Sexual Orientation Changed Through Reparative Therapy?

CalJur
CalJur Posts: 627 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I recently happened to catch this controversial topic on an episode of Dr. Oz.

I am very tolerant and completely accepting of an individual's sexual orientation. For years I have believed that one is born gay just the same as one who is born straight. The Dr. Oz show, however, presented the premise that one is not born gay but rather is influenced by different societal factors and life experiences which can be undone through so-called reparative therapy. The practice has been banned in California for minors and remains extremely controversial.

It has apparently worked changing some men from gay to straight (including marrying women and starting a family) while others have experienced depression and suicidal thoughts as a result of the therapy. This has caused me to possibly re-think my own beliefs about the root cause of being gay. I think I still believe it is something one is born with similar to being born with black or white skin. It just is.

At the end of the day, however, I'll continue to respect differences and treat gay individuals with the same respect I treat straight individuals. I'm simply fascinated by the topic as it completely goes against everything I have believed my entire life about an individual being born gay.

The goal is not to bash gays so if that is your response I trust the moderator will appropriately deal with you. I'm genuinely interested in this issue given that I live and work in the San Francisco Bay Area and have family members who are gay and would possibly consider such therapy for many reasons.
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Replies

  • mrmarius
    mrmarius Posts: 1,802 Member
    I used to believe it was a choice but now believe that there are factors that lead to it.. while im against the lifestyle I am tolerant and accepting of those who live that way.. the biggest problem I have with these therapies is that it can lead to a lot of pressure for people to change and they may act differently but not really be changed
  • girlonabikedc
    girlonabikedc Posts: 111 Member
    I used to believe it was a choice but now believe that there are factors that lead to it.. while im against the lifestyle I am tolerant and accepting of those who live that way.. the biggest problem I have with these therapies is that it can lead to a lot of pressure for people to change and they may act differently but not really be changed

    Yup. Those straight people and their weird lifestyle choice. I really can't understand how they live that way either. I'm tolerant of them because some of my best friends are straight, and they seem like nice enough folks. Still. I pity them because they were obviously influenced by the straight culture that surrounds them.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    "Therapy" suggests a malfunction, something that needs corrected.

    Sexual orientation does not need to be corrected. Anything claiming it can do so is just a shaming tactic designed to shove obvious behaviors under the rug.
  • stines72
    stines72 Posts: 853 Member
    sorry but i think its all a load of crap.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
    Dr. Oz has had too much red raspberry ketone.
  • NormalSaneFLGuy
    NormalSaneFLGuy Posts: 1,344 Member
    I believe it's a combination of genetics, choice, and upbringing.
    That being said, I believe someone can change their orientation if they WANT to, but why would they want to if they like what they like? That therapy crap is about forcing a change, which will obviously never work.
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
    I think we all end up somewhere on a spectrum of totally straight to totally gay with some of us landing square in the middle, some leaning one way or the other only mildly etc... I do believe our social experiences and pressures lead us more in one direction or another though.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    I'm happy to see tolerance on the forum. I appreciate that some people do not agree with a lifestyle choice, but are willing to publicly state they accept homosexuality as something that just is. I am no expert, and haven't formally studied the issue, and there are smarter people on here than me (and Dr. Oz) that could probably discuss this issue better. My attitude toward being gay has evolved somewhat over the years, but I've never been able to make sense of the notion that someone could *choose* their sexual identity.

    I think the idea of "reparative therapy" is fear and shame-based. The name alone implies something is "broken" and needs repairing. I think there are people who may be gay but live a straight lifestyle because they are surrounded by intolerance and ignorance, or maybe simply scared of their own truth. In my opinion, that's what needs repairing. I can't imagine denying something so fundamental about who you are and trying to live a life against that.
  • animatorswearbras
    animatorswearbras Posts: 1,001 Member
    You're born gay or straight it isn't a choice these therapies seem a bit like brain washing to me perpetuated by people telling the person that their sexual orientation is wrong/evil. If Anyone went through life with their family and friends telling them for example being straight was wrong and making them change themselves through cognitive therapy you'd either be brainwashed into conforming or kill yourself out of the pressure not to fail. So sad anyone would want to change a person so fundamentally just because of society's intolerance.
  • stockholmhasago
    stockholmhasago Posts: 67
    I don't think your sexual orientation can change--not through lifestyle factors, not through therapy. You're attracted to who you're attracted to; You don't wake up at the age of 13 and fill out a sexual orientation sheet.

    I have no respect for Dr. Oz.
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
    Well a lesbian girlfriend of mine told me she absolutely chose to be with women only because she'd been abused by several men in her childhood and said she would never trust a man nor would she ever want to be naked with one. I'm not saying that's everyone's experience, but it is hers.
  • stephdeeable
    stephdeeable Posts: 1,407 Member
    Your sexual orientation is predetermined before birth, like your hair colour or your height. You can't change it, you can repress it, but that is not healthy. Unfortunately this world is full of bigots so many people feel they need to change something...that cannot be changed. Period.
  • clarkeje1
    clarkeje1 Posts: 1,641 Member
    Not a choice. Any "therapy" that influences you to committ suicide.......NOT therapy!
  • merkuri22
    merkuri22 Posts: 13 Member
    Why would someone choose to be part of a stereotyped, hassled group like that? I have known people who privately begged God to change them, to make them stop thinking about people of their own gender that way, until they realized it was just who they were and they needed to stop hating themselves for it.

    Who you sleep with is a choice. Who you *want* to sleep with is not.
  • clarkeje1
    clarkeje1 Posts: 1,641 Member
    I think we all end up somewhere on a spectrum of totally straight to totally gay with some of us landing square in the middle, some leaning one way or the other only mildly etc... I do believe our social experiences and pressures lead us more in one direction or another though.

    This is an interesting way to look at it
  • NormalSaneFLGuy
    NormalSaneFLGuy Posts: 1,344 Member
    I think this is a good topic for everyone to preface their comments with "I believe" as opposed to "It is" because we obviously all have different theories and obviously we're not all right. Some people might start taking offense and getting all wound up over it otherwise which just leads to threads being locked.
  • girlonabikedc
    girlonabikedc Posts: 111 Member
    Well a lesbian girlfriend of mine told me she absolutely chose to be with women only because she'd been abused by several men in her childhood and said she would never trust a man nor would she ever want to be naked with one. I'm not saying that's everyone's experience, but it is hers.

    That would only explain why she *isn't with men*, not why she would have a sexual attraction to females. At best, that explanation would mean she's asexual.

    Being sexually attracted to your own gender/sex is not the same as NOT being attracted to the opposite.
  • monty619
    monty619 Posts: 1,308 Member
    anyone think that in some circumstances sexual orientation can be the result of abuse by older males at a young age?
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
    I used to believe it was a choice but now believe that there are factors that lead to it.. while im against the lifestyle I am tolerant and accepting of those who live that way.. the biggest problem I have with these therapies is that it can lead to a lot of pressure for people to change and they may act differently but not really be changed

    Yup. Those straight people and their weird lifestyle choice. I really can't understand how they live that way either. I'm tolerant of them because some of my best friends are straight, and they seem like nice enough folks. Still. I pity them because they were obviously influenced by the straight culture that surrounds them.

    I think I love you.
  • keelz2010
    keelz2010 Posts: 182
    Not a choice. Any "therapy" that influences you to committ suicide.......NOT therapy!

    Totally agree with this
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
    Well a lesbian girlfriend of mine told me she absolutely chose to be with women only because she'd been abused by several men in her childhood and said she would never trust a man nor would she ever want to be naked with one. I'm not saying that's everyone's experience, but it is hers.

    That would only explain why she *isn't with men*, not why she would have a sexual attraction to females. At best, that explanation would mean she's asexual.

    Being sexually attracted to your own gender/sex is not the same as NOT being attracted to the opposite.

    Well, damn, now I know that I love you.
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
    I'm not even going to read the comments the OP already makes me feel sick. (Ok I lied I read some)

    I'd just like to point out that "reparative" is BS. There is nothing wrong with us queer folk that needs to be "repaired".

    This comment:

    Yup. Those straight people and their weird lifestyle choice. I really can't understand how they live that way either. I'm tolerant of them because some of my best friends are straight, and they seem like nice enough folks. Still. I pity them because they were obviously influenced by the straight culture that surrounds them.

    Thank you. Best comment award.
  • NormalSaneFLGuy
    NormalSaneFLGuy Posts: 1,344 Member
    Gay men will marry your girlfriends.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-YCdcnf_P8
  • KBrenOH
    KBrenOH Posts: 704 Member
    I used to believe it was a choice but now believe that there are factors that lead to it.. while im against the lifestyle I am tolerant and accepting of those who live that way.. the biggest problem I have with these therapies is that it can lead to a lot of pressure for people to change and they may act differently but not really be changed

    Yup. Those straight people and their weird lifestyle choice. I really can't understand how they live that way either. I'm tolerant of them because some of my best friends are straight, and they seem like nice enough folks. Still. I pity them because they were obviously influenced by the straight culture that surrounds them.

    Love this response.

    It's not a choice; I firmly believe its born into you. I think anyone who says they've been able to switch sides and be straight is either lying to themselves or maybe was never fully gay/lesbian to begin with but perhaps bisexual.

    Either way if my kids came and said "I'm gay/lesbian" it wouldn't change how I'd view, accept or love then.
  • carneson3
    carneson3 Posts: 33
    Since when does marriage and children=straight AKA 'fixed'??? If a guy/girl is sick of the pressure being put on him/her by family, friends, society to be a certain way he/she can easily just do what he/she is SUPPOSED to do and that by no means the BS 'therapy' worked. Depression, unhappiness and most likely divorce would soon follow....maybe a little suicide thrown in there as well. Trying to 'fix' how people ARE to fit into perfect little molds that society has created is ridiculous.
  • jessiekanga
    jessiekanga Posts: 564 Member

    I think the idea of "reparative therapy" is fear and shame-based. The name alone implies something is "broken" and needs repairing. I think there are people who may be gay but live a straight lifestyle because they are surrounded by intolerance and ignorance, or maybe simply scared of their own truth. In my opinion, that's what needs repairing. I can't imagine denying something so fundamental about who you are and trying to live a life against that.

    I have nothing to add to what you wrote, only my gratitude that you wrote it. You're right on, and thank you for being you. My world is better because I share it with you.
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member

    I think the idea of "reparative therapy" is fear and shame-based. The name alone implies something is "broken" and needs repairing. I think there are people who may be gay but live a straight lifestyle because they are surrounded by intolerance and ignorance, or maybe simply scared of their own truth. In my opinion, that's what needs repairing. I can't imagine denying something so fundamental about who you are and trying to live a life against that.

    I have nothing to add to what you wrote, only my gratitude that you wrote it. You're right on, and thank you for being you. My world is better because I share it with you.

    YES
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
    anyone think that in some circumstances sexual orientation can be the result of abuse by older males at a young age?

    I would say for some men, yes. I say this because I know some men for whom this has been the case... their experiences began as children, with other boys/teens somewhat older... Seemingly innocent. But then there's pleasure and there's shame... all rolled up into one. That becomes the thing that's comforting to them, but there's shame associated and they tend to carry on healthy relationships with women. So for them, I'd say they weren't born gay. I can't say others aren't though.
  • jessiekanga
    jessiekanga Posts: 564 Member
    anyone think that in some circumstances sexual orientation can be the result of abuse by older males at a young age?

    I've spent a couple of decades working with folks who've been abused. I believe that trauma can influence someone's aversion to sex. I know sex can trigger intrusive reminders of abuse. It may even "allow" some to feel more comfortable with exploring their sexuality. Yet, trauma cannot fundamentally alter our primary sexual orientation, that is somehow mysteriously imbred, and if we're true to ourselves as several posts suggest, (and trauma often does hide us from our very selves) we eventual do find our true orientation.

    I was born left-handed when some still believed that southpaws were somehow the devil's spawn. Folks tried to coach it out of me by training my right hand and not letting me use my left. While I developed a little more dexterity, and could throw a pretty competent lay-up with either hand, I am still very much a lefty:).
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
    anyone think that in some circumstances sexual orientation can be the result of abuse by older males at a young age?

    I would say for some men, yes. I say this because I know some men for whom this has been the case... their experiences began as children, with other boys/teens somewhat older... Seemingly innocent. But then there's pleasure and there's shame... all rolled up into one. That becomes the thing that's comforting to them, but there's shame associated and they tend to carry on healthy relationships with women. So for them, I'd say they weren't born gay. I can't say others aren't though.

    No.
    I don't get this logic.
    "Abuse by the same sex makes you gay!"
    "Abuse by the opposite sex makes you gay!"
    wat.

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