Major Blow to My Confidence Today-Rude People
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I have a life rule that covers this...unless I see actual baby parts protruding (or the woman says something like "I am pregnant" or more certain), I say nothing even remotely related to a pregnancy.
(And yeah, like most of my life rules, this one was born out of an unfortunate, less-than-optimal encounter from many decades ago.)0 -
I can completely relate. I get asked often when I am due. My response is always a confident, "Sorry, I'm not pregnant." which usually turns them bright red. I've learned that a complete stranger who is ignorant enough to ask another complete stranger if they are pregnant, isn't worth stressing over.0
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I'm sorry that happened to you! People suck, I had a co-worker once who said I looked good for being a mother and when I told her I was not a mother she insisted that I must be because of my 'pouch'!! ... And she doesn't get why I dislike her -_-
The most recent insult for me has been at the gym ironically enough... I am back on MFP for the first time today because I am trying to get back on top of my weight loss, part of getting back on top of my weight loss has been joining a gym- for the first time ever. Working put infront of people makes me very insecure but I felt I had to get over it to be where I want to be. I go with my fiancee so we go when he gets out of work (about 10pm) which I like since the gym is basically barren. The second night we stared, though, there were a few teenagers there. One of them told another I was cute and the other one says (loud enough for people in hong-kong to hear, mind you) "ugh that old jiggly lady? You're so disgusting dude." and he was POINTING at me when he said it. First of all, I'm only 24, second WTF dude it's a GYM why do you think I'm here in the first place?!
Needless to say, I fled into the locker-room in tears
I almost quit the gym entirely since my fear became a humiliating reality- but fiancee convinced me other wise. He didn't understand why it bothered me so much since it was a 'stupid comment from a dumb kid.' I guess I just couldn't get past the cruelty of it. 0 -
Am I the only person here that thinks you have over reacted a bit....I also carry my weight on my belly and someone once asked me if I was pregnant....to be fair my posture was bad, I was overweight and wearing a smocky kind of top....I thought it was quite amusing and it made me take a look at myself....not once did I consider the person to ignorant or rude...I looked pregnant...it seemed like a genuine question and I got over it.....I am bemused at why most people replying to this thread think this is an insulting comment...I bet she feels really bad about it and wanted the floor to open up....perhaps being more forgiving would help you move on... either that or have a look at how your hold yourself or what you are wearing....it would more likely be that than being overweight......good luck with the weight loss....try and not let folk bother you....
I agree. They didn't mean any harm, they were just ignorant. And like someone below said, if a complete stranger is ignorant enough to ask another complete stranger if they are pregnant, they aren't worth stressing over. It's a common mistake, and while they really should be more considerate, it has happened to a lot of people. Don't freak out. Also, if you do anything like placing your hand on your belly, that can often send the "pregnancy message", because pregnant women (like myself) often do that. I am very sorry that your feelings were hurt, but a stranger shouldn't have that much control over your feelings. Keep your chin up.0 -
I have a life rule that covers this...unless I see actual baby parts protruding (or the woman says something like "I am pregnant" or more certain), I say nothing even remotely related to a pregnancy.
(And yeah, like most of my life rules, this one was born out of an unfortunate, less-than-optimal encounter from many decades ago.)
My husband also has this rule, also born out of an unfortunate incident that not only included her crying but also me yelling at him when he told me what happened and was looking for sympathy.0 -
I was at the grocery store with my husband today and we had just finished checking out and were putting the last of our bags into the cart. There was woman that was checking out after us and she had the gall to ask me if I was pregnant. I tell her that I am not pregnant and give her the most evil look ever. She goes "I am so sorry. Do you have any kids now?" I keep telling her "No I don't". At this point, I am fighting the tears. Then she goes "I am so sorry. If this makes you feel any better, you only look 3 mos. pregnant." I give her another evil look and ran out of the store. On top of feeling humiliated and angry, it makes me want to lose weight even more. I carry more of the weight in my belly so I guess I will be ramping up my workout routine to work off the gut. It is a shame how little people care anymore
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funny story...my last 2 pregnancies were predicted by men who I was NOT married to.
When I got pregnant with my almost 13 year old, I was working as a waitress. I had a bunch of regulars that I knew pretty well. I had JUST gone to VS and gotten a new bra, and I felt like it looked good. About a week or so later I walked by one of my regulars, Mikey, who looks at me and says " hmmm. did you get a new bra, or are you knocked up?" I was pretty shocked Mikey would say something like that, but I told him that as far as I knew, I was NOT pregnant. Within a month I had to go tell him that I was indeed pregnant.
8 years ago I was trying to lose 20lbs or so, but ended up gaining 30lbs due to undiagnosed insulin resistance. Right about the time I was diagnosed, I went to visit the nursing home I used to work at and I ran into our grumpy french chef, Gerard. He asked me when I was due. Both of us were mortified when I said that I wasn't pregnant. 6 weeks later I conceived my youngest son!
Although it hurt that Gerard thought I was pregnant, I tried not to be bitter about it. As a matter of fact, I went in later and told him he jinxed me and my pregnancy was HIS fault
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People are stupid an often show no class like in the woman in the food store.
When I was traveling for business last year, I was trying to do some shopping after hours before going to my hotel. I had a big event coming up and knew I would not have time to get everything done when I returned home.
The sales clerk immediately notices I am from out of town. I tell her I am in town on business and the conversation while looking for an outfit for the special occasion. She asked how many children I had, which was not necessarily offensive. But when I told her I did not have any children ... then she asked what was wrong with me - at my age I should have 3 or 4.
I told her I decided to have a career rather than become a breeding cow. As I walked away, she was telling another woman that I must be gay and made anti-gay remarks at me for focusing on career rather than having a traditional family.
Listen to the Jennifer Livingston story, a newscaster who claimed her weight issues were a bad influence on her children. Her words are inspiring about anti-bullying and the ignorance of people like the woman who made the inappropriate comments to you. You find her statement on You Tube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUOpqd0rQSo 0 -
holy crap what a dumba$$. Talk about dig a hole and keep on digging.
If it makes you feel any better she probably says stupid things to people all the time and people probably avoid her like the plague.0 -
Am I the only person here that thinks you have over reacted a bit....I also carry my weight on my belly and someone once asked me if I was pregnant....to be fair my posture was bad, I was overweight and wearing a smocky kind of top....I thought it was quite amusing and it made me take a look at myself....not once did I consider the person to ignorant or rude...I looked pregnant...it seemed like a genuine question and I got over it.....I am bemused at why most people replying to this thread think this is an insulting comment...I bet she feels really bad about it and wanted the floor to open up....perhaps being more forgiving would help you move on... either that or have a look at how your hold yourself or what you are wearing....it would more likely be that than being overweight......good luck with the weight loss....try and not let folk bother you....
I agree. They didn't mean any harm, they were just ignorant. And like someone below said, if a complete stranger is ignorant enough to ask another complete stranger if they are pregnant, they aren't worth stressing over. It's a common mistake, and while they really should be more considerate, it has happened to a lot of people. Don't freak out. Also, if you do anything like placing your hand on your belly, that can often send the "pregnancy message", because pregnant women (like myself) often do that. I am very sorry that your feelings were hurt, but a stranger shouldn't have that much control over your feelings. Keep your chin up.
How do you know what the stranger's intentions were?? The thing is, you don't. Maybe they asked innocently enough, maybe not....but either way, that is sooooo not the point! The point is, at the most, every person on this planet has an expectation of privacy...and at the least, an expectation of respect for personal space. Bottom line, it's nobody's damned business. When a stranger or anyone else crosses that line and violates another person's privacy and/or personal space, then they get what's coming to them, and in this case, it should be a lesson in sensitivity, regardless of whether it's delivered via kind words or a tongue lashing.0 -
as someone who assumes everyone is a *kitten* until the prove otherwise, is it possible that this person was just trying to be genuinely nice and when her "mistake" was corrected she got so flustered and tried to turn a bad situation into something a little better but got even more flustered?
i really find it hard to believe that everyone here was never in that situation before and while trying to make things better only made it worse.0 -
I am so sorry that people are that ignorant still. I think sometimes that obesity is more of a side show for the "perfect" ones than anything else. I hope that you keep it going, step by step, it will end up mattering and maybe when you're at your goal, you will see her again and she will be the one who looks silly.0
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I had this happen once when my daughter was almost 2!! She insisted twice that I was pregnant even when I made it clear that I wasn't, and at the end of the exchange she said, "well, you look pregnant" (!!!!!)At my HW, I was at a bus-stop and a complete stranger asked me when I was due, and when I told him I wasn't pregnant, he proceeded to ARGUE with me about whether or not I was pregnant, because I "sure LOOKED pregnant". I laughed it off, but I wanted to give him a swift kick in the pants.
I also had it happen recently, and it was the impetus for me to get serious about losing weight and I have. Now when I see the lady who asked me (she is the client of a coworker, so IO see her often) I can tell that she wants to say something but she doesn't dare comment about my body (she is also overweight.)0 -
i am so sorry to hear that....people can be so cruel, cold and heartless. just liie you said use that as fuel to reach your goal. you sound like a very nice and determined woman; at the end of the day your husband will be there for you as well as the entire myfitnesspal community. i know you don't know me but if i can help in any way, i am only a click away!!!! i love helping people as much as i can. that's my passion. so it's time to get motivated, focused, and dialed in...let's get it!!!! good luck0
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Apparently you are not the only one - there are two of youAm I the only person here that thinks you have over reacted a bit....I also carry my weight on my belly and someone once asked me if I was pregnant....to be fair my posture was bad, I was overweight and wearing a smocky kind of top....I thought it was quite amusing and it made me take a look at myself....not once did I consider the person to ignorant or rude...I looked pregnant...it seemed like a genuine question and I got over it.....I am bemused at why most people replying to this thread think this is an insulting comment...I bet she feels really bad about it and wanted the floor to open up....perhaps being more forgiving would help you move on... either that or have a look at how your hold yourself or what you are wearing....it would more likely be that than being overweight......good luck with the weight loss....try and not let folk bother you....
I agree. They didn't mean any harm, they were just ignorant. And like someone below said, if a complete stranger is ignorant enough to ask another complete stranger if they are pregnant, they aren't worth stressing over. It's a common mistake, and while they really should be more considerate, it has happened to a lot of people. Don't freak out. Also, if you do anything like placing your hand on your belly, that can often send the "pregnancy message", because pregnant women (like myself) often do that. I am very sorry that your feelings were hurt, but a stranger shouldn't have that much control over your feelings. Keep your chin up.0 -
- and another thing, you are doing something about it, sadly for the other person "stooopid" is a lifelong commitment.0
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As a general rude: Unless you can see the baby's head coming out of her vagina, never ask a woman if she's pregnant. Ever.0
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The only time it is socially acceptable to ask a woman if she is pregnant is when the baby is crowning.
Bahaha!! Exactly!!!
Sounds to me like the gal was trying to back pedal and just kept getting in deeper and deeper...I would have probably started chuckling at her social ineptness. Keep working girl. I'm sure the positives you get on this site FAR outweigh this negative!! 0 -
I was at the grocery store with my husband today and we had just finished checking out and were putting the last of our bags into the cart. There was woman that was checking out after us and she had the gall to ask me if I was pregnant. I tell her that I am not pregnant and give her the most evil look ever. She goes "I am so sorry. Do you have any kids now?" I keep telling her "No I don't". At this point, I am fighting the tears. Then she goes "I am so sorry. If this makes you feel any better, you only look 3 mos. pregnant." I give her another evil look and ran out of the store. On top of feeling humiliated and angry, it makes me want to lose weight even more. I carry more of the weight in my belly so I guess I will be ramping up my workout routine to work off the gut. It is a shame how little people care anymore.
Hey Hun,
Sorry for what happened, it mustn't be nice but try to think about it from her point of view. That lady mistakingly thought that and then by insulting you would of been very nervous and carried on insulting.
That's why I wouldn't take it personally!she must of felt horrible too,
Hope you will not let it effect you too much or either use this for motivation, god knows we gotta grab the motivation where we can, lol! Xx0 -
When I was pregnant I went over to the main office where I worked one morning and one of the ladies looked at me really funny. I went to lunch with one of the other girls that day and she told me the first lady said, after I left, "She is going to have to watch her weight or people will think she's pregnant!" My friend said, "I guess they will... she's about 8 months along!" I just thought everyone knew by then! LOL! I actually lost weight when I was pregnant (well, my daughter weighed 8 lbs and I gained 6). And I gained 4 of those pounds after that discussion, so we just laughed.
I learned long ago you NEVER ask anyone if they are pregnant. If they are, it's their business to tell you, and if they aren't, you have just made a MAJOR rude blunder.
But you confused her with your healthy glow!0 -
I am so sorry this happened to you!! Ive had similar things happen with strangers and I ignore them. I know it's tough, but after the first rude question, I no longer engage in a conversation. I look busy loading the conveyor belt, or pick upa magazine and read, or better yet, grab your phone! Once I said " Yes, I know I am fat, and thank you for again bringing it to my attention, but Im already working on it. WHats your excuse for your rudeness?" and stood there waiting for an answer. The old hag went to a different line. Another time I said "yeah, I know Im fat, but I can diet, and the house that fell on your mother isn't going to change". One more thing...if we were all built the same, like supermodels, how BORING life would be! Especially since myhubs likes a big butt! Whew! Sure am glad Ive always had one!
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as someone who assumes everyone is a *kitten* until the prove otherwise, is it possible that this person was just trying to be genuinely nice and when her "mistake" was corrected she got so flustered and tried to turn a bad situation into something a little better but got even more flustered?
i really find it hard to believe that everyone here was never in that situation before and while trying to make things better only made it worse.
I'm with you on this, I do it all the time and hate myself when I do it. I'm not a bad person just try to be chatty, talkative and make friends.0 -
Totally rude - and what makes it worse is she thought she was helping!
My mother once told me "You're the prettiest fat woman I know" and couldn't figure out why I was upset by that...
Clueless.
Stick with the plan - you are (and always will be) more beautiful inside and out than clueless rude people.0 -
How horrible! I would have burst into tears. Some people have literally no tact or sense of what's ok to say. Hope it hasn't brought you down too much. xxx 0
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i also never compliment women on their hair cuts/changes
did it once and my good friend burst into tears crying that they took too much off.....0 -
WTF..who says "you only look 3 months pregnant" after you made it clear that you're not pregnant nor have any kids? That was grounds to deck her in the face.....
This! What th eff!?! The 3 month comment was way out of line, she was just being a rude *****.0 -
id have asked her in a really condescending baby voice if she needed a ride back to her group
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THIS!!!!! People are just such incredible morons-my view is that they're pea brains-when you have a brain the size of a pea, you just can't help being an idiot. Once you can come to that realization, then you can just laugh at their innate stupidity. You just keep on rockin' sista!!0 -
Sorry to hear that your feelings were hurt, but by continuing, she was probably just trying to make it sound less insulting. Forgive her, because she was probably really embarrassed, too.0
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Turn that negative into a positive. Use the experience as a motivator! I'm sure the poor lady wanted to crawl up and die so don't worry about her. And we can all take a little punishment, don't let it get to you! That's where the real harm will come from. Water on a ducks back and anytime you're feeling like having something you shouldn't think of her!0
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I second that! I probably would have cried. Just remind yourself that you are doing the right thing. She's probably one of those people who says stupid things to everyone. She probably tells skinny people they need to eat more and asks tall people if they play basketball. Those people are out there, making life harder for everyone, but they generally don't mean anything by it. Good for you for holding it together.WTF..who says "you only look 3 months pregnant" after you made it clear that you're not pregnant nor have any kids? That was grounds to deck her in the face.....0 -
Holy smokes! That lady is an idiot!0
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