Need kid to move on!! Advice please.

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  • melissafaith24
    melissafaith24 Posts: 251 Member
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    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    i bet that would nip it in the bud :)
  • tilliesmom9
    tilliesmom9 Posts: 47
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    Lucky me. I still have my mom's house key. Maybe that's because she has demintia. Enjoy your kids while you can still remember them.
  • CincinnatiDEIFan
    CincinnatiDEIFan Posts: 188 Member
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    If your the step mom why are you dealing with it? I think DAD needs to deal with it...or is this also a case where maybe DAD doesn't have the same feelings, therefore refuses to deal with it.
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
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    I am 30 and still drop in unexpected at my moms all the time, I literally walk into her house and yell "SURPRISE... now whats for supper?!" (its a joke from highschool a friend of mine would always ask my mom what was for supper when he came in - even if it was 8 in the morning. I never expect my mom to feed me, but she always does.) up util recently I also used her house as my storage so I didn't have to pay storage fees on things that wouldnt fit in my place (I was renting and just recently bought a house).

    I do my best to clean up my messes but honestly maybe he feels that is his home still and he has a right to come home when he wants. I know for a fact if my mom had an issue with me just stopping in she would tell me she is pretty forward that way. I think you should just sit him down and say "you know we love when you come over but can you call and let us know?" and ask him why he feels the need to leave his things... i am sure that wont hurt his feelings - but do not make him feel like he is unwelcome either.
  • binariiangel
    binariiangel Posts: 146 Member
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    Tell him that if he's going to keep dropping by unexpectedly and sleeping there more than one night a month then you think it's only fair that he pays you for the time that he's there, as well as any food that he eats. Also if he keeps leaving trash lying around threaten to take it to his house, and just dump it on the front yard. lol
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
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    Just tell him not to come over when y'all are not there. If that does not work, change the locks and refuse to give him a new key. It doesn't cost a lot of money to change the locks and is worth your peace of mind.
  • KetchikanLadyDi
    KetchikanLadyDi Posts: 23 Member
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    It's simple. Let him know that the "open door policy" is a two way street so you would like a set of keys to his place, and in the future would be coming and going as you please.
  • Justkf
    Justkf Posts: 208 Member
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    I guess my husband and I have a different relationship with our son..........

    How is this helpful to me?
  • LaurySch
    LaurySch Posts: 277 Member
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    After reading that he's your stepson and you didn't have as much hand in raising him I change my stance a bit:

    Your husband needs to know how you feel and HE needs to be the one to tell his son to grow up.
  • rob1976
    rob1976 Posts: 1,328 Member
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    Just change the locks...or get a security system...imagine the look on his face when John Q. Law shows up...
  • TeresaWash
    TeresaWash Posts: 283
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    Just be honest with him. It might sting a little bit but he'll get past it.

    Or... start dropping by his place unexpected several times a week. That should make him think.
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
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    Well he's 27 and i think he'd understand. But let him know what you guys don't like the fact that he comes in unexpected. Let him know that you guys still love him and don't mind him coming over every now and then, but that you all want him to ASK if it's okay to stop by.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    Is he a she named Sullykat? Because I think I might be your son.

    I am married and have a house of my own, but I still have a key and go over to my mom's house ALL the time! I use her bathroom as my own personal locker room between gym and work (it takes too long to go all the way home). I also raid her fridge and pantry on a regular basis. My step-dad is constantly trying to give me back my stuff because he does not want to be the storage unit anymore either, but I refuse to take it (I always "forget" to bring the bag of old treasures with me on my way out).

    I'm sorry, I can not give you any tips, as I would be devastated if my key ever got taken away… but only for selfish reasons. Just rip that cold sucker out of his hands and say "No more, Johnny! No more." That is the only way my mom is EVER getting rid of me. lol

    I would say "for selfish reasons" is pretty apt. Granted my son is only 3, but I'm not attached to things and I'd give you 2 days then throw all your **** out. I moved out and my parents kept asking me what to do with my stuff and I kept saying "I set it out to be thrown out" and they kept putting it back on the shelf thinking I'd change my mind. When I lived near them I left a small box(about the size of a cake pan) at each of their homes of things that I generally needed at their house. I figured that was a respectible piece of space without being imposing, if it didn't fit in the box it either went in the trash or left with me.
  • KickassAugust
    KickassAugust Posts: 1,430 Member
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    Tell him life moves on and that you're going to take up nude in home modeling for the local university, or that he is a big boy and should know how to call first....
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    I have a very different relationship with my folks... I'm 35 and stay with them with their grandson from time to time (for two months this summer, in fact, when I had a broken leg). To this day, it would not bother them if I came and did laundry at their house whether or not they were home. I don't need to... I have had a very successful career since I was 21 years old, and have my own home. However, it's "available."

    That being said, if both you AND his father would like him to stop coming over to do laundry, staying over, dropping by, etc. you need to address it. And frankly, since you've made it VERY clear you are step and not "parent," I would vote for your husband to be the one to speak to him... not email him... speak to him.

    Changing the locks, albeit funny, is not a great decision, imo.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    Communication?
  • TeresaWash
    TeresaWash Posts: 283
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    I guess my husband and I have a different relationship with our son..........

    How is this helpful to me?

    Some people just can't help it??
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    Anyone have kids that do not live at home anymore and still have a key to the house? I have one Stepson I did not raise (age 27) that drops in alot unannounced and leaves a trail everytime (uses our stuff and doesn't put it back). He's a great guy but a bit of a intrusion, thinks we are his storage unit, laundry facility and occasionally sleep base camp.

    Kinda want the key back since my husband and I want "our" life to begin. I am not sure how to ask without hurting feelings.

    Thanks!

    The door is ALWAYS open to my children as long as they abide by the rules. This is part of being a parent, it doesn't stop when they turn 18.
  • crazyellybean
    crazyellybean Posts: 999 Member
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    if you both are agreeing.. change the locks.. problem solved...

    however, my mother would never take my key away, home is suppose to be the place that is always open to come too whenever..

    Maybe you could talk to him about his bad habits?
  • skulcherry
    skulcherry Posts: 25 Member
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    if he is your stepson why inst your husband putting his foot down?

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