Those of you who have or have had a B**chy teenage girl

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  • Roni_M
    Roni_M Posts: 717 Member
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    It gets better... I have two daughters (22 & 19).

    I never engaged in a "screaming match" with them. I always stated the reasons behind the rules (not just a "because I said"). The rules where clear, the punishments for breaking them were clearer. If they choose to break them they got the punishment every single time (and generally I would tell them I was sorry they were upset by the punishment and I wished they had of made different decisions).

    If they approached me in a respectful way and asked to have a curfew extended or a change in the rules I would discuss it and if their reasons were good, I would allow it (with provisions). When they were nasty to me I told them exactly how it made me feel (little guilt never hurt no one! LOL). Generally it was always followed by a "cooling off" period and then they would apologize (on their own).

    Ultimately, my husband (who generally leaves discipline up to me) would put them in their place if they were rude to me. He's a big believer in never disrespecting your mother (so awesome backup!). I didn't have a problem saying "I'm not discussing this right now because I'm so mad I might say something hurtful". We butted heads many times (it wasn't perfect by any means) but I always tried to remember I was the adult and conduct myself as such. Now that they are older, the relationships are much better. We are close and they come to me for advise. Teen girls are hard because they are so moody and they are out for blood when they are mad. It's hard to not react in the same way.

    They both still live home so still have rules. My oldest pretty much does what she wants but has to let us know if she's staying out all night. My youngest still has to ask for permission to stay out all night or go away for the weekend (although she seldom gets told no). They are both expected to pick up after themselves, do chores when asked and be respectful of each other and us. They are pretty well adjusted young ladies. My oldest is an RN and saving to buy a house. My youngest is still "figuring it out" and can be a little flakey (I always call her out on it though).

    Hang in there, it will get better!!
  • LaceyMorley
    LaceyMorley Posts: 45
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    You might want to consider not calling her *****y. Maybe she would respect you more if you didn't call her names.
  • dodihere
    dodihere Posts: 490
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    Mine was awful at 17 and yes they come around. We have a very loving relationship now and she is 21. Everyone is different.
  • Casey45
    Casey45 Posts: 160 Member
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    A good book for persepctive on teens: "Yes your Teen IS Crazy". Library will probably have it or spring for it on Amazon.
  • Chasing140
    Chasing140 Posts: 3
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    Drink a cup of patience every morning, give her space, don't react to her tantrums, but be firm when she is out of line. Be tough when you need to be and turn the other cheek when it is trivial. She will eventually grow out of it. And...it is perfectly normal to not want to be around her when she acts out. Stay strong and good luck.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    You might want to consider not calling her *****y. Maybe she would respect you more if you didn't call her names.

    She isn't calling it to her face. Read her post.
  • wswilliams67
    wswilliams67 Posts: 938 Member
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    As the father of a nearly 14 year old girl... if muzzles were legal on kids I'd use one. While I love my daughter with all my heart, sometimes she's a real PITA. I know a lot of it is puberty/hormones/etc, but what I do not tolerate is disrespect and defiance. I encourage a healthy expression of emotion and feelings, but I am also quick and consistent with punishments.

    It WILL pass and she will grow out of it, but for girls it takes a few years more than boys. As long as you are steadfast in your position as a parent and guide her through it, she will hopefully come out the other side with a deeper love and respect for you as she enters her 20's.

    That being said, at 13 put her in a barrel and feed her through the hole. When she turns 16, plug the hole. :laugh:
  • wswilliams67
    wswilliams67 Posts: 938 Member
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    Listen to her. Her point of view. Don't think you're always right.

    As a teenager that's all I can say.

    Yes because teenagers have such a wealth of life experience... :noway:
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
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    You might want to consider not calling her *****y. Maybe she would respect you more if you didn't call her names.

    It is perfectly okay for her to call her b!tchy teenager, b!tchy.
  • dlg1467
    dlg1467 Posts: 68 Member
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    take a look at http://connectedparenting.com/
    Her name is Jennifer Kolari and I've heard her speak a number of times, and believe it or not everything she talks about is true and her techniques really work.
    you might be able to get her book at the library. it was worth every penny.
  • cakemewithyou
    cakemewithyou Posts: 132 Member
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    At the guy who said that your daughter should have grown out of that phase by now, clearly has not had a teenager. I'm dealing with my sister who is 18 now. She yells at my mom and dad and they have gotten a lot softer in their old age.
    I'm to the point where I'm so angry with her I can't even look at her.

    Do not let her talk to you like you're a dog.
    I used to be horrible to my mother, and it was a huge wake up call when my mom just straight up slapped me across my face and said, "You ever talk to me like that again, I'll kick your little a**."
    LOL, lesson learned. Never did I ever talk to her like that again.
    ALSO, if she has not had a job yet, tell her to get one. Getting a job often teaches teenagers humility.
  • alpine1994
    alpine1994 Posts: 1,915 Member
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    My mom started dating someone 5 years ago who had two daughters, 15 and 17, who were really bratty, would scream and swear at their parents all the time, and their parents would let them get away with it because they were afraid that the kids would stop talking to them forever. Now they are 20 and 22, and exactly the same. I was your daughters age 11 years ago, and let me tell you, my mom didn't let me get away with ANYTHING and there is no way that I would ever yell at her. It was taught in my house to me and my brothers that we treat our parents with respect and there will be consequences for anything less (no hitting or anything like that, just losing privileges, etc). Of course I had my b**chy moments but I knew where the lines were and I never crossed them. My mom is still so shocked at the way her boyfriend's daughters treat him, but we all know why.

    Lay down the law! Let her know her behavior is unacceptable, and don't be afraid of her not liking you or not talking to you for a while, because you know they allllllllllways come around and she will for sure thank you for it when she's older and understands. My mom and I have always had a great relationship because it was built on respect. She respected me and I respected her. I am 28 and on my own now but we still talk almost every day, and I visit her every weekend.
  • MelStren
    MelStren Posts: 457 Member
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    When I was about 16 years old, my mom wished for me "a daughter just like you one day".... She got her wish! LOL
  • elgray26
    elgray26 Posts: 212 Member
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    I was that child at one time. It will get better, at least in my case it did. I chalk it up to raging hormones and the belief that we know it all. It took me till I moved away to college, left that college, and came home to have to do it all on my own, to realize that my mother wasnt the bad guy (age 19-20ish). Until then just keep trying to be the mom she needs. Right now she doesnt need a friend, she needs someone to tell her no and to try to help her get her priorities straight. She will most likely thank you later.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
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    Does it ever get better? Mine is going to be 17 on Dec. 21st. I can't talk to her about anything without feeling like I have to walk on eggshells. She screamed at me last night on the phone and when I talked to her this morning about it and really expected an apology she just kept up the b**ch act and acted like she was better than that. This is the type of relationship that if it wasn't my daughter, I would be walking away from it.
    So I want to know, does it get better? Will she wake up one day and realize that she should be nicer to me? I feel like crying right now. She is my only child. My Mom and I have a great relationship and one day I want to have that with her, but right now I just want to have time away from her. I feel bad for even writing that.
    She screamed at you?
    Once she got how she should have gotten popped in the mouth.
    Plain and simple.
    You are her Mother, not her boyfriend.
  • bellydancer124
    bellydancer124 Posts: 248
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    When I was about 16 years old, my mom wished for me "a daughter just like you one day".... She got her wish! LOL

    ^ This!

    My daughter will be 12 next month and is just starting with the MAJOR attitude. She's sweet as pie sometimes, but she's like Jekyll and Hyde. Then I remember how I was as a teenager and I feel sorry for myself. Haha.

    I'm pretty sure my mom cursed me when she told me that she hopes I have a daughter just like me someday. :grumble:
  • shamansa
    shamansa Posts: 96 Member
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    Listen to her. Her point of view. Don't think you're always right.

    As a teenager that's all I can say.

    Yes because teenagers have such a wealth of life experience... :noway:

    This is the problem. You have to look at them as adults. Treat them with respect.
  • Shamrock_me
    Shamrock_me Posts: 161
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    It won't get any better if you don't stand up for yourself. Why should it?

    When people treat you that way - confront it. Otherwise they don't respect you, why should they? *you* don't respect you.

    You both would probably benefit with some counselling. My son is 18 and he will tell you I am a mean mom, I was hard and tough and there were days he didn't like me if he didn't hate me. But when he said that to me at 16 he added: "But I think I needed it."

    Reward your kids when deserved
    Punish them when deserved
    Explain the difference over and over if you have to until they get it from age 1-41 if you must.
  • tinak33
    tinak33 Posts: 9,883 Member
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    hahaha
    I'm one of 7 kids..... And the youngest is turning 19 on Dec. 21.

    I was the oldest and I thought I was the worst of the girls during the teen years, but my youngest sister was pretty bad as well. Although, she didn't have just my parents to yell at her, like I did. She had parents, 4 brothers, and 2 sisters to yell at her. hahahaha Poor kid...

    Anyways, we all go through the crazy *****y teen years... And yes, it gets better. Like others have said, lay down the law. Be understanding, listen when she needs it, but don't let her get away with stuff just because she's being a crazy b**ch. haha

    A lot of times, teen girls are going through craziness in their life and take it ALL out on mom. Mainly because they feel that mom will love them regardless.

    Stick it out. A lot of times, they usually get over it by the time high school is over and college starts. My youngest sister couldn't wait to start college and get out of the house. Now, she is finishing finals and she can't wait to come home and be with her family! haha

    Although... somehow, my 21 year old sister never went through the crazy b**ch phase... Not sure how that happened. We think she is a late bloomer and will hit that phase in her mid 20s or something. hahaha Either that, or she will just be sweet forever. Maybe between my other sister and me, she wasn't left with any b**ch genes... hahahaha :wink:
  • serena569
    serena569 Posts: 427 Member
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    At 17 she really should have grown out of that phase by now. Could be she's just a jerk. All the adult jerks in the world were children once too, you know.

    My daughter was the sweetest, kindest person you could ever meet...until she turned 17. At that time, she quickly morphed into a barely recognizable, beastly version of her former self.

    I attributed some of it to the need to seperate from me. We were always very close and now she was looking at the prospect of moving three states away from me for college.

    I attributed some of it to her boyfriend. She resented the fact that we were "poor." Yup. We've so poor that by the time she turned 18, she had spent a month in Europe, had been on a few cruises, vacationed in Cozumel, made many trips to Florids, California, NYC, and several other fun places. However she was comparing us to her boyfriends family - huge house, condo in Aspen, vacation home in a resort community. And she resented it.

    And entitled! I bought her a car when she got her license. As a single mom, this was done as a convenience TO ME. Somewhere she decided I should be responsible for all the maintenance, repairs, and even gas for this car because it's registered in my name. And she should have use of my car while her's is in the shop.

    She is 19 now and moved out last month. She's certain I should be paying her rent because I'm "still financially responsible for her while she's in college." Uhm...NO!

    So...if it gets better, I'll let you know when.

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