really bad home issues... could use some help

Is your husband working? I don't think I read anything about that. The long and short of all this is, IMHO, you need to move out of that kind of environment. It sounds like a major clusterf*ck. Get another job, get your husband working, find a way to get a small place of your own. Even a studio might be affordable after you've had a chance to save up a bit. Here in CT, we have a 211 service that offers tons of help to people on a variety of topics; I'd say see if you have something like that where you live and find out if there any programs that can help you...maybe assistance to put a deposit on a small apartment or something like that.

Make a plan, then work towards it. You can't live in that situation forever...criminy, it's making me feel crazy in the head to even imagine your living situation and how frustrating it must be. I'm decent with resumes...not a certified whiz or anything, but I've put together some pretty decent resumes in my time and often get asked for assistance from friends. If you'd like me to see if I can help brush up your resume at all, please send me a PM. I'd be happy to help. I'm in a crazy screwed up financial situation right now, myself, different from yours...but not any less maddening and frustrating. If I could help a fellow person out in their similar time of need, I'd be happy to. Best of luck to you!

i knew that was going to come up a lot. i know how some people can be and just say to move out like it would be that easy, if it was going to be that easy i would of done it by now.

i have one person in this town ( besides my husband and father in law) that i can go to for help/advice.

its already been said by the rest of the family that if my sister in law would move out it would make most of the stress and 99% of our problems go away, but that still wouldnt help the food situation much

That's the thing though. We know it's not going to be easy. Some of us have been in similar situations.

The best option isn't necessarily the easiest option. Do you want to have an easy solution, or do you want to save your sanity?

Exactly.

There are times I worked two jobs, seven days a week. There was even a time when I had no car to get to those jobs and had to bum rides off coworkers - even to the grocery store - until I was able to get a car.

When times are tough, you buckle down. Get a job anywhere- the gas station, McDonald's, the department store. I know times are tough out there, but when you have no job and desperately need one, there are some out there. You just can't be picky. You can't afford to be.

Not only will getting a job bring you an income, but it will give you an outlet. Something else to focus on. something else to do rather than sit around the house feeling sorry for yourself and wanting to strangle your family members.

I'm not trying to be nasty, but I'm stating the facts.

If you're not willing to step up and hold yourself accountable, then I can't drum up much sympathy. I've been there. I've been broke and terrified and depressed and heartbroken. I did something about it and pulled myself up. I'm not the only one. Many here have done the same thing, I'm sure.

Try going to sites like www.slowfoodusa.org to get ideas for inexpensive healthy meals. And going for a walk IS a great idea. It gets you out of the house and negativity and gets good chemicals floating in your brain. Good stuff in, good stuff out. You have to release the stress of this situation or it will take you down. So far it sounds like you're hanging in there and I give you kudos for that. You have a tough situation there. I hope your husband is supportive. Get out of the house as much as you can. If you have time, volunteer somewhere. This could lead to a job offering some where and gives you something else to put on a resume. You will also meet different people probably with better attitudes than your family and maybe a connection to a job or something positive. Start drinking water. It's so much better for you than any soda or tea. Try adding quinoa to your diet, it's a plant based complete protein. Eat whole grain pastas when you can or cook white one's al dente to be healthier. Try not to buy things that are prepackaged. The are usually unhealthy and expensive. It sounds like most of your family wouldn't eat healthy stuff anyway. Remember, we can't control what life gives us but we can control how we react to it. Maybe you volunteer at a YMCA or get a scholorship membership (they are not supposed to turn anyone away) and then you would have a more positive place to escape to. And pray for strength and wisdom and patience.

overall the situation is crappy but you have to try and make the best of it. The first post about getting out and going for a walk is great. It's exercise, gets you away from the sister in law, and will probably put you in a better mood. Stop buying junk with the food stamps, but good food that is healthy. You have internet so look online for healthy recipes. www.delish.com has free recipes and a low calorie section. Look up stuff and make what you see there. Maybe the other people in the house won't even notice the food is low calorie if you don't tell them. Don't get too down on yourself or that will just make you upset and hurt your weight loss. Try to keep your head up. You have a part time job now so do the best you can with that money. Start paying off YOUR bills (not all the rent is your responsibilty) so the option to move out will come. Best of luck!!

Consider this a free consultation with your friendly Social Worker:

The only person you can ever change is yourself. Stop focusing on the others in your home and start thinking about what you can do.

Money is a problem - get a job. Any job. Any time night or day. Can't find one? Look into Network Marketing and work for yourself - Usborne Books and More (my personal favorite), Mary Kay, Tupperware, Nerium, Pampered Chef... There are a whole host of them and any good consultant will help you do what you need to build your own business.

Research foods that you can make yourself. Try Allrecipies.com, look for vegetarian recipes and think of meat as a seasoning rather than a main component. Dry beans are easy to fix, good on nutrients, and cheap.

And yes, talk a walk. Lots of walks. Use the time to envision your future, think of who you want to become, then plan how you can live to make that happen. And with all the drama, take hubby on at least half of them to give you two time to communicate.

Free consultation from a Rehabilitation Counselor.

Food stamps are to be used by the individual receiving them, not to go in to a communal pot. So use yours to buy healthy food. Tell them it is the law. It is.

We really cannot change anyone else. So if someone else is causing problems for you, you are going to have to figure out a way to change the situation or change your reaction to the situation.

I would also recommend doing some meditation. It doesn't have to be fancy. Find a quiet spot (your car even), sit comfortably, focus on your breathing, and let your thoughts float away. You can say to your self "In, out" or "Deep, slow" as you breathe to help focus. The Substance Abuse/Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) is recommending this as a part of the whole health initiative to address the obesity epidemic in this population, but it works for all! Stress does cause weight gain!

If you need a friend, you can friend me.

Sometimes you've got to hit rock bottom to make a change. If you don't like the way things are, do something about it. You can't sit on the side and let it get to you. Find your voice and USE IT!

Seems to me that all this family is doing is dragging you down. YOU and only you can make the right change. Go out and find a full time job and I'd get your hubby to try for one too. Fast Food place, Walmart, Target, a Temp agency; anything would be better than what you have right now.

If you're on food stamps, you buy for you; not them. They can get their own supplement. Give up the diet soda, it's crap anyway.

My advice would be to find a job and make your hubby find one too. You can't break this cycle until you grow up and grow a pair. Yes, it's a hard thing to do; but when you finally take that leap and make a change for the better not only will it be best for your self-esteem but it'll be better for your marriage and your extended family too.

When times are tough, you buckle down. Get a job anywhere- the gas station, McDonald's, the department store. I know times are tough out there, but when you have no job and desperately need one, there are some out there. You just can't be picky. You can't afford to be.

Not only will getting a job bring you an income, but it will give you an outlet. Something else to focus on. something else to do rather than sit around the house feeling sorry for yourself and wanting to strangle your family members.

This is superb advice. It sounds like you are starting a 20-hour a week job. Find another one (or two or three). String as many together as you can handle (there are plenty of jobs out there despite the economy). You will be getting out of the house as well as making $$$ for the future.

i want to, i need to, but im not able to afford anything and my mom does not have the room to let me (and my husband) move in with her and my brother (she lives 6 hours away) and i forget why my dad said that he didnt want us moving in with him when he has plenty of room ( he lives about 7 hours away)

Forget your parents. I don't want to seem mean but it's time to grow up. You and your husband can't live with your in laws all your life. Especially if they're several months behind on the rent that is just not a real option at all. What is your sister even thinking having a kid in that environment? Are her and her new husband going to raise a family living at their parents house when they can't even afford the rent?

It really sounds like a toxic situation and with your money situation the way things are I just don't know. If I was in your shoes I'd be pushing for my husband to get a job (if he doesn't already) so the both of you can get your own place together. And if not then considering divorce and leaving.

i knew that was going to come up a lot. i know how some people can be and just say to move out like it would be that easy, if it was going to be that easy i would of done it by now

Never said it would be easy. I've lived a very hard life myself and poverty sometimes forces you to make hard choices.

I cut almost my entire family out of my life a year ago when I got divorced and I took the opportunity to make a lot of changes in my life. It wasn't easy but my biggest regret now was that I didn't do it sooner.

Yes! Please forget your parents... Parents have budgets and those budgets do not allow for adult kids to keep coming home. I know my 26 year old kept coming home. The last time he came home was for 4 months and brought his 3 year old son with him! Water bills, electric bills and food bills go sky high when you bring a couple of more people into a home. Also, your husband needs to get a job. As far as your food stamps they are yours not everyone elses. Get your own groceries and feed yourselves don't feed everyone. Walk walk walk.

If your sister-in-law moved in just to help you, then could you ask her to move out, telling her to focus on her own baby for now, and that you can help yourselves meanwhile? To make the argument more compelling, tell her that the landlord won't hold off on the rent anymore and that you are cutting out internet to help make the rent. That would help her decide. You can also insist on no-junk in your home, perhaps your hubby could stand up for you on this one and demand it with you, so all of you could eat better?

You could also try for one more job, since you only work 20-hour weeks now. Your husband could also try to find more part-time work, if he doesn't already... Edit: I just read that you are trying for another job and your hubby isn't. Do tell him how bad things would be if he doesn't bring in some cash for the family... Try to get him to understand it is important for you and for him to have a job. Don't give him an option of just sitting around and having his food ready for him.