Should I keep dating this guy? (Cheap)

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  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
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    Honey, ok, point taken, so what? Again, many women stay at home ecause they want to and their husbands can afford it. And? Is it a crime? No. Is it violation of equal rights? No. Would I stay at home? No.

    I don't think anyone here would say it was a crime. It is because of equal rights that a woman has the CHOICE.
  • umhakim
    umhakim Posts: 9 Member
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    I agree that a man pays especially if he is the one that has asked you out. If on the second date you are spliting things and it was not discussed before it's a red flag to me. Plus chivalry is not dead. It is something that many men have lost and we women accept and don't ask for what we need. There is a old saying "trying to be a man is a waste of a good woman".

    In the end, you need to decided what you want in a relationship, and how you wish to be treated.
  • likearadiowave
    likearadiowave Posts: 445 Member
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    He is 29 and we seem to get along great.

    Date 1: We had 2 drinks he payed.

    Date 2: Watched movie (he payed), DIDN'T ask me if I wanted popcorn. After movie went to restaurant, I had like a 7 dollar plate, bill came and it was split. I asked if he wanted me to pay he said yes since he paid for movie.

    Since this is date 2, is it too soon for him to start wanting me to pay or am I over reacting?

    I don't see how he's cheap, considering he paid for the first three. I don't think it's unreasonable to at least pay half.

    Now, if he took you on a date and expected you to pay every time, that would be cheap. I don't think it's fair to expect him to pay for everything.

    A relationship is a matter of give and take ... not just take.
  • MiCool90
    MiCool90 Posts: 460 Member
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    This could be said to you as well! As someone who considers themselves as rather successful as well, and who has never had an issue finding dates or men happy to pay for my meals, I still think it's ridiculous to expect it of them (or to allow them!) to pay every time. If you were so against those equal rights you wouldn't be an ivy league graduate or an executive at your company because you'd be home full time, uneducated, cooking, cleaning and doing whatever your man told you to do because you didn't have the same rights he does.


    Well said.

    Again. You're talking about equal political and civil rights.
    That's completely different. You guys keep confusing it :)

    But it's not. Back when men typically paid for everything, it was because they were the ones with all the jobs, all the education and all the money. Women weren't allowed to work outside the home or go to school. Now, women work outside the home and go to school. Therefore, we have our own money. Why would men still be paying for us? I agree it's a nice gesture, but why should it be expected? You're perfectly capable of paying for yourself, or for both of you.

    Yes, I'm capable, and I pay for myself when I'm with friends, I can pay for everyone, it's not a big deal, if I feel like treating my friends to a good dinner. Often we even fight for who's going o pay for everyone. It's in our culture.

    But if I'm on a date with a man, and I expect him to be MY man, and be romantic with him, and have future with him, I can't imagine paying. It's like cutting off his balls. He wouldn't be a man in my eyes anymore. Man is someone I can rely on in any case.


    Let's reverse roles:

    "If I am on a date with my WOMAN, and I expect her to be MY woman, and to be romantic with HER, and to have a future with HER, I can't imagine HER EVER WORKING. It's like giving HER balls. He wouldn't be a WOMAN in my eyes anymore if she WORKED. WOMAN is someone I can rely on cleaning, and cooking, and having babies with..."

    This is YOUR statement virtually with the genders reversed....

    Ok, you can feel this way, more power to you!
    That's why there are so many housewives and stay at home moms, and God bless them all.

    Your point?

    I think you comprehend what that statement was.

    That was your statement with the genders reversed.

    You are smart, so please don't use the ignorance card for your defense.

    Honey, ok, point taken, so what? Again, many women stay at home ecause they want to and their husbands can afford it. And? Is it a crime? No. Is it violation of equal rights? No. Would I stay at home? No.

    My point is that a woman paying for herself or a man's meal helped empowered a feminist movement that lead to more equal rights for women at home and in the work place...

    "In the United States, during the advent of second wave feminism, 1960s and 1970s, the Women's Movement encouraged women to pay their own way or to pay for men's meals."

    So, you stating that the simple act of a woman paying for her meal or her date's meal is not political or for equal rights is not true.
  • themeaningofthemorning
    themeaningofthemorning Posts: 320 Member
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    Mods... please lock this thread
  • obsidianwings
    obsidianwings Posts: 1,237 Member
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    This thread has made me realise that I am a damn good catch, thanks. :P
  • YaGigi
    YaGigi Posts: 817 Member
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    I agree that a man pays especially if he is the one that has asked you out. If on the second date you are spliting things and it was not discussed before it's a red flag to me. Plus chivalry is not dead. It is something that many men have lost and we women accept and don't ask for what we need. There is a old saying "trying to be a man is a waste of a good woman".

    In the end, you need to decided what you want in a relationship, and how you wish to be treated.

    Aywa, ya umhakim!

    Very well said. Not many women now can accept it. You see now they're so confused that fighting against their nature.
  • afoz1990
    afoz1990 Posts: 89 Member
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    You're really complaining because he wanted you to pay for you 7$ meal? I know where I'm from movie tickets for 2 people can be 20$! And drinks aren't exactly cheap either.....My guess is he probably spent 30-40$ on you for 2 dates.... I would GLADLY help pay, have you seen the economy recently?!
    I always feel horrible when my boyfriend insists on paying for gas, dinner, movie & popcorn so I help pay or offer to pick up dinner and perhaps rent a movie instead!
    World is expensive these days....plus isn't dating based on personality and compatibility now a days in the 21st century? Not some age old "lesson" from the 50's
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
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    A real man pays for everything!!!!
    Bull****.

    Then I want my wife/gf in the kitchen butt naked with heels, cooking my food.

    It's 2012, women are making just about the same as men now. It seems that SOME women only want to be treated as equals in certain areas. You can't cherry pick equality.

    If you want naked cooking, don't expect any bacon...grease splatter burns are so not fun...
  • Aviva92
    Aviva92 Posts: 2,333 Member
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    I think it's nice when a guy pays for the first few dates. It has nothing to do with being a gold digger at all as some people are insinuating. I feel a little awkward about a guy paying and always offer to pay my half, but in the end I like it when he insists on paying. It's about chivalry and liking a guy who has a take-charge attitude, not about being a gold digger in any way. Men and women are not the same and never will be no matter how many equal rights laws get passed.

    But after the first few dates and when you get into an established relationship, I think this should change and a girl should pay her half because it could be more of a gold-digging thing if she doesn't.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    If you like him keep dating him.

    If not, don't.

    If you like him and want to dump him just because he's "cheap" then good luck with your life full of lonliness.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
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    This is the 21st century. Pay for your own ****.
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
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    Bumping so I can come back:wink:
  • queenpushycat
    queenpushycat Posts: 761 Member
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    I don't know what date is... lol but usually I pay for my own unless he offers to. i guess..
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
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    I think for the first date, the guy should plan and pay according to his budget. Women shouldn't demand a 5-star dinner or something ridiculously expensive on a first date either.

    After that, I've never had an issue with splitting especially if I know he's on a tight budget. I treat my husband to dinner sometimes still even though he makes 3x what I do. It's just nice to share the financial burden and opens up a lot of fun dutch dates.
  • MemphisKitten
    MemphisKitten Posts: 878 Member
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    I would plan on just splitting the bill for the first 10 dates or so. Some guys think that is the way we want it because of the feminist movement. If you want him to pay for everything, just talk to him about it. Being honest and open from the beginning and establishing good communication between the two of you can go far if this thing really takes off! :wink:
  • gjbridges
    gjbridges Posts: 8 Member
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    I always try and pay and a good amount of girls don't like too much chivalry anymore. I think it's all just situation. It's only the 2nd date, give it some more time. Also weigh other things into consideration (do you actually like him?), instead of focusing so much on money...

    ^^^ this guy has it right. I too try to pay most of the time, BUT if its only the first couple dates then i expect the girl to at least pay her share. Why should I pay for everything when you hardly know each other? it is a 2 way street, imagine if the roles were flipped and you were expected to pay everytime.
  • obwize
    obwize Posts: 102
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    A few years ago I would have said yes- I was always a girl who stood her round, went dutch etc. Had a variety of relationships lasting from 3 months to 2 years.

    Met my husband- he wouldn't even think about letting me pay, unless it's his birthday or a special treat. Even then he's like "You sure?". It shows he wants to protect and take care of me, really says something about what he feels for me. And the penny kind of dropped for when I met him, that I deserve someone who wants to look after me (whether or not I need looking after, it's more about his intentions that my capabilities)

    So if you are looking for something serious, with someone who respects you and wants to take care of you, then no, dont keep dating the guy.

    If you are looking for a fling with a variable but ultimately insubtantial emotional attachment, keep seeing him.

    Absolutely this. It's all about what you are looking for. And I really loved "it's more about his intentions than my capabilities".
  • CyeRyn
    CyeRyn Posts: 389 Member
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    Me personally, until an actual "relationship" has been established would prefer going "dutch" unless he insists on paying. When/if a relationship starts would be the time I'd discuss with him about money/dates. Of course that's just me. I wouldn't call that guy cheap if he's paid for the majority of your dates. Having you chip in that last date seems plausible IMO.
  • iWaffle
    iWaffle Posts: 2,208 Member
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    He is 29 and we seem to get along great.

    Date 1: We had 2 drinks he payed.

    Date 2: Watched movie (he payed), DIDN'T ask me if I wanted popcorn. After movie went to restaurant, I had like a 7 dollar plate, bill came and it was split. I asked if he wanted me to pay he said yes since he paid for movie.

    Since this is date 2, is it too soon for him to start wanting me to pay or am I over reacting?

    "I ain't saying she's a gold digger, but she ain't getting with no broke broke"

    You're already focused on money after date 2? Obviously you're not into this guy or you'd just be ecstatic to be with him. Just break up.


    So this totally new guy in your life buys you a few drinks and pays for your movie. Now you're already demanding dinner. Ha ha! If he pays for dinner is he now expected to start buying your clothes so you look nice when you go meet him?
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