Dear Abby, Why aren't don't older chicks try to be hotter?

i can't relate, i find women 10-15 years older than me to be hot half the time. This 55 year old woman in my gym has the best *kitten* ive ever seen, and she knows it too. Sooo i dunno what this guy is talking about.

then me rephrase: more than half the time.

I just read through the entire thread and noticed something among the majority here. It seems like most women here who are agreeing with the letter have the attitude of, "It's not that hard, really. Put on a little makeup, wear figure-flattering clothes, take pride in your appearance. I do it every day so there's no reason others shouldn't."

That's all well and good, but these commenters invariably think that what they're doing meets the standard this guy is talking about. What if it's not? What if your bit of mascara and lipstick and well-fitting clothing falls into his "not taking care of themselves" category? What if you're exactly who he's whining about? When do his expectations become unreasonable?

Honestly, I'm sitting here in full makeup, hair done (as well as I can manage), in my nice work clothes and shoes, and I didn't think for an instant that I would meet the letter-writer's standards. I was fairly surprised upon reading through the comments how low people think the bar is set. If it's just a matter of running a brush through your hair and not wearing stuff that's stained, then this guy wouldn't be having such a hard time finding those people. They're everywhere, take a look around (you don't even have to get up, just look at how many people in this very thread hold themselves at least that standard).

A few people have mentioned it, but it's worth repeating that the insulting part of his letter isn't that the guy wants an attractive partner. Of course we can't fault people for wanting to be attracted to the person they get into an intimate relationship with; that's an integral part of it. What's insane about the letter is that this guy is apparently living in a universe where women are wholly unaware that they're expected to be attractive. It's condescending in the extreme for him to conclude that women are just completely oblivious to the fact that men look at them. They get it; it's just that perhaps they aren't interested in doing what he wants them to.

I just read through the entire thread and noticed something among the majority here. It seems like most women here who are agreeing with the letter have the attitude of, "It's not that hard, really. Put on a little makeup, wear figure-flattering clothes, take pride in your appearance. I do it every day so there's no reason others shouldn't."

That's all well and good, but these commenters invariably think that what they're doing meets the standard this guy is talking about. What if it's not? What if your bit of mascara and lipstick and well-fitting clothing falls into his "not taking care of themselves" category? What if you're exactly who he's whining about? When do his expectations become unreasonable?

Honestly, I'm sitting here in full makeup, hair done (as well as I can manage), in my nice work clothes and shoes, and I didn't think for an instant that I would meet the letter-writer's standards. I was fairly surprised upon reading through the comments how low people think the bar is set. If it's just a matter of running a brush through your hair and not wearing stuff that's stained, then this guy wouldn't be having such a hard time finding those people. They're everywhere, take a look around (you don't even have to get up, just look at how many people in this very thread hold themselves at least that standard).

A few people have mentioned it, but it's worth repeating that the insulting part of his letter isn't that the guy wants an attractive partner. Of course we can't fault people for wanting to be attracted to the person they get into an intimate relationship with; that's an integral part of it. What's insane about the letter is that this guy is apparently living in a universe where women are wholly unaware that they're expected to be attractive. It's condescending in the extreme for him to conclude that women are just completely oblivious to the fact that men look at them. They get it; it's just that perhaps they aren't interested in doing what he wants them to.

Couldn't agree with you more. Very well said!! :drinker:

I just read through the entire thread and noticed something among the majority here. It seems like most women here who are agreeing with the letter have the attitude of, "It's not that hard, really. Put on a little makeup, wear figure-flattering clothes, take pride in your appearance. I do it every day so there's no reason others shouldn't."

That's all well and good, but these commenters invariably think that what they're doing meets the standard this guy is talking about. What if it's not? What if your bit of mascara and lipstick and well-fitting clothing falls into his "not taking care of themselves" category? What if you're exactly who he's whining about? When do his expectations become unreasonable?

Honestly, I'm sitting here in full makeup, hair done (as well as I can manage), in my nice work clothes and shoes, and I didn't think for an instant that I would meet the letter-writer's standards. I was fairly surprised upon reading through the comments how low people think the bar is set. If it's just a matter of running a brush through your hair and not wearing stuff that's stained, then this guy wouldn't be having such a hard time finding those people. They're everywhere, take a look around (you don't even have to get up, just look at how many people in this very thread hold themselves at least that standard).

A few people have mentioned it, but it's worth repeating that the insulting part of his letter isn't that the guy wants an attractive partner. Of course we can't fault people for wanting to be attracted to the person they get into an intimate relationship with; that's an integral part of it. What's insane about the letter is that this guy is apparently living in a universe where women are wholly unaware that they're expected to be attractive. It's condescending in the extreme for him to conclude that women are just completely oblivious to the fact that men look at them. They get it; it's just that perhaps they aren't interested in doing what he wants them to.

And this is why I love you, Zug

I am 45 years old. After I had lost about 20 of the 40 lbs that I have lost, I had an experience that pointed out to me just how frumpy I had become. I was always one who couldn't wait to get home from work and change out of my work clothes and into sweats and a sweatshirt or shorts and a t-shirt and to wash the makeup off from me right away. I had been married for 18 years or so at that point and he didn't seem to care at all if that's what made me comfortable.

Then one Friday I was headed to my parents' lake house. My husband was driving separately because he had some work to do before he could leave. I washed my face and changed into some old shorts and a t-shirt and headed out. I stopped at a small convenience store just around the corner from the lake house to buy worms for fishing. An hour later, my husband stopped at the same store to pick up some worms for me to fish with, not knowing that I had already been there. So he asked the guy behind the counter if they had noticed whether I had been by. The one guy says "you mean the blonde lady with no makeup on with a car full of dogs?". When he told me about that, I was embarrassed. He didn't say attractive, clean or friendly, he mentioned the no makeup part.

From then on, I decided that if that had embarrassed me, then I needed to make a bit more effort about how I looked. And I do. My husband tells me he doesn't care, he thinks I am beautiful with or without makeup. I do it for myself and I feel better about myself because of it.

So your husband doesn't care if you wear make up and thinks you are beautiful without it. But some stranger in a fishing store commented on your lack of and now you wear it and take more effort in how you look. I don't understand that logic.

I didn't bother before because I knew he didn't care, so I didn't care. Once I realized that just because he loved me totally and just the way I was didn't mean I had to stop caring about how I looked, I decided to change it. It wasn't the fact that a stranger commented on it per se, it was the eye opener that I wasn't taking pride in how I looked and wasn't making an effort to look nice. And that's important to me. Part of the reason I let myself get fat is because I had lost pride in how I looked. I lost weight because it was important to me to take pride in looking nice. My husband still tells me I was never fat. But I was and I am glad I lost the weight even though he loved me the way I was.

Totally agree with the man.

Amen sister

All I wanna know is if I can still wear yoga pants..even if I do not do yoga??. thank you :laugh:

Look at it this way...You want to be tricked??...or know what you are getting once you get hooked?? Men silly...silly men.. I will not be wearing heels when I make you a sammich..

..but your still making the sammich right

All I wanna know is if I can still wear yoga pants..even if I do not do yoga??. thank you :laugh:

Look at it this way...You want to be tricked??...or know what you are getting once you get hooked?? Men silly...silly men.. I will not be wearing heels when I make you a sammich..

..but your still making the sammich right

This just made my day.

That's all well and good, but these commenters invariably think that what they're doing meets the standard this guy is talking about. What if it's not? What if your bit of mascara and lipstick and well-fitting clothing falls into his "not taking care of themselves" category? What if you're exactly who he's whining about? When do his expectations become unreasonable?

And what if all he wants is a woman who doesn't just make squealing, piggish noises when eating at a restaurant?

In many places it can be hard to find someone after a certain age. Hell, around here it's difficult to find someone after high school because people marry and have children really young.

You're all making a lot of presumptions about what he wanted off of very little information. I'm sure if he could have written a whole column he would have given the standard "Now I'm not a **** asking for perfection, and I understand that you don't want to put on make-up just to go to Wal Mart ... but could you please not slurp from your wine glass?"

People are presuming these things because this guy went to the trouble of writing a letter to a syndicated advice columnist because he cannot find any of the people who meet his standards. If all he wanted was "a woman who doesn't just make squealing, piggish noises when eating at a restaurant" then he wouldn't have to ask anyone about where to find them; they're everywhere. The fact that he finds it nigh impossible to meet the women he wants indicates that these women are few and far between. There are women who dress reasonably well and behave decently all over the place; if that's what he was looking for, he would have found it by now without difficulty.

I agree here, but with one caveat.....if you really give a rip about looking put together and super sexy when making a mid Sunday afternoon run to Wally World for some TP you need to rethink your priorities. Just sayin!!

there is a completely acceptable middle ground between dressing up and dressing for public. Dont act like I only gave you two extreme choices. That is simply ridiculous.

The woman in this picture actually has a problem though, she was on starange addictions because she couldn't look at herself without makeup..There's a difference between looking presentable and literally wearing caked on coverup and green eyeshadow everywhere, including bed. That's a major self esteem crisis.

thats actually not true, some women don't know how to put on make up.

I didn't really find his letter, or his message, to be that derogatory. In fact, it seems many readers here are making too many presumptions as to what he wants. It would be nice to spend the rest of my life with a physically attractive woman who puts a premium on her appearance and level of physical fitness. Why? Because I expect that from myself and want to be capable of leading a high quality of life with little to no dependence on others as I age. When I know a woman is trying her hardest and not making excuses to improve her physique and level of fitness and health, I see a potential partner who will be there for me in good health when I'm 50, 60, 70 years or older. If I have a choice between two women, one who stays at home and simply gives up on herself compared to one who I see doing back squats, deadlifts and chest presses, I will prefer the latter one to accompany me through the remainder of my life with no hesitation.

All I wanna know is if I can still wear yoga pants..even if I do not do yoga??. thank you :laugh:

Look at it this way...You want to be tricked??...or know what you are getting once you get hooked?? Men silly...silly men.. I will not be wearing heels when I make you a sammich..

..but your still making the sammich right

Hot meat balls ok??

I have absolutely no problem with this man's comment. Im often surrounded by women my age plus 10-15 and I cannot believe how much freaking frump is happening.

There is a difference between preening to look good for some man, and walking out into the world head high as a dignified, classy, beautiful well put together woman. In an outfit you planned, with fresh skin and a little makeup, clean healthy hair and a bounce in your step because you feel good about the way you present yourself to the world.

I kinda feel like anyone else who gets mad at this is the people that show up at Walmart at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon in stained jogging pants and a tweety bird tshirt with their hair in a lopsided banana clip, angry that men always go for hot chicks.

Agreed.