Christmas, porn & a nasty virus

It sounds to me like you're sinless and therefore casting the first stone.

First, take care of the immediate issue, your computer. Unplug the machine from the network and start backing up the files you want to keep. There's a chance that the virus/spyware installed a keylogger that will try to get your passwords, or SSN's. Use the manufacture's hard drive image to restore the computer to factory settings. It's the best way to make sure that you're machine is virus and spyware free.

Second, don't judge your husband unless you want to be judged, too. Forcing him into counseling would be an embarrassment for a pastor. If you feel the need to regulate him on his machine, you can introduce parental controls. But realize this: there's no way to lock everything down. he's got tablets, smart phones, Macy's newspaper ads, Victoria Secret catalogs. "Tantalizing material" is out there.

Third, accept that your man isn't perfect. If you measure anyone against Jesus Christ, we're all going to fall short. I feel like the last thing you want to do is make yourself less approachable by forcing him into lying about it. That will damage your relationship with him. For Christians, the journey is about being more like Christ... but it's a journey. It doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't happen alone. Maybe work on finding another outlet...video games?

Anyways, sincerely, best of luck.

whatever...

Ok, I've deleted a couple answers so far...but I'm gonna leave it like this...I have a real problem with people using a marriage license to control their partner.

Out of curiosity, are you married?

was, happily divorced for 8 years...from a control freak who left me so scarred and scared that I didn't date for 8 years.

Watch the porn with him. Then at least, you're together, and maybe you'll learn something new. :flowerforyou:

^^ This.. It only becomes as big of an issue as you both allow it to become.

Seriously? There is a difference between a guy randomly looking at porn and waking up at 4a.m. on Christmas to look at porn. Are you ****ing kidding me? That's NOT normal. You all are making it seem like it's no big deal and some how HER fault and she should just join in. He's the one with the issue. There is a difference between someone who looks at porn occasionally and someone who is addicted to porn.

I guess it's a good thing that I'm not normal. Normal sounds VERY boring the way you just put it. :ohwell:

(And FTR, I never said it was OP's fault. And OP never said he was addicted to it. In fact, it sounds like she condoned it until he woke her up at 4am to tell her about the virus. It sounds like the virus is the real problem. And someone already pointed out to boot up in safe mode and run a good malware program.)

She already stated that she's upset that they had the agreement that he'd come to her if he wanted to watch -- he didn't. And he snuck out of bed at 4am to look at it. He probably never would've told her about it had he never got a virus on the computer.

Right. So it sounds like this was an out of the ordinary thing, not an addiction, per se.

But honestly, who hasn't found themselves feeling a little randy at 4am, just out of nowhere, amirite?

hi5! hahaha. I don't know what is so bad with porn. And maybe I missed it, but are you all sure he's an addict? Or are you assuming that he is because he got a virus or two?

Leave it alone, NO GODS, NO MASTERS

That's no fun.

You. Now I like you.

But you don't like me?
Sexist!

Sorry but those little duck feet creep me out. Maybe with a wig and some lipstick. . .

do you love me now?

Yes. Yes I do.

well hello there!

Let me say a few more things..

1) This is a "temporary" account because I have friends on my MFP that go to our church also. I didn't want them to see this post and know what was going on in our personal life. So if you're concerned that this is fake because it is my only post - this is why.. :-)

2) I have watched it with him in an attempt to save our relationship. That is why we agreed that he would tell me when he had a desire to watch it, so that we could either watch it together, or work it out in another way... I personally have a moral issue with watching porn. It just isn't something that I feel I can do as a Christian. To help him, I compromised.. For all those out there who do, that's between you and your beliefs.

Why did you even bother posting under a temporary account? It isn't really an issue to be dealt with here. What results do you hope to get from us? What you already know I would expect. You either deal with it and accept it as a spouse, you search professional help if you can't, or you leave. I wouldn't bring it here.

you must have assumed I read any of it.

Then perhaps you should stop commenting and making yourself look foolish.

Not to be presumptuous.... But Is the reason for his porn watching due to lack of sex on your part ?

If not you need to sit him down and have a real world conversation with him and find out what the root cause is. The fact that he is the Pastor of a church means nothing. Just because someone is into the church thing does not mean they are not still human.

Was thinking the same thing.

This, and this ^

But honestly, who hasn't found themselves feeling a little randy at 4am, just out of nowhere, amirite?

As if there's some kind of time that is considered Porn Free. Silly prudes

not a prude..but randy at 4am? wake me up!!!!!!!

THIS!!!! my hubby is 11 years older than I, and sometimes he needs the porn to "rev up his engine" a little. I have no problem with that as I reap all the benefits!

Right! My husband is 54, and porn is free, whereas cocaine or meth or viagra are very expensive. :smokin:

But honestly, who hasn't found themselves feeling a little randy at 4am, just out of nowhere, amirite?

As if there's some kind of time that is considered Porn Free. Silly prudes

not a prude..but randy at 4am? wake me up!!!!!!!

THIS!!!! my hubby is 11 years older than I, and sometimes he needs the porn to "rev up his engine" a little. I have no problem with that as I reap all the benefits!

All engines need some sort of fuel.

you must have assumed I read any of it.

Then perhaps you should stop commenting and making yourself look amazingly awesome.

While I do appreciate the flattery, you really don't have to.
I am just a simple soul trying to make the world a brighter place.

Truthfully, it all depends on how YOU feel about HIM. There are so many red flags here, it is almost impossible to count them ! If you love him and don't want to lose him, then counselling is a must ! I don't know how you feel about porn (nor do I know you at all and for that I apologize for chiming in without being introduced.), but that is a private matter and should be left as such between the two of you. Privacy is another issue should you choose to report him to the church. This may open up a can of worms that you don't want to be made public. Best of luck to you both !

I really appreciate the flattery, you really know hot to make a guy smile.
I'm sorry for all the back and forth..I've just been playing hard to get.

Wow. That certainly Is nice...and way weird, but I don't get down like that.

I really appreciate the flattery, you really now hot to make a guy smile.
I'm sorry for all the back and forth. I've just been playing hard to get after I saw your spread on www.gaybearstv.com/fisting

Wow. That certainly Is nice...and way weird, but I don't get down like that for groups less than 5

Oh. Nevermind then.

5th person gets a free cucumber.

You might want to look at xxxchurch.com. They deal in stuff like this. He needs to tell someone in authority over him, or it is only going to get worse, not better. Trust me, I know.

I really appreciate the flattery, you really now hot to make a guy smile.
I'm sorry for all the back and forth. I've just been playing hard to get after I saw your spread on www.gaybearstv.com/fisting

Wow. That certainly Is nice...and way weird, but I don't get down like that for groups less than 5

Oh. Nevermind then.

5th person gets a free cucumber.

awwwww...a bromance!