really bad home issues... could use some help

If you're only getting 20 hours try to work 2 jobs to get caught up since you dont have children. Go on more walks. Don't buy soda. It's a waste no matter what kind it is. And encourage your husband to work if he's not. That will lift some stress off your shoulders and get you out of your situation faster

Just my .02
You are not going to get a lot of sympathy on this board.
MANY of us had to overcome a great multitude of problems to get where we are.
My own personal "sob story".
I own a house. Wife and two kids.
My wife lost her job when the company she worked for went belly up.
A few months later I lost my job when the company moved to India.
I was without a job for EXACTLY three days.
I went from making 60K a year with an office in the dot com industry to making $8.00 per hour installing fences. Working in the hot sun digging post holes and dealing with ex felons as my work mates.
I did what I had to do.
I worked as many hours as they would let me work.
We went from $400.00 per week on food to less then $200.00
My wife worked as many baby sitting jobs as she could.
Failure was simply NOT an option. Not with two little kids.
Now I am back as a programmer and my wife turned her "please let me babysit your kid" part time gig into her own little home day care. She is making 40K per year and working from home.
Your attitude MUST change.
Instead of you and your husband making excuses as to why you CAN'T do it, you need to look in the mirror, together, get pissed, and resolve that you WILL do it and you will DESTROY anything that gets in your way. Bad temper, DESTROY that bad temper. TAKE CONTROL!!!

BRAVO! :flowerforyou:

You can love someone and still not be able to deal with the way they choose to live their life.

The one thing I regret about leaving is I didn't do it sooner. So much time wasted.

Watch the Paralympics, get some perspective about overcoming real adversity. Your in-laws are a bunch of lazy feckers and you're enabling them. What possessed you to marry a man who won't work??? Do you expect to have children with this man??? If it were me I would run for the hills!

I'm so sorry that your in that situation. I can't even begin to imagine. The only thing I can offer to help is to tell you to take a walk. I don't mean move out, but litereally take a walk. Everytime you get furstrated or need a little peace, talk a walk. 20 min here 30 min there. Getting outside and away will help your stress level and the benifits of walking to weight loss should be obvious. Its also FREE!

^^YES!

1. I would suggest developing a plan that provides you with a career beyond fast food. You will never make enough to live well on at a fast food joint.

2. As others have said, if the food stamps are yours, buy what you like. I am not suggesting you not share the food. I realize that is not reasonable. However, you can buy what you like.

3. Be the one to prepare the meals. Prepare what is good for your diet. The others can eat or starve.

4. I also know it is hard to eat healthy on food stamps. So, you might have to eat less and exercise more.

5. Develop a plan for getting out on your own. You need a goal and some sort of hope for the future.

Good luck!

Tena

Consider this a free consultation with your friendly Social Worker:

The catalyst for change is you.
Start there. The rest will follow.

The only person you can ever change is yourself. Stop focusing on the others in your home and start thinking about what you can do.

Money is a problem - get a job. Any job. Any time night or day. Can't find one? Look into Network Marketing and work for yourself - Usborne Books and More (my personal favorite), Mary Kay, Tupperware, Nerium, Pampered Chef... There are a whole host of them and any good consultant will help you do what you need to build your own business.

Research foods that you can make yourself. Try Allrecipies.com, look for vegetarian recipes and think of meat as a seasoning rather than a main component. Dry beans are easy to fix, good on nutrients, and cheap.

And yes, talk a walk. Lots of walks. Use the time to envision your future, think of who you want to become, then plan how you can live to make that happen. And with all the drama, take hubby on at least half of them to give you two time to communicate.

All of the above - I know its hard but nothing good comes free - except walking!!!

Wow! I am terribly sorry you are stuck in this situation. Of course I wish I could tell you to move out. I'd also like to tell you that your money from your new job is YOUR money, but it sounds like everyone is really pooling their money together there so it is probably out of the question suggest that you all be respoinsible for your own food (with the exception of your father in law maybe). Anyhow, as far as finding things that everyone likes...search for healthy kid friendly recipes! I know it sounds funny, but a lot of people who tend to eat comfort food and/or fast food appeal more to simpler foods that kids like. It's a good place to start. One thing I do that was so random to begin with, but now my husband and son love is I throw a bag of frozen vegetables into my spaghetti sauce. Usually green beans or broccoli. You can't really taste them b/c of the sauce, you are getting a serving of vegetables and they hardly add any calories.

One resource I would look into is Prevention Magazine's Flat Belly Diet. Many of the recipes are available on their site. The main goal of the diet is to create recipes that are 400 calories or less. If you are preparing meals for the whole family this would be good to shoot for! You can add me as a friend if you'd like!

awe this sounds like a horrible situation, a bit odd that there are 6 adult and nobodys working. i would say if you are saying you absolutly must stay there then you need to comes to terms that that is how its gonna be. the only one that makes your future is you. i would agree with most if they are your food stamps then you should buy your own food. i really feel your not going to get much satisfaction staying in the situation your in. it maybe hard, maybe feel impossible but you can change your path if you really want it bad enough...best of luck

The question is, do you really want help, or are you wanting to vent and/or receive sympathy for your situation? Having been very similar to where you are now, living with in-laws, a (now ex) wife who is bi-polar AND a brother who is bi-polar (both diagnosed now) made for some pretty interesting days. I was the only one working in a house of 4-6 adults and 2-4 kids. I found out that money I gave my wife to pay the bills was being spent on her boyfriends when I went outside to go to work and my car was being towed away for non-payment.

I'm sure whatever sob story that can be told regarding hard times(that does not include abuse) I can either match or beat, so as far as sympathy is concerned...not gonna happen.

You say you've been looking for work since you were fired. Well, this may be true, but are you looking hard enough? Are you looking for ANY type of work or just jobs you think you can do? When out of work, anything is better than nothing. And more of anything is better than just a little anything. Employment services, online applications, temp. services, fast food, factory, office, mow lawns, hotel housekeeping, sell vacuum cleaners..whatever it takes.

Sounds like you don't have a vehicle. First thing...buy one. Buy a cheap, ugly, get you by for now car you find on Craigslist for a couple hundred dollars. Get what you need, not what you want right now because you want it paid off. Don't let anyone borrow it, or drive it for any reason. This is for you to get to and from work, that's it. It's also something you can live in if need be. Take the car to find a better job. When you're not working your part time job, you're looking for a full time job. When you're not working your full time job, you're looking for a part time job to go with the full time job if you don't already have one.

You're husband, if not diagnosed bi-polar, needs to be diagnosed. Then he needs on medication. Then he needs to get a job. I know this works, I've seen it. My brother can make money hand over fist when medicated....and broke as a person can be when not. Get on medication and stay on medication. If he's not truly bi-polar, then he needs to man up and take care of his wife. Period. Not much of a man if he doesn't.

Your focus should be getting your own place. Nothing fancy, just a place, furnished or not. Start out with a roof and walls and work your way up from there. Try to stay away from low rent apartments and trailer parks if at all possible. Find a single trailer or a duplex if you can. A lot of low rent apartments and trailer parks just breed drama. If those are your only choices, don't allow yourself to get caught up in the drama of the low rent life. Focus on getting up and out.

Start taking classes for anything. Business classes, child development, radiology tech, whatever field you can handle. Work, go to school, take online classes, whatever, just get some education.

Apply for a better job, preferably near the field you are studying. If you're taking child development classes, apply at a daycare. If you're studying to be a rad tech then work in the admissions office of a hospital until you can move up the ladder.

This is not an overnight thing, but it can happen and will happen if you want it to happen. Same thing with losing weight. You can lose weight in the situation you're in right now if you want to lose weight. Exercise and create a calorie deficit. Is it always easy...not even close. Is it worth it? More than you can possibly imagine right now.

How serious are you in wanting help? Well, if you are serious, then get started now. Believe you can and you will. Believe you can't and you won't. It's all up to you.

.

Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army.
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.

The Army will not take you if you have bipolar disorder!

If he has not been diagnosed with it yet, then he can get it.
If he is in for longer then 90 days and they boot him for the disorder, then he gets out on a medical discharge and he STILL gets a paycheck for life PLUS free medical for life.

Because that is where our military dollars should go.

The Army is not a toy.

You are correct.
It is NOT a toy.
Most people who join the Military will serve the entire term and then leave as a better person.
They leave with a job skill and a new attitude and outlook on life.
Even if HE gets out on a med (if the bipolar is in fact "real" and not just an excuse), SHE can still serve and, while you need to be careful, you CAN support a family on a single Private's paycheck.

Thank you. Some of us join for REAL reasons, like to create a life for ourselves. The majority of those in the Army treat it as it should. yes there are some people who use it as a Toy but they will quickly learn in boot camp how much of a toy it is not. And that will solve another of her issues, weight loss and eating healthy. I lost so much weight in boot camp my mom thought I was starving myself.

The Army would be a GREAT option for you, even it is the National Guard. Get yourself out of toxic situations and away from Life Suckers. If you respect yourself in any fashion you will get off your butt and do something for yourself. Family and husband be damned. This is YOUR life, live it the way YOU want to.

You will not get much sympathy from those on here unless you have exhausted EVERY avenue presented to you and then some. Everyone has had struggles and most people FIGHT for what they want. You will have to do the same as most every other person in the world.

So happy someone suggested your calling 2-1-1. They should be near you and could really point you in the right direction for resources. Cudos to the young lady who also offered her services to review your resume. Best of luck to you.

.

Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army.
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.

The Army will not take you if you have bipolar disorder!

If he has not been diagnosed with it yet, then he can get it.
If he is in for longer then 90 days and they boot him for the disorder, then he gets out on a medical discharge and he STILL gets a paycheck for life PLUS free medical for life.

Because that is where our military dollars should go.

The Army is not a toy.

You are correct.
It is NOT a toy.
Most people who join the Military will serve the entire term and then leave as a better person.
They leave with a job skill and a new attitude and outlook on life.
Even if HE gets out on a med (if the bipolar is in fact "real" and not just an excuse), SHE can still serve and, while you need to be careful, you CAN support a family on a single Private's paycheck.

Thank you. Some of us join for REAL reasons, like to create a life for ourselves. The majority of those in the Army treat it as it should. yes there are some people who use it as a Toy but they will quickly learn in boot camp how much of a toy it is not. And that will solve another of her issues, weight loss and eating healthy. I lost so much weight in boot camp my mom thought I was starving myself.

The Army would be a GREAT option for you, even it is the National Guard. Get yourself out of toxic situations and away from Life Suckers. If you respect yourself in any fashion you will get off your butt and do something for yourself. Family and husband be damned. This is YOUR life, live it the way YOU want to.

You will not get much sympathy from those on here unless you have exhausted EVERY avenue presented to you and then some. Everyone has had struggles and most people FIGHT for what they want. You will have to do the same as most every other person in the world.

Wow... I totally forgot about the weight loss aspect of it.
In my case, it was weight GAIN but, I entered basic as a 145 LB kid and, 11 weeks later I was a solid 165 LBS.
A year later I was 175 and 5 years after that, I left at a solid 220.

You need to get out of this living situation. Period. It doesn't matter how you do it, just do it.

i never once tried to play victim, never wanted any sympathy it was more of just a background of how much stress i have here

when i moved here i had to help take care of my mother in law, then i had to do it while working 40 hours a week. the only reason i worked at mcdonalds is for the fact that i needed a job and it was the first place to hire me.

my father in law is the name on the welfare account, me him and his sons get food stamps.

when i first moved here my father in law was getting cash assistance because he had just lost his job, his daughter was over 21 (the only child that was) and was to also work hers off. when she didnt she was no longer qualified for cash assistance or food stamps thats why she was never on it ( as long as ive lived here)

my husband was told that he was bipolar before i moved here (he would of been about 14 -15 when they did ) he said that they wouldnt give him medication for it because it messed with his diabetic medication... i dont know how true that is, i didnt live here at the time

and as for my husband being hateful or taking his anger out on me... that has never happened yes we argue once in a while but that is it. he knows i wont deal with it.

and for the idiots that try to say that im making this up, trying to get money from people you really need to go somewhere else and be a pain in the *kitten*.



ive already said that i was still trying to find a second job, and i do apply for everything i could possibly work for.