So at what weight do women actually respond to a guy?
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This sounds weird but its probably not them, but you. Not being critical, but stick with getting into shape because its good for you. Have a life, do things with your friends and feel good about you, then all of a sudden you will get noticed, in fact you will be fighting them off with a stick. Like dogs, and bees, women smell fear and desperation like a fart in a car.0
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men and woman tend to end up with where they are at in attractiveness.
In other words, 10's tend to be with 10's.
1's end up with 1's.
There have been studies that verify this. So if you are a 5 going for a 10 it probably won't work... in general.
Good luck and good hunting.0 -
lmao. he is spot on. Deny it all you like, he is completely correct.Maybe you ladies would agree more if you didn't get approached so much, I dunno. That's the biggest problem I think. You're "job" as far as meeting men is so incredibly easy. It pretty much totally consists of shooting down guys until you decide one has enough of whatever it is you're looking for. It's a real shame.
False.
You could go to any nightlife venue in the world and have your pic of most of the men there with almost no effort...if that was your desire.
The OP wasn't talking about one night stands (I don't think?). I just think its ridiculous that he still think its "the mans job" to approach women. And its even more hilarious that he assumes we stand around shooting men down if they don't make the "checklist". I think I've been approached by strangers who genuinely wanted my number to go on a date maybe a total of 5 times my entire life (2 of which I went on a date with).
Its 2012 gentlemen.
Whoever recommended online dating has it right. But I'm pretty sure its more of a personality issue if you think all women are cold-hearted and superficial.0 -
lmao. he is spot on. Deny it all you like, he is completely correct.Maybe you ladies would agree more if you didn't get approached so much, I dunno. That's the biggest problem I think. You're "job" as far as meeting men is so incredibly easy. It pretty much totally consists of shooting down guys until you decide one has enough of whatever it is you're looking for. It's a real shame.
False.
You could go to any nightlife venue in the world and have your pic of most of the men there with almost no effort...if that was your desire.
The OP wasn't talking about one night stands (I don't think?). I just think its ridiculous that he still think its "the mans job" to approach women. And its even more hilarious that he assumes we stand around shooting men down if they don't make the "checklist". I think I've been approached by strangers who genuinely wanted my number to go on a date maybe a total of 5 times my entire life (2 of which I went on a date with).
Its 2012 gentlemen.
Whoever recommended online dating has it right. But I'm pretty sure its more of a personality issue if you think all women are cold-hearted and superficial.
No one writes back LOL. Those things are probably just as much a meat market as a bar.0 -
Look, lets be honest here, although the person who walked away without acknowledging you is completely rude, yes, looks matter for first impressions. They matter for women, they matter for men, i'm sure you are not approaching people you find physically unattractive. I would also find it a little creepy if a random guy I know nothing about came up to me.
You've had good advice about getting to know people first so they can judge you on your personality and vice versa, but you don't want to do that because you think if you get to know eachother you will be friend zoned.
So you don't want people to be able to judge you on your personality before knowing if they are interested or not, and you are not worried about what their personality is like either, so you are the one who is making it neccesary for both parties to judge on first impressions (yes, looks).
You've had heaps of good advice here, and shot it all down, if you want a girlfriend, take some of the advice and do something about it instead of being all woe is me for 10 more pages.
I'v got to say, i agree!!! I find it offensive that you say somewhere in here 'you girls have it easy, you just shoot men down and take your pick' or something like that. Do you seriously believe that loads of men are approaching fat women? That society isn't constantly sending the message that women not only have to be thin, but also hairless, wrinkle-free, and dressed immaculately? It's a pain in the *kitten* buddy!!
I bet you're walking up to fit, tiny women, spouting some kind of line and then wondering why they're not interested. I see men in particular do this all the time and it's called 'punching above your weight' (so to speak). I'm not trying to be mean, just real. I am always seeing average guys scanning the room and then hitting on the hottest girl there. You got to think, if you're trying to pull her- isn't every other bloke?
As the other post said, there's plenty of good advice on here. Try it out!0 -
Everyone has the right to their own preferences. Calling some women shallow for not being attracted to this particular person is ridiculous.
As for OP, if you are approaching women who aren't interested in you, they won't become interested if you lose weight. Suck it up and try again.0 -
Oh my god, i've just read some more of the things you've said, and dude, you sound like a bit of a misogynist. You say the men are being 'honest' and the women aren't, instead of really listening to what people are saying. I also think some of the men who you've quoted are saying what you want to hear- that women are shallow and hurtful on purpose and they haven't changed since highschool??!!!! Gee, that's odd, because the women on here seem like they're being really supportive to a guy who's being a bit of a jerk. And remember they can see your picture, they wouldn't be saying nice stuff if they thought you didn't have a chance.
I cannot believe that in 2012 men actually think like you do. How is that women are the only ones 'expecting men to be hot' but men don't think like that? OH REALLY?!!!!!!! Everybody wants to be attracted to the person they're kissing. And everyone has different ideas of what attracts them, as i'm sure you do yourself. If you aren't even getting responses on internet dating or in person, you are doing the following:
* coming across as a weirdo or a sleaze or just a plain old douche. Has anyone ever accused of this before?
* punching way above your weight
* coming on way too strong
* being too wussy
OR
* coming across as a man that doesn't like women. Cause that's how you're coming across now...0 -
Oh my god, i've just read some more of the things you've said, and dude, you sound like a bit of a misogynist. You say the men are being 'honest' and the women aren't, instead of really listening to what people are saying. I also think some of the men who you've quoted are saying what you want to hear- that women are shallow and hurtful on purpose and they haven't changed since highschool??!!!! Gee, that's odd, because the women on here seem like they're being really supportive to a guy who's being a bit of a jerk. And remember they can see your picture, they wouldn't be saying nice stuff if they thought you didn't have a chance.
I cannot believe that in 2012 men actually think like you do. How is that women are the only ones 'expecting men to be hot' but men don't think like that? OH REALLY?!!!!!!! Everybody wants to be attracted to the person they're kissing. And everyone has different ideas of what attracts them, as i'm sure you do yourself. If you aren't even getting responses on internet dating or in person, you are doing the following:
* coming across as a weirdo or a sleaze or just a plain old douche. Has anyone ever accused of this before?
* punching way above your weight
* coming on way too strong
* being too wussy
OR
* coming across as a man that doesn't like women. Cause that's how you're coming across now...
I can almost guarantee most guys who get rejected because of their weight on a frequent basis feel similar to me. Also, the punching above your weight thing is kind of odd. I mean doesn't that go against the whole confidence thing half the posts mentioned? Not that I'm approaching super models or anything anyways. It's like with jobs though. If I only applied for jobs I thought I was qualified for I'd be homeless by now. That was kind of the whole point of the original post. At what weight will I not be punching above my weight as far as average girls go?0 -
So when I was 290 the last girl I approached before starting my weight loss back up literally turned around on walked away without acknowledging me. At 245 I guess things have improved in the sense they'll talk to me for 30 seconds until they come up with an excuse to get away but still. So guys who have lost weight or to all the women out there, when does it actually get better? I mean do I need to be a fitness model or something because that's probably a bit out of reach.
In what way are you approaching them? And what kind of girls are you approaching? Do you do it with confidence but not cockiness?0 -
To the OP:
After reading your post and the many subsequent posts, I think about the movie: "Shallow Hal" you may want to think about working on the inner beauty first (yourself) then look for those qualities in a women. It shouldn't matter what you look like to attract your partner.
Most people perceive me as a person attract to fitness models or gym trainers. The truth is that I don't find anything in common with those types and date mostly women that share the same interests. Anyone interested in you, only for your looks, will not be a good long term match. If you pretend to become someone you are not, don't do it.0 -
the same weight you would expect a women to be.
I'd expect most women would weight less than me LOL. I mean i'm 245.
I think that could be interpreted as : go up to women who don't care about your weight.
You asked- "what weight do women respond to a guy"
An answer said- "the same weight you would expect a woman to be"
If women don't care about weight and accept you for who you are , then you wouldn't care either about their weight and accept them for who they are.
However, if you're going up to really hot girls who are in good shape, they might feel you're not good enough. Someone who has weight to lose, has lost weight, or is overweight could be more empathetic.
Just my thoughts on the subject.
Best of luck.0 -
Oh my god, i've just read some more of the things you've said, and dude, you sound like a bit of a misogynist. You say the men are being 'honest' and the women aren't, instead of really listening to what people are saying. I also think some of the men who you've quoted are saying what you want to hear- that women are shallow and hurtful on purpose and they haven't changed since highschool??!!!! Gee, that's odd, because the women on here seem like they're being really supportive to a guy who's being a bit of a jerk. And remember they can see your picture, they wouldn't be saying nice stuff if they thought you didn't have a chance.
I cannot believe that in 2012 men actually think like you do. How is that women are the only ones 'expecting men to be hot' but men don't think like that? OH REALLY?!!!!!!! Everybody wants to be attracted to the person they're kissing. And everyone has different ideas of what attracts them, as i'm sure you do yourself. If you aren't even getting responses on internet dating or in person, you are doing the following:
* coming across as a weirdo or a sleaze or just a plain old douche. Has anyone ever accused of this before?
* punching way above your weight
* coming on way too strong
* being too wussy
OR
* coming across as a man that doesn't like women. Cause that's how you're coming across now...
I can almost guarantee most guys who get rejected because of their weight on a frequent basis feel similar to me. Also, the punching above your weight thing is kind of odd. I mean doesn't that go against the whole confidence thing half the posts mentioned? Not that I'm approaching super models or anything anyways. It's like with jobs though. If I only applied for jobs I thought I was qualified for I'd be homeless by now. That was kind of the whole point of the original post. At what weight will I not be punching above my weight as far as average girls go?
Yes, but what you're not acknowledging is that this happens to women too!!!! WOMEN TOO! It happens to all people, and you can feel hurt or rejected, but then you have to move on and try again, or take a break and focus on yourself instead of blaming the other. Guys who hate women because they've been rejected are as bad as racists or homophobes. It's called being a misogynist and most women can feel when a dude puts that out there, even subconsciously.
It's not a weight thing. Yes, you will probably become more attractive to women as you lose weight. I'm sure i will too, because- shock horror- women have the same experiences you do. I know i have, but i don't hate men because of it! I've met/dated/talked to/picked up all kinds of different types of men- some super hot with bodies of gods, some hilariously funny with hairy backs and teddy bear tummies. Some i've approached, some approached me, some we were friends, some met online, some we just gravitated towards each other. Who can tell what people are attracted to at a particular time on a particular day/night?
As for the 'punching above your weight' thing, it's not literal. Most people date people who are similar to them in attractiveness (i'm just being HONEST as you requested). Also having something in common helps- the labels don't matter so much: fat/skinny/ugly/fashionable/hipster/goth etc.. It's not a hard and fast rule- i'd say i've dated people who are both 'higher and lower' than me on the scale.
But take a look at yourself in the mirror and the women you're approaching. Generally when people are with people who are significantly hotter than them, they are super amazing nice sweet loving kind funny confident rich- take your pick. They have something special that appeals to the other. You can't know what thing is. It's a bit of a numbers game, but also it's a bit of a 'take a long, hard look inside yourself and see how you're coming across' thing.
If you're a bit of a jerk/weirdo with no confidence and giving off a vibe of not liking women then you are significantly lowering your chance of success.0 -
for the wrong girls, the weight of your wallet. so, load it up with stones and let them hold it.
What's the old joke? Girls are like condoms. More time in your wallet than on your...well you know.
This and some other things you have said in this post would make me walk the other way too.
And you talked about how women are not looking at you in the bars. What is your demeanor and stance like when you are at the bar? How are you acting?0 -
You're approaching the wrong girls.0
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for the wrong girls, the weight of your wallet. so, load it up with stones and let them hold it.
What's the old joke? Girls are like condoms. More time in your wallet than on your...well you know.
This and some other things you have said in this post would make me walk the other way too.
And you talked about how women are not looking at you in the bars. What is your demeanor and stance like when you are at the bar? How are you acting?
I stand and talk with my friends like everyone else (generally don't go alone). Normal standing talking laughing stance? I dunno?0 -
Sounds like the girls you're approaching are really shallow. There is so much more to a person than how they look. Personally if I like a guy's personality than his looks matter a lot less to me.0
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You're walking up to the wrong girls.
dead horse, but agree, lol0 -
the same weight you would expect a women to be.
I'd expect most women would weight less than me LOL. I mean i'm 245.
So then you wouldn't have talked to the pre weight loss me.....
I actually never had problems dating, even when I was 260+ pounds, it just happened differently than now.0 -
You're approaching the wrong girls.
This has been the most given answer I think. I need to do one of two things I think. Approach every girl hoping statistics helps me out and/or focus on figuring out what exactly the right girls are and where the heck they hang out. I swear the women I try to talk to are almost universally average sports bar types. I'm not at some posh uptown club approaching a 6ft blonde in heels and a mini skirt.0 -
I posted this in another thread a while ago, but felt it applies here too.
Reading through the recipe section of MFP message board and there was a question about why this mothers son can't find a girl since he's a "nice and shy guy."
I can't stand this.
It upsets me, because I used to be THAT type of guy and at times I still fight with that guy(looking at a girl I'm attracted to, automatically assuming I'm no good.)
I remember being awkward, shy, nervous, worried, sweaty when being approached or approaching a girl.
It took practice, but I managed to change myself(primarily after getting dumped by my ex.) Although I was always assured of myself and had some sense of humor.
Few notes for kiddos out there:
Be confident. When I say this I mean don't have your head down when she looks at you, have something to say if she talks to you. Do you see a girl that you like? THEN APPROACH HER. Woman want the best, so be the best you can be. Showcase your swagger. You have value, why does she deserve you?
Dress proper. Looks don't really matter, but if you're wearing something like it came out of your parents class of 79' photo then chances are you crapped the bed. Doesn't mean to wear prada, gucci and $200 cologne. I like vnecks, skinny jeans, toms for casual. Button down/cardigan for clubbing. Still trimming down to get into blazers.
No girl is special. LEARN TO GET REJECTED. Deal with it. Ask yourself what happened, how I can do better and MOVE ON.
Don't put her on a pedestal. She's not the end all be all. Your life doesn't revolve around her.
Practice. Talk to girls. This isn't something that we are born with. It takes time, trial and error. When I mean talk to a girl, I don't mean talk to some girl that you want - right away. I mean talk to the cashier, bank teller, movie attendant, barista, classmate. Build yourself up so you don't get as nervous and transform yourself to a more seductive, charming man. It DOESN'T happen overnight just like a healthy life style. Elevate your social skills. Go somewhere where your attributes can be noticed and feel more comfortable at first. Smart? Library. Buff? Beach. Dancer? Club. Musician? Concerts/Live bands.
Body Language. Look at her directly, not like a criminal, but with some suave, don't put your hands in your pockets, smile, have good posture(straight, elbows back)
Talking to her: Be cool. Now I don't mean having the latest apple product. I mean be assertive of yourself, be calm, relaxed, nice, fun, open to new things. This is where confidence really comes into play. This is where your mindset should be saying you're the man, and she's lucky to be talking to you NOT the opposite. Get her to talk. Lead on conversations(making sure you're in control), don't let her stop, unless she asks you a question then you answer it and follow up with another question. A good opener is always helpful. Make her laugh. Backhand compliments are great if you know how to use them. Being an *kitten* helps. Woman enjoy an *kitten* opinion and thoughts because they don't always correspond to theirs and it creates sparks. I don't mean be a ****, I mean be playful. Listen to what she has to say. LISTEN. LISTEN. That's how you have a conversation and follow up on things. Store something she has said and keep it with you. Mention it later on. Woman love that. Stop talking about yourself. Stop bragging. Have flow in your conversation. If she's talking about dogs, don't mention your friends dog died. NO. STOP. I like to mention my name in the end, adds mystery.
Make sure she's interested. Eye contact. Eye contact. EYE CONTACT. Chances are if she's looked at you a couple times, she's looking for you to talk to her. Girls don't show interest like men. They're subtle. If she's playing with her hair. If she's smiled, a comment, etc. Okay you've now talked to her for a while and it's going well? Don't know if she's willing to give you her number/ interested in you? Few things to look out for... Leaning towards you, starts asking you tons of questions, blushing, tone of voice, posture. You can go for the kill by getting close saying something, if she doesn't reject what you said go for a kiss. If she does reject you. Chin up. Sometimes even with all of these hints she could just be an attention *kitten* or a tease. There's more out there.
Again don't be desperate, kiss *kitten*, try too hard, and being scared of who you're naturally supposed to be - a man.
Most importantly be yourself. Be comfortable with who you are. Do some soul searching. Don't live someone else's life. Don't make it all about someone that can hurt you, mistreat, you and eventually break you. Have self-respect. Love yourself because you are so ****ing worth it.0 -
You're approaching the wrong girls.
This has been the most given answer I think. I need to do one of two things I think. Approach every girl hoping statistics helps me out and/or focus on figuring out what exactly the right girls are and where the heck they hang out. I swear the women I try to talk to are almost universally average sports bar types. I'm not at some posh uptown club approaching a 6ft blonde in heels and a mini skirt.
Do you look across the bar at the girl you are interested in and wait to see if she might be interested in you? Some girls go to bars, just to hang out and not meet men. So it could be that they aren't interested in any one. It may or may not be anything you are doing wrong or the way you look. If I were single and wanted to meet someone, I would go check 'em out, see if they look back. If they do, I'd smile. If they smile back then I would know it was a sign that I could possibly approach them.
Also, the other girls that gave you "30 seconds" What did you say in those 30 seconds? That could be the ticket as well. Maybe your approach is off?0 -
Most women are going to be like most men in regards to this. I don't think it is fair, but I see this more often than not. A lot of people have responded to this thread that "some women are shallow" and I disagree with this. I would say most people (men and women) are shallow when you first meet them (not that they are 100% shallow but at first glance they are likely to base their opinion of you solely on your looks). If you want to attract people using only your looks you're probably going to need to work just as hard as women do. My suggestion is to just abandon this idea and try to meet women in other ways (other than bars etc.) get involved in something you love to give women a chance to get to know your personality.0
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Sounds like the girls you're approaching are really shallow. There is so much more to a person than how they look. Personally if I like a guy's personality than his looks matter a lot less to me.
We know that guys tend to be shallow regarding looks, but spend any amount of time on this section of MFP and it appears to be the case for women too! 99% of topics on Chit chat are about how hot a person looks0 -
The confidence thing keeps coming up. Seriously, ladies, coming up to you is the confidence. It's your job not to be completely terrible and give whoever had the confidence to come up to you a chance.
Wtf?? It's a perfect stranger's JOB not to react to you in a specific way in a bar?? Lmao! Who the hell are you that women owe you any sort of expected response?
Not being mean here... but snap back to reality. No woman owes you anything if you walk up to her. Not a damn thing. If you are approaching anyone at all like this... the responsibility rests on YOU entirely to make the first impression.
Do you think your butt deserves to be wiped by women because you walked up to them? Come on!!
ETA: And if you can't pull off some charm in 30 seconds... hang it up now. You better be really good at pulling off some charm really quick if you walk up to a chick in a bar.0 -
This. Especially if they're rude enough to just walk away without even acknowledging you.You're walking up to the wrong girls.0 -
lmao. he is spot on. Deny it all you like, he is completely correct.Maybe you ladies would agree more if you didn't get approached so much, I dunno. That's the biggest problem I think. You're "job" as far as meeting men is so incredibly easy. It pretty much totally consists of shooting down guys until you decide one has enough of whatever it is you're looking for. It's a real shame.
False.
You could go to any nightlife venue in the world and have your pic of most of the men there with almost no effort...if that was your desire.
The OP wasn't talking about one night stands (I don't think?). I just think its ridiculous that he still think its "the mans job" to approach women. And its even more hilarious that he assumes we stand around shooting men down if they don't make the "checklist". I think I've been approached by strangers who genuinely wanted my number to go on a date maybe a total of 5 times my entire life (2 of which I went on a date with).
Its 2012 gentlemen.
Whoever recommended online dating has it right. But I'm pretty sure its more of a personality issue if you think all women are cold-hearted and superficial.
it is the man's job to approach women whether we like it or not. if we waited for girls to approach us....well we'd be single for an eternity.0 -
Don't know if she's willing to give you her number/ interested in you? Few things to look out for... Leaning towards you, starts asking you tons of questions, blushing, tone of voice, posture. You can go for the kill by getting close saying something, if she doesn't reject what you said go for a kiss. If she does reject you. Chin up. Sometimes even with all of these hints she could just be an attention *kitten* or a tease. There's more out there.
Going for a kiss, in the very first conversation with a girl? Oh, hell to the no. See prior comments about "creepy".0 -
You're walking up to the wrong girls.0
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for a guy the most important thing is confidence... looks are really not so important.0
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The confidence thing keeps coming up. Seriously, ladies, coming up to you is the confidence. It's your job not to be completely terrible and give whoever had the confidence to come up to you a chance.
Wtf?? It's a perfect stranger's JOB not to react to you in a specific way in a bar?? Lmao! Who the hell are you that women owe you any sort of expected response?
Not being mean here... but snap back to reality. No woman owes you anything if you walk up to her. Not a damn thing. If you are approaching anyone at all like this... the responsibility rests on YOU entirely to make the first impression.
Do you think your butt deserves to be wiped by women because you walked up to them? Come on!!
ETA: And if you can't pull off some charm in 30 seconds... hang it up now. You better be really good at pulling off some charm really quick if you walk up to a chick in a bar.
QFT. Not every woman's in on the pickup artist's idea of the social contract. Some of us really are just there to hang out with our friends.
People with solid social skills and moderately extroverted tendencies can shoot the **** with anyone. As was suggested above, practising just talking to people, without a big horndog goal behind the exercise, is a really good idea.
I also think, seriously, your best bet is to find someone with similar interests. Which means: actively pursuing YOUR interests, and putting yourself in situations where you can meet said women. This will instantly remove about 60% of whatever anxiety you feel around talking to women BECAUSE you can assume at least one commonality, and probably others, thanks to selection bias. This in turn will increase the odds of mutuality in whatever conversation - NOT PICKUP LINE, conversation - emerges. That conversation is likely to have more substantive content. It will probably also last longer. It is more likely to feel natural, and spontaneous. And if it isn't, you don't have to rely on lines - you have more time to demonstrate your character.
Finally, when I was a young minx (would have rated at least a 7 at the time, because everyone young is beautiful, and I was young; I was also thin and reasonably well-groomed, if that matters, and had rejected my fair share of suitors, yup a 7 I'd say), I was devastated by a clever-clever, funny-funny, confident guy who weighed about 300 pounds. IT IS NOT THE WEIGHT.0
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