Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?
Replies
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Well it's not like there's a difference between how you look all the time and how you look at work, is there?
A person who is proud and confident in comfortable clothing without make up is far more attractive than someone who thinks showing pride means you have to alter your appearance.Every woman (and man for that matter) should have a little pride in themselves when they walk out the door. Sometimes sweatpants and a t-shirt can be sexy, but not every day. Sexy isn't about being a size 2. Buy clothing that compliments your body, put a little make up on if you're looking a little pale and most importantly wear your smile. First impressions can never be repeated, so make yours count.
Most employers disagree.
They can disagree all they want, but they can't do **** about it unless your contract states you must wear make up and dress in "figure flattering" clothing.
wow - you really live a sheltered life lol - if I showed up at work in non flattering clothing and no makeup - id get reprimanded for not giving a sht
Not to mention if interviewing, you'd probably lose your chance to someone who did take more pride in their appearance.0 -
In my experience, I know many women who take good care of themselves. Most take pride in their appearance even if they are overweight. Their hair, face, nails, and clothing are well groomed. Some of the younger people I know walk around with pajama fleece pants on 24/7.
Whereas I know many men who've let themselves go.
I am overweight and unless I am sick (like today) refuse to leave the house without hair, face and clothing presentable and clean. I almost always wear eye makeup even if I am working around the house that day. I want to look good for me. I feel more complete with some make up on.
YESSSAAAAA!!0 -
So you only feel good if single men want to date you? That makes me very sad for you. That's the same outlook my mom has. She has Borderline Personality Disorder.
Precisely. The guy didn't say, "Why don't more women take the time to present themselves in a way that makes them feel good?" he said "Why don't women understand that single men want hot chicks and take measures to make that happen?"There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.
that's the same thing.
Yeah thats what I said.
Some women complain that they arent getting men.
A man says- well we like attractive ones so if you try that strategy- it could work for you.
Some women: Oh ok! Good point!
Angry bitter woman: THIS IS SO OFFENSIVE! ahnd if you agree with him then you obviously need constant male approval which reminds me of my mom and im going to bring up her psychological problems to strangers on the internet as a cherry on top.
I laughed.
In general, people are encouraged to put their best foot forward.
Everyone has a best foot.
Its different for work, for dating (which he obviously was referring to) and for home alone, running errands, etc.
If a woman feels her best foot forward is an "altered" version of herself, where she has on some lipstick and mascara and a form flattering outfit as she is handling her business.... she should know that youre going to be judging her because she 'cant' feel good in just jogging pants and a ponytail and OBV she has issues with needing men's approval and is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (which everyone has anyway).
I learned alot today.
I learned that the demographic I guessed would be the most close minded and judgmental is still right.0 -
Bacon :indifferent:0
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So, what I'm getting from this is he want's a trophy girlfriend. Window dressing on his arm basically.
Something to look pretty, but not much else.
Seriously, he mentions that he is well-educated, earns a decent income and is in shape... yet he doesn't mention wanting any attributes other than "Very Attractive" from the lady he is searching for.
all joking aside, this. ^0 -
I'm including "I promise to never let myself go or wear "mom jeans" in my wedding vows.0
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What do you do? Were you hired to look good or do you actually perform some sort of service that requires real skill?
Well it's not like there's a difference between how you look all the time and how you look at work, is there?
A person who is proud and confident in comfortable clothing without make up is far more attractive than someone who thinks showing pride means you have to alter your appearance.Every woman (and man for that matter) should have a little pride in themselves when they walk out the door. Sometimes sweatpants and a t-shirt can be sexy, but not every day. Sexy isn't about being a size 2. Buy clothing that compliments your body, put a little make up on if you're looking a little pale and most importantly wear your smile. First impressions can never be repeated, so make yours count.
Most employers disagree.
They can disagree all they want, but they can't do **** about it unless your contract states you must wear make up and dress in "figure flattering" clothing.
wow - you really live a sheltered life lol - if I showed up at work in non flattering clothing and no makeup - id get reprimanded for not giving a sht
If I got reprimanded for that, I'd report it to the better business bureau.
I represent a fashion label. It plays well with my - 'I need men to fall all over me' hobby that you keep trying to make me feel bad about. Wont work. Im solid.0 -
imo, it may sound harsh but in a way I kind of agree. My eye opening experience? I went to Bob Evans (y'know......often grandparent-central) and we were probably the only people below 65 there who weren't working. And EVERY SINGLE one of those older-folks had on nicer-ish clothes (no t-shirts, no sweats, barely any jeans. A lot of button down shirts for the men, blouses for the women, dockers, no tennis shoes. EVERYTHING ironed). Hair actually styled, and women all were fresh faced and with a bit of makeup. Compare that to me, sitting there in jeans, a t-shirt, pony tail, tennis shoes, and a fresh face but no makeup. I was actually a bit embarrassed.
Then I started looking around and noticed that generally, that's what a lot of that generation seems to wear out. To eat, to the grocery store, to the pharmacy, etc.
Made me feel like a bum :ohwell:
edited to add. I'm not saying this is true of only women by a long shot. Just that us younger generations (and this is admittedly a generalization which I realize and fully admit is not true of all) don't tend to take as much pride in our presentation.0 -
This man may have very high expectations. However I know a lot of women who "let them selves go". It is hard to juggle working and raising children, sometimes you can't find 10 minutes to yourself. many women find it easier to just throw on some comfortable clothing and pull their hair back. I happen to be one of those women who will put on my make-up while the kids eat breakfast. I also value my time and have decided that it is OK to invest in myself. I make myself a priority along with making sure everyone in my house is taken care of. Besides, I feel great when I wear nice things.
Yeah, but in my experience a lot of those people who 'have no time to exercise' do have time to watch TV, read celebrity magazines, and surf the 'net. It's all about priorities. Replace your TV time with exercise time, and for most people that'll be several hours a week right there.0 -
I predict he's a 4 trying to snag an 8.
I am a middle aged female and I'm not a frumpy person. But I'm sure he'd be all over the fact I have weight to lose. Honestly, there are enough women who aren't frumpy, he should have no problem finding one, as long as he isn't a 4 trying to get an 8. And what he's probably doing is trying to make a 4 an 8 so he'll feel good about the person he's with, since someone who's already an 8 wouldn't be interested in him. Sorry Henry Higgins. You are going to be alone for a long time, I predict.0 -
You must have missed the part where I specifically said, "If it makes her feel good, more power to her."
So you only feel good if single men want to date you? That makes me very sad for you. That's the same outlook my mom has. She has Borderline Personality Disorder.
Precisely. The guy didn't say, "Why don't more women take the time to present themselves in a way that makes them feel good?" he said "Why don't women understand that single men want hot chicks and take measures to make that happen?"There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.
that's the same thing.
Yeah thats what I said.
Some women complain that they arent getting men.
A man says- well we like attractive ones so if you try that strategy- it could work for you.
Some women: Oh ok! Good point!
Angry bitter woman: THIS IS SO OFFENSIVE! ahnd if you agree with him then you obviously need constant male approval which reminds me of my mom and im going to bring up her psychological problems to strangers on the internet as a cherry on top.
I laughed.
In general, people are encouraged to put their best foot forward.
Everyone has a best foot.
Its different for work, for dating (which he obviously was referring to) and for home alone, running errands, etc.
If a woman feels her best foot forward is an "altered" version of herself, where she has on some lipstick and mascara and a form flattering outfit as she is handling her business.... she should know that youre going to be judging her because she 'cant' feel good in just jogging pants and a ponytail and OBV she has issues with needing men's approval and is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (which everyone has anyway).
I learned alot today.
I learned that the demographic I guessed would be the most close minded and judgmental is still right.
By the way, if you think you're not being closed minded and judgmental, you are sorely mistaken.
I'm glad you learned something though; if you want to learn even more, start with: "alot" is not a word. It's "a lot."
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html0 -
I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.
LMAO.
I also don't have a big problem with the letter... I think it's honest for a man to say he wants his woman to present herself well, and it makes sense. It is too easy to stop caring about things like doing your hair or wearing nice clothes - not that they are the MOST important things by any means but... taking that extra time to groom etc shows the world you care about yourself and leads to more confidence.0 -
Studies have found that men are visual. That's how they are wired. It's science. You look at someone and there is either a connection or not. You might be georgeous without make up in sweats and a t-shirt. For me personally, I know I look better in a fitted outfit with a little make up and if I am going out, that's what I do. Do I like going to the gym every day.... absolutely not. But I do it for my health and to feel more confident about myself and if I look more attractive to my SO in the process, well that only benefits me too.0
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I so agree with you. When did wearing pajama's out of the house become an entitlement? You don't have to live at the beauty salon, I know we all have a million things to do during the day. But before you leave the house, wash up, put on some clean outdoor clothes and tidy up your hair. The same women that say "they don't have time" (to do the things they don't feel are important), are the same women that can quote you a blow by blow of what was on TV throughout that day thought.0
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While some of what he said may be true, since so many people (men and women) let themselves go after a certain age, his letter seems extremely shallow! There's a lot more to a person than their appearance. There are plenty of attractive women out there at his age, but I'm going to assume that most either don't meet his standards or have no interest in him. He doesn't seem like a catch!0
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I do give him credit for wanting a woman his age instead of being the cliche 40 year old with a 20 year old. I do think that a woman should fix herself up. the problem with his comment is that we don't know what he means exactly. There is a difference in not wanting a woman who is letting herself go and not grooming herself properly and the man that wants a 40 year old who looks like a 20 year old. The average woman can't look like Sofia Vergara and Halle Berry at 40. I am 35 with a child. I have men who expect me to not have stretch marks, etc. Those are the jerks. He isn't a jerk if he expects a well-groomed woman is trying to maintain a level of classiness and fitness.0
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Because a heels and 4 inches thick of make up is prettier than an awesome personality, ladies and gentlemen. Maybe there's a reason why this @$$ is still only AND divorced0
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You care WAY too much about this. And - for the record- everyone knows that when you start attacking grammar and typos and spelling.. it's because you no longer have any valid arguments to back up your opinion. Which is all this is.
You have an opinion.
I have a different one.
You're resorting to calling me a slut.
Im recognizing you are angry and a bit bitter and Im going to let you play in this negative soup alllll day long :drinker:0 -
Well then DUH, how you look matters. The expectations for someone working in the fashion industry are much different than the expectations for people in other businesses where discriminatory requirements involving appearance are likely illegal, outside of dress codes like "no jeans, no revealing clothing, no visible tattoos."
What do you do? Were you hired to look good or do you actually perform some sort of service that requires real skill?
Well it's not like there's a difference between how you look all the time and how you look at work, is there?
A person who is proud and confident in comfortable clothing without make up is far more attractive than someone who thinks showing pride means you have to alter your appearance.Every woman (and man for that matter) should have a little pride in themselves when they walk out the door. Sometimes sweatpants and a t-shirt can be sexy, but not every day. Sexy isn't about being a size 2. Buy clothing that compliments your body, put a little make up on if you're looking a little pale and most importantly wear your smile. First impressions can never be repeated, so make yours count.
Most employers disagree.
They can disagree all they want, but they can't do **** about it unless your contract states you must wear make up and dress in "figure flattering" clothing.
wow - you really live a sheltered life lol - if I showed up at work in non flattering clothing and no makeup - id get reprimanded for not giving a sht
If I got reprimanded for that, I'd report it to the better business bureau.
I represent a fashion label. It plays well with my - 'I need men to fall all over me' hobby that you keep trying to make me feel bad about. Wont work. Im solid.0 -
Where did I call you a slut?You care WAY too much about this. And - for the record- everyone knows that when you start attacking grammar and typos and spelling.. it's because you no longer have any valid arguments to back up your opinion. Which is all this is.
You have an opinion.
I have a different one.
You're resorting to calling me a slut.
Im recognizing you are angry and a bit bitter and Im going to let you play in this negative soup alllll day long :drinker:0 -
I agree 100% that they are bad excuses. I had to start being "Selfish" I had to start demanding time for myself. Even if it means waking up early and sleeping late. I refuse to present myself any less than fabulous. Unless of course if I am sick. Then I may tone it down a notch...0
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Well, a couple points to consider... First, I do know a good number of women in their mid-thirties to mid-forties who don't go out of their way to primp or even prep themselves for a day out. That being said, most of these women happen to be wives and the mothers of young toddlers. (I don't have any children, so I'm not saying this from experience, but I'll bet that I'll spend less time on my day-to-day appearance when I have one or more toddlers in the house.)
But it sounds to me like he's expecting a stereotypical MILF - done up, in shape, wearing attractive, stylish clothing. I daresay if he is a "catch" like Ryan Reynolds or Brad Pitt (very good looking, very in shape, and very wealthy) then he can afford to be choosy about finding a very good looking, very in shape woman who takes great care in her appearance. Going off a hunch here, something tells me that he is likely not nearly as attractive or in shape or wealthy as the two aforementioned "catches".
I would suggest that he check his standards and make sure they are realistic. It sounds like he has some serious narcissism to reign in -- maybe that's why he's having a hard time finding a woman that he likes
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OP sounds like she's really let herself go0
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I haven't read all of the comments on here but quite a few of them are ticking me off especially by 20ish year olds who are criticizing women double their age. Everytime I go to the mall I see tons of teenager girls that are twice my size and with their bellies hanging out....I've had 3 kids and I look 100% times better than they do (and I could lose a few more pounds and certainly tone up) and I'm twice their age. Age is a #, just because someone is in their 40's or older doesn't mean they are frumpy. I am constantly busy and rarely get to sit down but I will NEVER leave my house in a stained shirt or sweatpants.0
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I don't think the guy is shallow. I'm not gonna lie. When my fiance gets a haircut, shaves, and does some manscaping I kinda wanna... you know. I work out a lot right now because the wedding dress I want to wear at our impending nuptials in 10 mos is gonna make me look like a stuffed sausage if I don't lose some belly fat asap. But when I'm done working out and I know he'll be home in an hour I like to shower and put on something cute and wear make-up and get all dolled up for him. Even if we don't have any big plans. Why should people quit looking nice for the opposite sex? I'm always rewarded with lotsa compliments so just as a reward-driven person it seems well worth the time and effort. Quite frankly if you can't even all dolled up for him you're sending the message "don't take me out, I'm already in my pj's." And soon you will wonder where the spice in your relationship went. I know you're prolly thinking I don't know anything because I'm not married yet. But I was married before. And I dated for a few years before finding the man I love. It's ok to take some pride in your appearance. Women don't need to walk around looking like the *****cat dolls to please this guy but would a little makeup, hair done, and non-elastic waisted pants be too much to ask?0
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I have absolutely no problem with this man's comment. Im often surrounded by women my age plus 10-15 and I cannot believe how much freaking frump is happening.
There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.
I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.
BAM!
also agree0 -
Clearly, but as long as she's confident and happy with herself, who cares?OP sounds like she's really let herself go0 -
I take exception to the implication that only shallow older women take care of the appearance. I think anyone who has a genuine desire to be fit and healthy in their 40s, 50s and beyond are also the sort of people who will take pride in their appearance and select clothes that fit and flatter and I think that's possible without being trashy or shallow. I take care of my health, body and appearance because that's something that I enjoy having. I'm happily married so I really do it just for me. I think there are other women who also do it for themselves, some of whom are single and looking for someone else who feels the same.0
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I think he was on the right track, maybe a bit to the extreme side. But, I have to sort of agree.....I see alot of women and men in the small city I live near, that have just given up. Overweight, frumpy, roots, no makeup, sweats, baggy t-shirts/sweaters,.......I think no matter what, there is some sort of personal pride in taking care of yourself. I am not a 'preener' by any stretch, but when I go somewhere, I do five minutes worth of 'fixing up' before I leave. I am almost 40, and this face goes out in public with three things: mascara, under eye concealer, and a tint of blush. My hair is brushed. My clothes fit me properly. FIVE minutes is all it takes. I never know who I'm going to run into, and it's not that I care how they would view me, I care about how I view myself when I go out. I will always want to make sure my husband finds me physically appealing. I'm not saying he wouldn't love me if I put on 25 lbs. I would feel different, though.0
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At the very least, 40+ women could have better haircuts. Men generally prefer a woman with shoulder-length hair. When women sport these over-layered hairstyles, they just look so old.0
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