Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?
Replies
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This man may have very high expectations. However I know a lot of women who "let them selves go". It is hard to juggle working and raising children, sometimes you can't find 10 minutes to yourself. many women find it easier to just throw on some comfortable clothing and pull their hair back. I happen to be one of those women who will put on my make-up while the kids eat breakfast. I also value my time and have decided that it is OK to invest in myself. I make myself a priority along with making sure everyone in my house is taken care of. Besides, I feel great when I wear nice things.
Those are all terrible excuses. Just as bad as "I am overweight/unhealthy because I have no time to work out." It doesn't take long to make yourself presentable, if you can't MAKE just a couple minutes then a person has bigger problems.
Many of us work full time jobs, travel and hour each way between daycare and work, make homemade meals everday. do chores everyday and still find time to workout and look nice.0 -
Precisely. The guy didn't say, "Why don't more women take the time to present themselves in a way that makes them feel good?" he said "Why don't women understand that single men want hot chicks and take measures to make that happen?"There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.0 -
Why is a successful and fit middle-aged man writing Dear Abby to find a date?
Exactly.
It's like I've always said: plenty more fish in the sea....
if you have a massive rod.
heh0 -
I didn't expect the ending there, so it really made me laugh!Not everybody is going to look hot, but I'll tell you what there are more women that have "looked" after themselves at my age than there are guys - (Mind you there are more women alive at my age than there are guys too).0 -
The guy didn't say, "Why don't more women take the time to present themselves in a way that makes them feel good?"
Why should he care?
It's not like he's the Pope, or the head of the UN or anything. People are self interested.
The end.0 -
This man may have very high expectations. However I know a lot of women who "let them selves go". It is hard to juggle working and raising children, sometimes you can't find 10 minutes to yourself. many women find it easier to just throw on some comfortable clothing and pull their hair back. I happen to be one of those women who will put on my make-up while the kids eat breakfast. I also value my time and have decided that it is OK to invest in myself. I make myself a priority along with making sure everyone in my house is taken care of. Besides, I feel great when I wear nice things.
Those are all terrible excuses. Just as bad as "I am overweight/unhealthy because I have no time to work out." It doesn't take long to make yourself presentable, if you can't MAKE just a couple minutes then a person has bigger problems.
Many of us work full time jobs, travel and hour each way between daycare and work, make homemade meals everday. do chores everyday and still find time to workout and look nice.
Yep I have worked out at midnight on a Saturday night because that was the only time I could do it!!0 -
I honestly don't care if he wants a hot girlfriend. He flat out said, "I want a girl who's really attractive." Not a problem. It's when he says, "Me and all my friends want someone who is really attractive and it's very important to us. Why don't women understand that?" He can want whatever he wants, but the expectation that women should know how important their appearance is to single men and then conform themselves to meet that standard that is ridiculous. If I don't want to date fat guys, that's fine, but I'm not going to go around telling fat guys that they should lose weight because that's what I want.He probably could've used a different choice of words or phrasing, but I don't think it's a problem to want to be with someone who cares enough about themselves to workout, eat well, and dress well.0 -
In my mid-40s, I find that men my age tend to have given up on their appearance whereas the women are well-groomed and keep themselves fit.
OR the phenomenon is entirely subjective and we're all looking for partners who looked like they did when we were last single, 20 years ago
This!^^^0 -
On that note, I will always be a MILF.
This^0 -
and he wonders why he's single?
the wrong attitude makes even the most handsome or beautiful absolutely ugly0 -
Excuses, shmexcuses. I'm going to do what I want, and if you don't like it, don't look. I don't give a flying **** what you think. Just because a person doesn't meet your standards of appearance doesn't mean they're not taking care of themselves.0
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I DID let myself go.
But I have worked ****ing hard.
I still go to Walmart in my yoga pants/sweats and a pony tail... who cares?
I get dressed up when i feel like it.0 -
^^
I honestly don't care if he wants a hot girlfriend. He flat out said, "I want a girl who's really attractive." Not a problem. It's when he says, "Me and all my friends want someone who is really attractive and it's very important to us. Why don't women understand that?" He can want whatever he wants, but the expectation that women should know how important their appearance is to single men and then conform themselves to meet that standard that is ridiculous. If I don't want to date fat guys, that's fine, but I'm not going to go around telling fat guys that they should lose weight because that's what I want.He probably could've used a different choice of words or phrasing, but I don't think it's a problem to want to be with someone who cares enough about themselves to workout, eat well, and dress well.
This0 -
So we should keep our "self prejudices" to ourselves, but there is nothing wrong with him putting his "self prejudices" in writing?What's wrong with putting it writing? Women are just as bad.
Keep your self prejudices to just that...yourself. Let the man be....and go workout.
Double standard = failed logic.0 -
Good for this guy, he knows what he wants.
I'll openly admit it, I'm shallow. I won't even consider dating someone I'm not attacted to, and attraction is usually cute, slender and tone. I hold myself to a high standard, I don't see whats so unfair of holding a potential mate to the same.
But, perhaps its the CHARACTER TRAITS that keep someone driven to stay in good shape that I am attracted to more, whether its motivation, focus, dedication, etc. I also have a girlfriend who I have been dating for a couple months now which has been the best I've had yet, no fights and nothing but laughter.0 -
I have absolutely no problem with this man's comment. Im often surrounded by women my age plus 10-15 and I cannot believe how much freaking frump is happening.
There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.
I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.
What she said ^^
I also agree.
I want my man to be hot, I want to be hot for my man.
It does not mean I wear hills and make up all the time, but it does mean that even my sweats are cute and never streched or smelly. And I work out and watch my food to be hot, for me, for him, just because
I don't want to be with someone who does not take care of himself or not care if I'm attractive or not. I want my man to find me attractive and I'm ready to work for it.
Exactly! I have no issue with what he said. I wouldn't be here trying to make a rocking hot bod if I didn't find it important and want someone who thought the same.
It's not like he said he wanted an actual playboy bunny on his arm. I'd call him out for that.
! 0 -
My "dream spouse" wouldn't care if I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with no make up rather than hot pants an 1/3 of a shirt with my geisha face on. I'm not interested in attracting someone whose #1 priority in a partner is her appearance.I have to agree with the man who wrote the letter. Everyone should always try to look their best every day. You never know who you might bump into while out in society. You might meet someone and randomly land your dream job, or dream spouse. People are also incredibly judgemental people. By not looking your best, you're not putting your best foot forward. You'll end up behind.0 -
Well here is the thing - men his age can put "few extra pounds" say on a dating profile but they weight 400 lbs. A woman can put "average" and be called obese. Double standard much?
You attract what you are - and obviously he hasn't realized he just may not be all that and a bag of chips too.0 -
Exactly.
My "dream spouse" wouldn't care if I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with no make up rather than hot pants an 1/3 of a shirt with my geisha face on. I'm not interested in attracting someone whose #1 priority in a partner is her appearance.I have to agree with the man who wrote the letter. Everyone should always try to look their best every day. You never know who you might bump into while out in society. You might meet someone and randomly land your dream job, or dream spouse. People are also incredibly judgemental people. By not looking your best, you're not putting your best foot forward. You'll end up behind.0 -
Every woman (and man for that matter) should have a little pride in themselves when they walk out the door. Sometimes sweatpants and a t-shirt can be sexy, but not every day. Sexy isn't about being a size 2. Buy clothing that compliments your body, put a little make up on if you're looking a little pale and most importantly wear your smile. First impressions can never be repeated, so make yours count.0
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I have no problem with someone going after what they want in a partner, but when you think you *deserve* X, Y and Z, then that's really unattractive.the wrong attitude makes even the most handsome or beautiful absolutely ugly0 -
I think its mostly because older, more mature women who really know who they are just don't give a rat's patootie what a guy like that thinks. Dollars to doughnuts...he is no prize. And shallow to boot.0
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LOL! Love it! That was perfect :drinker:You attract what you are - and obviously he hasn't realized he just may not be all that and a bag of chips too.0 -
Read this in the paper this morning. I thought it was worth sharing, as I'm positive there are some people who would really like to respond:
DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced father of two children, one in college and the other in high school. I have reached a point in life where I can take trips and make time for me. I am well-educated and earn an above-average income. I'm in decent shape and considered a "catch" by many of the single women I encounter. But most of the women in my age bracket (mid-40s) or slightly younger no longer take care of themselves.
I'm looking for a very attractive woman to accompany me through life. Most single men I know also put a premium on a woman's appearance. Why don't women understand this? Where would you suggest finding a suitable partner for someone in my situation? -- MR. PARTICULAR IN TUCSON
My response would be:
Dear Mr Assface,
Perhaps single women your age have better things to do with their lives than preen for you. Or maybe they DO understand how important appearance is to you, they just don't give a ****.
Abby's response was a little more classy:
DEAR MR. PARTICULAR: Start at the nearest gym. If that doesn't net you what you're trolling for, another place to look would be the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles. Hef throws large parties there, many of which are charity fundraisers. Who knows? For a generous donation you might meet a woman who meets your high standards -- providing you have enough assets of your own to merit her interest.
I saw this this morning also!! Couldn't believe it. Loved Abby's reply and LOVE yours too!!! This guy is as shallow as a kiddie pool!!!0 -
the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.
Offensive. Ain't nothing wrong with being bald.
/baldchaser0 -
What an *kitten*!
My hottest friends IRL and MFP are over 40. I rarely accept a FR from under 30, but do give everyone a chance.0 -
A person who is proud and confident in comfortable clothing without make up is far more attractive than someone who thinks showing pride means you have to alter your appearance.Every woman (and man for that matter) should have a little pride in themselves when they walk out the door. Sometimes sweatpants and a t-shirt can be sexy, but not every day. Sexy isn't about being a size 2. Buy clothing that compliments your body, put a little make up on if you're looking a little pale and most importantly wear your smile. First impressions can never be repeated, so make yours count.0 -
I won't lie; I totally had a crush on the bald pharmacist at the clinic pharmacy in my hometown. He reminds me of Stanley Tucci. HOT!the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.
Offensive. Ain't nothing wrong with being bald.
/baldchaser0 -
I don't think theres anything shallow in wanting someone you are attractive to. But how high is he setting his standards? Maybe they aren't going after him because he seems like a jerk or all the good guys already got the best looking women. I will say sometimes I see women who look super frumpy with a good looking guy or just look frumpy in general and I'm like um seriously? But there is also a time and place for everything. I'm not going to wear a dress and high heels to go to the grocery store on a saturday afternoon unless I'm coming back from something fancy which is unlikely. However I am going to make sure I look decent in public. Some people are rough looking and don't even try and that goes for MEN and Women.0
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I won't lie; I totally had a crush on the bald pharmacist at the clinic pharmacy in my hometown. He reminds me of Stanley Tucci. HOT!the funny thing about this is..you can bet the guy writing it is fat and bald.
Offensive. Ain't nothing wrong with being bald.
/baldchaser
Stanley Tucci could get it.0
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