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Put in your 2 week notice and get out! I know it is scary thinking of being on your own after being with someone for 3 years, but you can do it. It will be different, new, and sometimes hard, but you have to always put yourself first. Start researching schools/degrees you are interested and let that consume your thoughts instead of "How am I going to make him happy today?" I know it is always easier for me to say because I am not you, but as you can see by everyone else's responses, he is too controlling.
If he has controlled you for 3 years then there is a reason why you feel so afraid to leave. Many times when we have controlling people in our lives, we recognize that it is a bad situation but can't imagine a way out if it. You are STRONG enough to get out. You are SMART enough to move on. You are BEAUTIFUL and you have the whole world in front of you. He is not your everything. He is a small part of your life that you can move on from. You can go somewhere new and start fresh.
If you are worried about putting him as your boss on your application or resume . . . DON'T. Put whomever was your boss before, another co-worker, or someone higher up in the company who knows your work ethic and experience. Take your life back and become who you want to be. That is what is truly going to make you happy every day.
Best wishes :flowerforyou:0 -
You sound like a hardworking person. What are you actually getting out of this relationship except grief? You need to sort out your feelings and decide whether you want to live like this long term and what is the most important thing you want and think about for your future. Happiness, Education, A supportive partner, and a Career or a job you like should be at the top of the list. What about family? Do you have anyone you can trust to use as a sounding board? My heart goes out to you.
Once you decided what you want to do....Believe in yourself and your goals and get busy doing it.0 -
^ ThisOh HELL nah. He sounds very controlling, which can turn into emotional abuse if you are not careful. If he is your boss, than start sending out resumes and get the heck out of there. Are you are 19??!! You are way to young to put up with that *kitten*. Dump him and his baggage, go to college, and enjoy being young.
Edited to second this: You deserve better. You deserve to go to school if you want to. You deserve somebody who is absolutely nuts about you and wants to spend all of his free time with you
^^^AMEN!!^^^
And you should NEVER pay some guy's alimony. What kind of "man" would want his woman to do that anyway? You are too young and cute to put up with that crap. Nobody should actually. I am 46 years old and believe me time goes really fast. Don't waste your precious years on this guy.0 -
I'm a big list person. When I left my ex, I wrote a list - which helped me realise that I didn't actually love him (FYI, I was 19).
-I was the housewife/cook etc
-I was the main breadwinner
-i was studying full time
-We were debt laden due to studying, but always paying off his credit card - I didn't have one
-I was making his life perfect by giving him all my emotion, leaving nothing for me
-I was too afraid to vent at him, cos it was always 'my' fault
-He was a part time student
-Played computer for the rest of the time
It was damn hard to leave, but a year later, I was sooo happy. I had found independence, I had found my self-respect, I had decided that if a man did not love me, he did not get me and he better damn well respect me otherwise he was gone. My darling husband was man enough - although I put him through the wringer at the start lol.
You need to find you again, cos you get so engrossed in the relationship that you lose that at 19. A true relationship is two people, one relationship. Not just the relationship IYKWIM. Respect, support, love all bind, but not all your energy goes into keeping the relationship or the other person happy - he is in control of his happiness, just like you are yours.0 -
You are never alone. You are a precious child of God and He loves you dearly. I don't know if you have ever been to Church and it doesn't matter. The best and easiest place to make friends who really care about you is in a Bible study group. You may have to try a few to find the right fit. And, as someone else mentioned, once you start college, you will make new friends.
My husband is 23 yrs older than me and we worked together for several years. He NEVER made me feel inferior to him in any way and he ALWAYS put my education and career before his. Looking at your picture, you are beautiful and will have no trouble meeting a partner who is right for you. Whoever it is, he should make you feel like a princess, now matter how much or little money either of you have.
I know it is hard, but don't ever give up. You are a hard worker and a strong young woman. You were meant for more and you have God's strength in you.0 -
If you are worried about putting him as your boss on your application or resume . . . DON'T. Put whomever was your boss before, another co-worker, or someone higher up in the company who knows your work ethic and experience. Take your life back and become who you want to be. That is what is truly going to make you happy every day.
Best wishes :flowerforyou:
^^^^ This!!! He's obviously avoiding you anyway. Put in your notice and move out. (Pull your money out of checking accounts same day...) I can't imagine the hardship on your for this. But you are young! I have been with my Logan since I was 17. Yes we argue. But overall, he still treats me like a queen. Happily married for 4 years. You should never be responsible for his alimony. That is just nuts. I would put in your notice to a higher up and explain the situation and the threats of decreased work if you leave him. That way the higher up can keep him away from you if he gets to keep his job (which he won't, companies don't like lawsuits waiting to happen). And I would pick a town (hometown, college, a friends place, anywhere) and get away from him. There are counselors, shelters, all sorts of places that will help you. Call your mother. Stay with her if you want. But he is controlling you. I don't see how it can get better. But it can get far worse I fear...0 -
Just break up.
then quit!
No, don't quit. Unless, you go away to college. Let him fire you or decrease your hours. Then sue.
A-men
You're 19 - If I knew then what I know now?! (I know cliche)
You're not married - From everything I've read here, marriage is the last thing on his mind.
You're mean? - Oh come on! I'm a guy and that's STILL a LAME *kitten* excuse!
He got pi$$y when you said you wanted an education? - All the more reason to get one! Sounds like his Master's didn't teach him a thing!
Bottom line opinion - Get your big girl panties on, get yourself to college, quit helping on paying for his mistake, Find some new friends, Get a support group (Wait! You have one here it looks like
), And LIVE LIFE!
Good Luck and Success!0 -
You were 16 when you got together.
9 yrs. difference in age?
He was 25 and you were 16??
If I read it right.
Run from the pervert.
He has major control issues.
Maybe you have gotten to old for him.
By the way if he won't come and see you and is not having sex with you.
He is cheating.....sorry.:flowerforyou:
ALL OF THIS!!! I was also doing the math of when they got together. You're wayyyyyy to young to be dealing with that chit. If you want to go to college....GO!!!!!!!
Just my two coins....0 -
I left a relationship of 3 years when I was 19, and 400 miles away from home, so I understand how scary it is. You're trying to become an adult, and he's been your best friend and your rock for 3 years. When I dumped my crazy, manipulative ex (who stopped calling me and never wanted to talk to me...), I think I cried more because I felt like I had just escaped hell. I realized that I never loved him the way a person is supposed to love some one.
It's terrifying, but it's also liberating. Do you even know who you are outside of this relationship? He sounds quite stifling. If you stop looking at this as an ending, and start looking at it as the beginning of a new, and better life- the fear turns into excitement.
I think the fact that he was a 25 year old dating a 16 year old is a huge indicator that he wants a child to do his bidding, and not a woman to share his life with. You deserve someone who treats you like an equal.0 -
If you want to go to college you should!!! If you don't you will resent it and your boyfriend for the rest of your life. It really seems as though you two are moving in different directions. A few other people suggested keeping the money separate.....I AGREE!! You may need an escape fund. At 19.....there's so much of life ahead of you and so many fish in the sea! Don't cheat yourself!0
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I would tell you to treat this like you would any other goal you have in life, if you want to go to college you should go. Do not let anything or anybody stand in your way. The SO has already moved into a different place and would tell you that you may not fit into those plans. Do not revolve around his plans because one day you may not be a part of the plan. Sit down and have a very frank discussion about your goals and if he tells you no than he is not a partner he is "boss".0
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Go to college!!! (That is what financial aid is for!)
Dump his *kitten*!!! (You will likely notice how much your life wimproves the very next day)
Passionately pursue your personal goals - if you don't you will ultimately regret it and end up blaming and hating him because of it.
YOU have to be your first priority in life - You can do this!0 -
I don't totally understand your post, about the hotel thing. But, it sounds like he is quite a bit older than you and rather controlling. And I also wonder what kind of boss makes you work that much, 12 hrs a day, 7 days a week, with 1 day off every 5 weeks. What kind of business is this?
If I were you I'd go to college, have some fun, and find a career you love. You're 19, you shouldn't be worried about paying his alimony.
Good luck, do what your gut tells you to do.
This... You're 19 and absolutely should be going to school and not worrying about his crap. If he's avoiding you, and saying you're mean when you're not means he is covering for something. RUN AWAY FAST.0 -
Get out, what ever the cost. More time you invest in this relationship the more you will lose. Cut your losses and run. You are worth so much more that you are getting. RUN!0
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From a male perspective, and I must say that I havent read all of the comments, just your original post, I think it sounds like a control thing. Im not sure how much older than you he is, but to me his behaviour already spells trouble for me. I get the impression he has some old fashioned values that dictate that woman should be seen and not heard, that they should stay home and look after their man and that you have no right to be out there trying to imporve your life. Thats what he is there for!! Thats what i reckon he feels and even if he isnt showing it yet, I think that will come out more and more over time, especially if you show more independence. Noone ever likes to see people breaking up, but I dont think there is a future in this relationship that you could be happy with unless you are willing to be totally submissive!! My advice is to move on out of there and chase your dreams!! Hope that helps.0
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Thank you for reply.
I know what you mean, I still have some things to think over before I make my decision.
and when we almost broke up the other night I asked him if I was fired and he said that he wouldn't fire me but cut back my shifts, because the only reason he was giving me so much work was because we were partners. I just said ok, because some work is better than none.
Are you kidding me????? I hope this isn't so you can help pay his ex wife the alimony that he owes her!!! Let him try and cut back your shifts and then go straight to HR. He sounds very immature to me and I was biting my tongue reading previous responses but then you said this and I feel really upset for you!0 -
This behavior is completely new. We had a rough relationship in the beginning but for the past couple years it has been amazing. We used to be best friends, do everything together, could talk about anything.
That sounds like my last relationship. He was so kind and sweet and did cute little things for me all the time. We were best friends and could talk to each other for hours. Then all of a sudden, he changed. He was avoiding me, not talking to me, and was very short with me when we talked and not engaged at all. It was very strange and new. When I confronted him about it, he said it was getting hard to do long distance. We broke up because he said he felt like trying wasn't going to change anything. But still, that doesn't explain why he was treating me like *kitten*. I think it's because he was confused and immature, but who knows.
If there's any advice I can offer, it's to sit down and have a really honest conversation. Not an accusatory one. Talk about what really worries you, how you feel. Get to the bottom of it, past all the surface problems. And give yourselves time to think. That might mean spending some time apart temporarily. I really wish we had done that before just ending it with our first direct conversation about our issues.0 -
what kind of man is he that he cant pay his ex wifes alimony on his own. what kind of man would have his girlfriend give up a dream to better herself and instead have her pay HIS bills to HIS ex wife! yikes!
Dump him.
Its harsh-- but you certainly can find better. He doesnt value your dreams just your money.
By him distancing himself from you, it might actually be easier for you to call it quits. Fast forward 6 months from now, will you be happy that you have left him and are pursuing your dreams or will you still be with him and things the same.0 -
He cannot punish your job status and/or hours because of a personal relationship that is ending. That is sexual harassment and he knows it. Do not be bullied into staying in this relationship for fears of losing your job.
^^ This. Your situation is definitely a difficult one. I hope you have peace in however this is resolved. Sorry, I have no advice. I'm married, two kids, mid-30s. I was briefly separated from my husband after our first child, but that is a totally different scenario with a marriage and family. THIS was worth fighting for and saving. Is your situation? Only you can answer that. I wish you the best.0 -
Grab your **** and go! You're 19. Been there, done that. The only thing I got out of my 4.5 year relationship, at that young of an age, was the experience and the ability to recognize and take no BS from the next guy. Go to college, finish your degree, enjoy your freedom and let the right person find you.0
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