RANT: I hate my teenager

I know this post probably wasn't meant for teenagers ears, but as soon as I saw the words "I HATE my teenager", I knew I had to open it and read it.
I'm 19 tomorrow and I know that if I read that my mom "hated" me, I would do even more to act out.
I agree that the things he's doing/done are wrong and you should NEVER give in to a kid who doesn't have a job and doesn't get his license....I can't even imagine what that feels like.
He's obviously a problem.
But HATE is a strong word...use it wisely.

probably bad parenting

How dare you call her abut her parenting have you got kids? Do you know how hard it is! Don't judge other people this is the only thing about this site that I hate horrible people like him!!!



Op .... I was the same at 18 I played up all the time just because the other kids could do what I couldn't I'm now 21 with my own house a daughter and husband I relise what my mum done for my when I was growing up was for my own safty an to teach me rules I moved into my house knowing everything I needed about living alone my formed did the same thing the same time I moved out she goth earthing done for her everything she wanted guess wer she is now bk home with no job still he will appreciate you an it will take time it took me to have my daughter to relise how much my mum done for me and what she done which I hated was for my own good x

Oh my god.

He's YOUR child. YOU raised him. Unless he was raised by someone else (I obviously don't know your family situation), this is YOUR product, MOM.


Enjoy.

Having 3 kids raised in the same manner (including twins) they are all completely different. It isn't all about the way they were raised. They each come in as their own person. We love, help, nurture and guide them but I don't think we can change who they are.

WOW! eveyone has different life goals and ambitions, let him be to live his life how he wants. I am sure he can figure things out, hes only 18 for f**ks sake.

For the record, I know parents who have done everything and anything under the sun to help their child succeed and become a productive member of society, and they've turned out to be useless, uneducated and problematic. So no, these situations are not always due to bad parenting and/or a product of their upbringing.


It'll probably be hard but stand your ground. Be the constant. He's 18, an adult? He can go out drinking, fail out of school but mommy has to pick up the tabs? Fk that *kitten*! Cut off all unnecessary funding. If out of the goodness of your heart you want to keep providing a shelter, clean clothes and food, that's on you (that's no longer your responsibility at his age) but definitely rid him of his luxuries. His license and passport are his responsibility. If he wants them, he'll have to pay for them. Let him throw a b!tch fit. That's his problem.

My 18 year old moved out in July - I totally get where you are coming from. While I love my child, I do not miss the daily teenage attitude and entitlement mentality. Life is just so much more calm and peaceful without him around. And they could be TWINS based on what you are saying here. The same total refusal to do menial work for pay, the same absolute disregard for clearly established boundaries, the same disregard for self-accountability, the same tantrum whenever things just don't go the way he wants. And I know mine was raised better, but I seriously think those raging hormones induce psychosis in teenagers.

Passports should never be carried around as general ID - especially when drinking is involved. And I'll assume YOU incurred the expense of acquiring said passport, so you have every moral right to refuse to give it to him under a situation where it is likely to get lost (drinking) with dire consequences (identity theft), but you might want to check on the legalities of that since he will be 18 and it is technically his identification.

He will grow up, for sure. He may or may not grow out of the teenage mentality. He will grow up by 30 or not at all, as my mother always says. I can give you a little light at the end of the tunnel, after 4 months on his own, largely unemployed or working as cash day-labor my son has accepted a job at Dollar General - one of those same menial jobs that he absolutely refused to consider previously because it didn't pay $25 an hour. So, they do learn...eventually. Some of them are just slow and have to learn things the hard way.

He is not getting the passport -- it's locked in the safe. As to those who blame the parents - maybe -- our message of education, education, take responsibility, be successful, go to school has obviously had the opposite effect on him.

Once he's 18, can you legally do this? I'm American (though a not-so-far south neighbor with Canadian family), and these issues have come up... but for our elderly family members, living trust, power of attorney, etc.

Do you have any court orders saying your son can't attain his legal identification? If it exists, and you're arbitrarily keeping it in a safe, I'm pretty sure you're violating your son's rights for the sake of his "lazy attitude."

This was my thought Mom want's son to have a kick up the backside and start acting like an adult, but in the process still treating him as a child by with holding the passport?

you say you *hate* your teenager because he acted like an irresponsible teenager.



And people are trying to say it's not your fault?



....... *leaves*

I don't think you hate him, I think you hate what he's doing. My sister and I are completely different people, but we were raised by the same set of parents. My sister sounds like your son, and I was the "good one," a pretty easy-going kid who did well in school and got through college, no problems. My sister, on the other hand, liked to party, be irresponsible, etc.

In retrospect, what would have been the best thing for my parents to do? Instead of pushing her into college, paying for her schooling (she continually dropped classes AFTER the refund dates passed), and allowing her to live rent-free, they should have made her pay rent or kicked her out of the house. Tough love. You don't wanna be a responsible adult? That's okay, but you're not child-age anymore. Take care of your business or gtfo.

As an adult he may well have the legal right to his own passport. That's the thing about legal adulthood. You no longer have the absolute ownership rights to him that you had when he was a child. Conversely, as an adult he is no longer entitled to have all his needs paid for indefinitely.

I'd give him HIS passport (it's his and he's an adult). If he loses it, its replacement cost and PITA paperwork and dealing with beauracracy costs are his alone to bear.

I don't know what goes on in your home, but teenagers make bad decisions. *Surprise surprise*. I don't blame my parents for bad choices that I made. If I did it would separate my from my own individuality.

That being said, sounds like the kid needs some tough love. You know - "If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one"

So easy to immediately blame the parents. Teenagers just suck sometimes! Good luck!

you say you *hate* your teenager because he acted like an irresponsible teenager.



And people are trying to say it's not your fault?



....... *leaves*

THIS!!! ^^^^

So, maybe she shouldn't have used the word hate. Maybe she meant she hates what he is doing with his life. BUT, parenting is not easy. Even if you follow every "child raising help book", your child may remain unmotivated, etc. I hate... and yes I really do hate... when people tell parents that it is their fault for a troublesome kid. A troublesome kid does not always mean that the parenting was bad.

I just want to say that while I love my mom to death, there are plenty of things she did (and still does) that drove me crazy and pushed me to do the opposite so I wouldn't end up worrying about life essentials like when we were growing up. I'm still teaching my mom skills about being organized and responsible and she just turned 60. But my mom also taught me everything about being a good, loving person. I wouldn't trade that about her for anything.

I'm just sharing this to point out placing blame on one or the other isn't helpful. It's a team effort, really.