So at what weight do women actually respond to a guy?

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  • WeekndOVOXO
    WeekndOVOXO Posts: 779 Member
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    Define giving up easily.

    In this guy's case, never figured he'd make it to "stalker" status... but ok.

    There's a huge difference in a stalker and an average guy who wants something really bad. I could hack out a characterization of them both. But that'd be tedious, wouldn't it?

    I know that in my first year of marriage to my husband (our anniversary is Sunday, btw) there have been times when I've pushed him to go the extra mile in proving that he has staying power. I also did it before the marriage. He's passed the tests. I know the OP isn't anywhere close to a marriage yet... but he's facing the biggest hurdle right now. Approaching complete strangers in bars.

    My husband followed me for over one year on Facebook, attempted several times to chat with me and I didn't respond... not because I was a *****, but because I simply was being bombarded by other men at the time. I failed to even notice his chat attempts. He had to make himself stand out from the crowd... and he's an extremely laid back and very private person. So it was out of character for him to approach me in the way he did a few times. We had several phone calls where I was basically thinking... yeah, right. Weak. Laughing a little at his extreme politeness. But what I didn't realize is he is one persistent, hard as nails guy underneath all that. I underestimated him on face value.

    He pursued me for over a year before we ever met face to face. And when we met, I had a plane ticket out of the country to Ireland! I was planning on leaving and never coming back... Lol. Never mind all the loose ends I would have to tie up. He was facing almost sure rejection at that point, when he found out I had plans to travel and even leave the country. He seemed unmovable. And persistent in the face of great odds, I thought. He even psyched me out a bit... and that's hard to do. He knew that if he could get the chance to take me on a date, he'd probably win... and that's because of his confidence in himself. Deep down confidence... not arrogance or showiness.

    So that's a case of not giving up easily.

    ETA: And when he met me, he discovered I was battling an addiction. That didn't deter him. He received major life points for that. And I'm now winning the battle.

    That's a great story. You know you really care about someone when you get out of your comfort zone to prove it to them. Which is exactly what he did. All the best to you two.

    I think in terms of bars, clubs, etc once someone gets rejected, 99% of the time you move on. I think it's different if you find someone online. As you can always keep trying.

    To the OP, if you're going with the attitude of failing then don't bother and call it a night cause no girl likes sulking.
  • JenKillough
    JenKillough Posts: 474 Member
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    I think in terms of bars, clubs, etc once someone gets rejected, 99% of the time you move on. I think it's different if you find someone online. As you can always keep trying.

    I can understand the temptation to think this way about it... but in reality, he never really had a chance online, or even on the phone... not until we met in person did I really put any stock into it. Because it WAS started online, he was at a disadvantage. It took him a year to see my face in person... I think it shows his persistence and that he was positive enough and more importantly, confident enough not to give up. If I hadn't liked him at all, he would have realized it quickly and moved on. I simply didn't take him seriously until he made the actual meet-up happen.
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
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    Dude!!!!!
    Listen to me!!!
    Your already a babe!!! Look at your ticker!! You special made your ticker didn't you?? Your weight is fine to catch a girl right now.
    And, just checked out your pics.. Your dogs are total chick magnets....
    I want you to take those dogs, whenever the chicks go in your neighborhood...
    Take em to Starbucks or something..
    Hang out right there... Hang out somewhere...
    If your confidence needs help.. Just "Act" the part.. Act confident..
    And... Look for the nice girls.. Not the *****y conceited ones.. The nice ones.. (Not the "Princess Entitlement" type) The kind who will do nice things for you

    Sign up on a dating site.. or join a club in your area, doing something YOU like to do... And while your there, chances are you will find a nice girl with that very same interest.
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    Sorry but forgive me, why are the women he approached in the wrong and shallow? Seems a daft notion. Could be many things.
  • shiraLA
    shiraLA Posts: 272 Member
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    You're walking up to the wrong girls.
  • shiraLA
    shiraLA Posts: 272 Member
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    agree
  • shiraLA
    shiraLA Posts: 272 Member
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    You're walking up to the wrong girls.
    This.

    My husband is 6'2", 230 lbs. He's got a bit of chunk in his tummy trunk, but he's still a dead sexy beast.


    Oh, and I approached him.



    Right on!
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
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    it's confidence, and a sense of humor and personality that get you in the door

    i've been shunned plenty, but I've also learned to cultivate a personality that keeps someone's attention and interest

    that said, I'm single so clearly I have work to do
  • RatherBeFishing
    RatherBeFishing Posts: 61 Member
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    I know there is big difference when I walked up to girls at 280 compared to now at 230. My approach hasn't changed, the way I carry myself has, and so has their response to me has. I think it's a mixture of weight and how you carry yourself. Just keep up the good work, all the cardio will help you go the extra mile.
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
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    You're walking up to the wrong girls.

    yup this
  • rosesigil
    rosesigil Posts: 105 Member
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    Seriously the wrong girls. It is simply rude to ignore a person like that. Expect girls to treat you like a human being, even if they say no to a date. Also there is no weight when girls start paying attention. Weight shouldn't matter that much. At what weight do you start paying attention to women? I hope you don't have an answer to that.

    Agreed. No one even talks about that...it's sad for women it's just accepted that no one will love you if you're fat. Thus even little girls are starving themselves. ...I guess some people think that's OK. Many overweight women get the cold shoulder. Anyway it's appalling that that girl treated you like that. Tell you men friends what it feels like---maybe they'll "love us for what we are." You think? What about you when you're what you consider thin and built? Will you treat fat women like trash too?
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
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    If a woman or man is going to judge you solely on your weight, you should be happy they walked away from you. My husband is only about 5'7", used to be over 300lbs and was tormented. When I met him, he was about 260lbs and I had no idea. I found him to be gorgeous and wonderful. That said, he lost 70lbs with me because he switched to being vegetarian since he figured it would be simpler (we moved in together quickly because we were already best friends). I love him now that he is back up around 200lbs and I would love him no matter what. I only worry about his health when he gains a few pounds, not how he looks, because I think if you truly are in love with someone they remain attractive to you. Just my opinion.

    P.S. When we met, I was not overweight by much at all and I was active too. I ended up going to the gym just because I liked him so much and I was shy. I lost 25lbs, was totally in shape (worked out 3hrs per day for 4-6 days per week) and I loved him and only him, still will even when I end up the sexiest version of myself ever.
  • wrevhn
    wrevhn Posts: 864 Member
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    You're walking up to the wrong girls.


    ^^^ this.


    I know a guy, big big fella. not all muscle either (maybe 30%) who is a rugged confident fella. friendly outgoing. has a lot of women want him. Knows how to treat and talk to them so he is saught after.

    Its not always about size.

    Now if your seeking out vein self absorbed wannabe model types, might be trouble.
  • kingzwoman
    kingzwoman Posts: 10 Member
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    You got to have confidence in yourself, just like everyone is saying. To have this you got to LOVE yourself. Maybe not so much the weight and you want to get healthier which is a good thing. But be happy as you are for the time. Might sound lame, but just looking at yourself in the mirror everyday and tell yourself how fine you is, how handsome you look when you smile, etc.. IF you really start to believe it, then the women will see it. I know plenty of men who are "bigger" in size::: around the waist::: but they know how to carry themselves and look very attractive.
  • donnakcraig
    donnakcraig Posts: 23 Member
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    I just went up and got my guy standing near the edge of the dance floor. try that move...look all lost during the slow songs...hahahah

    he is around 250. a nice updated shirt and good shoes don't hurt either. try woman your own age and who might have a bit of weight themself.

    also i have found as i have lost a bit more weight i feel better about myself.

    like everyone said....wrong girls...confidence ...nice clothes and you should be in the game
  • Marquism123
    Marquism123 Posts: 152 Member
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    Seriously the wrong girls. It is simply rude to ignore a person like that. Expect girls to treat you like a human being, even if they say no to a date. Also there is no weight when girls start paying attention. Weight shouldn't matter that much. At what weight do you start paying attention to women? I hope you don't have an answer to that.

    Agreed. No one even talks about that...it's sad for women it's just accepted that no one will love you if you're fat. Thus even little girls are starving themselves. ...I guess some people think that's OK. Many overweight women get the cold shoulder. Anyway it's appalling that that girl treated you like that. Tell you men friends what it feels like---maybe they'll "love us for what we are." You think? What about you when you're what you consider thin and built? Will you treat fat women like trash too?

    I am going to have to disagree slightly with everyone saying how rude it is to ignore someone like this. Perhaps in this instance it was, I wasn't there, but it kinda grates on me this notion that all women on a night out are just there to be chatted up. Quite often I am just happy catching up with my girlfriends. Before you approach someone, I would be looking for some sign that she WANTS to be approached; eye contact is the key thing here. If you don't have it, don't just walk up to someone. Personally I find it rude when men EXPECT that, just because they have the courage to approach you, you HAVE to talk to them. I didn't ask you to buddy!!! I have had many men become actually quite aggressive and rude when I've made it clear I don't want to talk to them. The mating ritual of humans is a 2 -way street; don't force yourself on someone until it is clear your approach is welcome
  • willwillywilson
    willwillywilson Posts: 229
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    I think I would find it a little flattering if someone thought I looked nice and wanted to meet me because of it. It's never happened so maybe I would hate it too though...but I doubt it. It seems to be one of the key differences between men and women. I guess women get so much attention you take it completely for granted.
  • ECA67
    ECA67 Posts: 806 Member
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    You're walking up to the wrong girls.
    I have to agree ! The first one had the answer.
  • obsidianwings
    obsidianwings Posts: 1,237 Member
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    I think I would find it a little flattering if someone thought I looked nice and wanted to meet me because of it. It's never happened so maybe I would hate it too though...but I doubt it. It seems to be one of the key differences between men and women. I guess women get so much attention you take it completely for granted.
    You realise not all of us are constantly being hit on by men right? So just to let you know, my answers weren't marred by that at all, I don't get hit on (i'm personally happy with that though).
  • Shannonv1
    Shannonv1 Posts: 17 Member
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    So when I was 290 the last girl I approached before starting my weight loss back up literally turned around on walked away without acknowledging me. At 245 I guess things have improved in the sense they'll talk to me for 30 seconds until they come up with an excuse to get away but still. So guys who have lost weight or to all the women out there, when does it actually get better? I mean do I need to be a fitness model or something because that's probably a bit out of reach.

    I also have that same question pertaining to the opposite sex, what is it with some men?

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