really bad home issues... could use some help

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  • addaline22
    addaline22 Posts: 114
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    Leaving is possible. if your husband wont go with you, leave him behind. those other people are grown ups. They are living there, acting like this because you gave them permission to. I would tell you if you dont have kids to get the hell out.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    ive been looking every day for a job since i got fired, the only one in the house hold with any medical issues is my father in law. let alone hes never had to do anything around the house, his wife did it all until her health got so bad she couldnt do it. thats the only reason ive stayed here for 3 1/2 years.

    and im still looking for another job because i know the one im starting isnt much. but at least it was better than NOTHING. all three of my father in laws kids are just lazy, they never had to do anything growing up. and wont even find a job.... thats the main reason my sister in law got pregnant is to try and get the government to pay her while she sits on her *kitten*.

    my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)

    their dad isnt forcing any of them to do anything so they wont do anything. me on the other hand have felt lost with out a job.

    the only time my husband wants out of this house is when a fight occurs.

    I hate to say it, but it sounds like you're the only one that gives a crap. Maybe you should think about leaving temporarily until they can get their stuff straight. (I know it's easy to say that from the outside, and I don't know all the details... but I was in a situation where I had no idea how toxic everyone around me really was, how they were dragging me down and feeding off my every resource. You don't really realize it until you're able to step out of the fog and re-evaluate.)

    *Turns out, after I left, they all got really bitter when they couldn't suck me dry anymore and I ended up the bad guy. The family I thought loved me turned out to be a bunch of backstabbers. But I'd rather know the truth and take that hard journey by myself to end up better in the end than live in a fake world with phony people who just pretend to care.

    Best of luck.
  • swissmiss74
    swissmiss74 Posts: 2
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    What you are looking for is a magic fix that does not exist. You MUST stop blaming others and take charge of your own destiny if you want a quality life. Make a list of goals you wish to acheive, and then figure out how you can make them happen. I guarantee you, that starts with employment. Twenty hours is not enough to change your life. Get up early, with a purpose and plan for your day. Buy your own food. Then, when you have saved a little money, move out, and get away from anyone who is holding you back. If you can't or won't do these things, then your current reality will also be your future. Best of luck.
  • alexp74
    alexp74 Posts: 125
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    It seems like you have a number of adults there who could get a job or add a job or sell some items for income. Rice, beans, pasta, chicken and veggies are all cheap. Water is fine to drink all the time.

    Weight loss is important surely, and I'm not discouraging that by say this, get your life in order first then work on yourself. Certainly go for walks often and get some movement in but really you need to get your life and husbands life in order first and then worry about the other stuff.

    If you haven't ready any of Dave Ramsey's books or taken the classes, do so, they will help you immensely.
  • addaline22
    addaline22 Posts: 114
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    Is it your foodstamps or hers? If it is yours, then you buy the groceries and get the things you and your hubby wll eat only. If they want junk, they can go buy their on food. Quit buying soda and junk and you will have better food.

    This is what I was going to say. The whole situation is very unfortunate. I thought the sister-in-law and her hubby moved in to help out. It doesn't seem like they're doing too much to me. Especially if the rent hasn't been paid in months. I know times get hard and life gets tough, but are you sure you and your hubby can't move out and rent a room or a basement? What about housing assistance to get an apartment?

    Tell your sister-in-law that a baby costs much more to raise then food stamps will ever pay.
    This !!!!
  • Rubie81
    Rubie81 Posts: 720 Member
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    I'm very sorry to hear this. That entire situation is just crazy. You've received some very excellent advice. Sit down, think about it all, and make a plan. And bipolar or not, your husband needs to find and maintain a job.
  • PLUMSGRL
    PLUMSGRL Posts: 1,134 Member
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    How about both you and hubby go to college, take out Sallie Mae loans (that will need to be paid back after graduation), they give you enough to pay for tuition, books and to live on. You will be able to catch up on your other bills, get an education that will allow for better well paying jobs, and become financially secure.
    Education is the key!
  • APawli1224
    APawli1224 Posts: 80 Member
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    Looks like it is time to go to a woman shelter and ditch the BF.. If you want out that bad and you want to change your situation it is either you go get a job and do what you got to do or go to a woman shelter or something so they can help you get on your feet if that is what you need.. Every state has one so dont use that as an excuse not to or because you love your bf etc etc.. If he loves you he will figure it out on his own and help you.. if he is bipolar then he should be on medicine and he should not have gotten fired over that since that would be due to a medical reason and he should be on unemployment for discrimination..
  • Ruthe8
    Ruthe8 Posts: 423 Member
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    all three of my father in laws kids are just lazy, they never had to do anything growing up. and wont even find a job.... thats the main reason my sister in law got pregnant is to try and get the government to pay her while she sits on her *kitten*.

    their dad isnt forcing any of them to do anything so they wont do anything. me on the other hand have felt lost with out a job.
    WHO CARES. They aren't living in YOUR house so don't worry about it. You're living in someone else's house and you don't get to make those decisions. Worry about yourself and stop whining about your in-laws.
  • dodihere
    dodihere Posts: 490
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    Call a church, call a woman's shelter, ask for a help, deodorant, dry shampoo, head bands and a brush. Tell them you have a job. Walk to work or the bus stop. Do this for a few weeks and save your money. Rent a furnished apartment. Save your money and take classes and learn a trade - apparently you have computer and typing skills - go to local goodwill when you get paid and buy a nice blouse, look for better employment.

    It's called helping yourself. It's hard, especially for those of us who did not come from a family who has money to help us. I did it - I was homeless with two kids - you just have to work hard and want to change.
  • Iceman1800
    Iceman1800 Posts: 476
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    Why does your husband not get a job, then you get a job and get yourselves a place of your own?! If he has to shovel dirt he should be doing that to make a life for you both. You need to excise yourself from that family/house, girl getting pregnant for assistance and eating mostly fast food even though she's pregnant, everyone overweight...sorry but you need to get out of there! It sounds like a Jeremy Kyle-esque nightmare.
    this was my thought too. Why isn't your husband working?
  • HerBravado
    HerBravado Posts: 392 Member
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    I was in a similar situation, though not as drastic--I did have to depend on my family for food since I lost my job, to which they totally disregard my need for more healthier foods versus the cheaper junk foods.

    My best advice in this situation is if you ABSOLUTELY can't get better foods for yourself--just eat what you have. You'll have to use moderation on account of your daily caloric intake, which is what I did. I did lose weight. Weight loss is mostly about diet, but if that's all you have to eat, you have to eat it. It will make due until you're able to get what you really need.

    I was able to eventually, & my family harped about my food choices--but if they don't eat them, it's more for me. :D Sometimes they end up liking the recipes I make for them! So...it takes a little work, & I know it's difficult, but I hope you can manage.
  • melsmith612
    melsmith612 Posts: 727 Member
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    my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)

    If this is true then your husband belongs on disability for his bipolar disorder OR he needs to visit a clinic to get meds to stabilize his moods so he can contribute to your household/family. As someone with a personality disorder, I can honestly say that it's VERY hard to work every day and bite your tongue but it CAN be done.
  • Reinventing_Me
    Reinventing_Me Posts: 1,053 Member
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    ive been looking every day for a job since i got fired, the only one in the house hold with any medical issues is my father in law. let alone hes never had to do anything around the house, his wife did it all until her health got so bad she couldnt do it. thats the only reason ive stayed here for 3 1/2 years.

    and im still looking for another job because i know the one im starting isnt much. but at least it was better than NOTHING. all three of my father in laws kids are just lazy, they never had to do anything growing up. and wont even find a job.... thats the main reason my sister in law got pregnant is to try and get the government to pay her while she sits on her *kitten*.

    my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)

    their dad isnt forcing any of them to do anything so they wont do anything. me on the other hand have felt lost with out a job.

    the only time my husband wants out of this house is when a fight occurs.

    There's an old cliche that says "I can do bad all by myself". You don't need to try and take care of a bunch of grown lazy people. Sounds like you need a fresh start. Maybe start looking for a job near your mom or dad and revisit staying with them for a specific amount of time. Remember, your peace of mind is a huge part of your health. Being in an unhappy, unhealthy home environment can undermine all your efforts to get healthy.

    Best of luck to you.I really home things start looking up soon.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Your husband needs to man up and get a job to provide for his wife. Period.
  • miriamwithcats
    miriamwithcats Posts: 1,120 Member
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    ive been looking every day for a job since i got fired, the only one in the house hold with any medical issues is my father in law. let alone hes never had to do anything around the house, his wife did it all until her health got so bad she couldnt do it. thats the only reason ive stayed here for 3 1/2 years.

    and im still looking for another job because i know the one im starting isnt much. but at least it was better than NOTHING. all three of my father in laws kids are just lazy, they never had to do anything growing up. and wont even find a job.... thats the main reason my sister in law got pregnant is to try and get the government to pay her while she sits on her *kitten*.

    my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)

    their dad isnt forcing any of them to do anything so they wont do anything. me on the other hand have felt lost with out a job.

    the only time my husband wants out of this house is when a fight occurs.

    Hubbie is bipolar. Mood disorders run in families. Your husband's family is ALWAYS going to be a problem. They are exhibiting poor judgment (paying for cable before rent) which is one of the symptoms. Go to the library, get books about bipolar disorder. You will see that the entire family is not functioning very well. It makes me very sad because bipolar disorder is very treatable with medication and cognitive/behavioral therapy. BUT, in the past people were told they could not get better, so many have the attitude of not being responsible for their own actions and live lives that only make them worse.
  • Miictay
    Miictay Posts: 1 Member
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    Your sister in law is very foolish. Getting pregnant is the wrong thing to do and will make the situation worse. Not to mention, a person who only wants to play video games will be a lousy mother. I am VERY familiar with this situation and the personalities you've detailed in your description. Though you don't want to hear the correct advice, I'm going to give it to you, anyway, so forgive me. You have absolutely no control over the other people in the house, so don't even bother. Either they must go or you and your husband must go. Don't say it isn't possible, it is possible... it just isn't easy. The situation is exactly the same as weight loss. Losing weight is not easy, Step 1, you must decide to do something about it, step 2, you must make changes to achieve the goal, Step 3, watch the weight come off one ounce at a time. Now, use the same plan for changing your living situation. Step 1, decide to do something about it, Step 2, make changes (find another job, stop buying things you may not need, only absolute necessitites), Step 3, watch the money roll in and set it aside into a separate bank account, one dollar at a time. You would not expect to lose 30 pounds over night. You lose it one pound.... no, one ounce at a time. Same with saving money. Don't wait for someone to hand it to you, and don't wait to win the lottery.... you can save 10 or twenty dollars at a time...or just one or two. It will add and bring you closer to your goal... and knowing you are doing something about it will make the whole situation more bearable, until you are finally able to move out. Just like weight loss, you can do this too. Otherwise your situation will only get worse and worse and it will spill over into other parts of your life. Don't let that happen, take back control. Hope this helps.
  • Iceman1800
    Iceman1800 Posts: 476
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    I'm starting to think this is a troll thread. Calling major bs on the OP
  • megansoriano
    megansoriano Posts: 158
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    Sounds like the environment you live in is causing too much stress. You won't be able to change their behavior or views, only yours. I've been in plenty of bad situations with ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands and their families. I left. That may not be something that you want to do or can do. I would suggest talking to someone, maybe a free counselor, someone at a church (even if you are not religious they can still provide helpful tips on what you can do or who you can speak with for help), or a social worker. You are in an extremely tuff spot and I know you just want it to be easy. It’s not going to be easy and you have to have a goal, a plan and the will to change. Good luck to you and I hope that you can find something. If you need someone to talk to you can send me a message.
  • juliaamilee
    juliaamilee Posts: 262 Member
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    Have your hubby go to the local mental health agency's they offer all sorts of support with get and remaining on meds to control mood disorders. I work 3 jobs, its a matter of want to. You could walk to work. You are making the choice to stay in the situation, take the steps to change it if you dont like it. There is plenty of support out there for those who want it. I know because I work in public health, and teach in a votech. Services are there you have to take the initiative to get it done.

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