What if your husband or wive wants to know...?

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  • mcfc4tony
    mcfc4tony Posts: 107 Member
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    You should only worry if the number goes up whilst you're married.

    Spot on :laugh:
  • mmmyotwnz
    mmmyotwnz Posts: 119 Member
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    Do you feel obligated to answer if your husband/wife asks you how many people you've been intimate with? We've been married 6 months and my husband never brought it up until recently--and he got mad when I said I wasn't answering. Why do people want to know this -- and was I wrong for not answering him? I would have lied about the number anyway....

    (Question from a blog)

    MY question is: WHY would someone WANT to know?
    HOW would that make a relationship BETTER?

    ( I had to edit this and add this part because a few people missed the part where i wrote that this a question from a BLOG. This is not my relationship, i am single and never been married. I asked this to get other folks perspective on this...)

    DON'T answer this.... IMO.

    I did and it did not go well for me. I thought "in the event of full disclosure and honesty to our relationship". I had more partners than my husband. He had one before me. And he has brought it up over and over and over again. We have been together for 26 years and he still brings it up.
    My past was MY past. It was mine and mine alone. If I would have to do it all over again I would not answer the question and say "I am here with you now in the present and that is all that matters". It has dented our relationship, and I have to live my past sins all over again with condemnation and judgement. Some women's secrets and better left in our hearts.
  • dizzydi1968
    dizzydi1968 Posts: 564
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    IMO they ask but they really don't want to know.
    Avoid answering but if all else fails LIE
    You know it makes sense :)
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,411 Member
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    We were each married before, other than that, I have no desire to know about his prior experience, and he has not asked about mine (except for one person while we were dating). Been 30 years now. If he asks - the answer is 'no one since the day I met you' which is the truth.
  • dansls1
    dansls1 Posts: 309 Member
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    If you can't be honest and open about that, you probably don't have a good relationship...
  • andreanicole686
    andreanicole686 Posts: 406 Member
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    That's something I would have talked about before even getting married.
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
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    When I was 21 and first started dating my now ex-husband, it mattered to me. I didn't want to be "just another girl" to him.

    Nowadays, at 26, I wouldn't ask the guy I was dating. I just find it irrelevant now and wouldn't actually want to know. I think it brings a bad vibe with knowing, lol. It would be bothersome to me, so I'd just steer clear of that topic, question, answer, etc...

    However, I have no problem answering for someone else, and I do not need to cut my answer in half either :)
  • ohmyshysamantha
    ohmyshysamantha Posts: 138 Member
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    I'm not married. but me and my boyfriend knew eachothers numbers within a week of dating.
  • jesssmalls
    jesssmalls Posts: 18
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    I have been married for 10 years and we have always been open and honest about everything. I know how many woman he has been with and he knows how many men and woman that I have been with. I think it is something that should be discussed but it should be discussed well before marrying someone,I mean what if he does not lie the answer is he just going to leave?? Probably not just going to get pissed off
  • BamaBreezeNSaltAire
    BamaBreezeNSaltAire Posts: 966 Member
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    There are some thing, yes even in a marriage that are better off left unsaid. My husband has never asked, I have never asked and it's simply not that important. I've been married almost 12 years and the past is just that....the past. The future is bright! :love:
  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
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    Do you feel obligated to answer if your husband/wife asks you how many people you've been intimate with? We've been married 6 months and my husband never brought it up until recently--and he got mad when I said I wasn't answering. Why do people want to know this -- and was I wrong for not answering him? I would have lied about the number anyway....

    (Question from a blog)

    MY question is: WHY would someone WANT to know?
    HOW would that make a relationship BETTER?

    ( I had to edit this and add this part because a few people missed the part where i wrote that this a question from a BLOG. This is not my relationship, i am single and never been married. I asked this to get other folks perspective on this...)

    A guy wouldn't hesitate to say....because for guys its kind of a bragging rights alpha dog response.....for women...if they answer quickly, it isn't many....if they hesitate or try to change the subject....you know their lil nympho *kitten*' were gettin it a lot...lol
  • Rogiefreida
    Rogiefreida Posts: 567 Member
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    There is no reason to divulge an actual number. My husband and I have NEVER shared that information. Just that we had pasts that lead us to our future. That we were safe. That we had been tested prior to getting together. That we are the only ones for each other from the moment we decided to be a committed couple on out. Giving up a number is only going to cause a fight, and fuel insecurities.

    Exactly this. We've talked about our past without talking exact numbers, and that's fine by both of us. We did that early on, as we both had gone through our wild phases:blushing: , but wanted to know that we were both safe, etc. We've been together for 5 1/2 years now, and frankly, IDGAF about his past anymore. It's the past, we're married and committed to each other and keep each other satisfied. There's no need for us to talk about it anymore, and we haven't really since we first started dating.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    A guy wouldn't hesitate to say....because for guys its kind of a bragging rights alpha dog response.....for women...if they answer quickly, it isn't many....if they hesitate or try to change the subject....you know their lil nympho *kitten*' were gettin it a lot...lol

    Smart man.
  • shelbyfrootcake
    shelbyfrootcake Posts: 965 Member
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    Me and my partner talked about this when we first got together. It was pure curiosity and the number didn't matter to either of us.
  • melsmith612
    melsmith612 Posts: 727 Member
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    I know how many my hubby has been with but he doesn't know my number - he didn't want to know and I'm okay with not sharing. If he ever asks, I'll answer him truthfully and he can deal with the feelings he has about my answer because that'll be his choice. Just like it was my choice to ask him.
  • WalkingGirl1985
    WalkingGirl1985 Posts: 2,047 Member
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    We were both always open about our past relationships, lovers etc. I've always been curious and still am sometimes but its not something we do constantly talk about. It matters that he chose me and I'll be the only one he wants and have as long as we are together.
  • lesita75
    lesita75 Posts: 379 Member
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    Don't know why this would just be coming up AFTER marriage but, including him the answer should NEVER be more than five.
  • laprovocateur
    laprovocateur Posts: 128 Member
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    if they just won't stop asking, i make up a number.

    shady? yeah. but I consider it a little white lie. no one needs to know.
  • 17ChargerGirl17
    17ChargerGirl17 Posts: 441
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    For me it doesnt matter. What happen's in Vegas stays in Vegas....in other words-its in the past so doesnt mean squat.

    I agree. I don't care to know who my boyfriend was with before we got together. And he has never asked me. What happened before we were to together is the past. I don't see the importance in it.
  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
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    I know how many my hubby has been with but he doesn't know my number - he didn't want to know and I'm okay with not sharing. If he ever asks, I'll answer him truthfully and he can deal with the feelings he has about my answer because that'll be his choice. Just like it was my choice to ask him.

    so how many was it? lol

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