So at what weight do women actually respond to a guy?
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And I don't think I made a clear distinction there in what would be "stalkerish"... a stalker would not CARE that a person seems uninterested, or would miss the signs of true rejection...
Someone who persists in pursuing what they want... they are open-minded and clear-headed about rejection signs. Weighing the pros & cons... not just bulldozing ahead for the target regardless.
A stalker treats his target as an object... not a person. Or as a conquest. It's all about the stalker, not the interaction.
But when someone like the OP seems easily convinced that women are just being difficult or *****es because of his weight... it shows women that he is more focused on himself than he is on them... or his interaction with them. So, in a sense, what the stalker and the guy who gives up easily have in common: self-absorption
Effing brilliant analysis. I agree.
I love your love story. And I'm glad things are working out, in the other ways
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I love your love story. And I'm glad things are working out, in the other ways
Thank you. I really appreciate that 0 -
I love your love story. And I'm glad things are working out, in the other ways
Thank you. I really appreciate that 0 -
Look, I am being 100% honest with you - most women are not that shallow.
Chit Chat section of MFP - majority women... Current topics....
Show us your beards - a thread about how sexy guys look with beards
Would you date the person above you part 17 - thread about dating based on looks alone -PART 17!!!
Hottest person on MFP - speaks for itself
What's sexy about the person above you part 17 - PART SEVENTEEN AGAIN
Profile creeping - thread about picking out hot guys/girls on MFP
Cutest thing about the person above you part 12 - another!
And my favourite:
Rate the person above you only if you can handle the truth, part 63! - essentially 1000s and 1000s of posts judging people on their looks
The "show us your beard" was in response to another post where someone asked about how a guy cares for his beard.
The other threads you mentioned.... well there are many of us who have never commented or looked at those threads. Well, I never looked at the beard one either, but I commented on the original thread the idea was taken from.
There are many women that don't comment on that sort of post of course... but there are MANY that do. Not sying there's anything wrong with it, but I knda got the impression on this thread that looks aren't that important to women - and that is CLEARLY not the case. Quite an eye opener for me to be honest!
Virtually every topic in this section has women drooling over a guy's appearence - including the beard thread!
men with beards..... drool
I love a man with a beard or little scruffy facial hair. IMO it makes a man look hotter!!!
Beards make me go a little weak at the knees
Thank God for bearded men :-)
love the rough look
Alternately all the hot, bearded, single guys are welcome in Tennessee. I'm sure I can find a use for you.
I'm liking this a bit too much.
etc etc
Again, nothing wrong with this but it does kinda blow the 'women aren't so shallow that looks are important' idea out of the water!0 -
You're walking up to the wrong girls.
Wrong, wrong and triple wrong. Gah, men, don't ever take dating advice from women.
*All* women will reject based on any reason they feel like, and that doesn't make them the "wrong girls". There is no way to deduce who the "right" and "wrong" women are up front. Zero.
It's true, if she's the modelesque and has the *****face on, it's probably not going to work. But that's certainly not his problem. Only confident types immune to rejection tend to have the balls to do that sort of thing. Even if it was, it's her right to reject you, don't do it for her.
The right answer was: he needs confidence at any weight. Don't take rejection personally, just move on happily. There's plenty of women out there. They make new ones EVERY DAY.
This totally. I think that wrong woman answer is wrong.0 -
There are many women that don't comment on that sort of post of course... but there are MANY that do. Not sying there's anything wrong with it, but I knda got the impression on this thread that looks aren't that important to women - and that is CLEARLY not the case. Quite an eye opener for me to be honest!
Virtually every topic in this section has women drooling over a guy's appearence - including the beard thread!
.....
Again, nothing wrong with this but it does kinda blow the 'women aren't so shallow that looks are important' idea out of the water!
Well it has been noted, and it is true, that appearance does factor in for both men and women. But the thread is about how a woman is going to react to an advance. If you ask 100 women what they think is attractive, you are going to get different answers. This has nothing to do with whether or not she is going to give a guy the time of day if/when he approaches her. Is appearance one factor she uses to decide? Probably. What we are saying here is that it isn't the ONLY thing.0 -
About ten more pounds0
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There are many women that don't comment on that sort of post of course... but there are MANY that do. Not sying there's anything wrong with it, but I knda got the impression on this thread that looks aren't that important to women - and that is CLEARLY not the case. Quite an eye opener for me to be honest!
Virtually every topic in this section has women drooling over a guy's appearence - including the beard thread!
.....
Again, nothing wrong with this but it does kinda blow the 'women aren't so shallow that looks are important' idea out of the water!
Well it has been noted, and it is true, that appearance does factor in for both men and women. But the thread is about how a woman is going to react to an advance. If you ask 100 women what they think is attractive, you are going to get different answers..
But the point is - and this goes down to the original post - that the MAJORITY of women are going to find the same things attractive. A fit, healthy looking guy. I'm pretty sure women are genetically wired to that effect!
The fact remains that someone who is obese is PROBABLY not going to be fit and healthy so is less likely to appeal to a woman on a very primal level! At 290 the OP probably wasn't fit and healthy, at 245 he was more so. He's doing exactly the right thing, getting fit and healthy
Its a very valid question posed by the OP - my answer would be, keep going until you feel fit and healthy and more women will understandably be interested0 -
About ten more pounds
LOL Glad you at least picked a number I can def hit.0 -
You need to have confidence.
It's hard, I know..I struggle with it a lot.
But strong confidence will go a long ways.
this...I've gone out with guys of all sizes, looks etc...the last guy who picked me up (not current) used a line on me that was just full of confidence. He isn't handsome, but he was a lot of fun and I loved hanging out with him.
Confidence is about all you need...0 -
I know "good personality" is the kiss of death to some guys but it really means alot to us girls. I once dated a guy that was a good 40 lbs overweight & wasn't the "best looking" guy I ever dated. But he was the FUNNIEST! No one ever made me laugh like him and it totally **turned me on**. We only dated a short while (great guy just not ready to be a step-dad) but I truly loved him.
I do get what you're saying. I feel like there are guys out there that are "out of my league" & wouldn't want me but its a confidence thing. I also don't think you're approaching the right girls & honestly if they act that way, they're probably lacking alot of self confidence themselves. In my opinion that & shallowness go hand in hand. You don't need them anyway!
The right one will come along when you least expect it!0 -
They start responding at about 75k, but at 100k things really speed up! 0
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It's (mostly) not your weight, it's (mostly) you.
The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more comfortable they will be with you.
I have to agree unfortunately0 -
You're walking up to the wrong girls.
Completely agree with this ^
I know its rare now a days but there are plenty of non-shallow ladies about, they're just hard to find!
My old friends could never understand why I dated a lad that was 17 stone.. To me his personality was to die for.0 -
About ten more pounds
LOL Glad you at least picked a number I can def hit.
Direct answers usually work best, rather than opinions.0 -
All weights- it depends on the guy, how he presents himself (hair, dress, etc), how he smells, and how confident his is (or not). Confidence is sexy at any weight. And some women prefer larger men
Dress up and "assume the sale" next time. 0 -
You're walking up to the wrong girls.
I definitely agree with this!!0 -
You're walking up to the wrong girls.
I definitely agree with this!!
You rarely, VERY rarely see a couple that are not in a similar 'league' looks wise. (The rich and celebrity aside!)
Find your match, be honest.0 -
But most important, you need to think about why. If there seems to be even a hint of desperation, of 'settling', then that's going to be seriously insulting. 'I'm approaching you because I want to date someone' versus 'I'm approaching you because x/y/z interested me about you.' etc and so on.
But I'm sorry to say that a couple of your responses in this thread have given me the vibe of a Nice Guy -- someone that believes they're owed something for doing X activity. No, you're not owed anything. Yes, these girls are rude by turning away and ignoring you, but the act of rejection in and of itself is not rude. That's their choice. These girls/women know exactly what they want, and if they don't think you're it, then they are perfectly and equally entitled to say 'no'. No-one is owed a chance in dating; love and all its subsets are very personal. You've got some bitterness going on in your replies here -- perhaps understandably so -- and it'll show in person and in body language, as will your aforementioned cynicism about the whole thing, despite your apart firm belief that it won't.
Totally agree with this chick0 -
Define giving up easily.
In this guy's case, never figured he'd make it to "stalker" status... but ok.
There's a huge difference in a stalker and an average guy who wants something really bad. I could hack out a characterization of them both. But that'd be tedious, wouldn't it?
I know that in my first year of marriage to my husband (our anniversary is Sunday, btw) there have been times when I've pushed him to go the extra mile in proving that he has staying power. I also did it before the marriage. He's passed the tests. I know the OP isn't anywhere close to a marriage yet... but he's facing the biggest hurdle right now. Approaching complete strangers in bars.
My husband followed me for over one year on Facebook, attempted several times to chat with me and I didn't respond... not because I was a *****, but because I simply was being bombarded by other men at the time. I failed to even notice his chat attempts. He had to make himself stand out from the crowd... and he's an extremely laid back and very private person. So it was out of character for him to approach me in the way he did a few times. We had several phone calls where I was basically thinking... yeah, right. Weak. Laughing a little at his extreme politeness. But what I didn't realize is he is one persistent, hard as nails guy underneath all that. I underestimated him on face value.
He pursued me for over a year before we ever met face to face. And when we met, I had a plane ticket out of the country to Ireland! I was planning on leaving and never coming back... Lol. Never mind all the loose ends I would have to tie up. He was facing almost sure rejection at that point, when he found out I had plans to travel and even leave the country. He seemed unmovable. And persistent in the face of great odds, I thought. He even psyched me out a bit... and that's hard to do. He knew that if he could get the chance to take me on a date, he'd probably win... and that's because of his confidence in himself. Deep down confidence... not arrogance or showiness.
So that's a case of not giving up easily.
ETA: And when he met me, he discovered I was battling an addiction. That didn't deter him. He received major life points for that. And I'm now winning the battle.
That's a great story. You know you really care about someone when you get out of your comfort zone to prove it to them. Which is exactly what he did. All the best to you two.
I think in terms of bars, clubs, etc once someone gets rejected, 99% of the time you move on. I think it's different if you find someone online. As you can always keep trying.
To the OP, if you're going with the attitude of failing then don't bother and call it a night cause no girl likes sulking.0 -
I think in terms of bars, clubs, etc once someone gets rejected, 99% of the time you move on. I think it's different if you find someone online. As you can always keep trying.
I can understand the temptation to think this way about it... but in reality, he never really had a chance online, or even on the phone... not until we met in person did I really put any stock into it. Because it WAS started online, he was at a disadvantage. It took him a year to see my face in person... I think it shows his persistence and that he was positive enough and more importantly, confident enough not to give up. If I hadn't liked him at all, he would have realized it quickly and moved on. I simply didn't take him seriously until he made the actual meet-up happen.0 -
Dude!!!!!
Listen to me!!!
Your already a babe!!! Look at your ticker!! You special made your ticker didn't you?? Your weight is fine to catch a girl right now.
And, just checked out your pics.. Your dogs are total chick magnets....
I want you to take those dogs, whenever the chicks go in your neighborhood...
Take em to Starbucks or something..
Hang out right there... Hang out somewhere...
If your confidence needs help.. Just "Act" the part.. Act confident..
And... Look for the nice girls.. Not the *****y conceited ones.. The nice ones.. (Not the "Princess Entitlement" type) The kind who will do nice things for you
Sign up on a dating site.. or join a club in your area, doing something YOU like to do... And while your there, chances are you will find a nice girl with that very same interest.0 -
Sorry but forgive me, why are the women he approached in the wrong and shallow? Seems a daft notion. Could be many things.0
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You're walking up to the wrong girls.0
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agree0
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This.You're walking up to the wrong girls.
My husband is 6'2", 230 lbs. He's got a bit of chunk in his tummy trunk, but he's still a dead sexy beast.
Oh, and I approached him.
Right on!0 -
it's confidence, and a sense of humor and personality that get you in the door
i've been shunned plenty, but I've also learned to cultivate a personality that keeps someone's attention and interest
that said, I'm single so clearly I have work to do0 -
I know there is big difference when I walked up to girls at 280 compared to now at 230. My approach hasn't changed, the way I carry myself has, and so has their response to me has. I think it's a mixture of weight and how you carry yourself. Just keep up the good work, all the cardio will help you go the extra mile.0
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You're walking up to the wrong girls.
yup this0 -
Seriously the wrong girls. It is simply rude to ignore a person like that. Expect girls to treat you like a human being, even if they say no to a date. Also there is no weight when girls start paying attention. Weight shouldn't matter that much. At what weight do you start paying attention to women? I hope you don't have an answer to that.
Agreed. No one even talks about that...it's sad for women it's just accepted that no one will love you if you're fat. Thus even little girls are starving themselves. ...I guess some people think that's OK. Many overweight women get the cold shoulder. Anyway it's appalling that that girl treated you like that. Tell you men friends what it feels like---maybe they'll "love us for what we are." You think? What about you when you're what you consider thin and built? Will you treat fat women like trash too?0
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