CHEATING

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  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    he was being emotionally abusing and we were getting Into physical fights

    leave him NOW
  • MellowGa
    MellowGa Posts: 1,258 Member
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    I would get a divorce, you both are way to young and immature to have this type of relationship. Your mother should support your divorce, because that is what would be good for you and the child.

    I am sure he is not a bad guy, just to young and to foolish to be married.

    sorry but, you both need to go your own ways and do some more growing up.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
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    i would take him to court and leave his *kitten*.

    don't be an idiot and stay. he's abusing you by cheating.
  • fatty_to_fitty
    fatty_to_fitty Posts: 544 Member
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    Life isn't black and white. People will tolerate all sorts in a relationship but the second you say cheating everyone has a straight cut answer.

    You know your partner. You will know if they care, did it to hurt you. Or just screwed up.

    In life we make mistakes, sometimes we dig holes so deep we can't get out of them.

    So asking what was right for someone else won't fix the problems you have, the answer is already right in front of you.
  • fatty_to_fitty
    fatty_to_fitty Posts: 544 Member
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    That said it took me ages to post my first reply.

    He is playing games and the relationship sounds unhealthy.
  • icyeyes317
    icyeyes317 Posts: 226 Member
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    You can possibly get your marriage annulled on the basis of cheating, or deceit. You would have to check into your state laws.

    As for deciding on a course to take. There is never an excuse for cheating. The fact that you two have only been married for 1.5 months makes it much worse. That will be the continued course of your marriage, unfortunately. Were it me, I would throw his *kitten* out with nothing but his clothes, take him to court for all the child support you can get, get a roommate and move on. It WILL hurt. It is a deep betrayal. Even though our country has turned marriage into a mockery, the basis behind marriage is still there, that it is two souls becoming one forever. Make sure you go to counseling if you decide to throw him out. A split of a marriage is not something to go through without support.

    I've been in your shoes before...so if you need someone to talk to...pm me. =0)
  • thedandylion
    thedandylion Posts: 40
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    I know you can't ever be sure but my partner would never cheat on me as he has no respect for those that do. My parents split up because my dad was unfaithful for years but the only reason they split up was because the other woman he'd been cheating with for a few years became pregnant. My mum asked him to stay but then he dropped the clanger that his mistress had just given birth. Even since this happened my life has been a downwards spiral and if my partner did ever do that to me I think it would destroy me.

    With the fact, me and my sister were crushed by my dad leaving I can't help but be of the opinion that I would stay together for my kids (If I had any).
  • Nationalluv
    Nationalluv Posts: 23 Member
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    Only you know what is best for you and your child. Only you know what your deal breakers are. After you do some soul searching you'll know exactly what you need to do. Don't ever feel obligated to stay. What ever you do I wish you the best.
  • ericagray
    ericagray Posts: 49 Member
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    What is that answer?
    My mother pretty much pushed me this direction, I don't know about him, he says he wanted to get married, but I didn't. I told my mom I wasn't ready and she just tells me that's normal and keeps going with the planning and then she tells me that if I don't get married, I am living in sin, and I can't just be "shacking up" with is guy and not be married to him. Her deffinition of shacking up is living with him, and he pays for everything because I don't have a job, because I watch our son, and believe me I want a job, but I'd be working to pay for daycare. I have talked about going to school in fact I actually started going to school but the financial aide office told me I had to be 24 to be considered independent? I talked about getting my CNA and he was kinda trying to talk me out of it. My mom pushed me into this, there were a couple times that I said I wanted to leave and my mom said that I needed to stick it out for my son, this was before we got married..
  • kelly101386
    kelly101386 Posts: 389 Member
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    I would never stay with my husband if he cheated on me physically, not even for the children. I couldn't stay with someone who didn't respect me enough to keep their hands to themselves and have the audacity to go out and cheat while I was home with the kids and nothing but faithful. There is no excuse for cheating.
  • hhayes06
    hhayes06 Posts: 189 Member
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    he was being emotionally abusing and we were getting Into physical fights

    leave him NOW

    I agree with this. Don't stick around until he puts you in the hospital or worse, kills you. Don't stay until he starts emotionally and physically abusing your son. Don't stick around waiting for him to cheat again. Get out and don't look back. If you need help go to your local police department, they can and will give you all sorts of places that are equipped to help you get out of this situation.
  • chunkylover22
    chunkylover22 Posts: 162 Member
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    My opinion,

    When cheating happens in a relationship, trust is automatically gone. You will spend the next several years, maybe even longer, trying to build that trust back up. It will never be the same relationship that you guys once had. Those negative thoughts will always be in the back of your head.

    Honestly, in hearing your story, it might not be worth the time. You will end up with resentment towards your family, and especially him. You will always have this anger for what happen. I'm not trying to be mean, I am speaking from experience. I have asked myself the same exact questions you are asking yourself now. You must choose wisely, or you will end up wasting time and energy.

    This is one of those decisions that will effect your life drastically either way, and I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I really know what your going through, more than I want to share for everyone to read.

    Sometimes the best person to talk to is a stranger. An outsider.

    If you need a supportive friend you are welcome to add me. :)
  • indygal76
    indygal76 Posts: 283 Member
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    LEAVE him! 1.5 months and he has already cheated~He is so NOT worth it! Goodbye loser! We have been married almost 10 years and have 1 child. If he ever cheated, I would be gone and the same goes for him if I did. We have a no cheating policy!
  • jfinnivan
    jfinnivan Posts: 360 Member
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    I don't know about your state, but in Mass, if you're married, you are no longer considered dependent upon your parents for financial support for college. I would get more information about this, if you're serious about going to college. You can probably get financial aid.
    ...in fact I actually started going to school but the financial aide office told me I had to be 24 to be considered independent? .....
  • TheDreadPirateRoberts
    TheDreadPirateRoberts Posts: 225 Member
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    My wife (13 years married), cheated on me with her boss. I was the last person to know and my best friend sat me down and told me my wife had told her (my best friend) when she was out drinking with her and got drunk. She actually seemed to be bragging about it. Straight after I heard this, I went to my wife and told her we were getting divorce. No one cheats on me and cheating is the only reason I would have broken my marriage vows which I held as sacred.

    The break up was hellish as my wife (as she admitted years later), tried every trick she could think of to pile on the pressure on me in order that I would "hopefully kill myself". I assume that was so she could get everything...which she just about got anyway, despite her being the cheat and despite it being my money. I almost did kill myself, but I failed and woke up the next day and from that moment forth, I thought "you're not worth it" about her.

    That was the lowest point. Moving into a run down house (where I got bitten by fleas the first night I stayed there), was not nice and I cried myself to sleep. However, since then, I have had some of the happiest memories of my life. Memories I would not have had if I had stayed with my adulteress wife. I do not speak to her. I pay maintenance and she has my house. I see my kids when they want to see me. I've bumped into her now and then through the years and she has not done well. A succession of abusive, mentally unstable, drunks have passed through her life and taken their toll. I on the other hand am happy and the flea bitten house is now repaired (inluding a new roof in two rooms and a new floor where the bathroom floor collapsed under me one morning - it was tough!) and I am living with a lovely woman who I otherwise would never have met.

    My kids have done well, despite all (I had to take my eldest daughter away from my wife for a year at one point as she was close to having a nervous breakdown with the turmoil in the place), with my eldest having just got 5 A's at A level. My "wife", I hope i never speak to again. I will never trust a thing she says.

    So thats how I coped. It was hard, but now is much, much better than then ever was. I'm actually glad she cheated so I found out that our marriage was such a lie.
  • dgirllamius
    dgirllamius Posts: 171 Member
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    I'd leave without a question of a doubt. It'd mean I would have to leave the country (I come from the UK, I live in Germany) as I got no family here, nowhere to go...nothing pretty much except for my boyfriend. I got no reason to stay. Everything I have is back home - why would I stay here? It'd mean going through the courts because we have a daughter together. Even though we're not married, he has as much right to our daughter as if we were. It wouldn't lean very well on him if he did cheat, plus I have no good reason to stay here. My boyfriend says he'd never cheat but I don't know that. He knows if he did he'd lose his daughter - no one cheats on me and gets off lightly. My daughter doesn't deserve to have a cheating father - I had that with my own.
  • MellowGa
    MellowGa Posts: 1,258 Member
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    My wife (13 years married), cheated on me with her boss. I was the last person to know and my best friend sat me down and told me my wife had told her (my best friend) when she was out drinking with her and got drunk. She actually seemed to be bragging about it. Straight after I heard this, I went to my wife and told her we were getting divorce. No one cheats on me and cheating is the only reason I would have broken my marriage vows which I held as sacred.

    The break up was hellish as my wife (as she admitted years later), tried every trick she could think of to pile on the pressure on me in order that I would "hopefully kill myself". I assume that was so she could get everything...which she just about got anyway, despite her being the cheat and despite it being my money. I almost did kill myself, but I failed and woke up the next day and from that moment forth, I thought "you're not worth it" about her.

    That was the lowest point. Moving into a run down house (where I got bitten by fleas the first night I stayed there), was not nice and I cried myself to sleep. However, since then, I have had some of the happiest memories of my life. Memories I would not have had if I had stayed with my adulteress wife. I do not speak to her. I pay maintenance and she has my house. I see my kids when they want to see me. I've bumped into her now and then through the years and she has not done well. A succession of abusive, mentally unstable, drunks have passed through her life and taken their toll. I on the other hand am happy and the flea bitten house is now repaired (inluding a new roof in two rooms and a new floor where the bathroom floor collapsed under me one morning - it was tough!) and I am living with a lovely woman who I otherwise would never have met.

    My kids have done well, despite all (I had to take my eldest daughter away from my wife for a year at one point as she was close to having a nervous breakdown with the turmoil in the place), with my eldest having just got 5 A's at A level. My "wife", I hope i never speak to again. I will never trust a thing she says.

    So thats how I coped. It was hard, but now is much, much better than then ever was. I'm actually glad she cheated so I found out that our marriage was such a lie.

    wow, I am glad you are still with us, and I wish you all the best and happiness
  • MellowGa
    MellowGa Posts: 1,258 Member
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    What is that answer?
    My mother pretty much pushed me this direction, I don't know about him, he says he wanted to get married, but I didn't. I told my mom I wasn't ready and she just tells me that's normal and keeps going with the planning and then she tells me that if I don't get married, I am living in sin, and I can't just be "shacking up" with is guy and not be married to him. Her deffinition of shacking up is living with him, and he pays for everything because I don't have a job, because I watch our son, and believe me I want a job, but I'd be working to pay for daycare. I have talked about going to school in fact I actually started going to school but the financial aide office told me I had to be 24 to be considered independent? I talked about getting my CNA and he was kinda trying to talk me out of it. My mom pushed me into this, there were a couple times that I said I wanted to leave and my mom said that I needed to stick it out for my son, this was before we got married..

    I don't understand the deal with your mom, I mean if you were my daughter, I would tell you to leave him and support you through this, it is a bad marriage and won't get better, do what is best for your child and end this. You need to sit your mom down and say, mom it's over, please help me get through this for the sake of your grand child.

    Is she worried about what other people think? screw that you are her daughter, she needs to ahve your back, and this guy needs to move on.
  • BodyRockerVT
    BodyRockerVT Posts: 323 Member
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    Think of what you want for your kid(s). Do you want them thinking THIS is how a husband should act? Would you want their significant others to treat them this way? If the answer is no you gotta get out. You haven't been married long at all, it is only likely to get worse from here on out.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
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    Your kids learn by example, do you really want that child to learn to stay with someone who makes you unhappy? Do you really want that child to grow up thinking that kind of relationship is normal? not to mention okay? The child is very young and you leaving will not affect said child. It's if you stay longer that it gets harder. So plan now, apply for assistance, housing and such before you leave, get your ducks in a row. You can get title 20 for daycare so you can work and or go to school, do all this before you leave. When you apply be sure to apply like you not with him besides if your sleeping in the baby's room you are no longer with him but only there until you can get out.

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