really bad home issues... could use some help
MadGodsBlessing
Posts: 14 Member
fair warning this might be a little long, its more about what my issues are and not so much about weight loss
i live with my husband and in laws there is 6 people here total. January this year i lost my job (Mcdonalds) and a week after that my mother in law passed away. after all of that we had no income so my sister in law had her boyfriend ( now husband) move in to help out.. (he does nothing around the house but he does work 4 days a week) he gives my father in law enough money to pay the bills ( we have not paid rent in several months, the landlord knows what we are going thru and hasnt forced us to pay anything but i dont know how much longer that will happen) about a month later my sister in law comes up with this great idea that shes going to try and get pregnant. ( her excuse is that its going to help the family out because she will be able to get food stamps and cash assistance) she is about 2 months pregnant now. ( she tried saying that welfare said that she had to be pregnant or in school to get food stamps which is a LIE because im not pregnant, i dont have any kids and im not in school ) ( me and her are both 25 years old)
my sister in law has no respect for ANYONE. is always causing problems with everyone that lives here. she wont help out with any house work unless shes threatened that her internet will be shut off ( the bill was in my name and is now in my husbands name) ( we both figure that if you wont help with anything around the house that you dont need internet either) and trust me there is a lot im leaving out of this
i started trying to lose weight two months ago... ive just been watching how much i eat and exercising. we are only getting food stamps and have to last a month with that amount only. so its really hard for me to cut out things that i know are not good for me. i have cut back on soda a lot. right after i started i switched to diet soda.... i can hardly stand the taste of it anymore... i still have a problem with caffeine and drinking sweet tea ( homemade) im stuck eating what everyone else eats for dinner except for a few little things..they will have cream of chicken soup with noodles in it.... i never cared for the way it tastes to i will eat chicken and brown rice with seasonings. its hard to even think of what to make for a meal that everyone would eat.... it seems like no matter whats cooked someone does not like it. i know we tend to eat a lot of pasta and hamburger
everyone here is overweight except my sister in law's husband... im the only one trying ( my father in law said that he has lost at least 60lbs since his wife passed away on the 30th of Jan, he has no appetite anymore and half the time just wants junk food) im glad hes losing weight also but just dont really like how its happening
my sister in law pretty much lives on junk food and fast food.... every time she gets something new shes always trying to get me to eat some ( i dont want any because i know she will throw it up to me later on) and she knows that im trying to avoid that kind of stuff as much as possible... im around it all the time because their dad always wants junk food and it dosent last very long in the house anyhow they all eat about twice as much as i do and that was even before i started watching what i was eating. with him always wanting junk food and soda it takes up a good bit of our food stamps that we could use towards having better meals and or in their case bigger meals....its even hard for me to get things for just me that would be healthier... if anyone else would like anything i got it would be gone instantly.
i want to start being able to eat better but living here there is no way possible to do it... i am starting a job tomorrow its not going to be much (at most 20 hours a week) but i have bills that need caught up on and i have to start paying on the phone bill ( my little brother has been paying it for my since Jan) and i have to help pay for the house bills or rent and things we need for the house..
i just need some advice or anything that would help... and dont even try to tell me to move out or anything like that because right now its is NOT possible.
i live with my husband and in laws there is 6 people here total. January this year i lost my job (Mcdonalds) and a week after that my mother in law passed away. after all of that we had no income so my sister in law had her boyfriend ( now husband) move in to help out.. (he does nothing around the house but he does work 4 days a week) he gives my father in law enough money to pay the bills ( we have not paid rent in several months, the landlord knows what we are going thru and hasnt forced us to pay anything but i dont know how much longer that will happen) about a month later my sister in law comes up with this great idea that shes going to try and get pregnant. ( her excuse is that its going to help the family out because she will be able to get food stamps and cash assistance) she is about 2 months pregnant now. ( she tried saying that welfare said that she had to be pregnant or in school to get food stamps which is a LIE because im not pregnant, i dont have any kids and im not in school ) ( me and her are both 25 years old)
my sister in law has no respect for ANYONE. is always causing problems with everyone that lives here. she wont help out with any house work unless shes threatened that her internet will be shut off ( the bill was in my name and is now in my husbands name) ( we both figure that if you wont help with anything around the house that you dont need internet either) and trust me there is a lot im leaving out of this
i started trying to lose weight two months ago... ive just been watching how much i eat and exercising. we are only getting food stamps and have to last a month with that amount only. so its really hard for me to cut out things that i know are not good for me. i have cut back on soda a lot. right after i started i switched to diet soda.... i can hardly stand the taste of it anymore... i still have a problem with caffeine and drinking sweet tea ( homemade) im stuck eating what everyone else eats for dinner except for a few little things..they will have cream of chicken soup with noodles in it.... i never cared for the way it tastes to i will eat chicken and brown rice with seasonings. its hard to even think of what to make for a meal that everyone would eat.... it seems like no matter whats cooked someone does not like it. i know we tend to eat a lot of pasta and hamburger
everyone here is overweight except my sister in law's husband... im the only one trying ( my father in law said that he has lost at least 60lbs since his wife passed away on the 30th of Jan, he has no appetite anymore and half the time just wants junk food) im glad hes losing weight also but just dont really like how its happening
my sister in law pretty much lives on junk food and fast food.... every time she gets something new shes always trying to get me to eat some ( i dont want any because i know she will throw it up to me later on) and she knows that im trying to avoid that kind of stuff as much as possible... im around it all the time because their dad always wants junk food and it dosent last very long in the house anyhow they all eat about twice as much as i do and that was even before i started watching what i was eating. with him always wanting junk food and soda it takes up a good bit of our food stamps that we could use towards having better meals and or in their case bigger meals....its even hard for me to get things for just me that would be healthier... if anyone else would like anything i got it would be gone instantly.
i want to start being able to eat better but living here there is no way possible to do it... i am starting a job tomorrow its not going to be much (at most 20 hours a week) but i have bills that need caught up on and i have to start paying on the phone bill ( my little brother has been paying it for my since Jan) and i have to help pay for the house bills or rent and things we need for the house..
i just need some advice or anything that would help... and dont even try to tell me to move out or anything like that because right now its is NOT possible.
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Replies
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i just need some advice or anything that would help... and dont even try to tell me to move out or anything like that because right now its is NOT possible.
That is a shame because that is exactly what I was going to tell you.0 -
i want to, i need to, but im not able to afford anything and my mom does not have the room to let me (and my husband) move in with her and my brother (she lives 6 hours away) and i forget why my dad said that he didnt want us moving in with him when he has plenty of room ( he lives about 7 hours away)0
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I'm so sorry that your in that situation. I can't even begin to imagine. The only thing I can offer to help is to tell you to take a walk. I don't mean move out, but litereally take a walk. Everytime you get furstrated or need a little peace, talk a walk. 20 min here 30 min there. Getting outside and away will help your stress level and the benifits of walking to weight loss should be obvious. Its also FREE!0
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i just need some advice or anything that would help... and dont even try to tell me to move out or anything like that because right now its is NOT possible.
That is a shame because that is exactly what I was going to tell you.
Me too, sorry O.P. I got nothing more to offer.0 -
Is it your foodstamps or hers? If it is yours, then you buy the groceries and get the things you and your hubby wll eat only. If they want junk, they can go buy their on food. Quit buying soda and junk and you will have better food.0
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While fresh veggies are always best, you can many times find really great deals on frozen veggies. I know Krogers has a lot of 10 for $10 specials on different bagged frozen vegetables such as broccoli, lima beans, peas, etc.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a vegetarian or anything but when money is tight, which it is for me a lot being a single dad with little to no support, these can be a cheaper, healthier option.
I wish you luck in your situation.0 -
What's stopping you from getting another job?0
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Well not to seem like a b**** but if you guys dont have the money for rent etc how do you have the money for internet or anything that isnt needed.. "fast food" etc.. Anyways advice would be get a job and move out.. If you are the one getting food stamps no matter what anyone says you go out and buy the stuff you want, cook what you want, and serve what you want.. They dont eat? Who cares?.. Not me.. That is how it happens with me.. I cook what I want for my ex and I (since we live together right now until after my sons birthday then I am going back home with my son and I) and if he eats it he eats it, if he dont, he dont...0
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i knew that was going to come up a lot. i know how some people can be and just say to move out like it would be that easy, if it was going to be that easy i would of done it by now.
i have one person in this town ( besides my husband and father in law) that i can go to for help/advice.
its already been said by the rest of the family that if my sister in law would move out it would make most of the stress and 99% of our problems go away, but that still wouldnt help the food situation much0 -
The most obvious answer of all... get a job. Start earning an income that will allow you to move out and make your own food choices. Why can't your husband get a job? I know times are tough, but you came from a fast food environment... I'm sure those establishments are still hiring. Trying to succeed at anything starts with hard work. Go find some. You didn't indicate you were disabled in any fashion, or that any of your family are, so I'm not understanding why only 1 member of the household works?0
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Agree with the above. I know a lot of people that have had food stamps that are able to buy healthy foods. You also want to try and start walking at least a few times a week to just get some exercise. Maybe your husband will want to walk with you? Maybe explain to the whole family why you are doing what you are doing and they will start being supportive? I know how hard it can be, good luck! I hope things work out!0
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Consider this a free consultation with your friendly Social Worker:
The catalyst for change is you.
Start there. The rest will follow.
The only person you can ever change is yourself. Stop focusing on the others in your home and start thinking about what you can do.
Money is a problem - get a job. Any job. Any time night or day. Can't find one? Look into Network Marketing and work for yourself - Usborne Books and More (my personal favorite), Mary Kay, Tupperware, Nerium, Pampered Chef... There are a whole host of them and any good consultant will help you do what you need to build your own business.
Research foods that you can make yourself. Try Allrecipies.com, look for vegetarian recipes and think of meat as a seasoning rather than a main component. Dry beans are easy to fix, good on nutrients, and cheap.
And yes, talk a walk. Lots of walks. Use the time to envision your future, think of who you want to become, then plan how you can live to make that happen. And with all the drama, take hubby on at least half of them to give you two time to communicate.0 -
I'm sorry about your situation.
I'm a big fan of whole wheat pasta, it goes on sale 10/$10 sometimes (don't buy all 10 if you can't), and then getting veggies and adding a little olive oil and spices. Sometimes you can get veggies that are just about going bad for really cheap. They're def. okay for that day's meal, but you can't wait a week to use them.
Frozen vegetables are also good and they go on sale often. You can do a lot with frozen vegetables! Google recipes and see what comes up.
Tuna fish and light mayo are decent options, you can always add celery and onions if you feel like getting crazy.
And crystal light (or the generics) are my go-to for flavor. I stopped drinking soda a while ago, and I feel much better. If I want something sweet for a beverage, I make crystal light.
Good luck!0 -
i knew that was going to come up a lot. i know how some people can be and just say to move out like it would be that easy, if it was going to be that easy i would of done it by now.
i have one person in this town ( besides my husband and father in law) that i can go to for help/advice.
its already been said by the rest of the family that if my sister in law would move out it would make most of the stress and 99% of our problems go away, but that still wouldnt help the food situation much
That's the thing though. We know it's not going to be easy. Some of us have been in similar situations.
The best option isn't necessarily the easiest option. Do you want to have an easy solution, or do you want to save your sanity?0 -
get a mini fridge off craigslist if you can and keep it in your room with a lock on it....get the food you like and keep it in there stop providing for every one else. the food stamps are for you and your hubby if hes on the case with you. theres no reason to be buying food for everyone unless they are on your stamps with you.
keep your food in your room with a lock either on your room or your fridge and tell everyone to keep out. you have no obligation to provide for everyone else except your hubby.0 -
i just need some advice or anything that would help... and dont even try to tell me to move out or anything like that because right now its is NOT possible.
That is a shame because that is exactly what I was going to tell you.
Me too, sorry O.P. I got nothing more to offer.
Me, also. Stuck in a rut. Will be a nasty circle of same-old, same-old, for years and probably generations, until YOU take control. Of your diet, your housing arrangements, your life.0 -
I may be hard hearted, but your food stamps buy what you want. If they don't like it they can complain all they want and fend for themselves.0
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I'm so sorry that your in that situation. I can't even begin to imagine. The only thing I can offer to help is to tell you to take a walk. I don't mean move out, but litereally take a walk. Everytime you get furstrated or need a little peace, talk a walk. 20 min here 30 min there. Getting outside and away will help your stress level and the benifits of walking to weight loss should be obvious. Its also FREE!
That's exactly what I was going to suggest: spend as little time in that house as you possibly can. Take on another job, volunteer somewhere (animal shelter? hospital?), go to the library, but get out and get moving. Also, just don't eat large portions of anything. Small portions, and try to get some fresh veggies and fruits into your diet. Vegetables aren't expensive, as a general rule. They're some of the cheapest things on my grocery list.0 -
Try checking local churches and groups to see if you qualify for free food boxes, the rest of the family may qualify as well.0
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Why does your husband not get a job, then you get a job and get yourselves a place of your own?! If he has to shovel dirt he should be doing that to make a life for you both. You need to excise yourself from that family/house, girl getting pregnant for assistance and eating mostly fast food even though she's pregnant, everyone overweight...sorry but you need to get out of there! It sounds like a Jeremy Kyle-esque nightmare.0
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i want to, i need to, but im not able to afford anything and my mom does not have the room to let me (and my husband) move in with her and my brother (she lives 6 hours away) and i forget why my dad said that he didnt want us moving in with him when he has plenty of room ( he lives about 7 hours away)
Forget your parents. I don't want to seem mean but it's time to grow up. You and your husband can't live with your in laws all your life. Especially if they're several months behind on the rent that is just not a real option at all. What is your sister even thinking having a kid in that environment? Are her and her new husband going to raise a family living at their parents house when they can't even afford the rent?
It really sounds like a toxic situation and with your money situation the way things are I just don't know. If I was in your shoes I'd be pushing for my husband to get a job (if he doesn't already) so the both of you can get your own place together. And if not then considering divorce and leaving.i knew that was going to come up a lot. i know how some people can be and just say to move out like it would be that easy, if it was going to be that easy i would of done it by now
Never said it would be easy. I've lived a very hard life myself and poverty sometimes forces you to make hard choices.
I cut almost my entire family out of my life a year ago when I got divorced and I took the opportunity to make a lot of changes in my life. It wasn't easy but my biggest regret now was that I didn't do it sooner.0 -
Get a job. If there aren't any jobs available around you, move to where the jobs are. If you lack education and skills to get a job, seek those out. There are plenty of resources out there for people in your situation. It won't be easy, but it is doable. Pay no attention to your sister-in-law. She is insignificant. If you want to change your position in life, no one has the power to do that but YOU. You can do it. Be strong, accept the challenges and make a change.0
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Is it your foodstamps or hers? If it is yours, then you buy the groceries and get the things you and your hubby wll eat only. If they want junk, they can go buy their on food. Quit buying soda and junk and you will have better food.
I agree. If it's your food stamps or your hubby's, then do the shopping yourself and don't buy soda or junk. They will either learn to deal with it or find a way to buy it for themselves. Your sister-in-law should qualify for WIC now since she is pregnant I think.
And honestly, if you guys can't afford food or rent, why do you have internet? Drop the internet and go use it at the library for free. Or go hang out somewhere and use the free wi-fi for awhile.
Hang in there. Spend your pennies wisely and save as many as you can. Do whatever you can at your job to show responsibility and take initiative to get things done faster and better. Hopefully they'll bring you on full time and promote you if you work hard enough. Good luck!0 -
You don't say hardly anything about your husband; is he employed and does he want to stay there? How does he feel about the situation?0
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I'm so sorry that your in that situation. I can't even begin to imagine. The only thing I can offer to help is to tell you to take a walk. I don't mean move out, but litereally take a walk. Everytime you get furstrated or need a little peace, talk a walk. 20 min here 30 min there. Getting outside and away will help your stress level and the benifits of walking to weight loss should be obvious. Its also FREE!
YES. De stress with walks
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I don't think you want to hear what I have to say. But, maybe if you got rid of cable then people would be able to get out and find a job and you would be able to afford to save some money so you can move out. Really, CABLE is a luxury while SHELTER is a necessity. The rent should be paid before anything else because sooner or later you ALL will be on the street.0
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Based on your post, I'm thinking you might need some assistance cleaning up your resume so you can find a job and then afford to move out. Maybe find someone who can look that over for you.
Then use the Internet (since you're paying for it and all) to apply for work.0 -
the food stamps are in my father in laws name, its his house, his daughter and son in law are not on the food stamps. ive been looking for a job since the day i got fired, i had a job that only lasted 2 weeks since then, it was out of town and the person that was giving me a ride quit so i didnt have a way anymore ( it was out of town)
my father in law sold his van that wasnt running anymore and used most of the money to pay off the internet/ cable bill and gave us the money to get it hooked back up so he could watch tv and so his daughter would have internet because he was tired of hearing her ***** about not having it....
nothing was ever said about us being able to afford fast food.... it was said that my sister in law and her husband WASTE his money on that ****.... hes the one working he can do what ever he wants with his money but even though they are expecting a child they go and waste all their money on junk food and fast food
im not trying to be a ***** about the last part but people need to read thing correctly before they ASSUME ****
its more of my father in law being picky about whats made, if none of the kids dont like it we have to find something else0 -
It's good that your'e working again starting tomorrow. Now make it work for you. Put your needs first. Your money, your food. Do not care what the rest of your family wants. If they want junk, they can work and go buy junk. If you need to make a plan with FIL, then do it. Stop the soda entirely. You have real nutrition needs here and soda won't fill them. Save that money for real food. As the others have mentioned, you can get frozen veggies with your money and stamps. Frozen meat, too. You can get what you need, but you will have to make hard choices.
Pick a day when you are not hungry to take a pad and pencil and go through the store. Mark what you can get with your stamps that IS good for you. Now go home, plan a menu and go back and get the stuff you NEED. Not want. NEED.
And if the others complain that you didn't get what they want, tell them to go get a job if they want junk. You're here to eat real food.0 -
@OP: If you need a lifestyle change then you need to move PERIOD. NO EXCUSES. Move into a homeless shelter together, visit soup kitchens, do what YOU need to do to get back on your feet. Get a 2nd and/or 3rd job to finish paying off back debt. Turn off the internet if you can't afford rent, IT'S NOT A NECESSITY. If YOU receive food stamps then YOU use them for what YOU want - no one else. Take responsibility for your situation and you'll earn the respect of your husband and be an inspiration to the rest of your family... but don't come whining to a message board about how terrible you have it when you've made it clear to everyone here that you're ignoring the simplest possible solution.0
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