???? for the ladies in long term relationships.

Looks like you've discovered why this guy hasn't been taken in 44 years. Don't be the idiot who stays with him. You are on a weight loss site-lose the quickest (insert his weight here)pounds you've ever lost!


^^^^^^AGREE!!!!!!!!!

No, my hubby does not. He might work late, but he comes home as soon as he can, and when he's away, we talk on skype or the phone till bedtime. We still don't like being apart.
We've now been together 6 years.

He would never think of hurting me or disrespecting me, nor I him, because we care and love each other.

We've moved several times, state to state due to work and our relationship is stronger then ever.

What you are going through isn't normal just because it's a long term relationship, a relationship can be so much more and I hope that you are able to find someone who treats you the way I am treated, you are worth it and you deserve it.

I'd start meeting him there after work
Then you can see for yourself what's going on. I'd surprise him, in fact. That way you can see if he's with guys, girls, "a" girl, etc. And yeah, I wouldn't put up with it either. Sorry you are having to deal with this and possibly make a tough choice.

And this is the same guy who forgets your birthday every year?:indifferent:

I know it is MUCH easier to say, "just leave him," but unfortunately that is the ONLY answer. The only other alternative is to waste the rest of your life with him (unless he leaves you).

Also, if you two are sexually active, what happens if you get pregnant? Do you think he will make a good father or even be there for the child if he can't even be there for you?

My last boyfriend ended up being a narcissist and pathological liar. While the red-flags were there from the start, I ignored them because I didn't think it was possible to end up in yet another abusive relationship. Last month I left the country and cut all communication. I stopped taking the birth control pill after getting my period and went on with life until last week when I noticed my stomach was looking bigger. I realized there was a possibility of pregnancy and spent days worrying. Today I finally couldn't take the stress anymore, and went to a store I never frequent and bought a test. I was extremely lucky in that the results were negative (NOT pregnant), but it was definitely a lesson learned -- I should have left when the abuse started.

Anyway, I don't know if you boyfriend? husband? is abusive or not, but he still sounds like a huge *kitten* and I wouldn't be surprised to find out that he belittles/threatens/frequently ditches/physically harms you.

Actually he sounds like a real unappreciative loser. He has a cute/sexy younger woman (judging by your pic) who puts up with all of his b.s. and probably takes care of him much more than he does her (am I right?)...yet I know people who treat their dogs better than he treats you.

I've been in TWO abusive long-term relationships and while I unfortunately can't advise you on how to get into a good relationship, I CAN tell you how to get out of a bad one -- and that means leaving and cutting all contact.

Good luck!!

Yes, it is probably just a phase. If he is anything like my boyfriend (who was 18 at the time), he just needs a wake up call and sorting out some personal problems he must be dealing with. That was the case with my boyfriend.

If you are very serious about him being your life partner or want to really try to make things work. Make sure you remind him you are also his friend and there to listen. Make sure you are supportive and do your best to work things out peacefully.

Best of luck to you!

I found one of my ex's drinking and driving (at the same time) I dumped him there and then! Do not agree with that, needless to say I have moved on and got a better life with a lovely guy and he is the same old drunkered idiot!

Your understanding of guys is wrong. Dump the jerk. If he hasn't yet, he will be cheating on you. Enjoy being miserable with him for years.

EDIT: Just saw that he's 44 and doing this? There aren't enough letters in the word LOSER to describe him.

Sounds like trouble is brewing

no, My husband always lets me know if he has plans and clears them with me to make sure we didn't have anything to do, or if I want him to stay home. If he went to the bar EVERY night, I would leave with the kids until he decides to get his act together. Luckily both of us drink only socially. It seems immature and childish to need to go get buzzed every night!

As a red neck kind of guy, one night a week would be acceptable. Every night? No way would I do that to my wife

if he told you this will keep happening then it means he doesn't care, and when he doesn't care then there is no relationship there. What's the point in being with someone who you can't "relate" with. Respect yourself, find someone better, you'll be glad you did in the end.

Several big red flags here.

- Disregard for your feelings
- Reduced interest in spending time with you
- Using alcohol on a daily basis to the point of intoxication (and driving)

Obviously, whenever there is a significant change in a person's behavior something is on their mind. Better get in his head and get it figured out before something bad happens. It could just be the stress of the move or the financial situation. But if he wont communicate with you or shuts you out, then the problem could be with you (or another person, if you get my my meaning).

It wont get better until you get to the root of the problem. If you cant then you know its time to walk.

Yup, definitely agree with this statement.

My ex-husband did, he drank almost every night. I'm tee-total so believe me it did start to get on my nerves. That's why he's my EX-husband now though. My current partner doesn't touch alcohol, he's a biker and works hard, I'm so much happier and love hearing him arrive home - there was a while I was actually quite scared of my ex getting home. Probably not what you wanted to hear, sorry hun x

My husband doesn't drink. Obviously, the first issue here is that he's not being safe. He needs to find another way home, or not go. It's that simple. He's not just playing with his own life.

Now just addressing him being out every night, yes that's a problem. You say this is new. If you're otherwise happy, you should give this a chance to resolve. Your situation sounds depressing, and his escapist, risky behavior suggests to me that he's deeply depressed. It doesn't make his behavior fair or ok, but it might give you some compassion, and maybe hope that it's not really forever. Insist you see a counselor together, and do whatever you can to get your family into a calmer environment. Are you working? If not, find a job ASAP. You guys need your space and some stability.

Agree with the previous posters - he is not acting as if he wants to be married and it's incredibly disrespectful and also dangerous. It is interesting that this started since you moved in with his family. It's just a suggestion (and only applicable if you are still interested in trying to work things out rather than the kicking to the curb option), but is it possible that he is reacting to money issues and also certain feelings of shame at having to move back in with his parents with pure avoidance? Sounds like he is trying to pretend that this is not all happening, mostly by acting like he's 18 and seeing as little as possible of his family and also you, staying out late, getting buzzed etc.

In any event, it doesn't excuse his behaviour. If you guys are to stay together, he needs to make a plan together with you for how to get together enough money to get your own place again. If he wants to go out for a drink in the evening, he should come home and the two of you walk together to the nearest bar, or have drinks in the garden together. I think you getting your own job and your own independence is also crucial, whether or not you stay together.

It could also be that there is someone else... this is exactly the type of 'self-destruct' behaviour that people sometimes use to end relationships (by making living with them unbearable) when they don't have the balls to end it themselves.