need relationship advice :/

you should also stop snooping its a trust thing and clearly you dont have it he's lied to you about porn that;s it .. and its only porn men are horny all the time it's perfectly natural for them watch it all the time he's only going to jack off to it... i think its really no big deal

I dont think you are going to particularly like my advice, but here goes. I think you should end it with him , move out and not be living in sin. It is a sin against God to be having sex outside of marriage. I dd it too at your age and hw I wish I could go back and change that now that I am more concerned about pleasing to God. He surely does not sound like husband or father material so in my opinion I would not waste my time. You need to get out of this and rethink your priorities in life . If you want to truly be happy in the future you need to take some soul searching time and seek Gods will for your life. He created you for himself - to know him ,to love him and to serve him . He loves you more than you can imagine and you are precious to him. Please take no art in the disgusting evil acts of pornogrphy. It has ruined many,many lives and marriages. Find a Godly man to be with ,one that will honor you and love you in the way you are made to be treasured! He'll also make a good father if you ever blessed with children. Gd bless you ! Sorry for sounding so motherly - but Ive been where u are at and I wished someone ad said this to me!! Dee

Really? I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit right then. Back in our hay day, my husband and I watched the occasional porn, at 42 he still loves looking at boobs, yes, I said it, BOOBS. We even visited a.....should I dare say....strip club every now and again. (For party occasions and things of the like). We may have even lived in SIN for 2 years before getting married. God strike me down NOW! Oh Jesus I'm a harlot! And my sick and disturbed husband is not fit to be a father because he likes the occasionial "evil disgusting porn".

Get OVER yourself! I have no problems with Christianity, but really?

I'll have you know, that my husband and I are freak a leaks! OK! AND get this tiny little bitty. Our 15 year old GORGEOUS daughter who models for the NCPG group, is very open with us about sex, wears a purity ring, is an honor roll student taking college level English for gifted kids, is in the JROTC, is commited to joining the Navy when she graduates and going into law enforcement. And was not raised in a Christian...... OMG if you that you are going hell.....home. The only thing we preach around my house is openness and honesty. My husband has made a fine father, and their relationship speaks for itself. They
are closer than any teenager I know who's parents are pushing the bible down their throat, or making them feel like something is wrong with them for liking porn. Not everyone believes the way you do....It does not mean they wont make fit husbands or fathers.

Sorry to OP for that rant on your thread. It had to be said.

hey guys. you all have valid points about this whole thing. i showed him the forum last night and we talked about it but of course i'm a girl and i'm still hurt and upset which turns him off even more. we are still together because we do have our really good times and we use to be best friends.

i keep making excuses for him because this is all my side of the story. i know we are both in the wrong. where we are now is we made a chore chart last night and agreed to follow it.. i'm still upset about this whole thing but he said he would communicate with me before hand. i realize that in order to make this better i do need to "get over it" but i will not stand for being disrespected again. if our home life doesn't get better after really trying i will leave before the end of this year. but sadly i feel like i'm the only one that really loses here.

anyway he's at work right now so i plan to clean the house today myself and give him a nice little surprise tonight like someone suggested. i'm going to put some porn on when he gets home and hopefully we can have good sex finally!

thank you everyone for your input.

So pretty much she's going to completely ignore everyone's advice, eventually marry the dude and they'll both be unhappy until they realize they made a mistake 20 years down the road and then she'll divorce. Sad.

hey guys. you all have valid points about this whole thing. i showed him the forum last night and we talked about it but of course i'm a girl and i'm still hurt and upset which turns him off even more. we are still together because we do have our really good times and we use to be best friends.

i keep making excuses for him because this is all my side of the story. i know we are both in the wrong. where we are now is we made a chore chart last night and agreed to follow it.. i'm still upset about this whole thing but he said he would communicate with me before hand. i realize that in order to make this better i do need to "get over it" but i will not stand for being disrespected again. if our home life doesn't get better after really trying i will leave before the end of this year. but sadly i feel like i'm the only one that really loses here.

anyway he's at work right now so i plan to clean the house today myself and give him a nice little surprise tonight like someone suggested. i'm going to put some porn on when he gets home and hopefully we can have good sex finally!

thank you everyone for your input.

So pretty much she's going to completely ignore everyone's advice, eventually marry the dude and they'll both be unhappy until they realize they made a mistake 20 years down the road and then she'll divorce. Sad.

Generally anyone who posts on a board for advice usually has their mind made up and just want cheerleaders.

So pretty much she's going to completely ignore everyone's advice, eventually marry the dude and they'll both be unhappy until they realize they made a mistake 20 years down the road and then she'll divorce. Sad.

no that is not true at all. i've taken everyones advice.. my issue is that we have gotten to the point that he neglects me and i feel disrespected and he does this because i'm "a nag" i know that i have not been the most pleasant person for a while so it really is both of us at fault. he should communicate with me better and i shouldn't be a crazy b about every little thing and be more positive. he isn't always an a-hole just sometimes hah. i'm getting past this and going to see if everything else falls into place.. and if it doesn't soon i will leave but i don't want to look back and have regrets 20 years down the road and wonder what could have happened if i had really tried.

It sounds like you just want people to say "oh poor you" and then you want to stay with someone you obviously aren't happy with and I get the feeling he's not that thrilled about you either. Best of luck to you.

Really? REALLY? You're criticizing her for communicating with him about the problem, rather than just walking out and dumping him? Seriously?

It sounds like they both realize they've made mistakes, and are working to try to resolve them. This is how you maintain a good relationship - with communication. Why on EARTH would you criticize someone for doing the mature, healthy thing?

Fairy33, I hope everything works out for you.

Okay, I've heard women comment on the men watching porn thing many many times - about how they're shocked their man does, or concerned, or mind it....and it's just something I don't really understand. I'm not a big fan of porn myself but it has never bothered me if my man watches it. The only time I do is if he asks me to watch it with him (honestly most of it is funny cheesy to me). Men (and i'm sorry men for this over-generalization) watch porn. I'm not surprise or horrified by this reality. many women do to. The only problem with it I have is the large quantity of porn that has extreme violence towards women depicted - which I can understand being concerned if your partner watches an abundance of that, other wise I'm really not emotional compromised by the fact that my boyfriend watches it sometimes.

The lying is a problem. But men (again being over-general here, sorry) lie. There's quite a lot of research to suggesting they lie about a very large quantity of things - not because they're being dishonest but just because its easier (say your man gets home from work late and you ask what kept him. He replies a simple "traffic" when he actually may have had some extra paper work to do that kept him at the office late that day. ) He may just not want to get into it with you over something he obviously enjoyss and you disapprove of. Or he's embarrassed about it, potentially. Like have you ever been dishonest when someone asked you what you ate that day, maybe not admitting you ate the extra piece of cake because its not something you're proud of? We live in a society that is really weird about sex and does not encourage it to be an open discussion topic.

I also firmly believe in having a strong sexual relationship with yourself. I believe it was Andy Warhol who said "What's wrong with *kitten*? It's sex with someone I love very much" (or something to that degree) exploring our sexual interest and fantasies can be very private until we're willing to admit them to our partners.

If he really doesn't lie about anything else you should consider this a topic he feels awkward about and doesn't know how to discuss - sorta like not knowing how to ask your doctor if something your body is doing is normal or not.

And don't snoop.

sorry , but it sounds OVER to me, You don't like what he is doing , He doesn't like what you are doing, You are both unhappy and neither seem to want to give in, Writing is on the wall, time to say goodbye have a good life and find someone who you have more in common with, YOU WILL NOT CHANGE HIM!! If he changes he will only do it with resentment and eventually you will end up right back where you are now, but with Kids and a house and all that and more anger and hate, You have different ideas and morals, at 23 you are both just settling down into your REAL SELF. you have been together since you were 20/21 hell most guys don't mature until 26 . Just my two cents, if nothing else I hope it helps you make a decision , either way

Lying, not good. Porn is a no for me in a relationship, too, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. What there really is something wrong with is the fact that he definitely watches porn, and yet is not intimate with you. That can happen with porn, and porn addiction. None of those seems like a good foundation for a relationship, I'd be ending it if it was you.

Lying - big no no. For someone to tell you so very strongly your faults and take no responsibility themselves, or be willing to at least front up to you sounds like someone you shouldn't be wasting your time with. I walked in on my bf watching porn once. I flipped out. We talked about it, got over it, and now we are happily married. And he would be totally down with me watching some porn with him. Honesty and confrontation is the big key here. I'm not trying to get you to compare my relationship to yours, but honesty prevails and it's sad that you have lost that trust now, and your suspicions have been confirmed. How do you know he is not lying about other things, too? Hope things get better.

I flipped out.

This is why some end up hiding and lying about watching it.