Partner hates me using MFP :(

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Replies

  • psv1012
    psv1012 Posts: 65 Member
    my husband use to get on me and tell me not to obsess over my diet. Now I am diabetic and he is very close to being diebetic also, he joined MFP and is a very dedicated user. He gets it now,he never realized the impact food has on your life and how if we aren't deliberate with what we eat, we will not make the best choices,especially if you have a history of weight struggles. I would tell your partner if they really care about you they would leave you alone about it. Just do what is best for your health,it surely doesn't hurt him to have you use it. People can be so selfish sometimes. Good luck. If MFP helps you , do not quit using it.
  • coppertop_4
    coppertop_4 Posts: 258 Member
    I think the question is... How much time are you spending logging? If you use your phone, then are you on the phone constantly logging stuff? He's got a right to be upset if you phone is in your face when he's trying to spend time with you.
    If you're on the computer, it's the same thing too.
    If it's taking time away from your relationship, then you CAN find a way to adjust it.
    There's nothing wrong with you logging your stuff. But if you're constantly on this website.... then that's what his issue probably is!!!

    Log your stuff no more than 2-3 times a day! See if that helps!

    My husband thought I was texting or playing games. He had no idea that everytime we ate, I was logging my meals. He still doesn't understand it. I just make sure to log my stuff after our quality time.
  • timax52
    timax52 Posts: 18
    Everything in moderation is my maxim
  • Hertford86
    Hertford86 Posts: 55 Member
    I've been using MFP for a month and haven't told my husband yet. I've no intention of being sneaky, and I know he'd be supportive (started exercise, etc, because I had cancer last year - so whatever I do he knows I do it for him and the kids) But I reckoned that while I'm in the early obsessive phase, (constantly astonished and horrified by how teeny portions really are, how damn many calories there are in every single thing, and how much excercise it takes to burn them!) it might well be annoying. So I'm doing it on the sly for now. IF I stick to it, and IF it works, I'll tell him about it in a few months, and encourage him to try it too.
    Of course this is not any use to you, really, and I'm sorry about the fight. But maybe just try dropping the subject, making a point of remembering what you eat, and logging it sometime when he's not around to be irritated by it.
  • rudegyal_b
    rudegyal_b Posts: 593 Member
    its prob not the logging, its all the ripped abs and muscley men makin appearances on your computer screen
  • emnk5308
    emnk5308 Posts: 736
    Show him the studies that show tracking EVERYTHING is the BEST way to lose weight. Maybe that'll change his mind!
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
    Tell him to mind his own business!!

    I agree!! If you want to get healthier, that is NONE OF HIS BUSINESS. Seriously, it is not his place to tell you how to go about dieting and exercising. Do what feels right for you and tell him to get over it.

    Since when has someones health, well being, hobbies, pastimes and interests been none of a partner's business!

    Of course he should be interested in what his partner does - ridiculous to think otherwise.

    "Hi darling, what have you been up to today?"
    "None of your damn business!"
  • headqrtrs
    headqrtrs Posts: 17 Member
    Anyone will tell you that any weight loss program or healthy eating habits begin with keeping up with what you consume. My work sponsors a Healthy Fit Program at work where college pharmacists come in and monitor you for 4 mos and the first thing they give you is an exercise and food log. You have to know how to manage because that was the problem before you started. You didnt know how. MFP is just a tool to help point out your problems areas and gives you incentive to keep up the fight! Your partner obviously doesnt have a problem with weight and does not understand what it takes to get back on track once you have been overweight so long. Keep doing what works for you and if your partner doesnt understand tell them they dont have too but to support you anyway. Im sure the do things you think are a little on the obsessive side too!
  • Alicia7519
    Alicia7519 Posts: 160
    Logging everything is not obsessive especially when you have a lot of weight to lose. That's what keeps some people like me on track and it's what keeps me watching what I eat and exercising.

    Your MFP diary is your business. It's like a journal, you don't have to share it with anyone, not even your boyfriend. He should be happy that you are making an effort to keep yourself healthy.
  • misspastry
    misspastry Posts: 109 Member
    Screw him!!!! Tell him to get over it.
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
    Screw him!!!! Tell him to get over it.

    Great relationship advice. Any time a partner disagrees with something their partner is doing 'screw him!'
    No talking it through, no compromises, no listening, no seeing their point of view. Screw him!
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
    How has "estimating" worked for you in the past? I'm guessing not great, because you are here now.

    Why does he even care if you want to log your food and exercise? That seems like a strange thing to get hung up over. It shouldn't bother him anymore than if you like to track sports or follow the stock market or whatever. It's not his deal.

    Maybe he just feels like you are spending time here on the forums instead of paying attention to him?

    I am lucky that my partner is also using MFP. He signed on when he saw how easy it actually was to track everything. Perhaps try to bring him on board and make it something that you two can do together. Everyone can benefit from knowledge of their health.
  • Huffdogg
    Huffdogg Posts: 1,934 Member
    he's a ****ing twit. Tell him to get bent.
  • misspastry
    misspastry Posts: 109 Member
    yup, because he seems jealous.
  • samntha14
    samntha14 Posts: 2,084 Member
    For me it's a lot less about the logging and a lot more about the support and interaction with other people. Most people IRL DO NOT want to hear about or talk about your diet, your exercise or even mention doing anything to get healthy. it makes them feel guilty and insecure. At least here we have someone to talk to and won't be so judgmental.
  • thelovelyLIZ
    thelovelyLIZ Posts: 1,227 Member
    Why does it matter to him if you're using it? Unless it's becoming the sole focus of your life and is interfering with your relationship, I don't see what difference it makes to him.
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
    Logging everything is not obsessive especially when you have a lot of weight to lose. That's what keeps some people like me on track and it's what keeps me watching what I eat and exercising.

    Your MFP diary is your business. It's like a journal, you don't have to share it with anyone, not even your boyfriend. He should be happy that you are making an effort to keep yourself healthy.
    . In my experience MFP can get very obsessive. I was terrible at one time - getting ever more obsessive until I was at the point where I checked the food database for aspirin when I had a headache. The partner, whist appearing jealous, controlling, selfish etc to some, may just be saying 'hey maybe you should relax a little and not worry about logging every little detail'
  • CarleyLovesPets
    CarleyLovesPets Posts: 410 Member
    I find it strange that it's actually causing fights - who cares if you're obsessing over YOUR HEALTH.
    It's good you're taking control of your health and watching your eating habits.
    If this is what works for you I don't see what the problem could be.

    Maybe it's the friend aspect of the website and he's very insecure.
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
    I'd tell your partner to STFU and mind his own business!

    I'm going to take a stab in the dark here and guess that you're single? That attitude doesn't fly in any long term relationship.
  • nursevee
    nursevee Posts: 344 Member
    Man, mine would be out on the damn street if he EVER criticized me for doing something that worked. If you're not pressuring him to do the same thing, then what's his damn beef? How idiotic. For some of us, it's not as simple as "eating healthy and exercising!" How about breaking it down for him?

    * Tracking my food helps me to stay honest and accountable
    * Tracking my exercise helps me to feel like I accomplish a good workout
    * Getting "support" (something you clearly don't understand!!!) from other members feels good.
    * Checking-in a weight loss makes me feel amazing!
    * Being an inspiration for others out there is better than anything!

    *Telling him to sod off and get with the program - Erm... Priceless?
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    its prob not the logging, its all the ripped abs and muscley men makin appearances on your computer screen

    ^^ This
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
    he's a ****ing twit. Tell him to get bent.

    Eh??? All he has said is exercise and watch what you eat and try not to worry about logging every mint etc.

    Does that make him a twit? People are too confrontational on here. 'screw him' 'he's a ***** twit' 'mind your own business"

    Jeez,Is that how people are with their relationships?
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
    I'd tell your partner to STFU and mind his own business!

    I'm going to take a stab in the dark here and guess that you're single? That attitude doesn't fly in any long term relationship.
    exactly!

    All he said was exercise, eat healthily and don't worry too much about logging every mint! So he has to STFU!!!

    I've even seen people recommending she should dump him!
  • bulbadoof
    bulbadoof Posts: 1,058 Member
    Normal people write down things they can't mentally keep track of. Do you balance your checkbook in your head? Do you commit all your friends' addresses, birthdays, email addresses, and phone numbers to memory?

    If it really bothers him and you can't find a way to explain to him that keeping track of it is helping you feel better, you could probably get away with not logging anything under 10 calories and just aiming for 50-100 calories under your goal each day to make up for it. Alternatively, you could try your best not to log in his presence if you trust yourself to remember what you ate until later.

    That said, I would really try to get to the bottom of why it bothers him. Is he overweight or insecure about his weight and feeling left behind in your efforts because he's not willing to try as hard? Is he concerned that paying this much attention to your weight is having a negative effect on your self-confidence? Is it just a pet peeve and he can't really explain why it bothers him so much?
  • valeriebpdx
    valeriebpdx Posts: 497 Member
    Is your partner closer to their desired weight than you? Sometimes people who don't need to lose much can't accept how difficult it is when you do.

    I agree with this guy. If you don't eat emotionally (which every person who is more than 15 lbs overweight does to some degree), you don't see that it really takes some regimentation to overcome your instincts to eat more food than you need and some incentive to work out more. My husband cannot for the life of him see why it is so complicated for me to lose weight--just exercise more (which he loves deeply) and don't eat sweets (which he doesn't care much about). He is skinny as hell and genuinely believes that is all it takes. MFP just helps you do what you know you're supposed to do anyway. Estimation is not your friend during weight-loss.
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
    Man, mine would be out on the damn street if he EVER criticized me for doing something that worked.

    Lol on the damn street for questioning her actions!

    He may well be the nicest guy in the world who questioned whether her actions were a little obsessive. That's it! It's all over! How dare he!

    Why did you and your partner split up, affair?
    No he is totally trustworthy
    'did he beat you?'
    No way, as gentle as a lamb
    'gamble away your money?'
    No, he's great with money
    Nasty to your friends?
    Oh no, they all think he's great

    What then?
    Well he expressed concerns about me becoming too obsessive about the calories
    OUT ON THE DAMN STREET!!!
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    If you don't want to come across as obsessive, there's a few things you can do. First of all, don't talk about it. Keep your logging to yourself. Second, be subtle about it. Log once at the end of every meal instead of during it, don't immediately rush to your phone after a snack, ect. And make sure he knows you're doin this SO you can get to a place where you don't have to log all the time.
  • Graceious1
    Graceious1 Posts: 716 Member
    Just don'T tell him about it, especially if he isn't being supportive. He'll be shocked when you start to look different.
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
    If you don't want to come across as obsessive, there's a few things you can do. First of all, don't talk about it. Keep your logging to yourself. Second, be subtle about it. Log once at the end of every meal instead of during it, don't immediately rush to your phone after a snack, ect. And make sure he knows you're doin this SO you can get to a place where you don't have to log all the time.
    good advice.

    When I'm in my ultra fitness mode I am conscious that it's all consuming and I have to reel myself in. Not everyone wants to hear about how many calories I just had. I become a calorie bore!
  • kchaney2003
    kchaney2003 Posts: 27 Member
    I know when I first started using MFP I felt obsessive because when I thought I needed a cookie, cake or candy bar I logged in just to read about what others were struggling with and to gain some perspective on how eating that was going to make me feel. I suggest maybe showing him around the site and letting him know how much support and positive thoughts really do make this long road easier. Good Luck! :smile:

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