Can husband motivate wife to lose lbs w/o being a jerk?
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Honestly all these people saying "there's absolutely no way" must not have a great, open sense of communication. Either that, or they are already so self conscious that they couldn't handle anyone else pointing out the obvious.
I agree completely. I know that if it were me....while it may sting a bit...I would want to know what he was thinking.0 -
Yes! You can say things that should not only help her but make her WANT to workout! Praise her when she does workout but not in an overly annoying way! Like tell her how sexy she looks sweaty! Tell her how much you appreciate the non workout things she does and offer to do a few loads of laundry or watch the kids if she wants to get a workout in. Or get both of you a heart rate monitor that shows your calories burned and make it a little game to keep up with eachother on the calories burned each week. Also have her start training more with you.. we all should know by now that to lose and keep weight off it helps to weight train so the more you teach her in the weight room the less she will just do endless hours of cardio.0
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Yes. Ask her to go dancing with you. Can't dance? Take dance lessons together.0
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It sounds like she is already motivated. She's asking you to train for a triathlon with her, so support her by saying yes! Do some research together to make sure you are both properly fueling your bodies. Think about what a great example you will be setting for your kids and what a great opportunity it will be to become even more connected to your wife. Good luck!0
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As a woman who is 45 and just gained weight in her lower half for the 1st time in all my years my husband tried to bring this up and it hurts. We have a very open relationship but still I am too self concious about it myself. I need to know he loves and accepts me the way I am always regardless if I am heavier, healthier. Unfortunately he cannot exercise anymore due to RA but barely eats so weight is not an issue for him. He does encourage but learned very fast DON"T0
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Make a point of gripping the ol' love handles a little bit more firmly than usual.0
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Nope. Only she can motivate herself.
I know from past experiences and that was only as the girlfriend, haha.0 -
Better yet, why don't you start making some healthy dinners!! The internet is full of healthy delicious meals, just follow the directions if you can't cook.
And if she's active and willing to train for a triathalon with you, definitely take her up on that!! There's nothing you could say even if you didn't care about hurting her feelings. Someone will lose the weight when they are truly ready. 0 -
I know you have 8 pages of response but i just wanted to say that you should look at her mom and her sisters if she has any. What do their shapes look like? Some people have genetics that just when they reach a certain age they get a tummy or butt.. Women have different hormones than guys and although YES diet and exercise can flatten things for some women it will always be a constant struggle. I would not compare her to other women she is not related to as that is comparing apples and oranges. Everyone has a unique shape and they become more exaggerated as we get older.
If she is out of shape I could see encouraging her to work out with you or eat healthy with you but please dont directly say I dont like your stomach or butt because that crap hurts. If she is for the most part in shape than I would guess you may have to just get used to the fact that is her shape..
I am sure most of this has been said and you have gotten a lot of responses this just felt like something worth saying.0 -
i reccomend you watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35yNekqZfyE&feature=plcp 0 -
This seems to be YOUR problem, not your wife's. I'm going to go kiss my husband now. :grumble:
Me Too0 -
do it subtly by saying you want to be more healthy maybe? and she may be inclined to join in
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Definitely don't say anything. I would be DEVASTATED if my husband said something about my weight. Conversely, I don't tell him he needs to drop 50. He will, in his own time.Seriously.
Whatever you say, you'll be wanting to unsay, and you'll never be able to.
^^^^^^ True story. My husband made a very calm, and even scientifically backed up observation about my weight in a very circumspect way nearly five years ago and I have never forgotten it. It made me self conscious in some weird ways afterwards and I am just now moving past it.
Do not do it.
She knows her butt is big. I promise you. You don't have to say anything.0 -
Maybe you could lead the way! You start working out and start eating healthy and she will follow!!
Basil0 -
First of all, stop comparing your wife to other women. Just don't go there.
This.
And you said "The truth is that she is pretty fit. She runs, cycles, lifts weights and generally probably works out 4-5 times a week."
What the hell else do you want from her? You should know that this **** doesn't happen overnight... You WORK for it. And that's exactly what she is doing.
So stop expecting perfection and just love your wife. She loves you even if you have 47 lbs to lose.0 -
No, quite honestly, she has to want it for herself. Love her and support her no matter what. Dropping hints about her weight, etc are just going to make her feel worse about herself.0
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I would express to her that YOU want to start living more healthily and you would love it if she could be a support for you. Tell her you want to work out together, cook together, take up new hobbies together. Express to her that you think it is important for both of you to make some changes so you can live a long and healthy life together. Don't make it all about her though!0
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I have a big butt. I cannot lie. About a year ago or so, my husband called my butt a "wrecking ball." It devastated me. DEVASTATED me.
I KNOW what my butt looks like. I know it's round and out there.
Six months ago, I started exercising - 6 days a week, 60-90 minutes a DAY. Guess what? My *kitten* is still big.
So you know what he got for all his "wrecking ball" comments? A wife who now, when he looks at another woman, KNOWS that he is comparing me to her.
Don't say anything. Because she knows. If it bothers you that much, then that's your problem. And you said your wife IS active. Maybe, like me, with age, the weight comes off slower, and in the wrong places first.
And because of his comment about my "wrecking ball" *kitten*, every single time he touches my butt (and he touches it a lot -very affectionately), I tense up. Because I'm thinking, "He thinks my *kitten* is huge. I'm disgusting."
One comment. You are one comment from this.0 -
Hello,
I thought to ask my husband to help me answer this.
Hubby says, just absolutely love your wife.
Regarding the other attractive women with great figures...hubby says, you just don't do that...wayyyy tooooo silly to compare your wife's hips to another woman's hips....there will ALWAYS be a more '"attractive" woman....
Regarding her motivation to change, hubby says, your love for her, just the way she is...makes her feel secure...more likely to change out of her own desire for herself and to please you.
By the way
As a woman, I want my husband's "attraction" and don't want him to "give" it to another woman.
If he did, it would crush my desire, sense of attractiveness, etc.
You're a great, loving husband and in a terrific relationship with a fantastic woman!0 -
If she's fit and working out and not eating like 3000 cals...
I'd be worried about a health problem.0 -
Honestly all these people saying "there's absolutely no way" must not have a great, open sense of communication. Either that, or they are already so self conscious that they couldn't handle anyone else pointing out the obvious.
Now I'm definitely not saying it should be gone about in a blunt way, but if it's towards the betterment of both her health and physique, why not motivate both her and yourself to get more fit??
I have plenty of weight to lose and know it. My fiance has always been mildly interested in weight lifting and toning up but never really pursued it. As I lost weight and became "addicted" to fitness, I started noticing certain aspects that I thought my significant other could improve on as well. This doesn't mean I dislike his current, wonderful body, it just means that I'd love for us to both become as healthy and ridiculously sexy as possible together lol
I know talking to a guy about fitness can be easier in some respect, but I also wanted to approach the topic gently to ensure he understood I came from a place of love and happiness with him. To keep it simple, I asked him to workout with me. I LOVE it. It's probably one of the best decisions I've made, as we now push each other to keep up and laugh and have fun with fitness. I always joke about how amaaaazing my butt will look someday with repeated squatting and how his washboard abs are going to be sooo hot when we honeymoon in Hawaii next year.
Keeping things fun and sexy is totally the way to go. At least in my case xD Now we both enjoy every bit of getting fit together. And we're both honest and open about the areas we'd like to see ourselves improve in. I think approaching it like this allowed himself to be honest with the areas he wanted to work on, regardless of how he may have kept quiet about/ignored them in the past.
*Edited for a typo! lol there's always one..
Totally agree. In a 20 year marriage, you should be able to say anything (nicely).0 -
nope0
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I think doing the triathalon is a great idea!0
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The best way to do this is by setting a good example. Take on the responsibility of making healthy meals and eating and working out like you want her to. Its hard. I had gained 30lbs after I got married because I ate like my husband. Its hard to eat healthy when your husband can eat anything he wants and she's left eating chicken and broccoli. Plus my guess is that she already knows. You can't walk around thinking this and feeling this way toward her without her knowing. She might feel it and it might just depress her.
My hubby finally said "Youd better not get fat; it's in the prenump." (We dont have a prenump) It hurt my feelings, but I lost the weight. I still get mad at him for him saying anything because it was a **** move. Its not a kind or supportive thing to say. If you decide to tell her you'd better be ready, because now that you've opened your big fat mouth she'll open hers and lets hope she still thinks you're still the gem that she married.0 -
OMG I actually totally admire you for that post. It shows you care about your wife very much, otherwise you'd already be hurling the insults at her. You know, only you know your wife well enough to answer your own question. Personally I'm not so sensitive about my weight that my husband couldn't talk to me about this. And I own a mirror, so to tell me something like you're saying wouldn't be a shock, I'd already know, and depending on how it's said, I don't think it'd hurt my feelings. But I'm not the typical woman, I don't even like to cuddle (LOL!). So it really just depends on how sensitive she is. HOWEVER I think if it really bothers you enough that you brought it up here seeking advice, you need to find a way to communicate this with her, what's a marriage without an open forum? But someone on here also said that she is going to want to make changes for herself, not for you, and you don't want her at the gym everyday working out to the thought of how much she hates your friggin guts for how much you just hurt her. You are between a rock and a hard place my friend. Personally I'd really want to know if my husband wasn't attracted to me anymore and I'd want to change that........... but that's just me.0
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I am absolutely sure you are perfect in every way.0
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I think it depends on your relationship. My husband and I communicate really well and have talked a lot about our weights and our health and we're pretty open about it. When he was diagnosed with diabetes a year and a half ago, he told me he wanted me to start being healthier too so we weren't both sick. We were straight with each other and we talked about true things - health, fitness, sickness, fear, concern. We did not talk about wishing the other was more attractive because that had nothing to do with it. I would have been more upset with my husband had he kept these concerns to himself and not said anything to me because he was afraid he might hurt my feelings. But that's the kind of relationship we have. I wouldn't make him sleep on the couch for talking to me about needing to get my health under control.
So we started eating together and working out together and we split the chores more evenly. I cook the healthy meals and he cleans up after them. We grocery shop together and talk about what we're going to eat together. He doesn't like to run, but he's come to both of my 5Ks to cheer me on and take pictures and he stands right at the finish line to hug me when I come running in all sweaty and gross.
I personally think you should be honest and talk to her about your concerns. Don't put her down or make her feel bad, but it sounds like you don't want to do that anyway. She might be hurt, but tell her the truth and that it would be a lot easier and more fulfilling if you two did the food and workouts together. Share the chore load. Make eating healthy an easy family affair. Get the kids involved. Don't make it all about her and what she's not doing right - make it about all of you.0 -
Nope.
My husband made a comment about my arms (super self-conscious about them because they are easter-european, farmer arms) and how maybe a certain cut isn't flattering......Yeah, haven't forgotten that. Won't wear sleeveless shirts. Won't expose my arms. That was 10 years ago.0 -
Better to drop subtle hints to her. "Hey babe, I'm headed over to the gym. I'd love it if you joined me" Etc etc.
^^^ This! My hubby and I walk together a lot and mostly because one or the other of us will do this. We talk while we power walk and generally egg each other on. But when we first starting walking it was because he did this. Now he's a lot lighter and so am I. And we talk more than ever before.0 -
look no matter how you put it your gunna sound like a jerk... but to avoid all hell and wrath from your wife and having her resent and hate you for telling her "I think your *kitten* is as wide as a buttco buss and want you to lose it" why dont you say to her how bout we both start looking at changing our diets and exercise together and start a fresh new outlook on life for health reasons... you can encourage her to do so and by your doing it as well you'll feel better health wise...0
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