Were at a stalmate right now. I get some about 1 -2 time a month.

    Oh, and if some guy got on here saying his wife/girlfriend/SO wouldn't put out I would be sympathizing with him. Not berating him. No double standard here.
  • danwood2
    danwood2 Posts: 291 Member
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    Been there done that...written the book. My husband couldn't be less interested. I couldn't want it more. Were at a stalmate right now. I get some about 1 -2 time a month.

    Oh, and if some guy got on here saying his wife/girlfriend/SO wouldn't put out I would be sympathizing with him. Not berating him. No double standard here.

    I feel your pain!! My First wife pushed me away constantly never wanting to do anything. It got to the point to where I was lucky to get it 1-2 every other month. I was getting to the point to doing jumpingjacks naked in front of her. Well, the most IRONIC moment EVER - is that she seeked out an "old friend" and decided that she wanted some then. Later complaining to me that she felt lonely in our marriage!? WHAAAAAAAA... She cheated a month before our 5 year anniversary and we were divorced 6 months later! To this day - I still thank her! :laugh: Because I couldn't be happier!!
  • Mbishop7684
    Mbishop7684 Posts: 171 Member
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    As for the OP, I just can't relate to turning down sex. Even when I was at my heaviest, I never turned it down.
    enjoy your stds and accidental child I'll be over here doin it with someone I actually care about while not forcing them or dehumanizing them for sex.

    wow whenenever someone can't have their sex or lean someone is a virgin people get MAD hahahaha

    edit: before anyone asks "well if you love him so much why aren't you having sex you're just jealous!!"

    it's because I'm not on birth control yet and I'm not an idiot

    1) Good for you for sticking with your morals.
    2) People are not mad at your sexual status.
    3) People are mad at your lack of foresight. Your opinion is not valid because you have absolutely NO experience with these types of situations; therefore you are ignorant to these feelings and issues.
    3) People are mad because you judged others for the choices they are making and are now resentful because people are judging you in kind.

    So lesson learned, you are entitled to your opinion however realize that your opinion is meaningless unless you are actually experienced in the particular situation AND if you have the bravado to judge others make sure you have enough bravado to take their potentially harsher criticism (this applies to ALL aspects of life so you better learn quick).

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