Should I keep dating this guy? (Cheap)
Replies
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How do the gays decide who pays?0
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I also think there is a cultural aspect involved in the whole "Who-pays-for-what" idea. I realize that most people are brought up to have respect and manners, but I live in the Southern US and manners have a bigger meaning here. I have a guy friend who is the absolute epitome of the "Southern Gentleman." We usually get together like once a month or so and I completely given up on him letting me pay for anything. We mostly meet for coffee or drinks with the occasional dinner or movie thrown in. Nothing really extravagant, but he won't let pay for anything.
I like when a guy pays on the first date, but I don't expect him to. That's why first dates should be drinks or coffee or a lunch date. Something that won't break the bank. If there is a second date, I want to pay for something. Like if he bought the tickets, I'd insist on buying the concessions. It's only fair. Same with third and fourth dates--I want to pay something. Beyond that, if a relationship develops, it becomes up to the individual couple to decide who pays for what.0 -
What were you women fighting for? Equal rights of what?
Women and men work, and make equal money, equal job opportunities, equal educational opportunities. A wife brings the same amount of money as her husband, often even more (but not too much, it can hurt his feelings).
But men are stronger physically. They don't have babies, don't go through this trauma for a body to carry, deliver a baby and get back to normal. And in 6 weeks run back to work otherwise loosing a job.
And still traditionally women cook and lean up the house, and do the groceries mostly. Men do it too but it's mostly women's job.
And you say equal rights? Where's that equal? That seems pretty unequal to me!
WTF did I just read...?
You read that men have LESS responsibilities and LESS duties now when comparing to the work women do every day.
As my German friend said the result of this feminism is men losing their balls and becoming passive. Women trying to get equal rights have reached an opposite result.
But but we pay for dates so really... who's to say who got it tougher
Do you really pay for dates? Not you personally.
The whole argument is about women must pay bcs it's equal rights.
A man now needs to cover in tattoos, drive bikes and etc to still feel like a man. He's got no gender differences anymore. His job can be done by a woman. Any job. Anything. Now you don't have to be a gentleman to pay for a dinner, open a door, nothing is left. Just video games and going to gym. Don't you guys feel useless?0 -
This could be said to you as well! As someone who considers themselves as rather successful as well, and who has never had an issue finding dates or men happy to pay for my meals, I still think it's ridiculous to expect it of them (or to allow them!) to pay every time. If you were so against those equal rights you wouldn't be an ivy league graduate or an executive at your company because you'd be home full time, uneducated, cooking, cleaning and doing whatever your man told you to do because you didn't have the same rights he does.
Well said.
Again. You're talking about equal political and civil rights.
That's completely different. You guys keep confusing it
But it's not. Back when men typically paid for everything, it was because they were the ones with all the jobs, all the education and all the money. Women weren't allowed to work outside the home or go to school. Now, women work outside the home and go to school. Therefore, we have our own money. Why would men still be paying for us? I agree it's a nice gesture, but why should it be expected? You're perfectly capable of paying for yourself, or for both of you.
Yes, I'm capable, and I pay for myself when I'm with friends, I can pay for everyone, it's not a big deal, if I feel like treating my friends to a good dinner. Often we even fight for who's going o pay for everyone. It's in our culture.
But if I'm on a date with a man, and I expect him to be MY man, and be romantic with him, and have future with him, I can't imagine paying. It's like cutting off his balls. He wouldn't be a man in my eyes anymore. Man is someone I can rely on in any case.
Let's reverse roles:
"If I am on a date with my WOMAN, and I expect her to be MY woman, and to be romantic with HER, and to have a future with HER, I can't imagine HER EVER WORKING. It's like giving HER balls. SHE wouldn't be a WOMAN in my eyes anymore if she WORKED. WOMAN is someone I can rely on cleaning, and cooking, and having babies with..."
This is YOUR statement virtually with the genders reversed....0 -
Don't worry, if I ever meet you in real life, I'll buy you food. And maybe even give you some cash...
you are very fixated on food...especially free food...you really should think about that.
I'm on a diet, duh, I'm fixated on food now.
Get over yourself.0 -
Do you really pay for dates? Not you personally.
The whole argument is about women must pay bcs it's equal rights.
A man now needs to cover in tattoos, drive bikes and etc to still feel like a man. He's got no gender differences anymore. His job can be done by a woman. Any job. Anything. Now you don't have to be a gentleman to pay for a dinner, open a door, nothing is left. Just video games and going to gym. Don't you guys feel useless?
Well, currently I am single so I don't have any woman telling me that I am useless. Maybe once I start buying stranger girls popcorn I can find me a nice girl who will remind me how useless I am!0 -
This could be said to you as well! As someone who considers themselves as rather successful as well, and who has never had an issue finding dates or men happy to pay for my meals, I still think it's ridiculous to expect it of them (or to allow them!) to pay every time. If you were so against those equal rights you wouldn't be an ivy league graduate or an executive at your company because you'd be home full time, uneducated, cooking, cleaning and doing whatever your man told you to do because you didn't have the same rights he does.
Well said.
Again. You're talking about equal political and civil rights.
That's completely different. You guys keep confusing it
But it's not. Back when men typically paid for everything, it was because they were the ones with all the jobs, all the education and all the money. Women weren't allowed to work outside the home or go to school. Now, women work outside the home and go to school. Therefore, we have our own money. Why would men still be paying for us? I agree it's a nice gesture, but why should it be expected? You're perfectly capable of paying for yourself, or for both of you.
Yes, I'm capable, and I pay for myself when I'm with friends, I can pay for everyone, it's not a big deal, if I feel like treating my friends to a good dinner. Often we even fight for who's going o pay for everyone. It's in our culture.
But if I'm on a date with a man, and I expect him to be MY man, and be romantic with him, and have future with him, I can't imagine paying. It's like cutting off his balls. He wouldn't be a man in my eyes anymore. Man is someone I can rely on in any case.
Let's reverse roles:
"If I am on a date with my WOMAN, and I expect her to be MY woman, and to be romantic with HER, and to have a future with HER, I can't imagine HER EVER WORKING. It's like giving HER balls. He wouldn't be a WOMAN in my eyes anymore if she WORKED. WOMAN is someone I can rely on cleaning, and cooking, and having babies with..."
This is YOUR statement virtually with the genders reversed....
Ok, you can feel this way, more power to you!
That's why there are so many housewives and stay at home moms, and God bless them all.
Your point?0 -
Don't worry, if I ever meet you in real life, I'll buy you food. And maybe even give you some cash...
you are very fixated on food...especially free food...you really should think about that.
I'm on a diet, duh, I'm fixated on food now.
Get over yourself.
lol0 -
Wait...I pay...and I put out....then I invite them over to play video games....
Is this wrong?
How you doin?
but on a serious note, I always offer to pay when I go on dates.0 -
oh wowDo you really pay for dates? Not you personally.
The whole argument is about women must pay bcs it's equal rights.
A man now needs to cover in tattoos, drive bikes and etc to still feel like a man. He's got no gender differences anymore. His job can be done by a woman. Any job. Anything. Now you don't have to be a gentleman to pay for a dinner, open a door, nothing is left. Just video games and going to gym. Don't you guys feel useless?
your reading comprehension is so, so off. it's embarrassing
it has been said MULTIPLE TIMES throughout this entire saga that NO ONE is saying a woman MUST PAY. all anyone is saying is that it is ridiculous to ASSUME that the man MUST PAY.
if a man insists on paying, great. cute. what people are rebelling against is the idea that the man is obligated to fork out everything and that the woman has absolutely to obligation to pay for her own meal EVER when accompanied by a male date.
question: what if two women go on a date together? who pays? do they split it simply because they're both women? what about two men? this is your heteronormative, sexist bs shines out as what it is - a complete and utter crock.0 -
A gentleman always pays.
THIS!!!!
THIS!0 -
Do you really pay for dates? Not you personally.
The whole argument is about women must pay bcs it's equal rights.
A man now needs to cover in tattoos, drive bikes and etc to still feel like a man. He's got no gender differences anymore. His job can be done by a woman. Any job. Anything. Now you don't have to be a gentleman to pay for a dinner, open a door, nothing is left. Just video games and going to gym. Don't you guys feel useless?
Well, currently I am single so I don't have any woman telling me that I am useless. Maybe once I start buying stranger girls popcorn I can find me a nice girl who will remind me how useless I am!
Oooooooh, that's the reason perhaps...
I shouldn't discuss oysters with someone who never tasted them...0 -
What were you women fighting for? Equal rights of what?
Women and men work, and make equal money, equal job opportunities, equal educational opportunities. A wife brings the same amount of money as her husband, often even more (but not too much, it can hurt his feelings).
But men are stronger physically. They don't have babies, don't go through this trauma for a body to carry, deliver a baby and get back to normal. And in 6 weeks run back to work otherwise loosing a job.
And still traditionally women cook and lean up the house, and do the groceries mostly. Men do it too but it's mostly women's job.
And you say equal rights? Where's that equal? That seems pretty unequal to me!
WTF did I just read...?
You read that men have LESS responsibilities and LESS duties now when comparing to the work women do every day.
As my German friend said the result of this feminism is men losing their balls and becoming passive. Women trying to get equal rights have reached an opposite result.
But but we pay for dates so really... who's to say who got it tougher
Do you really pay for dates? Not you personally.
The whole argument is about women must pay bcs it's equal rights.
A man now needs to cover in tattoos, drive bikes and etc to still feel like a man. He's got no gender differences anymore. His job can be done by a woman. Any job. Anything. Now you don't have to be a gentleman to pay for a dinner, open a door, nothing is left. Just video games and going to gym. Don't you guys feel useless?
Lol. I didn't realize we neutered men by paying for a date...maybe that's why infertility is on the rise! :P
Seriously, that's one of the most absurd things I have ever heard. It is genuinely baffling to me that your gender definitions are so rigid that your theoretical man is so delicate that his genitalia can't survive contact with a woman who pays her half of a movie. While I realize that gender roles have fluxed more dramatically in the past 50 years than they have in the past say, previous 500, I think you do men a real disservice by assuming guys can only be men if they have trembling wallflowers to take care of. Give them more credit. Guys are tough, and they are tough enough to live in our modern world too - and even retain possession of their gonads. They are certainly male enough to have an equal partnership - and if you assume they aren't...who is really being pandered to here?0 -
What were you women fighting for? Equal rights of what?
Women and men work, and make equal money, equal job opportunities, equal educational opportunities. A wife brings the same amount of money as her husband, often even more (but not too much, it can hurt his feelings).
But men are stronger physically. They don't have babies, don't go through this trauma for a body to carry, deliver a baby and get back to normal. And in 6 weeks run back to work otherwise loosing a job.
And still traditionally women cook and lean up the house, and do the groceries mostly. Men do it too but it's mostly women's job.
And you say equal rights? Where's that equal? That seems pretty unequal to me!
WTF did I just read...?
You read that men have LESS responsibilities and LESS duties now when comparing to the work women do every day.
As my German friend said the result of this feminism is men losing their balls and becoming passive. Women trying to get equal rights have reached an opposite result.
But but we pay for dates so really... who's to say who got it tougher
Do you really pay for dates? Not you personally.
The whole argument is about women must pay bcs it's equal rights.
A man now needs to cover in tattoos, drive bikes and etc to still feel like a man. He's got no gender differences anymore. His job can be done by a woman. Any job. Anything. Now you don't have to be a gentleman to pay for a dinner, open a door, nothing is left. Just video games and going to gym. Don't you guys feel useless?
Oh FFS. Really?
My husband and I have the same job. It is a "male dominated" career. I am a female doing a "man's" job. Are the guys I work with stronger than me? Are there things that I can do better - absolutely.
My husband and I make the same money. Honestly I can't remember who paid for what dates our relationship starting out isn't like this situation anyway, we were friends. I would have had a problem paying for some (in many cases I like to pay because I don't believe in being greedy when someone offers so I often don't order more expensive things I might want to be polite. If I pay I can get what I want without guilt).
He even does half the chores. He's still a f-img man. He is far from useless. Me paying for a date wouldn't have made him less of one.
There are many things that make a man - not his job or how much money he makes or if he pays the bills.
My ex - before my husband - was the type who would always pay, open doors, etc. a gentleman. But he wasn't a man for other reasons which is why I am not with him.0 -
This could be said to you as well! As someone who considers themselves as rather successful as well, and who has never had an issue finding dates or men happy to pay for my meals, I still think it's ridiculous to expect it of them (or to allow them!) to pay every time. If you were so against those equal rights you wouldn't be an ivy league graduate or an executive at your company because you'd be home full time, uneducated, cooking, cleaning and doing whatever your man told you to do because you didn't have the same rights he does.
Well said.
Again. You're talking about equal political and civil rights.
That's completely different. You guys keep confusing it
But it's not. Back when men typically paid for everything, it was because they were the ones with all the jobs, all the education and all the money. Women weren't allowed to work outside the home or go to school. Now, women work outside the home and go to school. Therefore, we have our own money. Why would men still be paying for us? I agree it's a nice gesture, but why should it be expected? You're perfectly capable of paying for yourself, or for both of you.
Yes, I'm capable, and I pay for myself when I'm with friends, I can pay for everyone, it's not a big deal, if I feel like treating my friends to a good dinner. Often we even fight for who's going o pay for everyone. It's in our culture.
But if I'm on a date with a man, and I expect him to be MY man, and be romantic with him, and have future with him, I can't imagine paying. It's like cutting off his balls. He wouldn't be a man in my eyes anymore. Man is someone I can rely on in any case.
Let's reverse roles:
"If I am on a date with my WOMAN, and I expect her to be MY woman, and to be romantic with HER, and to have a future with HER, I can't imagine HER EVER WORKING. It's like giving HER balls. He wouldn't be a WOMAN in my eyes anymore if she WORKED. WOMAN is someone I can rely on cleaning, and cooking, and having babies with..."
This is YOUR statement virtually with the genders reversed....
Ok, you can feel this way, more power to you!
That's why there are so many housewives and stay at home moms, and God bless them all.
Your point?
I think you comprehend what that statement was.
That was your statement with the genders reversed.
You are smart, so please don't use the ignorance card for your defense.0 -
oh wowDo you really pay for dates? Not you personally.
The whole argument is about women must pay bcs it's equal rights.
A man now needs to cover in tattoos, drive bikes and etc to still feel like a man. He's got no gender differences anymore. His job can be done by a woman. Any job. Anything. Now you don't have to be a gentleman to pay for a dinner, open a door, nothing is left. Just video games and going to gym. Don't you guys feel useless?
your reading comprehension is so, so off. it's embarrassing
it has been said MULTIPLE TIMES throughout this entire saga that NO ONE is saying a woman MUST PAY. all anyone is saying is that it is ridiculous to ASSUME that the man MUST PAY.
if a man insists on paying, great. cute. what people are rebelling against is the idea that the man is obligated to fork out everything and that the woman has absolutely to obligation to pay for her own meal EVER when accompanied by a male date.
question: what if two women go on a date together? who pays? do they split it simply because they're both women? what about two men? this is your heteronormative, sexist bs shines out as what it is - a complete and utter crock.
Geeeeeez, girl, during this thread people already discussed everything. The discussion doesn't have to go in the direction YOU personally see as the perfect one.
I simply shared my point of view. Do you mind me sharing my point of view or is it against your idea of how this thread should look like?0 -
Do you really pay for dates? Not you personally.
The whole argument is about women must pay bcs it's equal rights.
A man now needs to cover in tattoos, drive bikes and etc to still feel like a man. He's got no gender differences anymore. His job can be done by a woman. Any job. Anything. Now you don't have to be a gentleman to pay for a dinner, open a door, nothing is left. Just video games and going to gym. Don't you guys feel useless?
Well, currently I am single so I don't have any woman telling me that I am useless. Maybe once I start buying stranger girls popcorn I can find me a nice girl who will remind me how useless I am!
Oooooooh, that's the reason perhaps...
I shouldn't discuss oysters with someone who never tasted them...
oh I have tasted MANY oysters
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Mods... please lock this thread0
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This could be said to you as well! As someone who considers themselves as rather successful as well, and who has never had an issue finding dates or men happy to pay for my meals, I still think it's ridiculous to expect it of them (or to allow them!) to pay every time. If you were so against those equal rights you wouldn't be an ivy league graduate or an executive at your company because you'd be home full time, uneducated, cooking, cleaning and doing whatever your man told you to do because you didn't have the same rights he does.
Well said.
Again. You're talking about equal political and civil rights.
That's completely different. You guys keep confusing it
But it's not. Back when men typically paid for everything, it was because they were the ones with all the jobs, all the education and all the money. Women weren't allowed to work outside the home or go to school. Now, women work outside the home and go to school. Therefore, we have our own money. Why would men still be paying for us? I agree it's a nice gesture, but why should it be expected? You're perfectly capable of paying for yourself, or for both of you.
Yes, I'm capable, and I pay for myself when I'm with friends, I can pay for everyone, it's not a big deal, if I feel like treating my friends to a good dinner. Often we even fight for who's going o pay for everyone. It's in our culture.
But if I'm on a date with a man, and I expect him to be MY man, and be romantic with him, and have future with him, I can't imagine paying. It's like cutting off his balls. He wouldn't be a man in my eyes anymore. Man is someone I can rely on in any case.
Let's reverse roles:
"If I am on a date with my WOMAN, and I expect her to be MY woman, and to be romantic with HER, and to have a future with HER, I can't imagine HER EVER WORKING. It's like giving HER balls. He wouldn't be a WOMAN in my eyes anymore if she WORKED. WOMAN is someone I can rely on cleaning, and cooking, and having babies with..."
This is YOUR statement virtually with the genders reversed....
Ok, you can feel this way, more power to you!
That's why there are so many housewives and stay at home moms, and God bless them all.
Your point?
I think you comprehend what that statement was.
That was your statement with the genders reversed.
You are smart, so please don't use the ignorance card for your defense.
Honey, ok, point taken, so what? Again, many women stay at home ecause they want to and their husbands can afford it. And? Is it a crime? No. Is it violation of equal rights? No. Would I stay at home? No.0 -
he's cheap because he doesn't pay for everything for you??? :indifferent:
I think you need to think again of what are the reasons you want someone because it doesn't seem like it is companionship you want..0 -
Honey, ok, point taken, so what? Again, many women stay at home ecause they want to and their husbands can afford it. And? Is it a crime? No. Is it violation of equal rights? No. Would I stay at home? No.
I don't think anyone here would say it was a crime. It is because of equal rights that a woman has the CHOICE.0 -
I agree that a man pays especially if he is the one that has asked you out. If on the second date you are spliting things and it was not discussed before it's a red flag to me. Plus chivalry is not dead. It is something that many men have lost and we women accept and don't ask for what we need. There is a old saying "trying to be a man is a waste of a good woman".
In the end, you need to decided what you want in a relationship, and how you wish to be treated.0 -
He is 29 and we seem to get along great.
Date 1: We had 2 drinks he payed.
Date 2: Watched movie (he payed), DIDN'T ask me if I wanted popcorn. After movie went to restaurant, I had like a 7 dollar plate, bill came and it was split. I asked if he wanted me to pay he said yes since he paid for movie.
Since this is date 2, is it too soon for him to start wanting me to pay or am I over reacting?
I don't see how he's cheap, considering he paid for the first three. I don't think it's unreasonable to at least pay half.
Now, if he took you on a date and expected you to pay every time, that would be cheap. I don't think it's fair to expect him to pay for everything.
A relationship is a matter of give and take ... not just take.0 -
This could be said to you as well! As someone who considers themselves as rather successful as well, and who has never had an issue finding dates or men happy to pay for my meals, I still think it's ridiculous to expect it of them (or to allow them!) to pay every time. If you were so against those equal rights you wouldn't be an ivy league graduate or an executive at your company because you'd be home full time, uneducated, cooking, cleaning and doing whatever your man told you to do because you didn't have the same rights he does.
Well said.
Again. You're talking about equal political and civil rights.
That's completely different. You guys keep confusing it
But it's not. Back when men typically paid for everything, it was because they were the ones with all the jobs, all the education and all the money. Women weren't allowed to work outside the home or go to school. Now, women work outside the home and go to school. Therefore, we have our own money. Why would men still be paying for us? I agree it's a nice gesture, but why should it be expected? You're perfectly capable of paying for yourself, or for both of you.
Yes, I'm capable, and I pay for myself when I'm with friends, I can pay for everyone, it's not a big deal, if I feel like treating my friends to a good dinner. Often we even fight for who's going o pay for everyone. It's in our culture.
But if I'm on a date with a man, and I expect him to be MY man, and be romantic with him, and have future with him, I can't imagine paying. It's like cutting off his balls. He wouldn't be a man in my eyes anymore. Man is someone I can rely on in any case.
Let's reverse roles:
"If I am on a date with my WOMAN, and I expect her to be MY woman, and to be romantic with HER, and to have a future with HER, I can't imagine HER EVER WORKING. It's like giving HER balls. He wouldn't be a WOMAN in my eyes anymore if she WORKED. WOMAN is someone I can rely on cleaning, and cooking, and having babies with..."
This is YOUR statement virtually with the genders reversed....
Ok, you can feel this way, more power to you!
That's why there are so many housewives and stay at home moms, and God bless them all.
Your point?
I think you comprehend what that statement was.
That was your statement with the genders reversed.
You are smart, so please don't use the ignorance card for your defense.
Honey, ok, point taken, so what? Again, many women stay at home ecause they want to and their husbands can afford it. And? Is it a crime? No. Is it violation of equal rights? No. Would I stay at home? No.
My point is that a woman paying for herself or a man's meal helped empowered a feminist movement that lead to more equal rights for women at home and in the work place...
"In the United States, during the advent of second wave feminism, 1960s and 1970s, the Women's Movement encouraged women to pay their own way or to pay for men's meals."
So, you stating that the simple act of a woman paying for her meal or her date's meal is not political or for equal rights is not true.0 -
Mods... please lock this thread0
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This thread has made me realise that I am a damn good catch, thanks. :P0
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I agree that a man pays especially if he is the one that has asked you out. If on the second date you are spliting things and it was not discussed before it's a red flag to me. Plus chivalry is not dead. It is something that many men have lost and we women accept and don't ask for what we need. There is a old saying "trying to be a man is a waste of a good woman".
In the end, you need to decided what you want in a relationship, and how you wish to be treated.
Aywa, ya umhakim!
Very well said. Not many women now can accept it. You see now they're so confused that fighting against their nature.0 -
You're really complaining because he wanted you to pay for you 7$ meal? I know where I'm from movie tickets for 2 people can be 20$! And drinks aren't exactly cheap either.....My guess is he probably spent 30-40$ on you for 2 dates.... I would GLADLY help pay, have you seen the economy recently?!
I always feel horrible when my boyfriend insists on paying for gas, dinner, movie & popcorn so I help pay or offer to pick up dinner and perhaps rent a movie instead!
World is expensive these days....plus isn't dating based on personality and compatibility now a days in the 21st century? Not some age old "lesson" from the 50's0 -
Bull****.A real man pays for everything!!!!
Then I want my wife/gf in the kitchen butt naked with heels, cooking my food.
It's 2012, women are making just about the same as men now. It seems that SOME women only want to be treated as equals in certain areas. You can't cherry pick equality.
If you want naked cooking, don't expect any bacon...grease splatter burns are so not fun...0 -
I think it's nice when a guy pays for the first few dates. It has nothing to do with being a gold digger at all as some people are insinuating. I feel a little awkward about a guy paying and always offer to pay my half, but in the end I like it when he insists on paying. It's about chivalry and liking a guy who has a take-charge attitude, not about being a gold digger in any way. Men and women are not the same and never will be no matter how many equal rights laws get passed.
But after the first few dates and when you get into an established relationship, I think this should change and a girl should pay her half because it could be more of a gold-digging thing if she doesn't.0
This discussion has been closed.
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