Why are people on these forums so mean?

I think the original point of this topic was not so much the advice and the different opinions but the WAY they are expressed. There is no need to reprimand and/or publically flog anybody. As one poster said...it's a matter of being civil regardless of your point of view. You catch more flies with honey....

True, but some people considered any comment that isn't complete agreement or in the tone of poor-little-you uncivil.

You're a teenager. You have an eating disorder. You've supported people eating under 500 calories. You'll find it hard getting people on this site to agree with you or not speak up. I'm not trying to be mean, just being real. There may be better sites for your age and your particular needs. I don't condone people being mean just for the sake of being mean, but there are people on this site who will call you out for unhealthy behaviors.

You're wrong. There are plenty of people with an ED who advertise it. They are not all quiet about it, and some do try to rally new frineds. You may not have seen it here, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

To be fair, people who glamorise a harmful mental illness that they have usually have another sort of mental illness as well. They're not mentally well at all. They need help, not judgement - and it's part of their illness that they won't accept help.

As for people who talk about it, that is not necessarily the same as advocating it or glamorising it. People shouldn't have to be secretive about whatever disorder they have. They may well have to be secretive in real life and so feel the need for somewhere to be themselves without shame. And of course they want friends like themselves, because those are the people who really understand.

I think there is a lot of misunderstanding around mental illness. It's like when people say people with depression aren't trying to help themselves. People often simply aren't able to help themselves - they can't get the motivation. Their brain is ill and isn't letting them.

To give a different sort of example, I have Asperger Syndrome (now does saying that mean I'm 'advertising' it? Do people read that as me saying 'Hey, Asperger Syndrome is great - everyone else should have it too!'). That is not a mental illness, but it is a neurological difference/disorder. The way my brain works means I have a lot of difficulty with organisation, with switching from one activity to another, to initiating a new activity. I spend a lot of effort trying to find strategies to help - finding ways of setting up routines, so that the switch is just on autopilot, for instance. But also having Asperger Syndrome is incredibly tiring, because my brain has to always process things intellectually that other people process automatically, so I get exhausted and don't always have the energy to use strategies, and there are days when I sit all day on my sofa on the internet. People may think I'm lazy, that I'm not helping myself, but they don't realise the huge amount of effort it takes just to function and live life independently and go to work and all that, because it doesn't take effort for them. They assume my mind works like theirs - even when they know I have Aspergers - because people find it very difficult to conceive of a mind that can't do the things that theirs can.

Now, it is similar for people with mental illnesses. They may in theory want to help themselves, but often they simply don't have the mental resources to do so. All the people I know with eating disorders want to help themselves, and want to get better, but it's a lifelong battle for them, and they don't have a fighting, victorious attitude every day. Some days they do say they are fat, and they don't eat, and they say they've overeaten when they've barely eaten anything, and they disregard advice from others, and snap people's heads off. They're not being bad or promoting unhealthy behaviour - it's just part of the illness.

As I know from my Aspergers, it's incredibly difficult and frustrating when someone is telling you what you should be doing, and you literally can't do it because of the way your brain is working at that moment. You want them to shut up, because they don't understand - it's like telling a paralysed person to get up and walk. Sometimes you just want someone who will express understanding of the difficulty. It doesn't mean you are never going to help yourself - it just means that at that moment, your brain isn't letting you, and you just need someone to understand that.

Perhaps the difficulty on this site is that a lot of people know what it's like to struggle to do something difficult (in their case, lose weight) and so they think that because they've struggled and done it, then anyone can. That it's all about mind over matter. But it's not the same struggle for someone who has a mental or neurological disorder. Just like an able bodied person may have a lot of difficulty in their struggle to start running and work up to running a marathon, but they can't then say to someone with a severe mobility disability - 'Hey, it's mind over matter! You have to be tough, and then you'll be able to run! I did it, so you can too! Stop making excuses! You just don't want to help yourself' The person with the disability may well be able to do some exercise - but it's going to be totally different, and the strategies employed to achieve it will be totally different. And the help they will need with it is likely to be a lot more specialised than that of some random non-disabled person who happens to have taken up running.

Somehow it's easier for people to understand physical disabilities than to understand mental or neurological ones.

I have not figured this one out myself yet....what happened to if you can't say something NICE then keep your mouth shut.

I tend to not comment if it is gonna be ugly....opions are like buttholes everyone has one but it does not mean we want to hear yours:laugh:

Sometimes, you have a choice between the right answer and the "nice" answer.

There are those who are helpful & there are those who are just rude, attacking & derogatory. I agree with you that there a # of the latter on this site even though it should be a place for supportive & helpful people. I was chased off from posting on here by the rude & nasty snake pit of vipers. It was very disappointing.

Sounds like your problem is with Churches and God. Just saying it in love.