Respecting men

Now this should be interesting.....

I would have thought what they mean by men preferring to be respected is.....by acknowledging their feelings, thoughts, interests etc. Just the same as us women like to be respected with our views / opinions, independence, trust, feelings, how we interact with men, common interests, doing simple, little things for them without being asked such as a hug or smile or making them laugh.

But in saying all the above, these can also fall into the love catergory, as without the above, a relationship may not work. Actually I guess it falls into any type of relationship be it friendship or intimate relationship.

In my opinion I think men would like to be both loved and respected. The same as woman would want. Or have I got all the above wrong?

The word respected does not mean (in my view) being controlled or ordered about - that's a whole different level that just isn't healthy.

Again, its gonna be interesting seeing the differnet comments.

I like this because I think MOST women probably think along these lines... This is how WOMEN define how they want to be treated/respected... We men (for the most part) are much different. This is why "Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus" was written in the first place!!!

What I want as a man... and what I see as respect... although those things aforementioned are very nice and appreciated it's not the MOST important thing.

#1 for me... APPROVAL! If I make a decision I don't want you to argue or fight me on it all the time. That also goes along with... I am a man... I like football... I would be likely to miss a funeral in order to watch a Steelers playoff game. Most women don't get that...

#2... Don't attack me personally. YOU did this... YOU didn't do that... This drives me crazy, and I will instantly shut down.

#3... If I want my space and alone time give it to me! The key here that women really don't get is that it's on OUR terms not theirs! It doesn't matter if you think I "had the whole day for alone time blah blah blah... whatever or wherever that was"... that's not necessarily the alone time that I NEED.

We're all different, but I think there are a LOT of men who will agree with these on some level.

And yes... respect should definitely be reciprocated in kind. This isn't about controlling the women... it's about having control over oneself.

EDITED TO ADD...

This one is VERY important... We do not want to have a shadow 24/7 every single minute of every single day no matter how much we love you! Everyone needs to be able to go out with friends, etc. without you sometimes. I'm sure most women want that as well.

Here's the thing about respect: you can't trick yourself. You respect someone or you don't. Maybe you can learn to respect someone if you do not, but at this moment in time, you either do or do not.

I have spent enough time with women whom I didn't respect--and time with women who did not respect me--to understand that it isn't a game--there is no grocery list of behaviors to show someone respect. Your man knows if you respect him. End of story.

Yes.

make sammiches

Last time I heard that one, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.

Why does at least one guy in the group equate love/respect with subservience?

I always thought they only wanted food or sex..

Respect:

Be each others' very best cheerleaders.

Leave room for the answer "no." Your partner is a person with likes and dislikes, and a different schedule. If you ask, expect an actual answer.

Assuming this isn't an abusive or controlling relationship: always assume your partner has the very best of intentions, even when you don't know how to interpret their actions or words. Ask for clarification before you argue.

Encourage each other's dreams, goals, talents, abilities, and point out each other's strengths.

Do not say anything negative about your partner to other people, unless you are in a confidential counselling situation where you are actively seeking help for the problem, not just airing dirty laundry.

Compliment your partner to their face, and to other people.

In decision making, the person whom the decision most effects should have a greater say in the decision making process.

If your partner has responsibility for a certain area/aspect of your relationship, they should also have the authority over it.

Check your tone of voice.

Thank each other for doing chores, cooking, sex, any other thing they do that makes your day better or your household run smoother.

Go to Amazon.com and get the book "His Needs, Her Needs" it will enlighten anyone interested in learning the top five needs (not wants) in a man/woman, marital relationship.

I have reccomended this book to dozens of people. It is easy reading with many stories as examples explaining each of the needs that need to be met.

So back to the point, respect, this is one of the top five needs for a man.

If for any reason the man or woman does not get one of their needs met, they will go outside the relationship to get it met.

Please email me or friend me if you want to discuss this further.

Can you love someone you don't respect?

Yes.

This was my problem for a long time. Can you make it last with someone you don't respect? Probably not. It's awfully hard to end things with someone you still love though.

To clarify my comment about one word answers being accepted by all men. When my wife makes a mistake that I need to fix, I have questions. When I ask a yes or no question, that's all I want as an answer. I don't need nor did I ask for justification for her answer. Simply yes or no. I have more questions so she needs to shut up so I can ask them. I've noticed this being fairly universal for women, the need to explain or justify their answers. Issues can't be resolved when one party can't shut up long enough for the other party to speak.

As a woman, the blunt, sometimes angry-sounding questions requiring yes-or-no responses can create anxiety. That's especially true if I anticipate my husband's frustration and anger after I've made a mistake. I understand exactly what you are saying, and it makes sense to me, but anxiety can make people want to explain themselves to hopefully smooth things over. I'm just trying to describe what is happening psychologically when situations like this happen. A calm man asking calm questions can actually help the situation, but I know that emotions can take over in men needing to fix a problem of someone else's making. It's irritatng, and I get that.